Depression and dating

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:17 pm

Pinning all your hopes on one person is generally not a good idea, so I think keeping your options open sounds like a good plan! Nod
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:56 am

I went on a second date with Jen earlier tonight, and we went pretty far - more so than I had dared hope for. Heart Here's another nice, long success story for you folks! NSFW things ahead~

Coming into yesterday, Thursday the 22nd, I originally had two dates planned with ladies named Miranda and Kelly, one for yesterday and one for today. However, both ladies had work-related events come up - Miranda had a work emergency and Kelly a job interview - so both of them rescheduled. I told Jen that my date for today was rescheduled, and she suggested we move our next date from next Monday night to tonight. I agreed, and at 4pm local I had gotten out of the shower, dressed up once more, and started the trek up to Jen's place. This time, we had actually decided to go to Korean BBQ. I had never been, so it was an experience, one that I would be happy to repeat at some point. I did spend a lot of time simply staring at the food, though, since she had taken it upon herself to actually cook the things on the table's grill. She had been to a Korean BBQ far more than I had though, so it was fine Smile

Once we were fed and happy, though, things got interesting once more. Earlier in the day, she had floated the idea of visiting her place, a senior home apartment she shared with her ailing mother, to "watch some TV with her." I should've known she had something else in mind, but I was pleasantly surprised either way. When we got there, we set about putting the sofa-bed back together (it was a very small apartment) and then we cuddled on the couch together, with Jen's mom in her own bedroom giving us some privacy. She had also earlier told me that her legs were bothering her, due to some minor nerve injury that had happened about a week and a half ago, and she asked me to give her a leg massage to try to work the knots out of her legs and feet. I gladly spent the next 15 or 20 minutes massaging her legs and feet, and when I was done, she said she wanted a gentle backrub as well, like last time except softer and more tender.

EDIT: The fun parts have been removed out of respect for Jen's wishes. We got very physical, though.

Run in circles flail is right! I can only imagine what's going to happen by the time she comes over to visit me at my place~


Last edited by ReploidArmada on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Datelessman on Sat Mar 24, 2018 1:40 pm

I am old enough to remember when the "end results" of your date with Jen were considered "3rd base" (touching with clothes off). I am not sure if people use baseball terms about that stuff anymore. Depending on some definitions you two may have had sex, simply not "PIV" sex or genital sex. Regardless, it sounds AMAZING and I am very happy for you. Your instincts on this seem to be on the mark, in more ways than one.

It does say a lot that Jen didn't seem to mind you mentioning other dates you had or had tried to schedule since your last encounter. This suggests she is not moving at a pace which is inappropriate. It sounds like she really likes you and is moving things along at her own pace physically, which it sounds like you absolutely are fine with. This is ideal. Considering this is (unless I am mistaken from your previous posts) your first lover (or potential lover), it probably is the best for both of you to really savor the experience of each other gradually.

You've come a long way and this is terrific news! I hope you two have more fun together! Lovestruck
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:03 pm

<mod>Hey, Reploid, I've gone and stuck a spoiler tag over the more detailed section of that, we don't have any particular policy on NSFW, but this was a little more explicit than we usually have, so I wanted to give ppl the option to skip it if they're at work.</mod>

Glad things are going so well, it sounds awesome!  

Oh, btw, when you're posting this stuff, please give a think to whether your partner would be okay with that level of detail. Even if it's anonymous, some people would be uncomfortable knowing their partner would be posting such an explicit blow-by-blow of their private sex life to a bunch of internet strangers.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:30 pm

Yeah, you're right, Enail. I am going to ask her if she's okay with me doing what I'm doing, even if she's not likely to see it. If she's not then I'll refrain from posting any other graphic details. Thanks for the NSFW tag too! I didn't think to add one myself for whatever reason Razz

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Wed Mar 28, 2018 2:50 am

So, Jen and I had our third date yesterday. We had decided that she was going to come over to my place, both for intimacy reasons and stress relief reasons (tl;dr: Jen was staying at her mom's senior housing apartment, and it was driving her crazy). We went to IHOP and had dinner there, then from there went to my place.

