Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by WJMorris3 on Thu Apr 09, 2015 12:08 pm

I have found there are some customers who, when they ask for my manager, will claim that my boss isn't my boss because she is female. I've even heard the line of "that's why they're called a MANager."

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by caliseivy on Thu Apr 09, 2015 12:34 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Resurrecting this thread with a new one: buying yogurt. Seriously, who decided that fermented milk was "female?" The yogurts that are clearly trying to buck the trend aren't much better... Dannon's Oikos line of Greek yogurt proudly proclaims that it's "the official yogurt of the NFL." At least it's not Powerful Yogurt with their awful bull logo... seriously, a bull to advertise a dairy product? That's pretty stomach-churning when you stop and think about it for a minute.

I hadn't before BUT NOW I HAVE Shocked

I don't think anyone's listed this one yet: clothing sizes, namely pants. Guys usually have the measurements (waist and inseam, I think) so you can literally go grab a pair with yours and escape; women have those damn numbers that aren't even the same across brands. What is an 18, Designer? What does that even mean because it sure as hell doesn't reference the measurements of my waist.

Also, shoes. I can find a nice shoe style but have to get it in men's size because the pattern on the female versions is like a unicorn threw up a rainbow all over them. And finding a decent shoe in a wide enough width becomes harder if you're one of those people who must try the shoe on to make sure it works so they can't really do online shoe shopping.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Guest on Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:26 pm

Walking. :-/

Someone at lunch just verbally eyerolled at women that bustle around with their heels clacking, trying to look busy and important, ignoring the fact that they are moving at the exact same speed as the men around them.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by InkAndComb on Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:32 pm

I don't think anyone's listed this one yet: clothing sizes, namely pants. Guys usually have the measurements (waist and inseam, I think) so you can literally go grab a pair with yours and escape; women have those damn numbers that aren't even the same across brands. What is an 18, Designer? What does that even mean because it sure as hell doesn't reference the measurements of my waist.

Also, shoes. I can find a nice shoe style but have to get it in men's size because the pattern on the female versions is like a unicorn threw up a rainbow all over them. And finding a decent shoe in a wide enough width becomes harder if you're one of those people who must try the shoe on to make sure it works so they can't really do online shoe shopping.

Oh my god, thank you. Seconding this.

My feet, although small, are kind of wide at the front. I want guy shoes so bad, but they don't offer my size in men's outside of converse (at least none that I've found).

Also, S/M/L across the women's clothes seems more random than in the men's section. Why are these underwear a L when it also says 5/6? Why is this shirt XS but goes down to my knees? Why is this XL but doesn't have room for my a-size bust?

I wish there were a women's clothing initiative that forced companies to put measurements beneath any "size" they put on the tag. It would also help everyone growing up who doesn't inherently know which brands cater to short/tall, curvy/slimfit, lowrise/bellbottom without explicitly saying so.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Wondering on Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:57 pm

caliseivy wrote:I don't think anyone's listed this one yet: clothing sizes, namely pants. Guys usually have the measurements (waist and inseam, I think) so you can literally go grab a pair with yours and escape; women have those damn numbers that aren't even the same across brands. What is an 18, Designer? What does that even mean because it sure as hell doesn't reference the measurements of my waist.

I rant about this all the time on Facebook. And in real life. I especially would like measurements now since I have no idea what size or shape my body is any more after having my baby. None of my old pants fit. I really wish I could just buy jeans the way my husband does.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by caliseivy on Thu Apr 09, 2015 2:03 pm

Wondering wrote:I rant about this all the time on Facebook. And in real life. I especially would like measurements now since I have no idea what size or shape my body is any more after having my baby. None of my old pants fit. I really wish I could just buy jeans the way my husband does.

For a few months, you know, when I couldn't hold off shopping anymore, I was getting guy cargo pants because they lasted longer and POCKETS! I don't really care for how they fit me now, but being able to buy a pair of pants without trying on 2-3 different sizes that you're only guessing are around your fit was a wonderful time...

Now it's all X's and W's and 10's and like InkAndComb said underwear that say Large and gives you numbers in parenthesis as though they're the magic numbers that eliminate all confusion
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by eselle28 on Thu Apr 09, 2015 2:21 pm

Ugh, yes, clothing sizes. And for some reason, some of the retailers that are the best about providing a wide range of styles and showing what clothes look like on their actual customers are the worst about carrying clothes with predictable sizes (why yes, that dirty look is aimed at you, Modcloth).
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Prajnaparamita on Thu Apr 09, 2015 2:33 pm

eselle28 wrote:(why yes, that dirty look is aimed at you, Modcloth).

