High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Fri May 13, 2016 12:14 am

This came up on my Pandora...


...which led to a maze of YouTube comments which then led to this reddit post. And while Louie is exaggerating, he's not too far off. On the other hand, though, that reddit post is pretty spot-on to how fella feels (or at least how I feel too) when he's aroused. There's a few minor differences there from myself, but what he talks about in regards to lust and shivering and what not... accurate. Very accurate to how I feel sometimes when I'm around a person I'm attracted to greatly either physically or emotionally (whatever that means, and no, I'm still not 100% sure on a lot of the emotional stuff).

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Werel on Fri May 13, 2016 5:18 pm

Man, you've read all of R. Crumb's oeuvre, right? If you need some more artistic commiseration for having a screaming, slavering id that you can never escape, there's a place to go. Sure, his shit is Problematic for various reasons, but it's also real honest and real true for him (and I think is a great relief to a lot of dudes who worry they are the only ones inundated with nonstop and occasionally disturbing lizardbrain messages).

Also loled at "Jane Fonda on a tank vs. John McCain in the hut." I do usually feel more like a colonial administrator than a tourist in the land of perversion, but not a POW. Laughing
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Fri May 13, 2016 6:06 pm

Werel wrote:Man, you've read all of R. Crumb's oeuvre, right? If you need some more artistic commiseration for having a screaming, slavering id that you can never escape, there's a place to go. Sure, his shit is Problematic for various reasons, but it's also real honest and real true for him (and I think is a great relief to a lot of dudes who worry they are the only ones inundated with nonstop and occasionally disturbing lizardbrain messages).

Also loled at "Jane Fonda on a tank vs. John McCain in the hut." I do usually feel more like a colonial administrator than a tourist in the land of perversion, but not a POW. Laughing

Oooh, no I have not! Time to do some googling. Where would be a good place to start? Shiny/thrilled  And yeah, it's incredibly honest and true albeit probably exaggerated for comedic reasons, but that doesn't make it any less true lol.

And hah colonial administrator. Laughing

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Werel on Sat May 14, 2016 5:22 pm

I'd start with R. Crumb's Sex Obsessions for maximum direct relevance to this thread! Wink
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Sun May 15, 2016 1:16 am

Werel wrote:I'd start with R. Crumb's Sex Obsessions for maximum direct relevance to this thread! Wink

Oooh very cool. Kinda short on cash at the moment so I'll try to look for a used copy somewhere perhaps. Speaking of R. Crumb though, I started watching a documentary called Sex in the Comics where they look at sex in comic books and whatnot. Pretty interesting stuff and R. Crumb started his career basically for what appears to be the same issues I have now when he was in his teens. Laughing

So it's kinda encouraging and inspirational for me to start drawing smut/erotic stuff if only to quell or at least calm my boners. Razz

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Mon May 16, 2016 12:54 pm

Quick thoughts unrelated to dating, but more to do with the current 20-somethings seeing as how I'm a 20-something (I'll probably do more of these this is just one of many) :

Honestly, times have changed and they changed really fuckin' quick. Whether or not for the better remains to be seen, but one of the biggest glaring changes is how accessible a lot of things are. Quick example/context, my brother and his group was assigned for his English class to produce a video, this was his teacher's idea too btw. When he told me it completely blew me away, when I was in 10th grade no teacher ever assigned a group to produce a video. Yet here we are with iPhones that produce full-HD video. Back when I was in 10th grade, we didn't have that shit, we still shot HD-ish video with tape, hell, I shot standard def video in college only 5 years ago! Not only that, but our accessibility to video cameras was highly limited, not everyone had camcorders even at home since they were expensive as fuck in 90's and 00's money. Yet here we are with some of the most advanced phones with camera functions that shoot in HD and are tapeless.

Stanley Kubrick would have gone ape shit if he was still alive today.

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Sat May 21, 2016 4:53 pm

I was reading some threads here which linked to older threads including some of my own. Not my finer moments, of course, but also realized a few silly/stupid things about myself in looking at those threads.

