OK I might actually have a date please fucking help me.

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Post by Guest on Wed Mar 18, 2015 12:42 am

Hi there forum, guess who?

So anyway, my "not being able to read body language" shit is hitting me hard, because there's a girl I like (yeah yeah, I know what happened last time we had this talk), and once again, I can't fucking tell if she likes me like that or not. We've never had this talk.

Now, we're meeting in a couple weeks to get coffee. Our text conversations haven't really been flirty, but they certainly seem to be at least "I enjoy talking to you."

You know how I get, forum. I meet some girl (she's got blue hair, total Ramona Flowers type), I go gaga over her, bad things happen.

I mean, what do I do, admit during the coffee meeting that I'm attracted to her? You'd think years of absorbing advice would help, but alas it never does.

She's cute, I don't want another fuckup, for the love of Christ, help me. I'll convert to Christianity if shit works out.

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Post by The Wisp on Wed Mar 18, 2015 12:54 am

The most important thing is to relax when you meet her. There's nothing wrong with finding her attractive, and whether or not she reciprocates it treat it as an opportunity to get to know an interesting person! Just talk to her like you would talk to anybody you are friendly with, and then you can admit you find her attractive at some point. That is no big deal, and she'll either reciprocate or she won't. Either way she likes you enough to hang out one-on-one!

I know you don't read DNL anymore, but if you want guidance on reading signals, check here.

I would recommend drinking decaf coffee, by the way, to reduce anxiety.
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Post by Guest on Wed Mar 18, 2015 4:36 am

You're meeting in a couple of weeks to get coffee? All right, that's a good start, keeping it casual & shit. But I do have a question for you, did you explicitly ask her out on a date? As in, did you actually use the word "date"?

In any event, remember to breathe, be cool/calm and be kind. My biggest thing is to be direct and honest with girls, I don't like to beat around the bush. Then again, I think asking for a date is pretty indicative of me being attracted to someone. So, that's my advice to you, be honest about your feelings with her but in a respectful way. It's late in California right now so I can't think of anything to say, sorry, bro. Razz

But I repeat, be cool, kind, honest and direct. Best of luck to ye.

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Wed Mar 18, 2015 5:56 am

Don't treat it as a referendum of your worth as a human being, have some fallback topics in case you don't know what to say and the Power of Self-Respect beats the Power Of Love any day.

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Post by gaboz on Wed Mar 18, 2015 7:19 am

DUDE! you should check yourself, Glides. You have gotten a couples of dates in a few months. I call that at least progress. Just enjoy the present and moment, dont go into speculative future thinking and like WIsp and Mickey said: be relax and cool.


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Post by Gman on Wed Mar 18, 2015 8:48 am

The Wisp wrote:The most important thing is to relax when you meet her. There's nothing wrong with finding her attractive, and whether or not she reciprocates it treat it as an opportunity to get to know an interesting person! Just talk to her like you would talk to anybody you are friendly with, and then you can admit you find her attractive at some point. That is no big deal, and she'll either reciprocate or she won't. Either way she likes you enough to hang out one-on-one!

I know you don't read DNL anymore, but if you want guidance on reading signals, check here.

I would recommend drinking decaf coffee, by the way, to reduce anxiety.

The Wisp Summed it up really nicely. You are just meeting someone you like - it's ok to like someone, let me repeat that - IT'S OK TO LIKE SOMEONE. But that doesn't mean you need treat her any differently than you do with most people. Just try and talk to her like you do with most of the people who are your friends and you like them and enjoy being around them.
By the way - I think I have recently found a way to deal with awkward situations - maybe it could help you too. Just laugh about it. I'm serious - take an awkward situation you have had in the past and just try to think about how funny in retrospect it is. I just did it with a REALLY awkward approach that I just had and it works wonders for me - it reminds me that it's no biggie and that in the end, it's kind of funny too Laughing
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Post by Guest on Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:04 am

The Mikey wrote:You're meeting in a couple of weeks to get coffee? All right, that's a good start, keeping it casual & shit. But I do have a question for you, did you explicitly ask her out on a date? As in, did you actually use the word "date"?

Nope, once again I got way too chicken to phrase it like that. I said "meeting up for coffee."

So in conclusion, no she doesn't like me, false alarm.

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Post by gaboz on Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:44 am

Glides wrote:Nope, once again I got way too chicken to phrase it like that. I said "meeting up for coffee."