Once we got to my place, and got her settled in, we began to fool around some more. Eventually, she asked if I wanted to be inside her, and I enthusiastically agreed. Except, we spent the next few minutes trying different positions, and nothing seemed to allow actual penetration. I guess she was just too big a lady for me! We laughed it off, and I laid in bed naked next to her for a while, just caressing her and thanking her for her offer.

I got back home from work today around 7pm local, and found her laying in my bed, listening to music on her laptop. We chatted for a little while, and she told me that she wasn't feeling a romantic spark between us. That, plus the fact that we couldn't have sex, meant that she felt she wasn't the one for me long-term. We agreed that we could still be close friends, though.

On the surface, I'm okay with that. However, it still sucks that I spent that much time and money (the latter moreso because I work only a single part-time job right now, much to my dad's chagrin) just to hear that we're not as compatible as I would have liked. However again, she did give me quite a bit of romantic experience, and a number of physical firsts - experience(s) that I did not have up to that point. I'm definitely trying not to begrudge her her decision, but it's just disappointing, you know? I still have a couple other ladies that I'm interested in, but one of them has been *extremely* slow in replying to my messages on OKCupid, and the other one wants to be friends first and lovers second. I might end up moving on from one of them, at least, but then I won't have anyone who I share a mutual interest with Sad


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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Werel on Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:58 pm

Hey, major kudos to you, it sounds like you handled a potentially very awkward sexual encounter with a lot of grace and good humor! Take a minute to feel proud about that; not everybody can laugh off that kind of awkwardness and keep being chill and relaxed. That will serve you really well when you meet someone you mesh with better, so, good job!

And try not to immediately fall back into focusing on the negatives. Sure, you spent a little bit of money (not minimizing that, I know what it's like when money is really tight) and a very small amount of time (like, less than two weeks--keep some perspective!). But you also accrued experiences way beyond what you'd had two weeks ago, you made a friend, you learned some important stuff about dating and about yourself, and you gained irrefutable proof that your jerkbrain is wrong when it says no one could ever be interested in you.

That's a huge victory, and while of course it's disappointing when a potential relationship doesn't work out, try to focus on how far you've come--it's a really long way.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by K-J on Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:41 pm

Reploid, it's important that you see this as progress. Things are changing and you are developing ahead.

If you have any thoughts like "Fell at the finish line, now back all the way to the starting blocks" just chase it away please.
You didn't say you felt like that but I happen to know that it's a common brain bug in these situations which can actually set you back if you give in to it.
Plus it's not true.

You going on dates, actively putting yourself out there, even those which are cut somewhat short changes and develops you into someone who's more secure and skilled at looking for that connection with other people.

What I would recommend now is that you set aside a little time for other things. You don't have to put dating on pause but just take up something unrelated which also takes a little effort and develops a little skill.
You know, practice playing an instrument, some physical exercise or long daily walks, pick up a piece of classic literature, improve your cooking skill(just pick anything really).

The purpose of this is that it heightens the feeling of moving ahead and developing. It also takes a bit of that empty feeling when a potential romance has been cut short.

Hope this didn't sound overly concerned. That's not my intent, because I think it sounds like you're doing great.
Just some advice, that's all!

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Datelessman on Wed Mar 28, 2018 8:48 pm

I am sorry to hear that things with Jen didn't go as "far" as you may have hoped, but I hope you heed the advice of the two people who posted above me right now, because their advice is right on the money. This is a net "win" for you regardless of not having technically lost your virginity. I say technically because while you did not have "PiV" sex, you did engage in other forms of sex with her. Take it from someone who is still flying Virgin Airlines; if you want to consider yourself no longer a virgin because you engaged in oral sex if for no other reason than boosting your own confidence, sense of self-worth, and giving yourself more emotional ore to continue to use to date, then I bestow all of my self-proclaimed Internet powers to allow you to do. I know labels can have power, especially those we place on ourselves. I think DNL recites studies that show that barely 25-35% of women can even reach orgasm with "PiV" sex anyway, so having experience in other areas will serve you well.