It had been suggested to me many times from others that I meet more people and maybe go to places where more women may frequent than fellas. Or at the least go where people may roam more often and probably in non-nerdy circles just increase that cirlce of people, which is fine. The problem with that though was I did do stuff like that, I had gone to college and I was exposed to other people. I just didn't really like talking to many of them, I've always been a shy awkward kid in most social situations unless the class was collaborative (like my art and audio classes) or I had to take charge of something.

But then another thing popped into my head, I know a lot of other people already too, however adding on more connections to already existing circles and adding auxiliary connections sounds absolutely daunting. I don't get to hangout with my already established connections very often or their circles either, how am I supposed to find time to maintain and curate all the extra connections? Honestly, even if I managed to make even more connections, there's no feasible way for me to maintain all those friendships without leaving me absolutely mentally drained/exhausted. Then with the added conundrum of those people and myself having jobs, finding time to hangout with anyone including established friends is hard. If I meet an attractive woman from an extended/auxiliary circle what are the chances she'll like me (not a fuckin chance, kiddo) and catch me in a good mood, ya know?

Thank god for liquor. All in all that sounds almost too much to manage and deal with but also as a socially capable but fallible introvert that sounds like a torture.

I've come to realize that... as lonely as things get, I don't know if I want to meet new people. I don't know if I want to add that stress. To be frank, a lot of times, I simply don't want to meet new people at all wherever it may be. Yes, it'd be cool to meet more like minded individuals, it'd be cool to meet fellow nerdy digital artists and filmmakers and creatives from all walks of life. But do I really want to meet them? Yes, in small doses. Again, this ties back to the whole maintaining for friendships, circles, auxiliary friends and the endless connections.

What I'm trying to say is... the thought of building new friendships and connections from the ground up is absolutely daunting, particularly with women -- who I already have a hard time expressing any kind of interest to begin with. Laughing  Which then kinda leads me to not wanting to meet anyone anywhere for anything because then I feel like I'm not giving them my true genuine self like I give those around me who know me well.

I know it's stupid and counter-intuitive to ever finding a partner I want but... I think accepting that I don't want to really meet new people makes things not so lonely. It's a conscious decision now that I can live with.

It's not like Big Boss actually needed anyone.

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 03, 2016 7:28 pm

This is gonna sound either kinda fucked up or kinda sad, but I forgot women existed meatspace. Ehhh, let me explain for a moment.

Context: I helped set up the PA system for my old audio professor at my old college, which is cool. But I forgot this is still a college even if it's a community college and young people about my age still go there, including women folk (also my age). Seeing as how I'm not really one to go outside for any reason other than "I need fresh air" from time to time, well, I kinda forget women exist outside of... here and pictures I see on the internet. And of course seeing as this was a semi-formal graduation everybody looked great!



I even saw my therapist/counselor there, I don't think he recognized me as I ran speaker cables...


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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Wed Jun 29, 2016 10:38 am

Oh no, I'm not bitter at all (sarcasm) that you're posting snaps with you and your new boyfriend. I know I should be happy for you and seriously I am glad you found someone new. But obviously it hurts me since I liked you. And yeah, I know you don't have to tell me fuck all, I get it, that's fine; but, that doesn't mean I'm not hurt at all either, because I am. Sad

And now because of some stupid fuck in the mid-west my Finnish friend who I hold very near and dear to me appears to have lessened their presence on skype. Angry No Crying Angry (And just to be clear, I'm mad at stupid fuck, not Finnish Friend)

I seriously feel like I need to cry now.

EDIT: now that I think about it...

I think I'm more upset about potentially losing my best online friend than anything else because of someone else. See this Mid-west fuck thought he was better than Finnish Friend for some reason, or maybe he liked her and him being 'superior' was his way of showing that he had a thing for Finnish Friend. Truth be told, Finnish Friend is a proud Finn and quite an intelligent, silly person with something of an awkward streak in the flesh (according to her). All I know is that mid-west asshole really bugged her because at a moments notice he would be upset with Finnish Friend because she didn't reply to him right away or because she didn't have much to say about some crappy pictures mid-west asshole took. I think yesterday she finally had it and decided to go "invisible" on Skype or go offline for some time, I don't know. I asked if she forgot to go back online how would I reach her, she said she'd be back on Skype like normal after work.

