Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

[Stumbles]

Eh, I'll put mine up. Am I too perky? Is that a thing?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Quaffa?cf=profile

[nearly_takuan]

I freely admit I suck at this.

Stumbles: I don't think you're getting the most out of your "typical Friday night" answer. Try thinking of "Friday" as just a euphemism for whenever your largest chunks of downtime/"free" time usually land. Right now all your current answer signals is that you're unavailable on Friday nights—if someone wanted to have a longer conversation with you, or meet you in person to go do a thing, when would that be possible, and what kinds of things would you want to do?

[Stumbles]

Good point! I'll tweak that section.

[Archetype694]

After taking a break from OLD I had created a new account.

www.okcupid.com/profile/j-speakeasy

Thoughts?

[Rowas]

Not new to DNL, but really new to the forums!
But yeah, could use some pointers...
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rowas

Thank you for in advance!

[Girlande]

I've tweaked my profile just a tad, still need to edit it a bit more.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CelibateLove

Hopefully this works.

Others have replied already, but one point: In your full-body photos, avoid just letting your arms hang down--it looks awkward. Try putting your hands in your pockets, or lean against a wall and fold your arms. This is a trick I've had to learn myself as a large person.

[reboot]

Not new to DNL, but really new to the forums!
But yeah, could use some pointers...
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rowas

Thank you for in advance!

I am having trouble articulating what I find not quite right about this profile. I do know the [Keep scrolling] thing bugged me for no good reason and made me want to stop scrolling.

[Guest]

I agree with reboot, the keep scrolling thing is funny when you get to the end of the first section because it coincides roughly with the end of the "page" on a normal monitor. But having it at the end of every section seems like taking it a bit far.

I also don't like being dared to message people, it's like, if I don't want to message you by now then taunting me to do so OR I'M CHICKEN just sounds a bit insecure and not very adult. Other than that it's articulate, was a bit confused by the mess of parentheses in the middle though.

[Girlande]

From Archetype694's profile: "I love learning new things and meeting new people."
From Rowas's profile: "And I love learning new things."

For generic statements like this, it would be good to see an example. For the first one, you went on to say that you're taking improv classes, but that's farther down in the profile. What did you learn from the classes? Not just technique, but maybe an emotional insight?

Rowas, although you have very specific likes (DOCTOR WHO), your profile makes me think that you're kind of aimless (27, never been to college, no job listed); to the question "what are you doing with your life?" you reply that you're still figuring it out--okay, but what are doing? Drinking beer and watching TV? Because that's sort of what it sounds like. Some girls won't, of course, have a problem with that, but some will.

[Archetype694]

Thanks for the input Girlande, I will consider adding to that line or removing it all together.

[WJMorris3]

Others have replied already, but one point: In your full-body photos, avoid just letting your arms hang down--it looks awkward. Try putting your hands in your pockets, or lean against a wall and fold your arms. This is a trick I've had to learn myself as a large person.

You know, this is the first time I've actually heard of the idea of putting your hands in your pockets for a picture. I'll keep it in mind!

[Girlande]

You know, this is the first time I've actually heard of the idea of putting your hands in your pockets for a picture. I'll keep it in mind!

You also might want to check out this link: http://digital-photography-school.com/21-sample-poses-to-get-you-started-with-photographing-men/
There are a bunch of variations worth trying out.

[Guest]

OK, Cupids, I decided to try this OKCupid thing again. I don't think I've ever had my profile looked over by, well, anyone (aside from people who come across it in the normal way of things, of course), so I figure it's about time.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Autumnesque

I am strongly considering putting "I'm a feminist. BOO!" in the "most private thing you'll admit" section. Good idea? Terrible idea? Funny idea?

[BiSian]

Funny idea. You should definitely do it!

[nearly_takuan]

Doesn't your "spend a lot of time thinking about" bit already say you're a scary feminist?

[BasedBuzzed]

Like all qualifiers, imply what it means in practice, because putting in 'feminist' is just as non-descript as putting in 'gamer'(which could mean anything from the occassional bout of Nintendo all the way to having to plan nights off in order to raid).

Is it just your beliefs or are you actually an activist? Do you have a feminist role model that is an easy shorthand on your beliefs? Do you put emphasis on an aspect like intersectionality or sex-positivity?

[Guest]

@nearly: It implies it, inasmuch as I spend time thinking about gender theory, but doesn't explicitly state it. (Probably implies more that I'm a scary SJW, in total. But it might attract/repulse the same kinds of people that the joke would.)

