No wonder I'm feeling confused.

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No wonder I'm feeling confused.

Post by Hirundo Bos on Tue Mar 15, 2016 3:16 pm

I just sat down to write a list of all the thougts I've been having around sex and relationships and preferences and fantasies and turn-ons and fears and reasons for wanting some shade of non-monogamy, and got to a total of 65 items.
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Hirundo Bos

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Re: No wonder I'm feeling confused.

Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue Mar 15, 2016 3:36 pm

Doesn't seem that big a number, plus probably a lot of it can be merged under certain headers. Dunno if you can systematize them in a way, but you might see it as the first step for creating a framework for yourself that can be updated whenever you encounter a new experience. It will help process new info quicker, perhaps.

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Re: No wonder I'm feeling confused.

Post by Hirundo Bos on Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:13 pm

It's already a bit of system to it, actually... "preferences, fantasies, turn-ons and fears" are headlines most of my items would fall under. And I've seen some commonalitites I haven't been that aware of before. But, hmm, maybe prosessing the list a bit more would work towards giving me that framework for later...

I ended with a sort of conclusion, by the way. Roughly translated:

"My ideal relationship right now would be an open relationship at levels of intensity and commitment somewhere along the spectrum between an FWB and boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We would feel comfortable in each other's presence and would comfort and help each other, have fun together, make each other laugh, and share emotional stuff, and I would confident in my ability to set my boundaries and communicate my limitations. Those limitations include the fact that I'm not very good at handling myself in a crisis, so I wouldn't want to be the only one someone could turn to, and I wouldn't want to be in a position where I had to convince them to take care of themselves."
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Re: No wonder I'm feeling confused.

Post by kath on Thu Mar 17, 2016 3:27 am

I just wanted to add, no matter how simple / complicated your feelings about feelings and sex and relationships might seem to others or when compared to others, however superficially or deeply ... it is still totally reasonable to be confused by them. We squishy humans are pretty perplexing.

That said, your conclusion is very succinct and cogent!
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Re: No wonder I'm feeling confused.

Post by Hirundo Bos on Thu Mar 17, 2016 8:36 am

Thank, it's nice to have an outside perspective on that.

It's clearing up rather rapidly in my head, and I'm in the process of revising my OLD profiles accordingly... it does feel liberating to have at least a clue about what it is I've been spending all this time and energy looking for.

In addition to human-related befuddlement, I think part of the confusion is because I've tried to keep all of this in my head at once, all of the 65 items. Having it down on paper frees up mental space for actually making sense of it all.
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