That was when I talked to her last, we were watching True Detective together, 10 hours and over 6000 miles apart, if she's gone... I'll be heartbroken once again. Sad All because of some swinging dick, ladies, I'm sorry we're assholes to you sometimes. I'm so sorry 'negging' was invented. It's just... god-fucking-dammit.


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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Werel on Wed Jun 29, 2016 4:53 pm

That sucks, Mikey; losing online friends can be a lot more painful than people might realize. Sorry you're dealing with that. Sad

Though... I'm not sure you need to be angry at this dude over that. He sounds like an asshole (actually, I think I used to know this guy, or one of his 6,000 equivalents Laughing), and I don't blame her for avoiding him, but couldn't she just block him? Might be that there's other stuff going on with her, or she's just pulling back from online activity in general. Hopefully she'll let you know what's up soon, but the kind thing to do might be to give her some space to handle whatever's going on with her.

(Also, there is really no need to apologize to women as a whole for the individual actions of some jackass you don't know; you're not automatically complicit in his actions because you share a gender. Razz)
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Wed Jun 29, 2016 5:52 pm

Werel wrote:That sucks, Mikey; losing online friends can be a lot more painful than people might realize. Sorry you're dealing with that. Sad

Though... I'm not sure you need to be angry at this dude over that. He sounds like an asshole (actually, I think I used to know this guy, or one of his 6,000 equivalents Laughing), and I don't blame her for avoiding him, but couldn't she just block him? Might be that there's other stuff going on with her, or she's just pulling back from online activity in general. Hopefully she'll let you know what's up soon, but the kind thing to do might be to give her some space to handle whatever's going on with her.

(Also, there is really no need to apologize to women as a whole for the individual actions of some jackass you don't know; you're not automatically complicit in his actions because you share a gender. Razz)

Thanks. It feels a little silly because while we've only played vidya and watch TV shows together I've never actually spoken to her voice to voice (though she did hear me while on DayZ, she teased that my voice was too good for me Razz). Though we've confided a lot of stuff to eachother too, plus I've drawn a little chibi version of her and she put me in her game of Wasteland 2. So yeah, we're buddies. Razz

Yeah, you're right, no use getting upset but I can't help it sometimes. I don't blame her either. And yeah, I suggested blocking too though she said he'd prolly still bug her on the forums we go to.

I totally get pulling back online too. Thankfully I talked to her a few hours ago, seems that fucko's chilled out too which is good.

(You're right, but as a whole, us dudes really need to get our collective heads outta our asses, myself included. Razz)

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 08, 2016 3:27 am

Not sure if I posted this earlier in another thread, but it is an interesting read...
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/on-late-in-life-virginity-loss/284412/

I had found it through this article...
http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-sexual-peer-pressure-can-ruin-sex-forever/

I won't lie to you, I'm kind of scared of what'll happen if I do manage to lose my virginity in the next 6 years. D: Seems that no matter what, I'm kinda screwed in the sex dept. scratch

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Werel on Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:12 pm

If you're gonna cherry-pick generalities from internet articles and apply them to your own life, at least cherry-pick some positives too: Razz

The Atlantic wrote:A University of Texas at Austin study showed that survey respondents who lost their virginities at 20 or older reported having more satisfying romantic relationships than respondents who lost their virginities younger than 20.

And the dude who the article opens with lost his virginity at 28, is now having sex six times a week, and sums up his experience as "I think I had a super-strong first year of sex. I don’t regret any of it. I’m learning a ton and it keeps getting better." Things are not auto-fucked for late-life sexhavers.

