Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

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Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

Post by Glides on Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:25 pm

Which is to say, I very awkwardly tried reading some articles on it, asked the only friend of mine I know who's into it about it, and then admittedly apologized for wasting her time and ending the conversation.

I'm only trying to figure it out because I have no earthly idea where I can find any place in which I can find the kind of universal acceptance I've always been so desperate for. I don't have the slightest idea what I'd actually be into or anything. But I figure that I've tried so long to date via traditional means and that's never ended well.

My loneliness has gotten so complete that I tend to forget that I mostly complain about myself to people now, and then I get so guilty for doing this that I immediately cut off contact. So I keep getting curious about kink, but the munches require you to go alone, and I'm a single guy with no girlfriend, and asking anyone to go with me would be greeted with a strange reaction. I can't really talk to anyone about it without betraying my own lack of sexual experience (which I'd stopped being insecure about until I was single again), and worrying about how they might judge me for it because all the old tendencies are sliding right back to the surface. I can't talk to my therapist about it because it embarrasses me how curious about it I am, because I keep wondering that if I was brave enough to go to a munch, maybe I'd finally feel accepted.

I dunno, there's this emptiness inside and nothing is filling up no matter how hard I try. I'm trying so hard not to fall back into old tendencies, but all my mind does is yell at me about how my family history of cancer is so high that I'm likely going to die of a terminal disease if I don't off myself before it starts. I won't go through chemo, I won't lose my goddamn hair, I won't go the way everyone else in my family went. But I know it's inevitable, that cancer is inevitable.

I just don't know what to do. I really thought I'd been making progress.

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Re: Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

Post by Datelessman on Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:06 pm

I have to admit, I had to Google what you meant by "munches," but thankfully that tool exists.

I really wouldn't say I have advice per say, but maybe some understanding. I'm single, quite romantically inexperienced, and also have a kink. In fact, it was likely a part of my sexual development, although I don't rely on it exclusively for arousal. And I understand that it can sometimes feel like a double edged sword. It can feel isolating enough for a man to be romantically inexperienced past a certain age -- what that age depends on the man and his area. But add in a kink to it and it can feed into the negative self loop. "No wonder he's alone; he's a pervert!" is what I always imagined people who knew would say. The fact that our media, whether news or TV crime shows or movies, are full of no end of deviant men who seem to share extreme examples of some fetishes, and that can lead into negative self loop.

I will say that while it does feel isolating, more people are into kinks and fetishes than they may let on. America, especially, is prudish about such things. Yet kinks may be almost hitting the mainstream. Pop singers occasionally sing entire odes to bondage. Studies show anywhere between 15-85% of people either experiment with light bondage if not either fantasize about it or are fully into it (including up to 66% of women in some surveys). Foot fetishes are probably the closest to being mainstream as a fetish can go. Even furries seem to be more common, or at least seen as slightly less weird, than in previous decades.

That said, if your confidence and esteem are taking a hit over this, maybe diving head first into a full on personal appearance involving your kink may be a step too far. You may have to walk before you can run. Thankfully, this is one area where the Internet can help. Virtually any fetish has a group or a forum somewhere where fans can indulge. I'd argue that helps keep Deviantart afloat. So long as your kink isn't illegal and you do some research on communities, it may not hurt to at least dabble with talking about it under an alias. That's what I have done and while I can't say I have made extreme progress, it hasn't done me any harm and reminds me I am far from alone.

Just remember one thing; as much as you'd like a lover to be understanding of your fetish, make sure you're equally open minded for their's. That isn't to say to be willing to be up for ANYTHING, nor does it mean that anyone can be aroused by anything. Even with the best will in the world, certain things may not be your bag. But being understanding and willing to try, or please, can go a long way. Besides, think about it like this; while men who are into kinky stuff can be stereotyped as freaks or weirdos, women who are into that stuff can be stereotyped as much worse -- even to the point of "deserving" crimes inflicted on them.

That said, I say the fact that you were even willing to go somewhere in person related to your fetish despite it all -- to be seen in public as a part of that community -- is braver than  you think. There are people with dozens of lovers who would hesitate at that. So try to appreciate it for the step it was and see how you can build from it. Most of all, do you want to define an identity around it, or only make it a part of one?
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Re: Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

Post by Enail on Tue Jul 10, 2018 12:33 am

I think you might be expecting a little much out of a munch. Acceptance for that aspect of yourself, yeah, that's a realistic hope, friendly people who seem generally welcoming, sure, a crowd that's generally positive towards different sexualities and preferences, but universal acceptance sounds like something really deep and all-encompassing for a single meeting.

If you can scale down what you're looking for out of it, it sounds like it would be a good thing for you if/when you feel ready, but don't beat yourself up about being scared. It's pretty natural to feel nervous about going to an event where your presence outs you about a sexual preference for the first time to strangers, even if they're strangers who are there for the same reason. Hell, I was terrified my first time going to a Pride event even though I was out (in theory, at least Wink) and going with someone I knew.  Take it at your own pace, you can find community a little bit at a time.

An emptiness inside that nothing fills up sounds like the kind of thing that you can't fill all at once or with one thing, so much as something you can fill in parts, in different ways, throughout your life. There's no one thing that can make a person never feel alone or longing for acceptance. I think learning to be with yourself can help too.

And your standard Enail reminder, none of this erases your progress Wink
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Re: Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

Post by Hielario on Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:13 pm

@Datelessman, would tht "Fetlife" site a good starting option? I keep hearing good opinions about it.
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Re: Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

Post by Datelessman on Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:39 pm

Hielario wrote:@Datelessman, would tht "Fetlife" site a good starting option? I keep hearing good opinions about it.

I don't know; I never tried it. The forums and communities I became a part of were much smaller profile. As in "holes in the wall" of online forums.
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Re: Glides tries to get into kink and chickens the fuck out

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