I think we could even have a special section of Rants devoted to Modcloth--yay Modcloth, you have the "Fit For Me" feature, where you can see what items have been ranked highly by people with your measurements, so this isn't a problem! (Or you can even have it so the recommended items include those go up or down an inch or two, so your options aren't so limited.) It's too bad I'VE NEVER GOTTEN MORE THAN ONE OR TWO ITEMS TO SHOW UP AT ANY TIME. And when I limit the amount of information given in the hopes I might be able to find more items that are guaranteed to fit, it just gets bizarre. Like why am I being shown panties that have been highly ranked by other A-cup women? Shrug  

The only way to win is to... Give up and shop mens?

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by PintsizeBro on Thu Apr 09, 2015 2:41 pm

Men's clothing is getting worse, but it's still way better than what women have to deal with. A whole lot of "size 32" pants are actually in the 34-36 inch range. But yeah, still a lot better than what you have to deal with. My girlfriend's clothes cover a range of almost 10 sizes, depending on the manufacturer.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by jcorozza on Thu Apr 09, 2015 4:45 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Resurrecting this thread with a new one: buying yogurt. Seriously, who decided that fermented milk was "female?" The yogurts that are clearly trying to buck the trend aren't much better... Dannon's Oikos line of Greek yogurt proudly proclaims that it's "the official yogurt of the NFL." At least it's not Powerful Yogurt with their awful bull logo... seriously, a bull to advertise a dairy product? That's pretty stomach-churning when you stop and think about it for a minute.

Women in yogurt commercials, that's who! I honestly didn't notice that this was a thing until I saw it in Cards Against Humanity, but since then, that is all I can see whenever a yogurt commercial comes on. I'm guessing part of it is that yogurt is considered healthy, and for women watching their weight - men are often not featured in commercials about things designed for weight loss - unless they are things that involve a lot of manly exercise! It's part of the narrative that women are supposed to be concerned about their bodies/appearance, and men aren't.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by jcorozza on Thu Apr 09, 2015 4:55 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Men's clothing is getting worse, but it's still way better than what women have to deal with. A whole lot of "size 32" pants are actually in the 34-36 inch range. But yeah, still a lot better than what you have to deal with. My girlfriend's clothes cover a range of almost 10 sizes, depending on the manufacturer.

I used to think it was just women's clothing, too - then one of my exes, who ordered all of his shorts online, measured 3 pairs of 32 inch waist shorts - one was 30', another was 35". Stupid clothing industry - the point was to fix women's sizes, not make men's worse!

Oh, dear lord, pockets! When I find a dress with pockets, and in my size, I'm elated. There's a great Cracked article about women's clothing that I have to read every time I get annoyed about sizes or pockets: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-baffling-things-about-womens-clothes/
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by caliseivy on Thu Apr 09, 2015 5:30 pm

Oh GOD.
#7: Sheer is a bad idea if you're Black; layering is a no-no if you get hot easily Crying

#6: I've made the mistake of buying pants that I thought had pockets. NEVER AGAIN. Now pocket-check is on the list of things I have to make sure of before I buy something (like will this make me sweat?).
Because there's nothing more depressing than desperately needing to stuff your hands in your pockets to moderate anxiety and remembering they aren't there.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Xexyz on Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:54 am

caliseivy wrote:#6: I've made the mistake of buying pants that I thought had pockets. NEVER AGAIN. Now pocket-check is on the list of things I have to make sure of before I buy something (like will this make me sweat?).
Because there's nothing more depressing than desperately needing to stuff your hands in your pockets to moderate anxiety and remembering they aren't there.

Ugh. This drives me crazy too, for a slightly different reason. I'm left handed, so naturally I put my wallet in my rear left pocket. The amount of pants that have a fake left rear pocket or no left rear pocket at all (common on scrubs) makes me seethe. Hey clothing manufacturers, we lefties exist and we buy clothes! Stop making our lives harder with your lazy/thoughtless ways! :shout:

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by choys on Wed Apr 15, 2015 7:25 pm

Just a note in regards to pockets, if it looks like there should be a pocket, but is sewn closed, check to see if you can open the seam to access the pocket. My parents have a dry cleaners, and I cannot count the number of suit/pants/skirt pockets I see being unused because people haven't cut them open.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by caliseivy on Wed Apr 15, 2015 7:54 pm

Lol, Choys I found out the hard way they started doing that.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by choys on Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:03 pm

Aha, if it makes anyone feel better, at least the sewn pockets thing is an equal opportunity annoyance, just as likely with men's pockets as women's pockets.

I know why manufacturers do it (so the clothes will hang and/or fold nicer in the store), but man it's annoying.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Xexyz on Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:15 pm

choys wrote:Just a note in regards to pockets, if it looks like there should be a pocket, but is sewn closed, check to see if you can open the seam to access the pocket.  My parents have a dry cleaners, and I cannot count the number of suit/pants/skirt pockets I see being unused because people haven't cut them open.

