The New Me

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Post by nearly_takuan on Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:02 am

Glides wrote:The thing that got my attention is how asexuals are not bothered by their lack of sexual attraction, and I know it bothers me. The hell does that make me then? Werel says "demisexual," I dunno. I'm not interested in Tumblr labels, I just want to find whatever's wrong with me in the core and get rid of it for good.

Unfortunately, it might be the same thought process that leads people to try and "cure" gay people. It might be one of those things I can't change, and then I'm stuck like whatever I am forever. All I know for sure is that something is wrong with me sexually.

Well I mean...since you've been reading at least some of what I've been writing, I assume you're aware I have some of those same thoughts.

Enail wrote:I am not an expert, so hopefully someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd imagine some asexual people do feel like something's wrong with them because it doesn't match what society is telling them they're supposed to be like, the same way that you could say gay people aren't tormented by being attracted to people of the same sex - but someone gay who's been told it's wrong to be gay might be troubled by it anyway.

Maybe there's something going on with you that's "wrong" in the sense of not healthy (physically or emotionally) or distressing to you, something that you'll want to work on sorting out. Or maybe there's nothing wrong with you other than believing there's something wrong with you for not feeling (or not feeling much or feeling but not wanting to act on) sexual attraction. Maybe there's something to sort out and you're asexual/demisexual/something else. Those are different things. You don't have to be sexual to be okay.

And this. This all sounds completely accurate to me.

But I think before we get too far into talking about what sexual identities you might or might not identify with, it might serve you best to work with what you know for sure, because there's plenty of work to do there already.

Glides wrote:I mean, is asexuality/whatever the fuck I am something you "come out of the closet" about? Do I really need to? No, I'm not a macho macho redblooded beer guzzling American southern man, who's always ready for a roll in the hay and uses pure animal force to get what he wants. I've been trying to be that guy for years and it's not me. I'm doing a lot to be the person people will like, since the real guy isn't what they want. The real guy is a fucking shy little nerd, who pretends that he doesn't have a perfect memory of the filmographies of his favorite directors, the US presidents (accidentally revealing my knowledge of the presidents is why I'm so unpopular at work) and the first 150 Pokemon. It's not a brag unless it gets your beak wet. If it's not athletic or musical, people will give no fucks here. He's horrible at any competitive video game, doesn't watch a lot of TV shows...see what I mean?

I agree, That Guy is not you. But for years, the guy who thinks it's a good idea to try to pretend to be That Guy certainly was you. That alone is going to be a difficult habit to shake—even though I infer from what you've said here so far that you want to.

I mean, sure, the Real Glides isn't a macho beer-guzzlin' womanizin' piece of trash. But it is going to be important that you confront the part where the Real Glides did think it was a good idea to make Fake Glides look like that. And if you decide it's worth fighting that part of yourself, changing your behavior and self-presentation and allowing the rest of the world to consistently see what you call Real Glides...there's no part of that proposition that doesn't sound scary.

And it should. Because that's when you're going to start finding out how many people knew all along you were this sensitive and smart and compassionate individual and were just waiting for that side of you to show, and how many were only hanging out because they thought you were a Bro, and how many don't even give a shit and just like you no matter which you is the "real" one. (No value judgment intended for any of those categories, by the way, though you are of course allowed to make your own.)

But the alternative—continuing to hide behind your own assumptions of what the people around you value, growing closer to people who confirm that bias while alienating those who might have been receptive to the values you actually hold—has clearly been making you miserable already. Does it matter what's outside the frying pan when you're already burning up?

Some day you might be able to move to a new city, get a mostly-fresh start with mostly-fresh people, find a culture that better fits your own outlook. It sounds like that day might not come any time too soon, and that sucks, but if it helps to have something like that to look forward to, then let that be something that helps.