Sure, being scared is normal and fine. But keep it in perspective-- you're not even remotely screwed. Any issues that you're going to have with sex almost certainly already exist inside you; they're not going to spring into existence the second you're sexually active. If you want to prepare and be less scared of the unknown, you can start by figuring out what exactly you're scared of and why. If you can pinpoint the things you're most worried about going wrong, figure out why they might happen, and devise some ways to either prevent or deal with them, it's a way more useful investment of your time than just worrying/assuming you're doomed. Wink
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Fri Jul 08, 2016 7:50 pm

Werel wrote:If you're gonna cherry-pick generalities from internet articles and apply them to your own life, at least cherry-pick some positives too: Razz

And the dude who the article opens with lost his virginity at 28, is now having sex six times a week, and sums up his experience as "I think I had a super-strong first year of sex. I don’t regret any of it. I’m learning a ton and it keeps getting better." Things are not auto-fucked for late-life sexhavers.

Sure, being scared is normal and fine. But keep it in perspective-- you're not even remotely screwed. Any issues that you're going to have with sex almost certainly already exist inside you; they're not going to spring into existence the second you're sexually active. If you want to prepare and be less scared of the unknown, you can start by figuring out what exactly you're scared of and why. If you can pinpoint the things you're most worried about going wrong, figure out why they might happen, and devise some ways to either prevent or deal with them, it's a way more useful investment of your time than just worrying/assuming you're doomed. Wink

Of course holding out doesn't mean necessarily mean auto-fucked, but what are the chances something does go bad? Ya know? I already have a bunch of hangups around dating and having been dateless for so long. Razz

And, I can tell you right away what and why I'm worried/scared. I'm worried in particular about disappointing my future partner and not getting them to climax and/or myself being terrible. Why? Because I'm shy about Mini-Mikey maybe not being enough. Or like most guys, I'm scared of not being able to get hard because I've never been with anyone/I'm still a virgin and them also judging me negatively for it. Uh-oh I know I could use my hands and tongue and stimulate other bits my partner asks me to but eventually she's going to want to try intercourse. :l The best I got is to prevent/deal with this crap is listen to her to help her to get off.

I've also read before that holding out on sex usually works out better in the long run for romantic relationships, so it's not all bad, no. Razz

Huuuoh, thanks Werel. Been having episodes of greater loneliness than normal, in case you're wondering I try to take it in stride. Laughing

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:51 pm

This popped up in my news feed sometime ago: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-online-dating-will-never-lead-to-love/

What do you guys think? Also, point #1 in the article is rather interesting albeit sorta baffling to me. I know people "date" online and start relationships that way... but how? How is that possible if they've never met in the flesh? How do they know if when they do meet they'll actually "click", so to speak? And why would in some instances people drop everything to move in with the other person? How do they know they're even real? Am I being narrow minded here? Or am I being my typical idiot-self?

I dunno, it's stuff I've thought about for a long time since I met aforementioned Finnish Friend on another forum about three or four years ago.

Also, minor note here, I've been thinking of deleting my profile here and I was supplied with Forumotion's Unsubscribe link. Is that the same here as disabling my profile or nah?

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Enail on Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:08 pm

No particular thoughts on OLD, but I believe the Unsubscribe link will delete your profile entirely.
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Wondering on Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:54 pm

The Mikey wrote:Also, point #1 in the article is rather interesting albeit sorta baffling to me. I know people "date" online and start relationships that way... but how?
By dating online, do you mean a long distance relationship? I can't speak for all people who have been in them, but here's one way it can start, as the article describes: You're on a platform (forum, social medium, BBS, MMO, what have you) where people automatically have similar interests because you wouldn't be there if you didn't. So you talk and keep talking and build a bond through your conversations and common interests and possible witty turns of phrase. You branch out to other topics and continue from there. As the article says, because it's the internet and anonymous, you can post your deeper thoughts and feelings more freely, either in a blog style that people who like what you have to say will read or in the conversations you're having with like-minded people. You get to feel people understand you because they've read your thoughts and feelings. You feel connected. If you form a close enough bond and it's with someone of your preferred gender, you may start discussing romantic topics. And it moves on from there.

The Mikey wrote:How is that possible if they've never met in the flesh?
Emotional bonding as described above.

