She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

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She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by DazedAndConfused on Fri Jun 24, 2016 2:42 pm

So there's this girl that I've been seeing for a while. We've been going out together for a month, had a great time, and yes, this time I asked her out for real dates and she was enthusiastic about it (yay!). There have been some progresses on the "hot" side of things, too, although she told she's not ready to have sex just yet. I'm fine with that, though. That's not the issue.  

There's only one small, little problem: she never replies to my texts. She obviously reads them, since we meet each other when and where I asked her, but she never bothers with replying, not even with an "OK". Now I know this is a minor issue, but for some reason it really bothers me. Probably because I'm a bit neurotic about a lack of reply, and my brains keeps screaming that she's not going to come at the next date and that she's going to dump me (even though it doesn't make any sense considering what happened and happens and her personality).

I know that the reason why she doesn't reply to my texts very likely has nothing to do with my irrational fear. However I wonder if knowing why she doesn't might put my fears at rest.

Is it OK to ask her why she doesn't reply to my texts, or should I avoid this question? If it's OK, what's a good way to ask it without sounding neurotic or controlling, and without making a big deal out of it?

[By the way, I hate my anxious brain. I have every reason in the world not to get anxious, and yet I still get anxious. It's not just dating: work, friends and family matters make me constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong or what could possibly go wrong, and it SUCKS. Therapy helps but not much...]

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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by FoxxxieCoxxxie on Fri Jun 24, 2016 2:55 pm

So from the filter of what you've told us. I think you should ask that she at least respond with confirmation when you ask her to meet with you so you don't end up wondering or not showing due to uncertainty. However some people don't enjoy texting/forget to respond, you can ask if she falls into these categories. You may have to learn to live with that.

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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by Wondering on Fri Jun 24, 2016 4:35 pm

Agreed. It's just common courtesy and logistics to confirm you're going to show up at a planned event.

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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by Enail on Fri Jun 24, 2016 7:59 pm

Yep. You could ask if there's a method of communication she prefers, though, some people are better in one than another.
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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by Werel on Fri Jun 24, 2016 9:38 pm

Yeah, agreed-- framing it as "is there a way I could be making communication more convenient for you?" vs. "hey you're being really rude" is likely to have better results, and make her less defensive. She might be one of those people who hates texting, or is deeply scatterbrained, and if neither of those is a dealbreaker on its own there are probably ways to work around it.
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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by eselle28 on Fri Jun 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Third the suggestion to initiate a conversation about communication in a non-accusatory way. Something other than texting may be best - some people are much better on the phone or in instant messaging. That being said, I do think you can reasonably expect someone to at least confirm they're meeting you for a date!
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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by reboot on Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:17 am

Out of curiosity, when you send date/location texts, do you send them alone or with a question like, "Does that work for you?"? I know a lot of people (and am one) who don't respond to statement texts if we have spent some time planning the event unless there is a confirmatory question because we just spent X number of texts planning, so of course I am coming. You could try adding confirmatory questions and give her something to respond to as well as asking for confirmation. Texting habits die hard, so doing what you can to prompt behavior might be a good idea at least at first
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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

Post by Izmuth on Fri Jul 01, 2016 7:06 pm

^^ What reboot says.

I'm also such a person, especially if it's on whatsapp or something and the other person can see I read their statement texts.
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Re: She's happy to see me, but doesn't reply to my texts. Is it OK to ask her why?

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