The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Solvi on Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:29 pm

Enail wrote:One thing that jumps out at me is that your "what I'm doing with my life" section reads like a resume for a job. I'd suggest you cut down on that first paragraph, make it easier for someone to get a quick handle on what you do, and keep the detail simple and focused on showing who you are and what you're like.

Thanks for the feedback, Enail! I've rewritten the first paragraph, and tried to inject a bit more of my personality into it. Hopefully this will help reinvigorate things.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Enail on Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:38 pm

That's a big improvement!
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Passion on Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:34 am

A little nervous posting this, but here goes:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Mels-o-matic

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Prajnaparamita on Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:35 am

Passion wrote:A little nervous posting this, but here goes:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Mels-o-matic

Hey Passion--just a thought, I'd recommend using the black and white photo as your profile pic, your smile in that one is insanely cute, and it shows off your lovely cheekbones! I'd actually maybe even ditch the two other close up pics of your face you have up, or at least only have one of them, they're not nearly as flattering nor as interesting as the one of you on the mountain or the one of you on the stage (both of which do an excellent job of showing personality and character.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by reboot on Sun Nov 27, 2016 11:57 am

Passion, your self summary, in my opinion, needs some tweaking. I would definitely lose the first sentence and the "meeting new people" line. The first tells the reader nothing about you and the second is a trite stating of the obvious (everyone with a dating profile wants to meet new people). The self summary is an awkward section for anyone to write because it feels like bragging. It might help to think of yourself as a friend describing you.

On the Friday night section, do not just say partying because that can be interpreted in many ways. Are you talking drinks with friends at a house party? Ecstasy and dancing until 5 at EDM clubs? Rails of coke in grotty whatever replaced punk club bathrooms? All of these can be covered as "partying" so be more specific since each will appeal to a different type of person.

Lastly, in your "message me" section, delete "I'm not picky". People do not want to feel like a generic "woman shaped space filler".
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Passion on Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:56 pm

I have a hard time describing myself, and I don't have many friends. I feel like an enigma to myself

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by reboot on Sun Nov 27, 2016 5:51 pm

Everyone has a hard time describing themselves. It is inherently awkward. If you cannot picture how a friend would describe you because you have none, imagine how a friendly stranger would describe you
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by WJMorris3 on Mon Nov 28, 2016 10:19 pm

Well, it's been a few years and my online dating profile has managed to merge with the real world.

Apparently, to one of my coworkers, this profile is offensive and the boss says I need to delete it or I'm going to be written up. I'd like to know how they think this is going to stick.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Werel on Mon Nov 28, 2016 11:18 pm

I'm not sure what they could be saying is offensive there. Did your coworker or boss mention what the problem was?
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by WJMorris3 on Mon Nov 28, 2016 11:50 pm

Werel wrote:I'm not sure what they could be saying is offensive there. Did your coworker or boss mention what the problem was?
Apparently I "don't fit traditional values".

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Wondering on Tue Nov 29, 2016 12:00 am

What sort of job do you have that that would even matter?

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by WJMorris3 on Tue Nov 29, 2016 12:04 am

I work at a grocery store. (Honestly I'm trying to figure how on earth what I don't want to do in that regard is even relevant to my job!)

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Dannyboy on Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:33 pm

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/LeftoftheDial24

I would appreciate if someone could give me feedback on my profile.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by nearly_takuan on Fri Dec 23, 2016 6:49 am

It's been a few weeks, but in case you're still wanting feedback, DannyBoy, here's my review. Be warned: thanks to my profession, I've grown accustomed to commenting on a line like "if err != nil {" with a three-paragraph essay. Be further warned: I probably sound kind of harsh. Finally: I'm fairly cautious by nature, and that's somewhat at odds with the whole concept of "putting yourself out there." I mean well. nailbiting panic

Self-Summary
I'm a little iffy on the "endless repository of useless knowledge" line. To me it reads as a humble-brag, with the braggy part being that you're good at trivia and the self-deprecating part being that trivia is lame. I see that as a low-percentage shot. If you are looking for a partner who values trivia, this could be just the right kind of polarizing. If you're looking for more responses in general, it's probably worth trying out some different ways of phrasing that. For example, "repository" is a pretty passive-sounding description, like you wait for knowledge to come to you, or like you feel like you've hoarded a bunch already and now you're just sitting on it. If you instead say you are a collector or seeker of knowledge, that brings the focus into the present (at the cost of possibly sounding a little pretentious, pending further evaluation of phrasing).