The Mikey wrote:How do they know if when they do meet they'll actually "click", so to speak?
They don't. And those people who don't click don't end up in the statistics of marriages that started online.

The Mikey wrote:And why would in some instances people drop everything to move in with the other person?
I don't know. And I don't see that described in the article. That's not my cup of tea. BUT this is not behavior exclusive to online relationships. I've watched enough People's Court episodes to know that quite a few people will drop everything and move in with the other person withinin a short period of time and without vetting them in real life, too.

The Mikey wrote:How do they know they're even real?
Ultimately, you don't until you meet them.


The Mikey wrote:Am I being narrow minded here? Or am I being my typical idiot-self?
I think you're taking this to a level the article doesn't. Point #1 in the article only talks about how marriages that start online includes all of online, not just dating sites, and that means it includes places like forums, social media, BBSes, MMOs, and the like. And all it means is that the relationship started online. Not that they were dating online or deciding to move in together before they met. Case in point, my relationship with my husband started online. We knew each other on particular nerd-interest forum for three years before we met. He knew most of the things about me that were often dealbreakers for other guys before we met. I knew he didn't hit most of my dealbreakers before we met. We met in real life for a forum-related event. I had been angling to find a way to meet him for a year or more to see if I liked him as much in real life as online. And then after we met in real life, we started dating. Nevertheless, we count in the statistic of people whose relationships started online. Because that is how we met each other. (And, as I mentioned on the blog once upon a while ago when the topic came up, I had a Murder Plan when I went to meet him in real life for the first time.)

There was also a guy I knew online in college that I had feelings for. He was in another country. I visited that country both for sight-seeing and to meet him one summer. We didn't click. It didn't move forward from there.


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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by eselle28 on Tue Jul 19, 2016 10:41 pm

Also, point #1 in the article is rather interesting albeit sorta baffling to me. I know people "date" online and start relationships that way... but how?

Most people using online dating move from talking on a site to meeting in person within a few days to a few weeks. It's a way to be introduced to people. It's not necessarily the only or the main way the relationship is built. That being said, in other cases (especially ones where people don't meet on dating sites), people move off wherever they met and on to Facebook or Twitter or text or Skype. They exchange pictures and have long conversations and maybe even video chat.

It's a way to build an emotional relationship with someone. It's not even a particularly new one. If you read social history from the era before free long distance calls (so the Jazz Age right up to my childhood years) you'll run into a reasonable number of couples where a woman started writing a soldier who was a stranger or a slight acquaintance and the couple ended up marrying. Further back, in the eras when most transportation was by carriage, you'll find people who considered themselves to be in love or to be the closest of friends who only met each other a few times their entire lives and mostly interacted by writing letters. That's not to say I'd recommend that as the best way to get to know someone, but it's clearly something humans have the capacity for.

How is that possible if they've never met in the flesh? How do they know if when they do meet they'll actually "click", so to speak?

Bluntly, they don't. All kinds of things can go wrong in person, from a lack of physical attraction to habits and behavior that don't come across in a distance and only are apparent in person. Then again, society is pretty tolerant of people who develop crushes on folks who they've met in person but don't know particularly well. It's wise for someone infatuated with a classmate they've never actually spoken to or fascinated with the barista at their favorite coffee place to get to know the person before considering themselves in love, but I don't think those people should be shamed for feeling those feelings or told their attraction isn't real. The same goes for the more intellectual and emotional attraction that can happen when people know each other through conversation but haven't interacted in person.

And why would in some instances people drop everything to move in with the other person?

Because they're foolish and acting hastily. Or, occasionally, because there's some other motivating factor that makes even an impulsive move seem appealing - they live with abusive people, or in an unstable situation where they worry about homelessness, or they're just bored as hell with their own lives and are looking for an excuse for change. The same goes for the half dozen people I know who have, at some point in their lives, moved in with someone they met at a bar or a party after a couple weeks of dating. Nothing internet-specific about that.

How do they know they're even real?