ETA: If you do end up finding that the label "asexual" resonates with you, or at least with what you want out of a relationship, there are ways knowing that can help you. The first that springs to mind is simply wearing a black ring on your right middle finger: it is just obscure enough that anyone who knows what it means is likely to be sympathetic just from the way they would have learned it, so it's a nice way of sharply limiting the range of people you "out" yourself to. The second is that you might be able to find a nearby meetup or two to find new friends. (However, between not wanting to fuck up on first impressions within a very small community and constantly finding myself between iffy financial situations, I've been holding off on that for a while myself and think it would be reasonable if you decided to do the same.)
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Post by Caffeinated on Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:11 am

Glides wrote:No, I'm not a macho macho redblooded beer guzzling American southern man, who's always ready for a roll in the hay and uses pure animal force to get what he wants. I've been trying to be that guy for years and it's not me. I'm doing a lot to be the person people will like, since the real guy isn't what they want. The real guy is a fucking shy little nerd, who pretends that he doesn't have a perfect memory of the filmographies of his favorite directors, the US presidents (accidentally revealing my knowledge of the presidents is why I'm so unpopular at work) and the first 150 Pokemon. It's not a brag unless it gets your beak wet. If it's not athletic or musical, people will give no fucks here. He's horrible at any competitive video game, doesn't watch a lot of TV shows...see what I mean?

Actually, what's making me angriest is that everyone else is allowed to be as shitty and terrible as they want and have everything work out for them (hyperbole) and I have to work my ass off to be "allowed" to be a normal person. It's how I feel, like only I have to run the marathon. I feel incredibly isolated ...

I'm just not compatible with people. In general. In any context. I don't fit.

Unless I'm misreading, it sounds like you live in a region of the country, the American South, that I am afraid even to visit because I know what a total misfit I'd be. And you live there. No wonder you feel alone and isolated and like you don't fit. If the local culture is a total mismatch for who you are, it would be strange not to feel that way. But you know, not every place is the same. I think you would be surprised how different you might feel in different surroundings, among people with different values and outlooks than the ones you're surrounded by now.

Another thought crossed my mind reading what you wrote about asexuality and not feeling attracted to the images you expect you should. Maybe you're one of those people who requires a strong romantic or emotional connection with someone in order to feel sexual about them. That's not an unusual way to feel attraction, even if it is unusual to talk about it among certain crowds. I mean, maybe that doesn't describe you at all, I don't know, but I do know that men get bombarded with messages about how they're supposed to feel attraction, as though there was only one way to be instead of many ways.
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Post by The Wisp on Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:22 am

Hey Glides, I'm just going to throw this out here as a thought that you may not have considered: you don't have to socialize with the people you're around.

You don't. You seem to have friends and a social life, and yet you seem to hate being around them and hate the mask you have to put on to be around them. You hate the pressure they put on you to be tough, to hide your geekery, to get laid, etc.

You don't actually have to interact with these people. You don't need their approval. If you work with them, or go to school with them, it's okay to keep interactions to basic small talk and school/work talk. If you don't, it's okay to just ignore invitations to hang out or even block them on social media.

If you feel ashamed being the nerdy shy Glides around them, maybe stop hanging out with them and practice being the real Glides on your own. Maybe the first step for you is getting away from social pressures and learning to accept yourself when you're alone.
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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:42 am

Glides wrote:
The thing that got my attention is how asexuals are not bothered by their lack of sexual attraction, and I know it bothers me. The hell does that make me then? Werel says "demisexual," I dunno. I'm not interested in Tumblr labels, I just want to find whatever's wrong with me in the core and get rid of it for good.

OK, so let's kind of take it from the top here. You don't have a particular biological/hormonal/psychological "must have sex with that person" kind of drive. So forget Tumblr labels for a minute. If the whole world was going to support you and be all "that Glides is such a giant bad ass for being himself. I wish I could be that cool", in other words if you didn't have to worry about the approval of others at all, how would you want to feel? Is it the very pressure to be Macho Man Randy Glides that's pushing you away from an interest in sexuality or is it just not something that ever tripped your trigger?

I mean, is asexuality/whatever the fuck I am something you "come out of the closet" about? Do I really need to? No, I'm not a macho macho redblooded beer guzzling American southern man, who's always ready for a roll in the hay and uses pure animal force to get what he wants. I've been trying to be that guy for years and it's not me. I'm doing a lot to be the person people will like, since the real guy isn't what they want. The real guy is a fucking shy little nerd, who pretends that he doesn't have a perfect memory of the filmographies of his favorite directors, the US presidents (accidentally revealing my knowledge of the presidents is why I'm so unpopular at work) and the first 150 Pokemon. It's not a brag unless it gets your beak wet. If it's not athletic or musical, people will give no fucks here. He's horrible at any competitive video game, doesn't watch a lot of TV shows...see what I mean?