If anything, you learned that you are willing and able to pleasure a woman without needing "that" organ as well as the fact that you handled a physical incompatibility issue with grace and maturity. This is not a given, and it is worth being proud of yourself for. Your experience with Jen has been a positive for you, I feel. You went on 3 dates with the same woman (a feat unto itself for many people) and each one had escalating levels of physical intimacy. You handled the challenges that arose well, and ended things in an amicable way for each of you. Whether or not you want to consider this a "relationship" is up to you, but you'd be justified in doing so. Jen was not the end of your romantic search, she was the end of the beginning. Plus, while having another friend (especially a woman) is ALWAYS a good thing, having a friend who is also an ex is a net positive if only because she can give you good "ratings" if she encounters any women in her social circle who are single. Jen possibly being the one who introduces you to another date or lover is not improbable. Don't be her friend hoping for this, just be aware it is possible.

The bigger positive is overcoming depression to get back out on the dating scene and have success in a relatively short period of time. As disappointing as the finale with Jen was, try your best to focus on the positive aspects. You displayed positive traits about yourself, and I hope you learned not only more about women and dating, but your own opinions about yourself. Maybe, at least, to not be as hard. You at least know you are a guy who has plenty to offer out there. Take your time to mourn this loss, sure. But don't let it consume you. The time and money you spent is not spent; it was invested. No date, no life experience, is a waste unless you learn nothing from it. Quite the contrary, I think what you may have learned and experienced here is priceless. And I say this as a broke dude, so I am not trying to lecture from on high.

I hope things continue on the upswing for you! Thumbs-up
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Sun Apr 01, 2018 11:44 pm

I'm not sure what to think anymore.

Jen decided to call in a friend of hers to help her get her stuff out of my house earlier today, and to give her a ride back to her place. I thought it was originally going to be her mother, but I thought "whatever" to that. The friend arrived around 9:30am local, and I thought they were going to pick their stuff up and head out soon after.

And then half an hour became one, which became two hours. And, while I was waiting around for them to get ready to leave, I *think* Jen had his hands up her shirt, playing around with her tits. On my bed, no less. She says that they were just chatting, but I distinctly heard her talking about her breasts being like stress-relief balls. Again, I didn't watch them, but I'm pretty sure they were fooling around (to some extent) on my bed. I felt quite hurt by that.

The money I spent on her wasn't invested after all, was it?

I make about $15.45/hr at part-time, and I pay a few hundred a month in rent. I can't afford to drop a couple hundred dollars like I did on her for some time - not that I'm likely to get the chance, what with how my other OKCupid prospects have been *nigh completely unwilling to communicate.* Seriously, one of the original girls I met on OKC this time around, named Kelly, has been very slow to respond to even the most basic questions lately. I think she's mentally moved on from the idea of seeing me. The other one, named Miranda, is at least willing to give me a reason as to why she's no longer interested; Apparently, she has a family emergency to tend to, and has been/will be out of town for an unspecified length of time. Everyone else I've seen on OKC, literally everyone else, has been unwilling to return my interest.

It's getting progressively harder to focus on silver linings right now.

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Mon Apr 02, 2018 12:20 am

I'm sorry she was fooling around with someone else on your bed, that's a really shitty thing to do, and I'd be upset and angry too - but dude, talking about "investing your money" on a date and treating it as a waste or like you've been cheated if you don't get sex/a girlfriend out of it is really gross. You are not buying a woman, no matter how much you spend, and whether or not things turn out and whether or not they treat you well, spending money doesn't mean you're owed anything anymore than not spending money would mean it'd be okay to treat you badly.  

In the future, don't spend more money on dates than you'll be okay with having spent if things don't work out the way you want them to. If that amount is zero, time to either think up fun free things to do with dates, start dealing with that harmful mindset, or be upfront about the fact that you're seeking a transactional exchange of money for sex/dates/whatever and find someone who is up for that, like a sex worker.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Mon Apr 02, 2018 12:36 am

I'm truly sorry for the confusion, Enail. Mostly, I meant it in turns of what Datelessman meant in his most recent message. His meaning was that the money I spent on those three dates was "invested" in terms of "no date, no life experience, is a waste unless you learn nothing from it." I was saying that the experiences were a bit of a waste in that regard.