Jogging + biking + hiking + scenery is all very manly-sexy and rugged and outdoorsy and if that's you then that description is perfect and should stay exactly as-is. (I mean, obviously rephrase if inspiration strikes and you have a way to make it sound better, but the contents are fine.) If it's not, though.... I'll just say, one of the mistakes I made in my profile (which made my partner hesitate to message me at first, and almost scared her off entirely) was putting too much emphasis on the 'cycling and camping. From her point of view, trying to imagine life as someone who dated and maybe eventually lived with me, this made her think we'd be spending a significant amount of time roughing it. (She enjoys a sedentary lifestyle and that is fine with me; I can still do my physical-activity stuff by myself.) So, again, this is a line you could elide some details from or otherwise rephrase depending on how important it is to you that your hypothetical partner share in these activities. (And again, I might be really wrong, but since OKC has decided to summarize your multiple-choice responses as "less adventurous", I'm guessing majestic mountainside wilderness hikes are more of a casual interest and for-fun two-to-six-times-per-year activity than an all-consuming passion. Alternatively, maybe OKC is using "adventurous" as innuendo and it's just flown over my head because I'm "less adventurous".)

Host some or all of your stories somewhere online (Google Drive, Pastebin, Dropbox, some nerdy forum of some kind, whatever) if you haven't already. Then link to them in your profile. You could use fancy clean-looking HTML links if you want, but they don't always work too well (sometimes they look like plain text even if they're links) on some mobile browsers, so a link that starts with "http" is probably ideal (bit.ly works).

Life
Cpt. Hammer wrote:I hate the homeless

-ness problem that plagues our city

Based on your choice of screen name and overall demeanor, I feel reasonably safe guessing you view yourself as a leftist and would appreciate a leftist partner. (Me, too!) The sentence about "crazy people" is, yet again, a place to choose whether or not it's worth using polarizing verbiage (nouniage?); I think in this case most people will see it's meant in fun, but there is also a notable contingent of hardcore leftists who will get tripped up when they see that, and think you're making fun of the mentally ill by proxy and/or assuming that all customers who cause problems are examples of crazy people.

Favorites
Harry Potter sounds familiar. Who wrote that one, again? (Kidding. Leave it. It's fine.)

Readers will understand that these aren't complete lists, so the "etc." part isn't necessary. "Food: yes." is a snarky option, but is only any good if you can figure out a way to work the steak-and-potatoes details back in.

Photos
Smile more.

Seriously though, see if you can't get a picture where your friends and/or family would say you look happy, and add that to the collection. The current set of four all kind of communicate the same thing, which is "these are the only photos of myself that I have access to". (It's probably true. But this is definitely something worth changing.)

When you've diversified your photo collection a bit, try doing the thing where you get other OKC users to anonymously rate them. Take the least-popular one that you don't yourself particularly care for offline. Beyond that I (again, anecdotally) wouldn't put too much stock in what other users think your "best" face is; the feature is decent for figuring out which photo the general consensus would say looks best, but isn't necessarily indicative of which photo portrays you at your you-est, and I suspect it's often the latter that ends up counting most.

Other
Maybe slightly increase your minimum age range. A post-grad student being interested in dating someone who just got out of high school is not a great look. You can still be willing, but the "looking for" section is for display purposes only and doesn't influence OKC's searching or sorting logic at all, so the only effect it's having is communicating to 24-year-old women that you technically know what "half your age plus seven" equals.

(To be clear, I don't personally think it's necessarily gross, just that there's a higher-than-ideal probability of it looking that way. The important factors are obviously power dynamics and experience differentials; if she's got a job or is otherwise basically as independent as you are, and she's not significantly behind in other... ahem, life-experience categories, then it doesn't seem like it would automatically be a terrible match.)
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by CP96 on Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:53 pm

Does anyone else find that people who don't want children seem to be extremely under-represented in online dating? Or maybe they're accurately represented and there are just far fewer of us in real life than I thought? After applying search filters for "doesn't want children" I got a return of less than ten people on match and less than thirty on OKC. POF had the most at 250 but the overwhelming majority of those were either empty profiles or hadn't logged on in over six months; useful results were about forty or so. So less than a hundred people across three dating sites. Much less in fact since some of those profiles were duplicated across different sites. Apply the usual online dating attrition rate and the end result has been pretty barren.

I'm aware and accepting of the fact that being in my thirties and against having children massively restricts my dating pool. But I thought the whole point of going online was to connect people with similar desires who might not otherwise have met.