For sure? They don't. You can vet someone a bit and verify that someone of their name exists, works for the place they say they do, and so on. You can also keep your eyes and ears open to odd discrepancies between what they tell you about themselves and things they say in more spontaneous statements. But, no, you can't completely trust someone unless you know them very well. As with most of the rest of my comments, that isn't necessarily restricted to people you meet on the internet. People you meet in person presumably look they way they look, but physics knows there are all sort of other important things people lie about.
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by reboot on Wed Jul 20, 2016 8:33 am

Also, remember that there are cultures where meeting in person is a no go. If this was a global article, many observant Muslim and a solid number or Hindus and Sikhs with an internet connection would have met online and very well might have been married after only meeting, supervised by family, once or twice. In certain places, it is the norm, not the exception
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 20, 2016 11:38 am

Wondering wrote:
By dating online, do you mean a long distance relationship? I can't speak for all people who have been in them, but here's one way it can start, as the article describes: You're on a platform (forum, social medium, BBS, MMO, what have you) where people automatically have similar interests because you wouldn't be there if you didn't. So you talk and keep talking and build a bond through your conversations and common interests and possible witty turns of phrase. You branch out to other topics and continue from there. As the article says, because it's the internet and anonymous, you can post your deeper thoughts and feelings more freely, either in a blog style that people who like what you have to say will read or in the conversations you're having with like-minded people. You get to feel people understand you because they've read your thoughts and feelings. You feel connected. If you form a close enough bond and it's with someone of your preferred gender, you may start discussing romantic topics. And it moves on from there.

For simplicity's sake, yeah, LDRs. (Also for context's sake, a good number of the friends -- of both genders -- I've made online all mostly live 500+ miles away from me. Except for two dudes who live 50+ miles north and east of me.)

And what you describe sounds a lot like forming real friendships, except online versus in flesh, correct? Only big difference here is all our feelings and whatnot are easier to put out there online than in meatspace. That's pretty funny ain't it? Razz I've been on multiple platforms over many years and seriously only made a few connections as deep as the ones you described with only a few people.

Wondering wrote:
They don't. And those people who don't click don't end up in the statistics of marriages that started online.

Gotcha, that's more or less what I guessed. What really got to me though was reading a lot of success stories on places like Imgur where some users there met and later got married.

Wondering wrote:
I don't know. And I don't see that described in the article. That's not my cup of tea. BUT this is not behavior exclusive to online relationships. I've watched enough People's Court episodes to know that quite a few people will drop everything and move in with the other person withinin a short period of time and without vetting them in real life, too.

It's not in the article. Razz But that's just a question (of many) that swirls in my brain pretty often. Every now and again I will read of people who met online, met in the flesh, then get married and move in to whatever country/city their new spouse is in in a short timespan. Isn't that pretty much akin to gambling? Not that it is... but that's still quite the risk. And all righty, that makes sense, good ole People's Court dishing out wisdom/cautionary tales. Laughing

Wondering wrote:
I think you're taking this to a level the article doesn't. Point #1 in the article only talks about how marriages that start online includes all of online, not just dating sites, and that means it includes places like forums, social media, BBSes, MMOs, and the like. And all it means is that the relationship started online. Not that they were dating online or deciding to move in together before they met.

See that's the thing that was usually lost on me for a long time. There would be stories of WoW or Halo players that met online playing and then get married and whatnot. So this clears it up a lot better. Thanks. Razz Which leads to another thing that's puzzling, distance.

Wondering wrote:
Case in point, my relationship with my husband started online. We knew each other on particular nerd-interest forum for three years before we met. He knew I was feminist, Catholic, diabetic, and a nerd before we met. I knew he was pro-feminist, not anti-religion, funny, smart, and a nerd before we met. We met in real life for a forum-related event. I had been angling to find a way to meet him for a year or more to see if I liked him as much in real life as online. And then after we met in real life, we started dating. Nevertheless, we count in the statistic of people whose relationships started online. Because that is how we met each other. (And, as I mentioned on the blog once upon a while ago when the topic came up, I had a Murder Plan when I went to meet him in real life for the first time.)

