An interesting realization

[DoubtfulGuest]

Okay, so I know I just posted a bunch of paragraphs the other day. After my last post, though...I thought about what, exactly, I'm afraid of. Why does the possibility of meeting someone I'd like to have a long term relationship with, and the possibility of failing in that process, feel so intimidating?

The conclusion I reached last night (of course, it had to be when I was trying to go to sleep) was...I'm not sure it's so much that I want a relationship right now. I'm not sure I do. There are aspects that would be nice-the physical intimacy (not just sex), but I'll survive, you know? I clearly have for some time. I think my real issue is that I'm afraid if I don't do something...soon...it could never happen. That is what I'm really afraid of-that if I keep putting it off, my inexperience is going to be more and more of a potential red flag, and I'll be more and more set in my ways and struggle to do normal dating...stuff. I knew I felt this way, but this may be the first time I've completely separated it from just feeling lonely-it's the fear that this loneliness (which isn't overwhelming and doesn't stop me from living my life; I'm not miserable or even particularly depressed) is unresolvable. I don't fully believe this (there are lot of reasons not to believe this), but I do fear it on some level, which, I guess, means I may believe it some extent.

I'm glad I recognize this, but at the same time, if I do decide to try to meet someone in, say, the next few months, I don't want to come across as desperate, or see that first-relationship-of-any-kind-in-six-ish-years as some sort of hurdle to get past, if that makes sense. I think it's probably in my best interest to not think so much about this stuff, at least until there's something real and concrete in my life relating to it (as in, some real, individual person I'm actually interested in), just relax a little and work on getting to know people, not worry as much about whether or not I "bring enough to the table", and spend less time reading generalized advice online (there is a point where it was helpful, but I tend to overthink it). I don't know, do these conclusions sound as reasonable as I think they do?

[Enail]

I think those conclusions sound very reasonable!