Sorry, no real point to this. Just a frustrated rant.
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Dannyboy on Sun Dec 25, 2016 3:40 am

Thanks for the feedback nearly_takuan!

I'm not really all that manly, outdoor sexy, I enjoy walking in parks, biking on city trails in the spring and summer, and hiking occasionally. The problem is, if I tell people that I spend a lot of time playing video games, listening to music and looking up things on Wikipedia, absolutely no one will want to reply to my messages.

I suppose I should raise the age range, even I'm sort of aware that 18 and 19 years olds are a bit too young for me, god I feel old.

As for the smiling thing... the harsh truth is that I have an extremely ugly smile, it never turns out good in photos. I'm also scared of taking more photos because I always end up with a really fat looking face with a double-chin. I have been exercising occasionally, and I need to make a daily habit out of it, but until I have results I'm afraid to take my picture.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Artanis_Neravar on Tue Dec 27, 2016 9:57 pm

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/EngineerinMarvel

If people are just giving out feedback, I'll take some please
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by BasedBuzzed on Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:10 pm

Nuke the pics in which you look bored, put the mic pic and suit posse pic more to the front. You want a pic in which you are smiling to be the first one, but the ones in which you are are perhaps too low-res for that, so consider taking a specific pic for that purpose.

Pokémon needs an accent. An and should be an an in the final sentence of the profile. I like the emphasis on hobbies, spruce it up with a few personality traits that demonstrably stem from those hobbies. "I love GMing because I'm a creative person who enjoys storytelling", or something like that. Some sections may be repepitive to others, though I don't see it. Exactly the right length for content, neither too short nor too long.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by bitboy1993 on Mon Feb 20, 2017 12:27 am

Hi guys I've decided to retry online dating but really want some advice before I start using my profile.

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/bitboy1993
I'm 100% sure how good it is so really any advice would be helpful.
Cheers

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by BasedBuzzed on Mon Feb 20, 2017 10:19 am

Third pic to the front of the line-up. Muh mirror selfie is negated by the overall pleasant smile you have on that pic.

Show your art in action. A link to your best story, or a snap of you working on a project, or reading a work on a stage, etcetera. Same with hobbies, show you doing them.

Right now I see a lot of what you do, but not of what you are. The best remedy is [trait], followed by [hobby/job/skill] which illustrates this, like in the opening line about calling yourself creative and then illustrating it with a creative hobby.

Also spotted a Martel Arts typo, so give it a quick spellcheck. Plus I'd use comma's instead of putting your fav movies/games etc. under each other, it looks a bit better aesthetically.

Typical Friday Night is the usual mix of going out/staying in. Spice it up by updating each week what you did last Friday/Saturday night depending on which is more exciting. Also keeps your profile on the frontpage if you edit it regularly.

Make the Message Me a bit more exciting than "if you like me". Give a date idea or a discussion topic.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Enail on Mon Feb 20, 2017 1:07 pm

Agreed, both the Friday Night bit and the Message Me bit are pretty bland, and those are both places where you could be showing some personality or giving conversational hooks. In general, I don't feel like the writing is giving a good sense of what you're like at all.
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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Wondering on Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:11 pm

You've listed you're looking for women 5 years younger but only 2 years older. Why?

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by bitboy1993 on Wed Feb 22, 2017 12:58 pm

Yeah thanks I did think it was to dull so I'm glad to get the advice. I'm going to spend a few days thinking and re-writing it before I repost. Also I forgot to change the age as I meant to put both at 5.

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by ReploidArmada on Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:19 am

At the risk of using up my last Phoenix Down on this thread, I decided to finally plug some things into my OKCupid profile as well. Hopefully you guys have some helpful advice for me?

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/ReploidArmada

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Re: The Same OLD Stories: Dating Profile/Message Advice

Post by Werel on Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:54 am

Got a chuckle out of Phoenix Down, but then

I'm looking for a beautiful (Cauc)asian woman to explore this beautiful thing called love with Smile
Neutral That's... well, seriously troubling, and it's going to immediately turn off most decent people. Didn't even make it past the first paragraph.

edit: okay, did read on, and this

but I hate tobacco and bigots.
is going to net you a lot of Side-eye with the previous statement.

A few other minor suggestions (but the above is the main thing):

I don't have many favorite movies or shows, since I don't really watch any to begin with. :/
Cut that, no need to talk about what you don't do/like when the section is for what you do like.

Love, romance, and my future - especially my future lover Smile
Way too intense for a dating profile aimed at strangers. Mention romance once if you have to, but put some more diverse stuff in there.
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