So in conclusion, no she doesn't like me, false alarm.

Nope. Jerkbrain reacting. Date or no date, it's interaction without pressure. And the fact she said ok, should be enough to ensure that you, Glides, are at least a man that is interseting enough to go have a coffee and a nice chat.

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Post by Enail on Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:45 am

Seconding Gaboz. You know she likes you enough to want to spend some time with you. You don't know if she likes you romantically - but you also don't know she doesn't. Don't leap too far into conclusions in either direction.

Also seconding everyone else. Have fun, keep it low-pressure, and if it seems like you're both having a good time, you can ask her if she'd like to make it a date date next time. If she says no, it's not a sign that you are an undesirable human being, it doesn't mean that no one will ever like you. If she says yes, it's not a sign that all your romantic troubles are over or that she 100% definitely wants to have sex or get married and have twenty kids with you. Take it casually either way, a no with "okay, well, I had to ask" and continue being friends if you want to, a yes with the intention to just go and have a fun time without expectations. It is normal and common to ask someone out and have them say no, it is normal and common to have a first date that doesn't go anywhere.
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Post by Guest on Wed Mar 18, 2015 12:11 pm

Glides wrote:
Nope, once again I got way too chicken to phrase it like that. I said "meeting up for coffee."

So in conclusion, no she doesn't like me, false alarm.

No no no, slow down, Jethro. Razz

Gaboz and enail hit the nail on the head rather well. A bit of advice I was given was: when you're about to finish your meetup, ask her out on an actual date. Be forward about your feels, but don't word vomit, something simple like "Oh, btw, I know this is a little always, but how'd you like to go on a date sometime?" I dunno, be creative. Razz

Maybe others can build on top of what I said or got something better. Smile

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Post by reboot on Wed Mar 18, 2015 3:28 pm

The Mikey wrote:
Glides wrote:
Nope, once again I got way too chicken to phrase it like that. I said "meeting up for coffee."

So in conclusion, no she doesn't like me, false alarm.

No no no, slow down, Jethro. Razz

Gaboz and enail hit the nail on the head rather well. A bit of advice I was given was: when you're about to finish your meetup, ask her out on an actual date. Be forward about your feels, but don't word vomit, something simple like "Oh, btw, I know this is a little always, but how'd you like to go on a date sometime?" I dunno, be creative. Razz

Maybe others can build on top of what I said or got something better. Smile

All of this assuming you like her company after this meet up to want a date. Remember, this is a two way street, so if you feel less of a connection or less interest you have no obligation to ask her on a date or to try to take anything further. You should also be weighing her compatibility with you as much as she is weighing yours with her.
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Post by Guest on Wed Mar 18, 2015 7:05 pm

reboot wrote:

All of this assuming you like her company after this meet up to want a date. Remember, this is a two way street, so if you feel less of a connection or less interest you have no obligation to ask her on a date or to try to take anything further. You should also be weighing her compatibility with you as much as she is weighing yours with her.

All things considered, this as well. Razz

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Post by Suika on Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:09 pm

reboot wrote:You should also be weighing her compatibility with you as much as she is weighing yours with her.

Ideally.

I'm pretty sure that the value of that date will be greater for him than for her though, which makes it harder to stay levelheaded.
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Post by Enail on Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:22 pm

Suika wrote:
reboot wrote:You should also be weighing her compatibility with you as much as she is weighing yours with her.

Ideally.

I'm pretty sure that the value of that date will be greater for him than for her though, which makes it harder to stay levelheaded.

I think it's generally a pretty bad idea to make assumptions about how much people you don't know anything about may care about things.
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Post by Suika on Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:45 pm

Enail wrote:
Suika wrote:
reboot wrote:You should also be weighing her compatibility with you as much as she is weighing yours with her.

Ideally.

I'm pretty sure that the value of that date will be greater for him than for her though, which makes it harder to stay levelheaded.

I think it's generally a pretty bad idea to make assumptions about how much people you don't know anything about may care about things.

I know what he has written here.
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Post by Enail on Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:56 pm

Yes, Glides has given us a pretty good idea about how he feels about it, but we don't know about her feelings, and I think it's fairly pointless to speculate too much about them. I'd say it's almost always best to give weight to your feelings about the specific person over a general idea of the value a date has to you, and to give the other person room to make their own decision instead of assuming it for them and basing your end of things on that.
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