Siblings and Feelbads (rant)

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Post by Stumbles on Thu Nov 13, 2014 4:21 am

I'm the baby of a mixed family--both my parents had children from another marriage before meeting and having my sister and me. I'm also a little drunk and for unknown reasons just got triggered and am sobbing.

Growing up my siblings were less than kind. That's normal though. The baby gets teased. Yet, let's tickle her until she pees herself. Another fun activity is dangling her from the ankles over the chandelier. The next youngest sibling never really forgave me for being born and taking the attention away from her--she has admitted this to me as an adult. She convinced me as a toddler that the parentals hated me and I was adopted. My next oldest sister and my cousin convinced me I was going to Hell for stepping on an ant. I had to spit the rest of the way home to repent.

I am currently not on speaking terms with any of my siblings because they tried to force me into rehab--which is comical because they all did harder shit than me. I'm just a lush.

Tonight I talked with my dad about some of the issues I had. He admitted he saw how depressed I was growing up and didn't know how to help me regarding my sister. :/

I just have a lot of feels and want to vent right now...
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Post by Guest on Thu Nov 13, 2014 4:34 am

That sucks to hear, Stumbles. Is there anyone else in your life who you trust enough to open up about your experiences?

I'm sorry, I don't really have much to offer in the way of comfort. I feel a bit too different from my own family, so I can relate, albeit on a very superficial level.

I hope you'll feel better soon.

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Post by Guest on Thu Nov 13, 2014 4:47 am

Stumbles, I just feel like giving you the biggest internet hug I can.

Kids can be very cruel, I know I can be and have been as well to my own little brother, but nothing like your siblings and cousins. Sad

Again, you have my sympathies.

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Post by Stumbles on Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:05 pm

Oh drunken rambles~

After sleeping and sobering up, I feel a little foolish. The changing of the seasons always messes with my mood and I am due to check up with my doctor regarding my antidepressants.

I don't really know what triggered my intense sadness last night. All these ridiculous memories cropping back up. We're all adults now and I should get over this kid shit. My sister said that at my "Intervention" a few months back. I retorted she doesn't get to dictate my emotions. She has a point though--these are not good emotions that still linger in my mind.

I am cordial with my siblings, I just don't actively speak to them or hang out with them anymore. My sister is getting married in the spring, and I am genuinely happy for her. I love my siblings, I just don't necessarily like them right now.

Trying to force me into rehab really did a number on my trust with them. Yeah, I scared them and their heart was in the right place, but holy shit. They tried to ambush me when the parents were out of the country. Fuck, if you're worried about me, TALK to me. Maybe mention A.A. Don't take out the big guns and spring rehab on someone!

Thank you for providing a space that I can safely let out these thoughts. <3 <3 <3
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Post by kath on Mon Nov 17, 2014 1:08 am

I don't think you have anything to feel foolish for!

I hope writing it out was helpful, and offer internet hugs if you would like them. Sorry you dealt and are dealing with these things.
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Post by InkAndComb on Wed Nov 19, 2014 3:40 am

Interventions are known to be pretty ineffective in most cases; I don't blame you for feeling that way. Also? You were spot on, you are allowed to have bad feelings. Family often reacts with "don't be sad, don't be angry" but that is not support. Support is being there and reaching out. I had very similar dynamic with my two older brothers; I love them, but I don't discuss my mental health with them because of such reasons. Hardest adult lesson I learned, but the healthiest; my family can ask if I'm ok, but my habits and mental health are for me and my doctors.
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Post by Stumbles on Sat Nov 22, 2014 1:36 am

my family can ask if I'm ok, but my habits and mental health are for me and my doctors.

I want to print this and frame it.

Also, my intervention was kinda fantastic in a fucked up way. My sister called all the other siblings to surprise me after I got off work. Well, I was a sobbing mess at work and my manager sent me home early. I was trying to relax by playing some Mario Kart. My sister arrives all awkward like. Sorry for ruining your surprise intervention? One by one, my siblings arrive lol. I was waiting for a laugh track or something. Talking, yelling, crying happens. The works.

What really set me off is when my sister called into my work the next day saying I was not coming in because I was going to rehab. I. Flipped. My. Shit. Sister said she had more sway at my job than me and should just cooperate or she would make my life difficult. As she is wont to do.

Oh man. I do have a lot of unresolved issues and anger...gah. I need to find a therapist that clicks with me. Gosh, I hate how hard it is to find a good therapist. Does anyone else have trouble with thinking therapists/counselors/doctors are judging your choices?
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Post by Guest on Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:37 am

InkAndComb wrote:Hardest adult lesson I learned, but the healthiest; my family can ask if I'm ok, but my habits and mental health are for me and my doctors.

That is a very good lesson.

Stumbles wrote:Does anyone else have trouble with thinking therapists/counselors/doctors are judging your choices?

Yep, it's something that I think about too. Because, despite all that reading and training and work that's put into becoming a therapist, they're still fundamentally human with their idiosyncratic biases (I chuckle whenever I read about how an organization's counselors will always listen without judgement).  Our responsibility as clients, is to have faith despite that (obligatory disclaimer: Yes, having faith is, has and will always be difficult).

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Post by The Wisp on Sat Nov 22, 2014 3:16 am

Stumbles wrote:
my family can ask if I'm ok, but my habits and mental health are for me and my doctors.

I want to print this and frame it.

Also, my intervention was kinda fantastic in a fucked up way. My sister called all the other siblings to surprise me after I got off work. Well, I was a sobbing mess at work and my manager sent me home early. I was trying to relax by playing some Mario Kart. My sister arrives all awkward like. Sorry for ruining your surprise intervention? One by one, my siblings arrive lol. I was waiting for a laugh track or something. Talking, yelling, crying happens. The works.

What really set me off is when my sister called into my work the next day saying I was not coming in because I was going to rehab. I. Flipped. My. Shit. Sister said she had more sway at my job than me and should just cooperate or she would make my life difficult. As she is wont to do.

Oh man. I do have a lot of unresolved issues and anger...gah. I need to find a therapist that clicks with me. Gosh, I hate how hard it is to find a good therapist. Does anyone else have trouble with thinking therapists/counselors/doctors are judging your choices?

I kinda have had such feelings. I find they lessened over time with my current therapist as I revealed things contrary to my idea of what she would think and she was non-judgmental.
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Post by InkAndComb on Sun Dec 07, 2014 5:50 pm

I tend to get caught up in the anxiety of not living up to my therapists standards (not that they have IMPOSED any, just...sort of this idea that I have to "be a good patient" by following everything they say/never deviating from healthy habits). I get antsy like I'm meeting someone I need to impress; usually within the first ten minutes of a session (or whenever I relax enough to communicate without caution) this goes away, but the time varies. The longer I go without a session, the harder it is to get that talking flow going in a constructive way.

The best therapists I had caught on/I told that I feared judgement, and they totally understood. The two that I had that I found...not functioning in my best interest, responded with a "Hmm, I wonder why you feel that way." with no validation. It said a lot about their attitudes towards practice, imho.
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