kind of awkward situation (advice)

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Post by avatar on Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:15 pm

Hello,

I might have made kind of an awkward situation with the guy I've been dating for a couple of months. Since he's able to host more often than I am, I sometimes bring a snack over to share with him so I can reciprocate. Today I brought a bag of cheesy popcorn. He said he wasn't able to buy lunch earlier because he lost his debit card, so I offered that he could take the popcorn to work with him today. He said he'd be fine. I left it there by accident. I realized this right after he shut the door, but I didn't want to bother him about him because I knew he would need to get ready for work soon. I've seen a lot of Captain Awkward posts about unwanted gift-giving, and I'm afraid he might think that I gave him an unwanted gift on purpose when I really just forgot it. Do you think it will come across that way? Should I say anything about it? Sorry if this question seems kind of ridiculous. I have social anxiety, so it can be hard for me to tell what is actually a faux pas and what is just my brain being weird to me! Thanks for your time.

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Post by reboot on Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:21 pm

There is no faux pas. I would forget about the popcorn and not bring it up unless he mentions it. If he does, just say you forgot it and did not realize until after you left his place.
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Post by eselle28 on Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:32 pm

That doesn't seem like a faux pas to me, and I agree with reboot's advice on how to handle the situation.

Captain Awkward has a lot of good stuff about unwanted gift-giving, but a lot of it I've seen has been in the context of people using them to buy their way into a relationship that doesn't exist yet. This is a relationship that already exists, and while manipulative gifts are still terrible in that context, I think people tend to be a little less wary of motives in that situation.
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Post by UristMcBunny on Wed Oct 08, 2014 6:19 pm

Also, unwanted gift giving, at least in my experience, tends to be a lot more overt.

Person A: So I got you this packet of cheesy poofs!
Person B: Thank you, but I'm not hungry.
Person A: No, go on take them, I got them for you.
Person B: Thank you but no, I'm really not hungry, and I don't much like cheesy poofs anyway,
Person A: You're so ungrateful! I'm trying to do something nice why won't you just take the cheesy poofs?
Person B: Okay this is getting weird, please just stop with the cheesy poofs.
Person A: I just want you to accept a simple gift!
Person B: Okay, fine. Thank you for the poofs.

Some Days Later:

Person A: I got you a year's subscription to cheesy poofs!
Person B: Woah! That is way too big a gift out of nowhere! This makes me feel uncomfortable.
Person A: But... But you LOVE cheesy poofs! I got you them before and you liked them!
Person B: No I don't! I told you before, I'm not that fond of them. I took them because you got upset!
Person A: I went to so much trouble FOR YOU! I just wanted to do a nice thing for you! You're so ungrateful!
Person B: What is this all really about?
Person A: Nothing! Can't a friend just get another friend a nice present once in a while?! God, why do you have to make everything into a thing?

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Post by Mel on Wed Oct 08, 2014 7:44 pm

I agree with the posters above--shouldn't be any big deal, just an honest mistake. If he made a big deal of it, I'd be concerned about him.
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Post by avatar on Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:02 pm

Thanks, everyone Smile

UristMCBunny, seeing a script of how actual unwanted gift-giving could occur was helpful. The 'year-long subscription to cheesy poofs' made me lol.

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