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Post by 43 degrees north on Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:41 pm

I've looked around this forum a bit lately and decided to sign up. I've long had difficulties in finding a relationship and haven't been looking recently in order to try to fix the things about me that make me somewhat less desirable than the typical man. Physically, I am overweight, only 5'5", and already balding at 25. If it were only my physical characteristics, I think I would be able to find a woman interested in me eventually, but alas they are only some of my negative attributes.

I am a very intense person and have long had difficulties with anxiety disorders. The only one I was officially diagnosed with is generalized anxiety, but I also dealt with moderate agoraphobia when I was in high school, and have really been struggling with OCD and scrupulosity the last several years. I am constantly afraid that I'm going to mess something up and cause harm to others (and myself). For example, as part of my accounting studies, I am supposed to study cases of fraud, but I end up terrified that I really will end up committing fraud as opposed a healthy caution for avoiding fraud.

Unfortunately, I still live with my parents and have done [i]much[i] worse in my courses since high school because of my anxiety and depression. I am afraid that my OCD will become debilitating if I live by myself because it revolves around "checking" things, a number of which my parents check at home (For example, making sure the stove is off, the doors are locked, etc.).

I'm not sure how friendship is defined on this forum, but based on my definition I don't have any friends. There are coworkers and other students I know a little bit, but I don't know anyone well. This is very discouraging to me because I generally consider a relationship to be an "advanced friendship", lol, and I haven't even made any friends yet. I am concerned that if I ever did get a girlfriend she would regret dating me and even worse that if a woman married me, she'd consider it the worst mistake of her life.

I can often be selfish and self-centered which is exacerbated by my anxiety. Early in my teenage years I didn't treat my younger brother very well, and I want to make sure I wouldn't be an abusive partner in a relationship. Despite this list of complaints about myself I guess I can say that I am a generally compassionate person.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to ask, but if anyone has any advice or can give an objective analysis of me, feel free to do so. If you've read all this, thank you. Smile

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Post by Lemminkainen on Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:17 pm

One thing about your attitude is very, very good: you're displaying a lot of concern for how your behavior will affect others and awareness of how some mental illnesses that you have are distorting your thinking and emotions. I think that in the long run, this will help you a lot.

Are you getting therapy and treatment for your mental illness? This seems like a valuable first step. Starting to get your depression or anxiety under control will probably make everything else easier.


I used to suffer from and still have occasional bursts of intense anxiety. Therapy made a huge difference for me. I became a lot more able to comfortably interact and connect with others. Therapy or medication might do the same for you.

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Post by 43 degrees north on Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:49 pm

Thank-you!
I have been in therapy a few different times in my life but haven't for a while. I've been thinking I should go again though. I've been taking a small dose of an anti-anxiety medication, but I think I'll probably need to take a higher dose/ have cognitive behavioral therapy.
It is encouraging to hear that your anxiety has decreased.
Thanks for responding.

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Post by Lemminkainen on Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:07 pm

Both taking more anti-anxiety meds and doing CBT sound like great plans!  Best of luck! And if things are stressful/frustrating, feel free to vent to us here. I'm always glad to be attentive/compassionate, and I think that a lot of other people here are too.

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Post by Randomly Rolled on Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:02 am

Hey, 43. I signed up recently also. From what I've seen everyone here is accepting and supportive. I've gotten excellent advice, and have been exposed to different ways of thinking or to aspects of things I've never considered. It seems like most people have had similar experiences, so they seem to come together well. I'm not sure what defines friendship here either, but there's a way to find out Smile

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Post by The Wisp on Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:12 am

43 degrees, I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I, too, struggle with anxiety (though more social and health anxiety than OCD). I live with my parents, I have no friends or dating experience, I'm doing okay in college but not as well as I'd like. I just want to say that I sympathize.

As far as therapy, my big recommendation is that you shouldn't be afraid to try out multiple therapists before you find a good fit. Finding a therapist you feel gets you is important. I know with scheduling that could take awhile. When I was searching for a new therapist last year, it took me almost three months to find my current one.

You've displayed good self-awareness, which is an important first step.

Good luck, and feel free to ask questions and make new posts, we're very friendly!
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Post by 43 degrees north on Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:05 am

Thank you both for responding. In my reading the site I have noticed a number of people with similarities with me. I live in a rural area, so I'm won't have a huge selection of therapists. But I commute into a city for school, so hopefully I can find one there. I am in a "working adult" night classes program, so I don't think I can get counseling from my school.
It seems like most of my life can be divided into eras based on what my dominated my anxiety. I think I should have continued counseling years ago, but I don't think I realized how permanent it would be for me.
I hope you two continue to have good experiences on the forum!

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