Struggling with Feelings Toward Weight

[reboundstudent]

For the last 6 months, I've been making a very concentrated effort to try to get my weight under control. Around the time I and my boyfriend got together (a year ago ish), I went up from a 124-ish (already overweight for my height) to 136 in about 6 months. For the last 6 months, I've been going to the gym 3 times a week, doing weight lifting, and running for 20 minutes. I won't eat pasta or rice unless it's a gym day.

For the past few weeks however, a whole series of events have kept us away from the gym. My boyfriend lost his car, meaning any after-work gym trips involve me driving all the way home to pick him up. My homework load has doubled (coming up on finals), and I am trying to finish sewing a ball gown in 2 weeks. Between these things and the normal holiday social expectations, I barely have any free time, let alone time to go to the gym.

In the last week alone, my weight has bounced back and forth between 132 and 140. It seems just a few days off from the gym has shot my weight up. It's causing a lot of anxiety and grief; I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, and I feel so freaking frustrated with the fact that going without the gym for just a little while means I balloon up. It seems like unless I'm absolutely perfect, I gain weight (putting aside the fact that even when I am perfect, I'm apparently not perfect enough to cause weight loss). I just don't know how to practice self-acceptance or love when my body just gains and gains for no logical reason, and I just get uglier and grossier with every pound.

I just don't know how to deal with these feelings. There is literally no room in my schedule for the next 2 weeks for the gym.... and even then, I feel so hopeless and frustrated that I'm marching back in only to just maintain what is already a bloated and unappealing figure. What can I possibly do?

[reboot]

Oooof ya, I hear you. My weight had been a steady, sold 145 since I was 16 or so. I even still have 1-2 items from my 20s that I still wore until about 6-7 months ago. Then I do not know if it is age or stress or both, I bumped up 10 lbs without any lifestyle changes to explain it. About a third of my clothes no longer fit and those that do are uncomfortable, but I refuse to buy new ones because I like what I have. I too can not fit the gym in my schedule since I jog every morning and do yoga any night I am not working late. I have cut down on what I eat and go for the high protein, high veg options, much more so than before but I still feel like I am gaining. Sometimes I wonder if it is early stages of menopause?

It is not that I particularly object to being a different weight because my weight has never been a problem with my appearance. I just want to be back where I was for nearly 30 years. I am comfortable that size and not so pleased with where I am now [edit] especially because I had to buy all new underwear because too tight panties are something I could not take any longer but buying new ones tapped out my discretionary funds for a while since my parents have had some unexpected expenses.

So no advice, but I oh so feel you.

EDIT: Weight has never been the biggest problem with my appearance is a better way to say that. It is not that I love everything about my build, it is more that it is not as big a concern as other issues.

[LadyIkaros]

Try not to think about it.
I know, easier said than done, but you don't have the time to do anything about it at the moment, so focusing on it is pointless self-flagellation. Until you have more time to devote to the gym, put away the bathroom scales and don't stand in front of the mirror lamenting.

(Also, sympathies. All my attempts at getting in shape seem to be endlessly thwarted, not so much by time issues or other life stuff, but mostly just my body failing me).

[Barretts_Salt]

I was going off of this:

What can I possibly do?

Sorry

[Enail]

<mod> Barretts_Salt, this thread is about dealing with feelings on weight. No one has asked for practical suggestions on how to lose weight here, and focusing on that takes away from the actual topic of discussion. Please don't offer weight loss advice unless asked for it. </mod>.

[kleenestar]

For me the framing that helps is to swap from outcome to process. So for example, if I were in your position, I'd say things to myself like, "For the next two weeks, I will feed my body in a healthy way and get as much movement as I can. Instead of focusing on how much I weigh, I'll focus on whether I have enough energy to do the things I want, and whether I'm treating my body in a healthy and sustainable way."

[Hae]

Sounds like your situation is temporary.
For times when I know I will get back on track, I try to minimize linking weight gain to shame.

Wardrobe wise, I make outfits that feels comfortable and stylish. That usually means repeating outfits. I think I put style before comfort when I'm feeling particularly down.

I like to experiment with hair and make-up. I spend small investments of time and money on grooming that I otherwise would have been too lazy to try. i.e. Buy a groupon for a makeup store, try a moisturizing sleeping mask, spend 15 min trying to get my eyebrows to match when I know they're totally asymmetrical XD As long I only aim to improve, not achieve a certain look, it's not stressful.

I try to prove to myself that I can look my best at any time. I play with my posture a bit, dim the lights. And when I tend to zone in on something that bothers me, I repeat to myself "if it ain't broke don't fix it. it's fine. it's passable." and back away to look at myself as one whole person, not a collection of body parts.

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