I feel straight most of the time, but every once in awhile I feel bisexual?

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I feel straight most of the time, but every once in awhile I feel bisexual? Empty I feel straight most of the time, but every once in awhile I feel bisexual?

Post by The Wisp on Wed Feb 25, 2015 6:22 pm

So, I think I just want to process this a little by writing it down and getting your perspectives/similar experiences about something like this.

For most of my life I've felt very straight. I am very attracted to women. I would say I find a majority of women I see who aren't old enough to be my mother nor young enough to be in high school physically attractive. On the other hand, I never really thought of men in a sexual way. So for most of my life I've considered myself 100% straight, but now I'm not so sure.

I've had a few short periods recently where I found guys hot. The first time this happened was about 13 months ago, where I suddenly started seeing some men as attractive. But after about a week, just when I started to think I might be bisexual, this attraction vanished and I went back to only being attracted to women.

So I was a bit confused, but ultimately I just metaphorically shrugged and went on with my life.

But now, just a few days ago, I'm feeling this attraction to men again out of nowhere, and I'm confused. It definitely isn't as strong as my attraction to women, I only find a minority of men physically attractive, and I generally am only seeing men as attractive when I purposely think of men in a sexual way (whereas with women they radiate attractiveness that I can't ignore). So it is there, but it feels more picky and more fickle than finding women attractive.

Additionally, while I'm mildly crushing on a few women in my classes, I'm not crushing on a any guys.

[TMI]I'm also fantasizing about sex with men and watching a bit of porn with only men in it the last few days. But while arousing, I have to switch to fantasies/porn with women in then to be able to get off[/TMI].

Finally, I've been thinking back to a friend I had in middle school. He was somebody who I always found it very invigorating to be around. I never thought of him in a sexual way, but I wonder if there wasn't infatuation there. Or, it could be that that is what a healthy friendship is like -- my friendship with him was the only unambiguously healthy one I've had -- and that rush was purely platonic.

So anyway, yeah. I know sexuality is fluid and so on. I'm still feeling a bit confused. This confusion isn't tearing me up or giving me a crisis of confidence in myself or whatever, it's just weird and confusing.


Last edited by The Wisp on Wed Feb 25, 2015 7:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Post by kleenestar on Wed Feb 25, 2015 6:44 pm

I'm listening! This seems both normal and confusing, if that makes sense. Fluid sexuality and so on, as you say, but I can see why it would be weird for you.
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Post by Prajnaparamita on Wed Feb 25, 2015 7:13 pm

Hey Wisp--I'm honored that you're willing to open up and share this. I'm not sure what help I can provide because you seem to understand that sexuality is a spectrum and sometimes kinda fluid (even though I can imagine that it would be confusing to realize that for yourself.) I don't know if going "this is totally normal!" would be of any help, but I figured I might as well put it out there anyway.

Here's Charles Blow talking about his reckoning with his sexuality and occasional attraction to men, which I found really interesting:

"In me, the attraction to men would never be equal to the attraction to women — for men, it was often closer to the pinch — but it would always be in flux. Whenever someone got up the gumption to ask me outright, “What are you?” I’d reply with something coy: “Complicated.”"

Also, gauging what you're into from watching porn is not always so straightforward (or for me at least it isn't) so I think maybe you shouldn't worry too much about what porn you're watching and how.

Seconding kleenestar, I'll try to listen and attempt what support I can offer.

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Wed Feb 25, 2015 8:34 pm

I've had moments where attraction to bros struck(momentarily fleeting), and since kissing is fun I do it pretty much unisex. These moments can be enjoyed without pondering it too hard, but you can deal with it in any way you want.

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Post by Jayce on Wed Feb 25, 2015 9:01 pm

Yeah sexuality can often be on different levels, I'm not attracted to guys, but I check guys out all the time. I can always spot guys that I find good looking, though I never feel aroused about it.

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Post by The Wisp on Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:28 am

Thanks everybody!

And Prajna, that Charles Blow article rings true for me. I can easily imagine myself enjoying male attraction and flirting but losing my attraction once I saw a man naked and sex was imminent, for instance. And the way he talked about the attraction to men not being secure also rang true. I would say it's probably even less secure for me than him, though, but otherwise it was spot on.
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Post by LadyLuck on Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:04 am

A couple of friends of mine who have identified themselves as bisexual have both said they have shifted around on the spectrum over time. So with that said, this doesn't seem that abnormal (despite what society might say). Also I think there are some internet communities for asexuals that happen to also include lots of literature on various levels of sexuality; might not hurt to give it a look Wink

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Post by PintsizeBro on Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:23 pm

It's a common stereotype that female sexuality is fluid but male sexuality is set in stone. Like all attempts to paint complex human feelings and behavior with broad strokes, it's bullshit.

I've always liked women, but started also being attracted to men in my late teens/early 20's. Labels can be helpful, but if one doesn't quite fit, you shouldn't feel pressured to try and fit that label. I'm at the point now that I can say, "Well, I've really sucked too many dicks to call myself straight anymore," and laugh about it. But that took me years. Whatever your relationship with your own sexuality and your attraction (or lack thereof) to men ends up being, it doesn't have to happen overnight.

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Post by Prajnaparamita on Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:53 pm

The Wisp wrote:

And Prajna, that Charles Blow article rings true for me.

Great, I'm really glad you were able to find it helpful!

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