Yes, my mom told me about this and it saved me a lot of rage. I had bought three new pairs of pants only to get them home and discover the left rear pockets were sewn shut. I told my mom I was going to have to get them altered and she told me that I could pull out the string and get access to the pocket. Saved me time and money.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by PintsizeBro on Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:56 pm

My god. GNC is like the children's toy aisle at a department store. And it's actually better than it used to be.

I just wanted to buy a box of protein bars.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by caliseivy on Fri Apr 17, 2015 1:40 pm

Another Gendered Experience:
-Single parenting. I know it's supposed to be changing for the better, but many people seem to still think/respond differently to a single man with his child(ren) than they do with a woman and her child(ren), usually more positive of the man.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by choys on Fri Apr 17, 2015 8:29 pm

caliseivy wrote:Another Gendered Experience:
-Single parenting. I know it's supposed to be changing for the better, but many people seem to still think/respond differently to a single man with his child(ren) than they do with a woman and her child(ren), usually more positive of the man.

Kind of related:
Men who decide to be child-free are generally met with some questions to ultimate understanding of their decision. Women who decide to be child-free are generally asked if there's something wrong with them. I had a couple friends who wanted to be child-free by choice and decided when they got married, he would get a vasectomy, and she a histerectomy. Guy friend had no problem scheduling his. Girl friend kept being told they don't generally do that procedure under a certain age, and especially if the woman has never had a child before.

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by nearly_takuan on Fri Apr 17, 2015 9:05 pm

Unless the single man doesn't have children, but wants them, and isn't necessarily planning to do that biologically. It's hard enough to find resources for adoption that aren't aimed specifically at "couples" (I'm currently having trouble re-finding the ones I'm thinking of!) But everyone also seems to assume it has to be a woman's idea.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by The Wisp on Fri Apr 17, 2015 9:30 pm

choys wrote:
caliseivy wrote:Another Gendered Experience:
-Single parenting. I know it's supposed to be changing for the better, but many people seem to still think/respond differently to a single man with his child(ren) than they do with a woman and her child(ren), usually more positive of the man.

Kind of related:
Men who decide to be child-free are generally met with some questions to ultimate understanding of their decision.  Women who decide to be child-free are generally asked if there's something wrong with them.  I had a couple friends who wanted to be child-free by choice and decided when they got married, he would get a vasectomy, and she a histerectomy.  Guy friend had no problem scheduling his.  Girl friend kept being told they don't generally do that procedure under a certain age, and especially if the woman has never had a child before.

I've heard of doctors who won't give a vasectomy to men under 30, FWIW.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by reboot on Fri Apr 17, 2015 10:31 pm

nearly_takuan wrote:Unless the single man doesn't have children, but wants them, and isn't necessarily planning to do that biologically. It's hard enough to find resources for adoption that aren't aimed specifically at "couples" (I'm currently having trouble re-finding the ones I'm thinking of!) But everyone also seems to assume it has to be a woman's idea.

That is another gendered thing. It is difficult, but not impossible, for single women to become adoptive or foster parents. It is damned near impossible for single men to do so EVEN IF THEY ARE BLOOD RELATIVES. Not kidding. We run into this with refugees under 18 all the time. They will have a single cousin or uncle in the US but will be placed in foster care. FTW????
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Conreezy on Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:51 am

reboot wrote:
nearly_takuan wrote:Unless the single man doesn't have children, but wants them, and isn't necessarily planning to do that biologically. It's hard enough to find resources for adoption that aren't aimed specifically at "couples" (I'm currently having trouble re-finding the ones I'm thinking of!) But everyone also seems to assume it has to be a woman's idea.

That is another gendered thing. It is difficult, but not impossible, for single women to become adoptive or foster parents. It is damned near impossible for single men to do so EVEN IF THEY ARE BLOOD RELATIVES. Not kidding. We run into this with refugees under 18 all the time. They will have a single cousin or uncle in the US but will be placed in foster care. FTW????

No, not for the win!

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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

Post by Chickpea Sarada on Sat Apr 18, 2015 1:19 pm

Is this a gendered thing, or do men go through this too?

I was weighing myself at the gym. Some old man sneaked up behind me and stepped on the scale to warp the number as a joke. When I didn't laugh along with him (I just finished work and wasn't in the mood for more people, just wanted to jog on the treadmill with my headphones), he went, "You should smile, you'd be so much prettier if you smile more." He then tried to get me to chat with him, finally stopping when I avoided eye contact and gave vague non-answers.
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Re: Gendered experiences that really should not be gendered

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