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Mon Apr 02, 2018 12:20 pm

Oh, okay, sorry! In terms of experiences, the fact that she didn't treat you well afterwards doesn't change anything, though - you've still done things you'd never done before, learned that you can handle a potentially awkward situation well, all of the things everyone was pointing out after the date. Don't let yourself forget that just because things ended badly!
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Mon Apr 02, 2018 12:46 pm

Thank you for understanding! Heart

Either way, though, you are still correct as ever. The experiences I gained from dating her are important for later, I was just caught up in the disrespect she was showing me and feeling really hurt and down about myself.

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Datelessman on Mon Apr 02, 2018 2:15 pm

I am sorry to hear that the situation with Jen went so wrong. Calling a "friend" under false pretenses to more or less make out with on your bed is a hurtful thing to do.

ReploidArmada wrote:I'm truly sorry for the confusion, Enail. Mostly, I meant it in turns of what Datelessman meant in his most recent message. His meaning was that the money I spent on those three dates was "invested" in terms of "no date, no life experience, is a waste unless you learn nothing from it." I was saying that the experiences were a bit of a waste in that regard.

For the record, I only included that line of response to my previous post because you stated this:

ReploidArmada wrote:
However, it still sucks that I spent that much time and money (the latter moreso because I work only a single part-time job right now, much to my dad's chagrin) just to hear that we're not as compatible as I would have liked.

Even before the situation with Jen went from "amicable break-up" to "violating the trust of an ex", you had expressed a regret towards the amount of money you'd spent to date Jen due to the physical incompatibility of you two engaging in genital sex. I was only trying to offer an alternate perspective. As enail stated, framing disappointment with a dating situation by framing it in regards to how much money was spent can be a bad look, and/or an unhealthy attitude.

I am truly sorry Jen did this to you. You have a right to feel angry and hurt afterward. Doctor Nerdlove would probably add that an act such as this shows you more about Jen than you knew before, and that ultimately you were not right for each other regardless of physical concerns. And that as bad as this situation is, at least it revealed itself early on and not, say, after cohabitation or a longer period of active dating. Take your time to mourn this development and express your emotions about it. However, I do think that there were some positives to be had from it. You learned that you are desirable to women, and you did get some experience with making out and other forms of sex (such as oral). You reacted with grace towards a physical incompatibility issue. And you learned, unfortunately, that some people may violate your trust and boundaries. I would advise not to judge all women by the actions of one, but I understand in the heat of emotion that is very hard. Not all women, or even most women, will be as deceitful.

Take your time to heal from this, take a break if you need to. However, I do think that you can learn something from this and make it a positive for yourself in the long run if you heal properly from it.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Werel on Mon Apr 02, 2018 3:29 pm

Definitely agree with the wise words above. And I'm sorry Jen acted so shitty with her friend, that's incredibly rude and I'd be upset too. Still, this was a learning experience, and everything that went into it gained you some new experiences and knowledge.

Also, correct me if I'm reading this wrong, but... it sounds like Jen spent five days living at your place after three dates (which cost hundreds of dollars)? To the extent that she needed help to move all her stuff out? Shocked  

Maybe y'all had something worked out between you about that arrangement, but that's... pretty hardcore. In the future, you might also think about what kind of boundaries you want to set with people you don't know well. Even if her living situation with her mom was annoying or stressful, it doesn't sound like she was homeless or in danger (and even then, you don't have to let someone move in with you). Staying at your place for days on end, after breaking up with you, sounds like the behavior of somebody who's very willing to take advantage of people who don't have much experience/comfort saying no. If she was fine imposing on you in such a giant way right off the bat, and then immediately doing another shitty boundary-smashing thing while moving out, this person sounds like a huge messy bullet you were lucky to dodge.

So, maybe that's another lesson learned? That you're allowed to say no, and people who make enormous demands of near-strangers are maybe risky/down for taking advantage of others, and not people you want around? Again, sorry if I'm reading that whole situation wrong, but it really raised my eyebrows up off my face.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Mon Apr 02, 2018 3:46 pm

Oh wow, yeah I missed that in the op, that sounds like an extremely strange and concerning situation.
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by K-J on Tue Apr 03, 2018 1:20 pm

Wow, ok.

In light of everything, and Werels observation above, I have to agree you should probably be relieved this was over sooner rather than later because I think that Jen um...
likely has got some serious issues going on!