Heh, aww that's pretty awesome. You guys must have had a large enough community in proximity to each other to hold such an event. And heres my other question is how far did you and your husband live from each other in order to date? Or was this an LDR as well, or until life allowed you guys to be physically closer? I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions! You don't have to answer any of them, it's just that online meeting to dating in meatspace is one of those fascinating things to me. Razz

Wondering wrote:
There was also a guy I knew online in college that I had feelings for. He was in another country. I visited that country both for sight-seeing and to meet him one summer. We didn't click. It didn't move forward from there.

Ahh yes, makes a lot sense. Sorry it didn't work out for you way back then! :c

eselle28 wrote:
Most people using online dating move from talking on a site to meeting in person within a few days to a few weeks. It's a way to be introduced to people. It's not necessarily the only or the main way the relationship is built. That being said, in other cases (especially ones where people don't meet on dating sites), people move off wherever they met and on to Facebook or Twitter or text or Skype. They exchange pictures and have long conversations and maybe even video chat.

Aha, okay that seems reasonable. Also, what you're describing in regards to other cases is pretty much what I've done with previously mentioned Finnish Friend. Laughing As in, we went from the forum we met on to Skype and Facebook to watching TV shows together over Skype.

eselle28 wrote:
It's a way to build an emotional relationship with someone. It's not even a particularly new one. If you read social history from the era before free long distance calls (so the Jazz Age right up to my childhood years) you'll run into a reasonable number of couples where a woman started writing a soldier who was a stranger or a slight acquaintance and the couple ended up marrying. Further back, in the eras when most transportation was by carriage, you'll find people who considered themselves to be in love or to be the closest of friends who only met each other a few times their entire lives and mostly interacted by writing letters. That's not to say I'd recommend that as the best way to get to know someone, but it's clearly something humans have the capacity for.

Ooh I see. So it's not entirely unheard of to get married with relative strangers. Well, maybe not strangers but people who've known eachother for short periods of time. Razz That I think is even crazier to me, getting smitten via snail mail. :0

eselle28 wrote:
Bluntly, they don't. All kinds of things can go wrong in person, from a lack of physical attraction to habits and behavior that don't come across in a distance and only are apparent in person. Then again, society is pretty tolerant of people who develop crushes on folks who they've met in person but don't know particularly well. It's wise for someone infatuated with a classmate they've never actually spoken to or fascinated with the barista at their favorite coffee place to get to know the person before considering themselves in love, but I don't think those people should be shamed for feeling those feelings or told their attraction isn't real. The same goes for the more intellectual and emotional attraction that can happen when people know each other through conversation but haven't interacted in person.

It does sound pretty crappy if two people who connected online don't work in person. Sad But hey, at least those two folks can still be buddies granted they aren't butts to eachother because they didn't click. But yeah, I get what you're saying, you really just don't know until you actually meet up and go on that date.

eselle28 wrote:
Because they're foolish and acting hastily. Or, occasionally, because there's some other motivating factor that makes even an impulsive move seem appealing - they live with abusive people, or in an unstable situation where they worry about homelessness, or they're just bored as hell with their own lives and are looking for an excuse for change. The same goes for the half dozen people I know who have, at some point in their lives, moved in with someone they met at a bar or a party after a couple weeks of dating. Nothing internet-specific about that.

Ahh makes sense. It's not exclusive to just folks from the interwebzz. Hell, judging by the reasons you put down I should drop everything and go to Finland. Razz

eselle28 wrote:
For sure? They don't. You can vet someone a bit and verify that someone of their name exists, works for the place they say they do, and so on. You can also keep your eyes and ears open to odd discrepancies between what they tell you about themselves and things they say in more spontaneous statements. But, no, you can't completely trust someone unless you know them very well. As with most of the rest of my comments, that isn't necessarily restricted to people you meet on the internet. People you meet in person presumably look they way they look, but physics knows there are all sort of other important things people lie about.

