Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

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Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by eselle28 on Fri Dec 18, 2015 7:04 pm

I've put this here rather than in the Rants section since I think it's close enough to the forum's main topics that it may create some discussion. Is this something that happens more frequently over the holidays? I've had to explain (aka lie about) why I'm single three times in the last week. I've also had to stay up late talking to a friend who was teary because her family was judging her for having another child while her others are still quite young, and have heard complaints from two different mothers of one who are tired of being asked when they're going to have a second child.

If these people are so devoted to the idea of marriage, children, and grandchildren, I don't know why they can't have more children themselves or start searching children who don't have grandparents in their lives and would welcome older people who wanted to spoil them. I'm halfway inclined to start encouraging people to answer nosy questions honestly. "I'm single because I'm picky, and also sometimes date jackasses." "It's not like I meant to get pregnant, geez." "We barely managed to get through infancy and toddler years with the one we have. No way we're signing up for that again." "Maybe another kid would be a possibility if we could afford daycare. How much would you like to sign up to donate to the GoFundMe?"
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Re: Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by Wondering on Fri Dec 18, 2015 7:58 pm

I think it gets worse on holidays because there are so many family events and people start thinking about kids, especially at Christmas because so much of Christmas is kid-related.

This is something that predominantly happens to women, though, isn't it? I suppose guys will get asked about dating, but no one's asking them about the kid stuff.

I must say the kid stuff is something I was fortunately able to avoid all my life because of my diabetes. Everyone in my family and my friends knew that pregnancy was pretty much a no-go, so I didn't get asked about that. And I don't get asked about second kids. I did get asked about dating stuff, though, up through my teenage years. But when I hit 20 and had never had a boyfriend, they kinda stopped because it got awkward. And more often, I was asked on the summer holidays: Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day when we'd have outdoorsy family get-togethers and adventures.


Last edited by Wondering on Fri Dec 18, 2015 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by sky on Fri Dec 18, 2015 8:08 pm

In addition to the holidays being a time when many people are thinking about family and/or visiting family and have a chance to ask all their questions in person, it's also a time when people start to reflect on the past year and what did or didn't happen and which of their goals have or haven't been reached.

The nosy relatives who have a plan for how they think (general) you should live your life may be coming to the conclusion that it's been an entire year since the last time you had this conversation and you still aren't conforming to the plan so it's time to ask about it again or remind you of what you're expected to be doing.
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Re: Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by Caffeinated on Fri Dec 18, 2015 8:21 pm

I'm in favor of giving honest answers to nosy questions, and then letting it get real.

But also, I like the idea of turning someone else's conversational fail into a better conversation by turning the question around in some way. Like the older relative asking if you're going to have a second child, turn it around by asking what they think the ideal family size is, or how they decided how many kids to have, or whether they ever wish they'd had more kids than they did. Or the person asking about dating prospects, turn it around and ask what they think are the qualities of the ideal romantic partner.

If people are full of pent-up advice and opinions, maybe there's a safe way to let them release those?
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Re: Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by waxingjaney on Sun Dec 20, 2015 1:28 pm

I got pestered about kids a few times in my mid-20s. One time I gave the person a "Wuuuuuuut?" look for a moment, then went back to reading my magazine. Another time, I made a general statement about how the world was in no danger of running out of children anytime soon. People quit bugging me about it after that.
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Re: Relationship/Reproductive Interrogation Rant

Post by WJMorris3 on Sun Dec 20, 2015 4:53 pm

I've been asked on numerous occasions when I'm going to be a proper American and have kids because apparently "white people need to be having more kids." Things like that make me sick.

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