Unhealthy behavior that perhaps even she herself is oblivious about.
It seemed she was sincere about giving the relationship a go at first though, but she doesn't appear to have any healthy regard for reasonable boundaries.

Then again, it was your job to look after your own boundaries, limitations and affirm them.

This reads to me like a situation where there was two people who still have a bit of growing up to do, in their own respective way.
It's not that uncommon, but those situations can end very badly. Seeing how this turned out, I think you can count yourself lucky it wasn't worse.

There's probably not much reason to be mad at Jen, if it is like I think, that she's more of a clueless (rather than calculating) case, but one thing.. If you're going to remain her friend now, be sure to not lend her money if she asks (just a hunch!)

I'm not implying this means you're not ready to date or anything. I think you are, especially if you got this lesson down right.
It's easy to think, especially if you've been at a disadvantage in dating before, that dating is only about you holding up things on your end:
Present yourself well, strike the right balance between being too careful and too pushy, be adaptable, connect, aso. etc.

Easy to forget then, that there are also people who are trouble. There are those that can be downright dangerous to you, even if you happen to be a guy looking for a girl.
Something to keep in mind.

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Wed Apr 18, 2018 2:17 pm

I think I've gotten over Jen by now, so now's a good time to say that I haven't given up on love yet! I have another first date (tentatively, but most likely) scheduled with a woman named Kaylie for this coming Saturday evening. I'm taking her out for fondue! I've never had fondue before, so it should be a good and fun experience for a first date Grin

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Werel on Wed Apr 18, 2018 2:42 pm

Nice! Hope it's a fun time! Smile
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by K-J on Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:37 am

ReploidArmada wrote:I think I've gotten over Jen by now, so now's a good time to say that I haven't given up on love yet!

Give up? Oh goodness no, and why would you? You're having all sorts of adventures here from the sound like, getting in lots of unexpected situations and racking up memories of all kinds. That really is the beauty of being single and actively looking. You get to meet people you'd never come across otherwise. Whatever it is it's everything but routine, old habits, and the daily grind.

It sounds to me also that you are way past that point where you feel a date or approach which doesn't pan out holds any reflection on your worth. What happens then is that those situations changes considerably and you may start seeing a lot of new things like "Wait a minute, she's right. We're incompatible due to these differences. Huh, interesting!"

Of course the goal is finding the right one, but there's plenty of worth and personal development to be won from the process alone.

In a sense, I think people who were just approached by someone else accepted a relationship, and that was that, they're the ones who missed out the most. They avoided or never got the chance to try and fail on their own, nor discover how they can actually take the "punches" which will happen now and then.

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Datelessman on Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:16 pm

ReploidArmada wrote:I think I've gotten over Jen by now, so now's a good time to say that I haven't given up on love yet! I have another first date (tentatively, but most likely) scheduled with a woman named Kaylie for this coming Saturday evening. I'm taking her out for fondue! I've never had fondue before, so it should be a good and fun experience for a first date Grin

It's great to hear that you're moving on. That's exactly the best approach; you took your time to heal but you also realized Jen is not symbolic of all women or even most, and allowing yourself the chance to meet better out there. Because better is out there.

I hope you do that fondue that you do so well!
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by ReploidArmada on Sun Apr 22, 2018 2:18 am

So... I didn't end up doing fondue earlier tonight. The lady I was going to meet for fondue, named Kaylie, sent me a text saying that she was getting really stressed over coming to a city she had never been to yet, to go to a restaurant she'd never been to, with a guy she had never met in person. I told her I understood where she was coming from, and apologized for wasting her time. Hopefully, she finds someone who can meet her closer to where she lives.

But! But but but but but! Butts! Razz

I have a date *tomorrow* night with a lady named Sarah! We're going to my favorite little Italian restaurant in the neighborhood. So far we seem to click pretty well, and Sarah and I have a lot in common! That should be a lot of fun Heart

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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Enail on Sun Apr 22, 2018 2:24 pm

Too bad you didn't get to do the fondue you do so well (Lurking/sketchy), but have fun on this one!
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Re: Depression and dating

Post by Hielario on Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:08 pm

This thread was so beautiful... Happy tears
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Re: Depression and dating

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