23 sturggerling with motivation- Dating and friendship

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23 sturggerling with motivation- Dating and friendship

Post by bitboy1993 on Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:12 pm

This This past year I've lost a number of friends for various reasons (Mainly them moving away for university) and my attempts to make new ones has overall not succeeded. I’ve met some great people but they just become facebook friends who I might speak to every few months or so. I do try to make plans with them but it usually falls apart at the last second.

My confidence has taken a hit and my motivation to keep trying new things has really dropped. I also try to keep in touch with both my current and old friends but life keeps getting in the way and making plans with them can be difficult at times. At the moment I can't really see things changing and the thought of this being my life get's really depressing. I know I’m only 23 but it really feels like my time is running out

I'm already looking at the possibility of going back to therapy for second time in a year. Which I have mixed feelings about (It's helpful but in some ways this feels like a step back).

Don't get me wrong I blame myself for all this happening and I'm trying to improve things through therapy and trying new hobbies. I've signed back onto online dating and my goal is to mange one first date by the end of the year. Although my lack of motivation makes it hard to keep trying at times. I've also signed on for a Rowling club and try to keep myself busy with Martel arts.

But I really don't see things getting better. I defiantly feel like I’m wasting what should be the best years of my life. I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night feeling frustrated with myself.

Sorry just needed to get this off my chest.


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Re: 23 sturggerling with motivation- Dating and friendship

Post by Enail on Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:54 pm

Just noticed I meant to reply to this and didn't! The idea that any particular life stage or age should be the best years of one's life just doesn't work. Peoples' lives can be very different from the stereotype idea of that period, and anyway, the common aspects that people point to as making that period great are often just things that that person liked that aren't necessarily the best for everyone. Early 20s can be a good time to make new friends or find a niche, but it can also be a pretty lonely and unsettled period as life changes cause school friends to drift apart. And people absolutely do make friends throughout their lives, there isn't an age where no one wants any new friends anymore that you're approaching.

I find that making real friends can be a really slow process.  When you're in school, you spend a lot of time packed together with other people, so you don't realize how much time in the same place you're putting in to make the friends that you're making. Post-school, that doesn't tend to happen as invisibly. It can take a lot of patience as well as effort, and people don't always click immediately as someone you could be friends with in the future. My advice would be to stick with a few things like your martial arts and rowing club where you'll keep seeing the same people over time, keep being friendly and building connections there, and over time there's a good chance that will start to add up into at least some casual-but-available friends, and maybe even some closer friends.
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