In other words, liars gonna lie and there's no way around that. That's understandable, I personally don't like it, but it happens, not much we can do about it. But you definitely are right about one thing and that's the other person being consistent about the thing they've talked about and paying attention. Pretty good stuff. Shiny/thrilled

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 20, 2016 11:47 am

reboot wrote:Also, remember that there are cultures where meeting in person is a no go. If this was a global article, many observant Muslim and a solid number or Hindus and Sikhs with an internet connection would have met online and very well might have been married after only meeting, supervised by family, once or twice. In certain places, it is the norm, not the exception

Reboot! Glad to see you're doing well despite recent events. :3 -hugs-

Really now?! That's incredibly fascinating, I never heard of that until now. If meeting in person for these folks is unacceptable how were they supposed to meet before the internet or without an Internet connection? Regular old snail mail as well?

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by reboot on Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:31 pm

The Mikey wrote:
reboot wrote:Also, remember that there are cultures where meeting in person is a no go. If this was a global article, many observant Muslim and a solid number or Hindus and Sikhs with an internet connection would have met online and very well might have been married after only meeting, supervised by family, once or twice. In certain places, it is the norm, not the exception

Reboot! Glad to see you're doing well despite recent events. :3 -hugs-

Really now?! That's incredibly fascinating, I never heard of that until now. If meeting in person for these folks is unacceptable how were they supposed to meet before the internet or without an Internet connection? Regular old snail mail as well?

Thanks, it has certainly been interesting times.

In the recent past people from middle and upper classes met through snail mail matrimony sites (remember dating isn't a thing in these places), in school if the woman was from a family that believed in education for women and it was not a single gender school, through friends (although not face to face - more passing notes), and, most common of all, through parents who would arrange the marriage and then sometimes let the couple meet under supervision, talk on the phone or write. With more restrictive families, you generally meet in person during the wedding.

In villages everyone knows each other by sight, and usually knew each other as kids, so although you cannot interact after puberty, you are not complete strangers. Sometimes marriages are arranged outside the village, so it can be sight unseen until the wedding day.
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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Wondering on Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:54 pm

And heres my other question is how far did you and your husband live from each other in order to date? Or was this an LDR as well, or until life allowed you guys to be physically closer?

We lived 35-40 miles apart. We didn't live together until we got married, but I spent every weekend/holiday/vacation at his place after we'd been dating a while.


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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 20, 2016 11:41 pm

reboot wrote:

Thanks, it has certainly been interesting times.

In the recent past people from middle and upper classes met through snail mail matrimony sites (remember dating isn't a thing in these places), in school if the woman was from a family that believed in education for women and it was not a single gender school, through friends (although not face to face - more passing notes), and, most common of all, through parents who would arrange the marriage and then sometimes let the couple meet under supervision, talk on the phone or write. With more restrictive families, you generally meet in person during the wedding.

In villages everyone knows each other by sight, and usually knew each other as kids, so although you cannot interact after puberty, you are not complete strangers. Sometimes marriages are arranged outside the village, so it can be sight unseen until the wedding day.

Ahh okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me, I knew that arranged marriages existed (I learned that from the Simpsons of all places when I was a kid) but I was never 100% how it worked full what with the caste system and everything. But it sounds to me like people marry within their respective classes through many of the same ways we do in the west albeit maybe a little more restrictive.

But I couldn't imagine meeting my future wife the day I get married, that's the hardest part to fathom. You've barely talked to this person a total of maybe 5 minutes and then you're getting married. Though if you're marrying within your local little village, that's not as bad is it?

Wondering wrote:
We lived 35-40 miles apart. We didn't live together until we got married, but I spent every weekend/holiday/vacation at his place after we'd been dating a while.

35 to 40!? That's it?! Wow, you guys lived pretty darn close. That's really not too crazy of a drive, that's like a drive up the coast for me. Razz Seriously, what are the chances you two found eachother on that forum and you guys just so happened to live pretty darn close to?

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Re: High Libido, Low Drag [vent/disc]

Post by reboot on Wed Jul 20, 2016 11:53 pm

Mikey, I don't know if you are a reader, but you might enjoy Girls of Riyadh. It is a story of love and marriage modern Saudi style. It might answer some of your questions about how people fall in love online and how you can marry someone you never met
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