Perfect memory for things hat matter, history nerd, a little shy, that's got plenty of potential for people who like you for you. . .although clearly not the people you're currently hanging out with and possibly not many people at all where you live. Have you tried meetup.com etc to find people who are more your natural crowd? I grew up in the south, so I know sometimes they can be very rare on the ground but thanks to The Internet, its a lot easier for the few in any particular area to find each other now.

Actually, what's making me angriest is that everyone else is allowed to be as shitty and terrible as they want and have everything work out for them (hyperbole) and I have to work my ass off to be "allowed" to be a normal person. It's how I feel, like only I have to run the marathon. I feel incredibly isolated and inferior to every other person I know (including you guys). And I said I feel that horrible, so yay "progress." Either way, I'd like this to be the most constructive rant I've ever had.

Personally this is why I don't hang out with many "normal" people. I don't have a new car or go to the gym three nights a week, or have fitness goals or really stylish furniture. I hate networking as an activity of its own. Now don't get me wrong, the amount that I do deal with people of all types is a lot of work to me. Right now I need to dedicate at least one evening a week of locking myself in my room and avoiding human contact to recharge. It'll get worse once event season kicks back in. The thing is, those interactions are worth the effort to me. If yous aren't, its ok to cut them back or out.


The over all point here is you got to take care of you first. Whether its getting more alone time, therapy, a prescription or just finding something in life that's worth getting up in the morning for, make yourself your first priority. Once you're feeling a little more stable and capable of facing the world, then you'll be in a better place to work all of this other stuff out. I've been there before, man. I was very very lucky to catch a particular break the most recent time but caring about my life enough to keep it going was a challenge for most of my adult life. Its taken me a long time to get to the way you feel being he exception rather than the rule for me but it can be done and I promise its worth it.

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Post by Guest on Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:47 am

Enail wrote:

You're in an area where the dominant culture doesn't suit you. Something you want desperately is tangled up with some things you're not sure you want at all, and plus you have strong feelings about the whole idea of wanting or not wanting them. Those are two things that make it really hard to find a good fit, to find people you're compatible with and connect with them in ways that feel right for you. They are both things that you can change in time.

I'll put this in the most blunt way possible: southern sexual politics is basically about overpowering the girl. Sex is not a mutually pleasurable experience, it is a scorecard for personal worth. Whether or not you enjoyed it is irrelevant, it's about how hot a girl you banged. If she wasn't hot, you better be drunk, otherwise you're no better than a faggot. Like a girl who is overweight? You're a chubby chaser or you're too chickenshit to talk to "real women."

And the exact same thing happens in reverse with girls. My fears about having a small dick started when I'd overhear women collectively shaming a guy for having a small dick. Other things that men are shamed for: not being dominant, not being aggressive, not taking charge in bed, not having sex in X amount of time.

It's a mutually toxic culture, and a culture that most people seem to enjoy here. If a woman is physically abused or raped, then it's her fucking fault for choosing wrong. If a man is raped or abused, then he was too weak to stop it from happening and fucking deserved it. Girls call each other slut and men deliberately sabotage each other when more than one want the same girl.

And then people wonder why I have a reputation (at least back home, where I am now is a bit more hipster and thus, much tamer) for being an abrasive asshole. When you hear the absolute fucking filth out of people's mouths, the "you can fuck this person only if you're drunk" talk, all of it, you just start to hate everyone and everything. Where your worth is based off of your scorecard (I keep insisting it's real over here, maybe not in Liberal Democrat Wonderland or wherever you live) and how often you get high. If you can afford to buy molly or acid, that's high class amongst the college kids. If you can afford to give some out to the group, you're a king. Being fired from a job is celebrated, getting welfare is celebrated (and surprise surprise, this happens the most amongst white trash, and contrary to the stereotypes, the black folks tend to be the ones who value hard work and education the most. But that's mainly because there's almost no one back home but white trash and black people. All I'm saying is, boy are the stereotypes off the mark).

