Creeping everyone out no matter what I do.

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Post by Enail on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:08 pm

AtlachNacha wrote:
I feel like if I hadn't done something actually wrong they would have explained, or they would have said they needed a break, or they would have said goodbye at least. I did something to them to make them no longer care about me in any way, to make them just want out. I did something awful to deserve that, and I have to find out what so that i don't do it ever again, or i have to find some other soltuion to keep from beignaround poepl so that i dstop hurting them.

I think there are a lot of reasons someone will go straight-out radio silent; some of them are pretty bad, but a lot of the time it's as much awkwardness and difficulty figuring out what to do as anything about the severity of the problem. People don't always talk out their problems in friendships, especially pretty short-term ones. I agree it's a good idea to try and figure out what's been happening, but it doesn't sound like now's a good time to do it, so the best thing you can do for yourself and other people right now is to just take it easy and wait until you're calmer. Then you can work on figuring it out.


Captain awkward thinks men with the problem that started this thred are mysoginists, incapable of seeing women as human beings, that they should just 'get a grip', and that their anxiety is a good thing that keeps them from bothering people unduly. http://captainawkward.com/2013/04/20/476-i-have-anxiety-that-women-will-have-anxiety-about-me-approaching-them/  their advice to practically any man with dating issues, as has been noted elsewhere on the forums, is to seek out art by women so that they become capable of acknowledging women as people, because that's the only possible source of the issues apparently. i sstoped reading logn ago. that you recommend this source to me simpleis that you don't  thinkvery highely  of me.

I recommended Captain Awkward to you because I think she's really good at advice on friendship, establishing boundaries and dealing with anxiety-related interpersonal problems, and because I think a lot of her stuff is very smart and helpful, not because I think your problem relates in any way to not thinking of women as people.  I don't think any of the posts I linked talked heavily about gender (I think most of them were about friendships between two women in fact), but if you mistrust all her advice because of her biases about men or if you're worried there might be stuff slipped in there that touches on it and it will be unhelpful to you because of that, they're probably not useful to you. I'm afraid I don't read a lot of other advice columns, so I can't suggest different advice links that would be more suitable for you, sorry.
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Post by Enail on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:12 pm

AtlachNacha wrote:
EDIT2: and one of the articles you specifically linked says that people who are lonely think that it's walys other'people's fault and that they're a victim and i'm SITTING HER ACKNOWLEDGING FAUlt why didyou

It wasn't my intention to hurt you; I've found her advice about what it's like to be lonely and have problems with social stuff helpful for myself, so I thought you might find it useful too. Sometimes for me, I have hostile or negative mindsets that exacerbate my problems, so advice that talks about ways I might be contributing to problems is often the most helpful for me. I also linked without reading closely, I just figured you'd read the parts that seemed helpful to you and leave the ones that didn't. I'm sorry it wasn't useful - and was hurtful or insulting - to you.
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Post by jcorozza on Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:23 pm

A couple of things. The fact that you're this concerned about offending people and hurting feelings and such means you are probably not a sociopath.

That sucks about your dog - dogs are the best!

As far as the finding a doctor thing - what are you looking for, exactly? If you want, you can PM me with more info/more specifics on where you live and I'll see if I can help with that (though probably not today - got the family (and, of course, my racist uncle) over for the holiday.
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