Date analysis: did I do something wrong?

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Date analysis: did I do something wrong? Empty Date analysis: did I do something wrong?

Post by DazedAndConfused on Wed Mar 02, 2016 6:41 am

I've talked before about how I don't like to date or approach people I don't feel a mutual "spark" with.

Recently I've met a woman I was feeling very attracted to, and I thought she was attracted to me for a series of reasons:

a) I met her in a fun, relaxed context where we started talking immediately, then I walked her home with two of her friends and the interaction felt very natural. I was a complete stranger five minutes before and we were already talking about everything, laughing at each other's jokes, and while I also talked to and spoke with her friends (both of them women) the bulk of the conversation was between me and her, to the point that her friends started making jokes like "get a room already, you two".

b) she messaged me on facebook and we joked and flirted together via Facebook for a while

c) I gave her my number and she called me to go out together (although to be fair the context wasn't clear as to whether it was an exclusive romantic date)

I thought there was a mutual "spark" going on, and I don't think I was delusional.

The problem is that when I met her she behaved in a very different way. The conversation between us frequently ground to a halt, she kept checking out her phone and after one of her friends showed up she excused herself and ran away with her.

At this point I was a bit tipsy and I ended up calling her a few minutes later. She didn't answer so I left her a message on her voicemail where I told her that I found her really attractive and I wanted her to meet sometime later in the week for a "real date".

The next day I sent her a facebook message where I told her to check out her voicemail, and she replied that it recorded only the first words of my message.

I told her in the next message that I thought that she was very attractive and I wanted to meet again for a real date (I wanted to make my intentions very clear). She replied that she was flattered but she was still thinking about her ex boyfriend, that she knew she shouldn't "live in the past" (her words) but that she couldn't help it. She said that she needs time to understand what she wants.

I told her not to worry about it and I wished her luck about finding the right person, whether it would be her boyfriend or someone else. She thanked me for being understanding and the conversation ended.

So, did I do something wrong or was it just a matter of a mutual spark not being enough?


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Post by gaboz on Wed Mar 02, 2016 7:31 am

a) awesome, good talk en you made yourself a well adjusted man with fun in mind

b) she replied first? hell yeah

c) you gave your number and she called for a date? High five!

but alas maybe you were a bit too tipsy and she was occupied with other things on her mind. So take it as a soft no and dont go after answers. If she is ready maybe she will remember you, if not, hey you were awesome, calm and assertive so take that as a small victory.

Sucking At Something Is The First Step To Being Sort Of Good At Something


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Post by sky on Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:22 am

I don't think you did anything wrong here, but it does sound like she is not interested in dating you. It's possible that her end of the spark was never more than the spark of a potential friendship, or it's possible that it was the spark of potential romance and then at some point between meeting you and the end of your date she reassessed her interest level and the spark went out.

(I wouldn't take the friends' jokes about getting a room as necessarily indicative of romantic interest on her end. I have had people make that type of jokes to me before when I thought I was just assessing a potential new friendship.)

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