Conversely, stories of having sex with sleeping girls are also celebrated. Stories where the girl changed her mind halfway through are greeted with "when I start, I finish." Stories about having sex with underage girls are celebrated ("If her age is on the clock, she's old enough for the cock."). I was just lucky enough to have a group of friends who weren't like this, but then the white trash would show up, the thirty year old Cradle Robbers, your methheads with no teeth, southern accents and all, explaining to a crowd of rapt listeners that the sooner this "half-nigger president" was murdered, the sooner things will work out. Don't forget that when you combine neckbeards and white trash, you get an unholy mix.

This is the Southern United States, folks. The racism is alive and well, it never died. They just wait till the black folk are on their merry way before confessing to the Jewish boy that you should "never leave your car unlocked round that nigger" or "don't be in a dark alley with that faggot" or "if the bitch says no, that answer can always be changed."

It's a culture of pure toxic evil, guys. I already stand out just because I still have a bit of Northern Twang on me, I'm called "Damn Yankee" back home. And if it's not white trash, than it's the snotty upper class gentry, and they think I'm one of them too, and they might be even worse. Steubenville upset me, but it didn't horrify me. Steubenville is every goddamn day over here. Rape is a part of life, it is celebrated and treasured by men and women alike.

Women are literally taught to just "go along with it" and "only say no if other people are watching." The second my older female cousin caught wind of this, she immediately panicked. But my uncle and aunt are assholes, but not psychopaths, and she never got that talk. Women have expressed confusion at my newfangled "yankee" beliefs.

"Wait, so you can say no?"

"Girls can feel good just like boys can?"

"Why wouldn't you want to 'help yourself'?"

That's how one girl described her boyfriend mounting her: "helping himself." Like she was a fucking platter at brunch. Like it was an omelette station, and I want vagina with my eggs.

"You know, I get tired and he asks and I know better than to neglect his needs." He can't jerk off like a big boy would?

I mean, Jesus, it's not even that heroic to know better. It's just common fucking courtesy. It's as much courtesy as "don't rape people." Am I a good person for never raping anyone? Nope. It's common fucking courtesy. It's expected. Like "don't kill babies." Or "don't enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey."

I actually have an entire screenplay on my hometown, and it's horrid and nasty and something that no studio would ever make, because all I did was take the Richard Linklater anti-cinema movie to its darkest possible extreme, just by writing what I've heard. Not with as much literary grace as old "Let's film a movie for twelve years with no plot or characterization and call it art" himself (which is a minor dig, I normally like his movies) can, but the retarded 19 year old filmmaker version of that. When you can put a scene of a teenage boy raping an underage girl with a switchblade to her throat and you didn't exaggerate at all, yeah...that's bad. And for reference, this was told to me after the fact.

Sure explains why the screenplays I write are unbelievably dark, because I want to be the first to make movies about these kinds of topics so people are aware of them. All the taboo shit. I don't want people to feel so alone. I don't want people feeling like me.

On a personal note, I'm probably a little too open IRL about wanting to be a director. I dissed a guy for posting one of those bullshit inspirational quotes (the Marilyn Monroe one), and his response was: "you're gonna need it more than me, 'Future Director.' Latin for 'cashier at McDonald's.'" Ooo that fucker found one of two ways to legitimately offend me, reminding me that my degree is useless and my chances of making a living in the industry are next to nil. The other is attacking my manhood, of course. Or calling me gay. Because I don't want people thinking I'm gay, that kills the whole "maybe girls will want me" thing.

nearly_takuan wrote:

And it should. Because that's when you're going to start finding out how many people knew all along you were this sensitive and smart and compassionate individual and were just waiting for that side of you to show, and how many were only hanging out because they thought you were a Bro, and how many don't even give a shit and just like you no matter which you is the "real" one. (No value judgment intended for any of those categories, by the way, though you are of course allowed to make your own.)

But the alternative—continuing to hide behind your own assumptions of what the people around you value, growing closer to people who confirm that bias while alienating those who might have been receptive to the values you actually hold—has clearly been making you miserable already. Does it matter what's outside the frying pan when you're already burning up?

