How much time should I spend in order to build rapport?

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How much time should I spend in order to build rapport? Empty How much time should I spend in order to build rapport?

Post by Jayce on Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:37 pm

So I recently met a woman that I'm interested in, we're in the same uni class, we go to the same dance studio, we live quite close to each other, we catch the same train and have similar morning schedules so I could probabły bump into her three days a week on the morning train. On mondays we could even ride the same train together in the afternoon. She suggested we could take the train together in the morning and we're going to the same dance class. We're also in a uni class together. So how much is too much? I don't want to overwhelm her with my presence.


But at the same time I still want to build positive rapport with her, so spending a bit more time with her should achieve that. Maybe since we're already seeing each other for a bit, maybe I should catch an earlier or later train? Should I also be inviting her to social events? Or would that be simply too much?

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Post by Caffeinated on Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:56 pm

Jayce wrote:So I recently met a woman that I'm interested in, we're in the same uni class, we go to the same dance studio, we live quite close to each other, we catch the same train and have similar morning schedules so I could probabły bump into her three days a week on the morning train. On mondays we could even ride the same train together in the afternoon. She suggested we could take the train together  in the morning and we're going to the same dance class. We're also in a uni class together. So how much is too much? I don't want to overwhelm her with my presence.


But at the same time I still want to build positive rapport with her, so spending a bit more time with her should achieve that. Maybe since we're already seeing each other for a bit, maybe I should catch an earlier or later train? Should I also be inviting her to social events? Or would that be simply too much?

She suggested you could take the train together? That's a good thing. I'd say spend as much time as comes naturally in your schedules.
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Post by readertorider on Sat Mar 14, 2015 11:09 am

If you want to spend more time together (and it sounds like if she's mentioning riding the train together she wouldn't mind spending some more time with you) then I'd say go for it. I wouldn't worry too much about artificially adjusting your schedule so you'd see her less.

How much is too much is very person dependent. My advice would be to invite her to things you'd like to do with her (if you want), go places with her if she invites you (again, if you want to), and do not show up at places where you know she'll be but she didn't explicitly invite you to (i.e. if she mentioned that she and some friends will be doing Y at X, and if she doesn't invite you along after you show interest in Y or X, then don't go to X just to see her/meet her friends/whatever). Some people like to be alone, some people dislike it--hopefully once you get to know eachother better you'll have your answers about what she (and you) prefer.
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Post by Jayce on Sun Mar 15, 2015 4:37 am

readertorider wrote:
do not show up at places where you know she'll be but she didn't explicitly invite you to (i.e. if she mentioned that she and some friends will be doing Y at X, and if she doesn't invite you along after you show interest in Y or X, then don't go to X just to see her/meet her friends/whatever).

Good reminder, its quite creepy to show up uninvited. I've heard stories of those situations and it always becomes annoying but the other person is not brave enough to tell them to go away.

Caffeinated wrote:I'd say spend as much time as comes naturally in your schedules.

I think naturally, is a good idea, I'll roll with that. I was just scared that spending more time with someone, before you ask them out, is generally a bad thing. Maybe it's because I've heard a lot about people using the hovering strategy (which is just the thing that Nice Guys do, hang around someone for a long time hoping that they'll eventually wear down and like you). But I'm doing it genuinely so it should be ok.

I guess I asked this question because for 99% of the women I'm interested in and have met, I'm used to spending a lot less time around them. This situation is just a bit different because our schedules happen to match up quite well, and there are more multiple overlaps.

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Post by reboot on Sun Mar 15, 2015 11:43 am

In this case, though, you are not hovering. By invitation, you are being asked to travel with her to places you were already both going. Use that time to get to know her better and ask her out once you get from "person I see around" to "acquaintances"
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Post by Jayce on Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:35 pm

Not a related question but this is still about the same girl. I'm an awkward morning talker, the first conversation I have during the day always feels a bit off, its like  I'm not switched on for it. Its wierd though, after the first conversation I get eased into talking to people and everything just feels that it flows smoothly. Is this just something I'm going to have to deal with or is it fixable? The first conversation we had on the morning train today, I was in awkward shy mode.

The best way I can describe it is this, in the morning I have no talking energy but as I talk more and more I recieve more energy until I'm fully charged up and good to go for the rest of the day.

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