My boyfriend still hasn't kissed me (advice).

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My boyfriend still hasn't kissed me (advice). Empty My boyfriend still hasn't kissed me (advice).

Post by avatar on Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:37 am

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months. Last month, I asked him if he likes kissing. He said it's something the he has wanted to try, but he just hasn't done it yet. He also added that he's very shy, has social anxiety, and that this is his first relationship. I understand that with all of these things going on, our relationship needs to go at a slower pace. A couple of weeks ago, he brought up that our relationship seemed more like a friendship, and that he knows some other couples touch and kiss each other a lot and he wants to be more like that. He said, "maybe we should try to be more romantic." Since then, he has stepped up a lot more in our relationship. I used to feel like I was kind of chasing him, but he has held hands with me, hugged me more and started cuddling me, which we didn't before. He has also gotten me a present, called me his girlfriend, invited me to his parents' for Thanksgiving, and started taking more initiative to plan dates.

However, he still hasn't kissed me. I'm kind of concerned about this because while I could go without sex and not miss it too much, going without kissing would be harder. I think I like him enough that if the situation never changed, I could live with it. I would really prefer though if it could be part of our relationship. So far I've been thinking that my options are:

- Break up. However, there are a LOT of great qualities he has and a lot of other good things in our relationship, so I'm not sure it would be worth it to give all that up because of the kissing issue. Or if I would be a jerk for breaking up with someone for the lack of kissing - it does sound kind of petty/douchey :/

- Bring it up again. I am kind of confused because he has said more than once, one time even bringing it up himself, that he wants to try kissing at some point, and hasn't done it yet. I'm worried that he just isn't attracted to me. However, I'm even more concerned that bringing it up again would be too pressure-y.

- Make the move myself, but like with the last point, that could also be too pressure-y if he just isn't ready yet.

- Try to set the atmosphere for him to make a move if he wants to, such as by lingering more when we hug good-bye and looking up at him.

- Just continue on as is, and if he makes a move, great, and if not, just do my best to accept it.

I just don't know what to do. While being more affectionate/romantic has been great, going without kissing is still kind of hard for me. I'm concerned that nothing will change, but even more concerned that making a move and/or bringing it up again could put pressure on him. I'm open to any advice you have.


Last edited by avatar on Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:51 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : correcting typo)

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Post by reboot on Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:40 am

Maybe ask him if he would like to kiss you? Or anything else?
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Post by Autumnflame on Tue Nov 11, 2014 4:48 am

"Boyfriend, I really like spending time with you, and I really enjoy the time we've been spending cuddling and holding hands. I'd definitely like to kiss you, too, if you're ready for that. You don't have to worry about 'the right mood' or the 'perfect moment.' I like you. I'm not going to laugh at you even if things go awkward or it's not perfect."
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Post by Werel on Tue Nov 11, 2014 5:07 am

Yeah, Autumnflame's script sounds pretty spot-on-- if he's bringing up kissing as something he'd like to do, but hasn't done it yet, anxiety/fear of blowing it sounds like a reasonable explanation. A super nice "don't worry about making it perfect, it'll be good regardless" chat might do the trick.

Crazy alternate idea: kiss him? Wink
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Post by Guest on Tue Nov 11, 2014 5:37 am

Werel wrote:
Crazy alternate idea: kiss him? Wink

D:

You stole my idea! Laughing

But seriously I was gonna suggest that, but I wasn't sure how well received that would have gone. Razz

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:09 pm

Also add that you too feel a tad nervous about it and that every first time feels new in this context. Always helps to make a dude* feel better about any hang-ups he might have.

*obligatory this-is-an-anecdotal-generalization

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Post by IHaveToes on Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:43 pm

The Mikey wrote:
Werel wrote:
Crazy alternate idea: kiss him? Wink

D:

You stole my idea! Laughing

But seriously I was gonna suggest that, but I wasn't sure how well received that would have gone. Razz

Yeah, I think instead of asking him to kiss you, you ask if you can kiss him. It might take the pressure off of him to make it a perfect first kiss.

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