Some day you might be able to move to a new city, get a mostly-fresh start with mostly-fresh people, find a culture that better fits your own outlook. It sounds like that day might not come any time too soon, and that sucks, but if it helps to have something like that to look forward to, then let that be something that helps.


Alright, whoa there with the flattery. I wasn't trying to come off as Buddha or some shit, and the ace image which may or may not actually be my sexual orientation was cultivated so I wouldn't have to participate in the more toxic elements of southern brouhaha culture. And I was laughed at and called freak and whatever.

"You ever get laid?"

"Tried. Didn't like it."

Anyway, I dunno, people are not split into "People Like Glides" and "People Unlike Glides." People are people and they're diverse and complicated and what most of them have in common is not getting along with me. And it's not because they're assholes (well, mostly not assholes), it's because I don't really connect. I don't. I try, but I don't. Nobody connects with me. Not like no one ever does, but lately no one has. People aren't thinking about me, they're not wondering what I'm up to (IRL). I don't stand out, I'm not viewed as a filmmaking prodigy at school (the ones who try are privately laughed at, so better to be a cipher). I don't have a culture even with the film people because I don't like what they like. Either it's Generic Action Television Show or Artsy Movie That Makes No Fucking Sense. Grey's Anatomy or some bullshit by Terrence Malick.

Caffeinated wrote:

Unless I'm misreading, it sounds like you live in a region of the country, the American South, that I am afraid even to visit because I know what a total misfit I'd be. And you live there. No wonder you feel alone and isolated and like you don't fit. If the local culture is a total mismatch for who you are, it would be strange not to feel that way. But you know, not every place is the same. I think you would be surprised how different you might feel in different surroundings, among people with different values and outlooks than the ones you're surrounded by now.

Another thought crossed my mind reading what you wrote about asexuality and not feeling attracted to the images you expect you should. Maybe you're one of those people who requires a strong romantic or emotional connection with someone in order to feel sexual about them. That's not an unusual way to feel attraction, even if it is unusual to talk about it among certain crowds. I mean, maybe that doesn't describe you at all, I don't know, but I do know that men get bombarded with messages about how they're supposed to feel attraction, as though there was only one way to be instead of many ways.

You're not misreading.

I'm not sure what I want, speaking realistically. I don't know if I like sex or oral or any of that. I want to know, obviously. I want to know for sure.

I just wanna connect with someone, you know? I want to trust someone for a change. i want to be my ugliest self around someone and they'd still be just as attracted to me as ever. And I want them to be the same way around me. I want to be the man they dreamed about their entire lives. Which is a fruity-as-shit fantasy, but there it is.

I mean, how traditionally masculine does that sound?

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Post by Caffeinated on Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:33 pm

Glides wrote:
I actually have an entire screenplay on my hometown, and it's horrid and nasty and something that no studio would ever make, because all I did was take the Richard Linklater anti-cinema movie to its darkest possible extreme, just by writing what I've heard. Not with as much literary grace as old "Let's film a movie for twelve years with no plot or characterization and call it art" himself (which is a minor dig, I normally like his movies) can, but the retarded 19 year old filmmaker version of that. When you can put a scene of a teenage boy raping an underage girl with a switchblade to her throat and you didn't exaggerate at all, yeah...that's bad. And for reference, this was told to me after the fact.

Sure explains why the screenplays I write are unbelievably dark, because I want to be the first to make movies about these kinds of topics so people are aware of them. All the taboo shit. I don't want people to feel so alone. I don't want people feeling like me.

On a personal note, I'm probably a little too open IRL about wanting to be a director. I dissed a guy for posting one of those bullshit inspirational quotes (the Marilyn Monroe one), and his response was: "you're gonna need it more than me, 'Future Director.' Latin for 'cashier at McDonald's.'" Ooo that fucker found one of two ways to legitimately offend me, reminding me that my degree is useless and my chances of making a living in the industry are next to nil. The other is attacking my manhood, of course. Or calling me gay. Because I don't want people thinking I'm gay, that kills the whole "maybe girls will want me" thing.

