I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

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I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

Post by DazedAndConfused on Wed Mar 16, 2016 12:21 pm

Two weeks ago this happened. I still have a huge crush on the woman I went to the date described in the post in the link. She's one of my Facebook friends and very active on Facebook: every time I open Facebook I see at least three or four new posts from her.

She's very witty and funny (two of the main reasons why I like her), and reading her Facebook updates is fueling the crush I have on her.

I'm not Facebook stalking her but her updates show up in my main page. Occasionally she even tags me in some of her updates (when they're about something we talked about) and my brain keeps telling me that this means that I have a chance with her, even though rationally I know that she gently rejected me.

Should I unfriend her or hide her updates from my main Facebook page? We still have some conversations and she still tags me in her posts so I think that this would be very rude. On the other hand I know that it's not healthy for me to cling to this crush and I should move on.

What do you think?

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Re: I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

Post by DazedAndConfused on Wed Mar 16, 2016 12:30 pm

By the way I'm starting to think that she's not interested in me in a romantic/sexual sense but she sees me as a friend and what I thought was flirting was actually friendly banter. The problem is that I don't see her as a friend, I see her as a crush, and I already made this clear to her.

She still sees me as a friend, and I don't want to disappoint her, but I also know that I won't be able to hang around with her just as a friend. I could, but it would make me suffer and I'd be insincere.

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Re: I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

Post by gaboz on Wed Mar 16, 2016 12:51 pm

its sounds like you actively trying to avoid the backdoor friendzone gambit. And by doing that you are hurting yourself. Its a crush, you got a No but she likes you as a friend.

But please just to work on releasing your crush feeling and tell her that you need a bit of time without her tagging you on facebook. If she understands and respects you, she will accept it, and in the best-case scenario you gain a good female friend who can introduce you to other cool people.

If not, lesson learned and meditate what went right and what you can work on.

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Re: I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

Post by Enail on Wed Mar 16, 2016 1:30 pm

It does sound like she was just being friendly because she wanted to be friends rather than flirting, so I think you're right to keep reminding your brain that she doesn't want to date you and to try and move on.

You don't have to be friends with her even if your crush goes away and it's no longer painful or unhealthy for you, and you definitely shouldn't force yourself to be friends while it is painful and unhealthy for you.  I think your instincts are good. Even if she's hurt by your rejection of friendship, recognizing your feelings and not pursuing a platonic relationship with her, is much kinder than trying to protect her from that hurt while behaving in a way that's dishonest and untrue to your values.

But if you'd like to preserve the possibility of friendship (or friendly acquaintanceship) down the road, you could just tell her you need some space after the rejection and either do as Gaboz says and ask her not to tag you, or let her know you need to go full-on radio silent on her for the time being and unfriend her. That's more likely to preserve the goodwill between you than if you just unfriend her altogether without explanation.
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Re: I still have a huge crush on someone who rejected me. Should I unfriend her?

Post by eselle28 on Wed Mar 16, 2016 7:43 pm

I'd say hide her updates and consider asking her to refrain from taggging you. You certainly can unfriend her if you choose to, but I wonder if you might benefit from some time to consider whether she's someone who you can be friends with or not. At the moment, it sounds like the pain is very fresh and that her updates are unknowingly making it worse. If you've had some time to avoid thinking about her, I think you might end up making a better thought out decision about whether she's someone who should continue to be part of your life or not.
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