Being Threatening when you are threatened

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Being Threatening when you are threatened Empty Being Threatening when you are threatened

Post by Guest on Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 pm

My latest psychological revelation: when I get scared, I try to act as scary as possible to scare away said scary thing.

I glare, puff up my chest, and my stature and gait gets very aggressive. I started unconsciously doing this in high school to scare away potential bullies.

Now that I go to college, I no longer have to worry so much about getting my ass kicked in public. Problem is, I've discovered that I treat potential bullies and women I'm attracted to the exact same way, without realizing it.

I was getting gas today, and the car over had a chick in the passenger seat. She looked at me, then looked away. I paid no mind to this. She looked at me again. That was weird. She looked away again, then looked at me. Suddenly got a really weird face and wouldn't look at me again.

I looked at my reflection. I was glaring. I looked like a much less attractive version of Norman Bates or Patrick Bateman or something. I looked like a monster.

So basically, because I was threatened, I made myself look threatening. I basically do what a dog does, I bare my teeth and growl when I get scared, metaphorically. It's such an animalistic thing to do, and I don't even know why I still do it.

So I thought to myself: "do I always do this when I see an attractive girl, and is this why they don't want anything to do with me?" I know I'm awful at first impressions (not a single good first impression on anyone ever, the people I talk to are the ones who tolerated me long enough), but this is still an issue since I'm not sure how to stop doing this. It's a defense mechanism for sure, and I know I'm scared of attractive girls because I dont' want them to reject me while knowing that they will.

If I stop glaring when I'm scared somehow, will this suddenly crack the code and I'll be a fully functioning human being? Probably not. I don't know how to stop, I don't even know what advice to ask for. I'm at least glad that this time, I didn't sink into a "woe is me" rant. But maybe it'll make me have my first good impression on someone ever, and all it takes is one.

One more thing I actually do want advice on, slightly related:

So through my conversations with people, I have ascertained that my main dating issue is a subconscious belief that I don't deserve to be happy. I'm not exactly sure why I don't deserve it, but as someone said, "I would never date someone with standards so low that they'd date me."

The way I've rationalized it, girls who do like me tend to be very unattractive to me, because I see them as having low standards. I'm just the safety guy after a breakup, or a rebound, I'm not the guy girls have naughty dreams over. This means they have a very low self-esteem or they're just stupid if they find me attractive, or they're desperate. That's what I think and I have nothing to disprove any of these suspicions. So when a girl has no interest in me but I like her, I gain a deep amount of respect for her because she has very high standards, and that makes me even more attracted to her. I don't have a single shred of respect for any girl who has ever liked me (not like a ton, you could count them on your fingers), because she clearly hates herself, or she's legally blind, or she's stupid, or something. I'm not really sure how to crack this, because I don't know how to respect a girl who is attracted to me.

I don't know, I'm very tired, I'm not thinking properly. But whatever psychological issue I have is just enough to basically ban me from the dating game for life. I highly doubt I can crack this equation. I've never been any good at math.

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Being Threatening when you are threatened Empty Re: Being Threatening when you are threatened

Post by Gentleman Johnny on Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:45 pm

You could always try talking to women who you think won't like you. I man, either they have great standards (as previously described) or they might surprise you and like you after all. Be surprised but don't back off. Smile

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