Ok, first, let me just say as a person who used to make my living in the industry, that making a living in the industry is not an unreasonable goal. Now, doing so without moving to LA, that might be less reasonable of a goal. Or expecting that your first job in the industry will be to write and direct a big budget studio film, that would be an unreasonable goal. But lots and lots of people make a living in the industry. Lots. My advice in this case is move to LA as soon as you possibly can, and start hustling to get PA gigs, and work your ass off at every PA gig you do. That's how people get started in the industry. And among young people in LA, it's a very normal career path. Plus, no one there will laugh at your knowledge of film or your desire to direct. That's considered normal there. In fact, one of the more common small talk questions when meeting someone is the one-two sequence of "what do you do" followed by "and what do you want to do", meaning things like directing, acting, writing, music, stand-up comedy, etc.

Glides wrote:I just wanna connect with someone, you know? I want to trust someone for a change. i want to be my ugliest self around someone and they'd still be just as attracted to me as ever. And I want them to be the same way around me. I want to be the man they dreamed about their entire lives. Which is a fruity-as-shit fantasy, but there it is.

I mean, how traditionally masculine does that sound?

Sounds like the kind of connection I always figured most people want. I mean, isn't that a good definition of an idealized romantic love, having the kind of trust with another person where you can both be your real selves, good sides and bad, and still love each other?
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Post by Enail on Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:54 pm

It's hard to figure out what you do want when it feels like the whole world is screaming at you to do everything you don't want.

In the past you've mentioned that some people you've met seem to like that you say that it's okay to say no or that girls can enjoy sex too. so it sounds like there are people who have different attitudes, or who are looking to find people who think like that even if they didn't know it was possible or didn't even realize that that's what they wanted to find. It sounds like a lot of those people aren't sure where they stand on it, that like you, sometimes they want to do whatever will let them fit in and be liked, so it's hard to band together and make a shield wall or a little pocket of non-rape-cultureness-and-awfulness. But the more you can be confident about what you believe, and the more you can be yourself, the more others who feel the same way will be able to find you and stand together with you.

One thing you might want to consider: you often talk dismissively about people who respond positively to your beliefs around sex, by describing them as too damaged to know what they want, that someone who's been raped only likes that about you because they feel safer so it's not a 'real' feeling, and the like.  But doesn't it make sense that the first people to recognize that an environment is toxic are the people who have been harmed the most by it? A canary in a mine isn't messed up for reacting to poison first, they're aware of something real that others can't recognize. You know culture you're in is toxic, so why do you think it's crazy or too broken when other people recognize it too? That's not crazy, that's 100% sane. And I think if you can try not to dismiss it when that recognition comes from having being harmed, it'll make it easier to connect with the other people who want something different.
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Post by reboot on Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:32 pm

Caffeinated wrote:
Glides wrote:
I actually have an entire screenplay on my hometown, and it's horrid and nasty and something that no studio would ever make, because all I did was take the Richard Linklater anti-cinema movie to its darkest possible extreme, just by writing what I've heard. Not with as much literary grace as old "Let's film a movie for twelve years with no plot or characterization and call it art" himself (which is a minor dig, I normally like his movies) can, but the retarded 19 year old filmmaker version of that. When you can put a scene of a teenage boy raping an underage girl with a switchblade to her throat and you didn't exaggerate at all, yeah...that's bad. And for reference, this was told to me after the fact.

Sure explains why the screenplays I write are unbelievably dark, because I want to be the first to make movies about these kinds of topics so people are aware of them. All the taboo shit. I don't want people to feel so alone. I don't want people feeling like me.

On a personal note, I'm probably a little too open IRL about wanting to be a director. I dissed a guy for posting one of those bullshit inspirational quotes (the Marilyn Monroe one), and his response was: "you're gonna need it more than me, 'Future Director.' Latin for 'cashier at McDonald's.'" Ooo that fucker found one of two ways to legitimately offend me, reminding me that my degree is useless and my chances of making a living in the industry are next to nil. The other is attacking my manhood, of course. Or calling me gay. Because I don't want people thinking I'm gay, that kills the whole "maybe girls will want me" thing.

