Working to turn things around.

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Working to turn things around.

Post by BobTheNinja on Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:18 pm

I wanted to check in again and talk about how I'm doing.

So I've starting taking antidepressants (generic Zoloft to be specific), been on them for at least a couple weeks now. I think they're starting to really kick in now, because my negative thought loops have noticeably reduced in frequency and intensity. I'm damn glad that I asked for help from my doctor, because after the emotional roller coaster in January, I lost a lot of interest in my usual hobbies (stories, games, anime, roleplaying, etc) across the board, which I'm pretty sure is a bad sign. I'm still dealing with that particular issue. I'm also waiting for a referral for a therapist, though I'm considering being more proactive in finding one.

I've also started questioning my negative self image more often, reminding myself that my situation isn't hopeless, that I'm going to be okay. The results have been mixed, sometimes working and other times not so much, but it's a start. Meditating seems to be somewhat  effective at taking my focus off of negative thinking, so I plan to do that more often. I've also started attending a weekly casual sport meetup, and I plan to start going to more events on a regular basis.

Being realistic, I'm still dealing with anxiety, negative rumination, shut-in tendencies, and procrastination. I know it's going to take time and persistent effort in order to make serious change in those areas. It's almost certainly going to be painful, and I'll probably have a lot of trouble keeping up the effort to improve...but I now have proof that I can make real changes in my life, and it's easier to see now that my negativity has been partly blunted.

In addition to getting out of the house more often, I'm going to start keeping my living space clean and semi-organized, as well as the common areas of the house I'm renting out of. I've been acting like a slob for too long, and I've become ashamed of it. Plus seeing my clutter makes me feel like crap, even when I try to ignore it. If I keep my space clean, I'll probably feel better about myself. That applies my appearance too. Time to start shaving frequently, maintaining my hair, and washing my face.


Last edited by BobTheNinja on Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Working to turn things around.

Post by Enail on Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:24 pm

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing, I'm glad to hear that getting help is being, er, helpful and that you're starting to get some ways to thwart that negativity!
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Re: Working to turn things around.

Post by BobTheNinja on Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:39 pm

I actually posted a message to Dr. NerdLove, if anyone's interested in reading it. Mine is the last message in the article: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2016/02/ask-dr-nerdlove-friend-giving-the-cold-shoulder/

So I have great news: I landed that position I applied for at Dell as a technical helpdesk assistant (call center work basically). The pay was even better than the minimum I requested, it seems to have really good benefits, and it's also a lot closer to my house than my current job. I'll be starting work there on March 7. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but I'm cautiously optimistic. My coworkers have been really encoraging about it too, so that's great.

My overall mood has also improved considerably since going on antidepressants, although I'm still struggling with negative self-beliefs. One of them I've noticed is the feeling that I'm not really an adult. For example, pretty much all the times that I've gone to bars and strip clubs, I've felt a distinct sense of not belonging, that I didn't feel mature or confident enough to "deserve" to be there, and that other adults are overall just "better" than me. My problems with insecurity, anxiety, struggles at work, and avoidance habits have undoubtedly contributed to this feeling.

I know it's irrational, and that comparing my negative self-image to my assumptions about other adults is completely unhelpful, but I still feel it regardless. What can I do to reduce the severity/validity of this belief?

Also, I've signed up and started using MoodGYM, hopefully that will help.
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Re: Working to turn things around.

Post by Kiskadee on Mon Feb 29, 2016 2:45 am

It's great that you are both feeling better and have gotten a new job!

BobTheNinja wrote:My overall mood has also improved considerably since going on antidepressants, although I'm still struggling with negative self-beliefs. One of them I've noticed is the feeling that I'm not really an adult. For example, pretty much all the times that I've gone to bars and strip clubs, I've felt a distinct sense of not belonging, that I didn't feel mature or confident enough to "deserve" to be there, and that other adults are overall just "better" than me. My problems with insecurity, anxiety, struggles at work, and avoidance habits have undoubtedly contributed to this feeling.

I know it's irrational, and that comparing my negative self-image to my assumptions about other adults is completely unhelpful, but I still feel it regardless. What can I do to reduce the severity/validity of this belief?

Does it help at all to know that I think a lot of younger people feel that way sometimes (and at least some older adults)? I know I do, and sometimes I hear other people say something to that effect. For me it helps a little to try to think more emphatically about other's lives: if you really feel they are struggling with the same things you are, it's harder to think that it's because you are a bad adult. I know that's easier said than done, though.
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