@Based: Eh. Sounds like a lot of effort for a one-off joke.

It's kind of weird coming back to an old profile after some time away. It feels kind of flat and like it doesn't totally apply any more, perhaps mostly because I don't really identify as a nerd as the first thing about me any more.

[Nerdator]

OK, Cupids, I decided to try this OKCupid thing again. I don't think I've ever had my profile looked over by, well, anyone (aside from people who come across it in the normal way of things, of course), so I figure it's about time.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Autumnesque

I am strongly considering putting "I'm a feminist. BOO!" in the "most private thing you'll admit" section. Good idea? Terrible idea? Funny idea?

I'd say that the feminist bit fits this section much better than what you have there now. The scar might be impressive, but is it important, or something you'd normally disclose in a conversation with someone you're interested in, but don't know? I think that the 'The most private thing you'll admit' section is asking for a (semi-)joke, not for the actual private bodily bits/pimples/warts that you have or don't.

(Also, I dare you to confess how many of your children you have assassinated just because you've got Primogeniture and your Strong Genius son doesn't happen to be your first-born.  :twisted: )

[Guest]

Not particularly important, but it is something I freely admit/am a bit proud of because I think it looks badass. It's actually not very private at all.

Confession time: I never did assassinate my own kids. I'd just squirrel them away in a convent, or deal with the fallout, or change to an elective succession as soon as possible. Other rulers' kids, though... (sorry, the entire line under the Spanish emperor, but you had to go!)

[Werel]

@Autumnflame, the first section reads like you're already on the defensive about your nerd cred; while I have no doubt you've had plenty of experiences leading you to be defensive about it, give the reader some credit before assuming they're an elitist jerkoff. Similarly, a lot of it comes off like "here's some stuff I'm dissatisfied with about myself" (don't read enough, don't play enough video games, too lazy, bad habit of not finishing TV shows [is that even really a bad habit??]) which isn't usually the first thing you bring up when trying to make a good impression with strangers. Self-deprecation can be humor gold and very charming, but it's a tough line to walk successfully. I'd go with lightening up on the whole "you may hate this about me, but don't worry, I already hate it! Got it covered!"

But my main comment is WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO CUTE ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD. Such good cut/color choices! Such kicky outfits to go with them! AHHH your whole look is great. You're making me seriously yearn for the days when I didn't have to have normal hair for work.

[Nerdator]

Not particularly important, but it is something I freely admit/am a bit proud of because I think it looks badass. It's actually not very private at all.

Confession time: I never did assassinate my own kids. I'd just squirrel them away in a convent, or deal with the fallout, or change to an elective succession as soon as possible. Other rulers' kids, though... (sorry, the entire line under the Spanish emperor, but you had to go!)

Well, the scar bit there sounds a little like too much information to the repressed 'ole me. The feminist line certainly fits well there anyway.

(yes, Elective for the win. And other people's children are just asking for it. )

[Guest]

@Werel: Interesting! That was not at all the frame of mind in which I wrote it (my ego is pretty healthy, trust), I'm surprised it comes off that way. (I've never actually had to defend my nerd status, or if I have then I've forgotten it.  ... bad memory may in fact be the key to happiness.) I guess my sense of humor does tend toward the dry and self-deprecating, though. Given as I was aiming to rewrite it in a way that felt less awkward and dry, I will go more for slightly whimsical than self-deprecating.

Also: awww, thanks! You'll make me blush I've felt pretty fortunate that I've always had jobs where I could do what I would with my hair!

@Nerdator: Hm. Maybe it's a good litmus test then? I'm pretty brazen and do better with similar hussies.

[Guest]

Updated!

[nearly_takuan]

@Autumnflame: Cool. FWIW, I liked your self-summary thing before, too—didn't notice it could read as "negative" until Werel pointed it out—but I like this new one better.

I might end up just letting this thing be a "zombie" anyway, but... eh, might as well see if anything stands out to other folks. [link]

I'm a little annoyed that some of my sentences only managed to say one thing, but also a little worried that I'm already "trying too hard" putting positive spins on things and trying to sneak in hints that I'm not boring.

[Werel]

nearly_takuan: the updated profile and the new main photo are both looking good! New pic is sardonic while still seeming approachable. And I'll say it again, you are super flippin' cute*.

*I apologize if you hate hearing this from me, given our first interaction on the old forums.

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