Ok, first, let me just say as a person who used to make my living in the industry, that making a living in the industry is not an unreasonable goal. Now, doing so without moving to LA, that might be less reasonable of a goal. Or expecting that your first job in the industry will be to write and direct a big budget studio film, that would be an unreasonable goal. But lots and lots of people make a living in the industry. Lots. My advice in this case is move to LA as soon as you possibly can, and start hustling to get PA gigs, and work your ass off at every PA gig you do. That's how people get started in the industry. And among young people in LA, it's a very normal career path. Plus, no one there will laugh at your knowledge of film or your desire to direct. That's considered normal there. In fact, one of the more common small talk questions when meeting someone is the one-two sequence of "what do you do" followed by "and what do you want to do", meaning things like directing, acting, writing, music, stand-up comedy, etc.

Glides wrote:I just wanna connect with someone, you know? I want to trust someone for a change. i want to be my ugliest self around someone and they'd still be just as attracted to me as ever. And I want them to be the same way around me. I want to be the man they dreamed about their entire lives. Which is a fruity-as-shit fantasy, but there it is.

I mean, how traditionally masculine does that sound?

Sounds like the kind of connection I always figured most people want. I mean, isn't that a good definition of an idealized romantic love, having the kind of trust with another person where you can both be your real selves, good sides and bad, and still love each other?

On the industry thing, I have a friend who is a modestly successful indie director (Slumdance, Slamdance, Sundance, Toronto, Tribeca, etc.) who can live decently off her work and I second caffeinated's advice. One thing I will suggest (based on my friend's experience) is to use your time in school getting every damned bit of experience in every single part of the filmmaking process you can. You have the advantage of being around a lot of people who are looking for volunteer assistance and you do not need to worry about supporting yourself right now, so you can take unpaid gigs. Do it. The pathway to being a director is often twisty, especially at the beginning, and the more skills you have, the more likely it is you can get a paid position on a film. Once you are getting paid positions you begin to network until you are in a position to pitch your own projects. Also, as a director it pays to know as many of the other technical and support roles as possible so you do not sound like an assclown. Please salt accordingly, as I am basing this on one data point Smile

As for whether your feelings sound traditionally masculine, considering the tendency for men in traditional masculine roles to feelings dump on their long term partners and have them as their sole emotional support, I would say your desires are traditionally masculine.
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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:59 pm

One tip that I'm very bad at following, Youtube is the new portfolio. Granted, this is more on a producer or CG or actor level but when someone asks "well what have you done" and you can share a link to a kick ass short, that means a lot.

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Post by Herr R on Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:51 pm

Glides, I for one would love to see a your filmed take on what guys like us go through or just how much of a living hell it is to live in a culture that you were born or raised in, yet you never felt like you belonged to.

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Post by 8bitGreyscale on Fri Feb 06, 2015 8:59 pm

Gentleman Johnny wrote:OK, so you're not talking suicide, Boggle still says it better than me.

d00d, words cannot express how much I love Boggle. I can understand a lot of mentally-healthy people not really grokking Boggle's power -- thinking that it's a cute lil owl in a cute comic saying motivational things, but not having an emotional response to it. Maybe even thinking it's a bit silly or corny.

But I've been slowly emerging from a long, major depressive episode*. I stumbled upon Boggle the Owl when I was at the worst part, and s/he** spoke.to.me. Reading Boggle was suddenly being wrapped in the softest, warmest blanket and feeling comfortingly hugged. Several comics made me cry for a long time, because Boggle UNDERSTOOD. S/he somehow knew what was wrong and why, when sometimes I didn't know until right then. I've never had such a strong, visceral connection to ... pixels on a screen, y'know?


* I've had major depressive episodes since grade school and will most likely have them for the rest of my life. Yay!

** I can't remember if Boggle has a specific gender or not.
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Post by UristMcBunny on Sat Feb 07, 2015 5:11 am

Boggle got me through my Big Brainfuck Event.  I, too, know the love of Boggle!

Actually ended up getting myself my own Boggle stuffy for comforting me during high anxiety or depression or stress periods.  They're called "microwavable owl hotties" in some places and "heatable hootys" in others.

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You can get them from a bunch of places - they're microwaveable, lavender-scented and plushly soft - curling up into a warm blanket nest and stuffing your face into a warm one of these as you nap is incredibly comforting.

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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Sat Feb 07, 2015 5:41 am

I had a bear version of that briefly and they are brilliant! I might just have to get a replacement.

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