Article: Men Just Don't Trust Women

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Post by BiSian on Thu Mar 19, 2015 1:01 am


So I came across this piece today and thought it was very interesting. Basically, the author (a man BTW) points out that it takes photographic and/or video evidence for a woman's account of rape or harassment to be considered believable--and that many well-meaning men instinctively write off their partners' accounts and emotions as being "unreliable."
Thoughts?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/damon-young/men-just-dont-trust-women_b_6714280.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
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Post by The Wisp on Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:09 am

I thought really hard about this, and honestly I don't think I do this with individual women talking about things that happen to them individually. I've definitely seen it though, my dad does it a lot to my mother (though never to her face, more he'll complain about her behind her back) and it's frustrating.

There is a gray area though, where I am more skeptical (but not just of women). And that is where an individual seems to think their individual emotional reactions and experiences alone and experiences point to some larger society problem or trend that goes beyond their individual experiences. There I'm going to be skeptical, especially if there's no other evidence backing them up. I'm not sure how gendered that is, if it is at all, however. I've seen everybody do it.
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Post by Guest on Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:19 am

Interesting enough. Although, I don't know whether he's trying to be a smart arse or is just not citing something with the following stats:

Author Dude wrote:I'm speaking of my own relationship, but I know I'm not alone. The theme that women's feelings aren't really to be trusted by men drives (an estimated) 72.81 percent of the sitcoms we watch, 31.2 percent of the books we read, and 98.9 percent of the conversations men have with other men about the women in their lives.

But I always find these articles... weird. Not denying it's not a trend because, frankly, I see a lot of guys that just don't trust women about anything. However, I grew up in a household where, outside some very rare instances of doubt, when issues like Cosby's came up (beloved male celeb turns out to be rapist douche) we'd default to believing it? Or, at least, suspecting the guy did it as opposed to straight up denial he ever could.

It's like that recent thing in the UK with all those big stars essentially being part of a pedophile / ephebophile (sp?) 'ring' of sorts. I didn't really need convincing that was the truth (although my parents were in the UK when this would have been happening so I had an extra side to the story that made it far more plausible than most others outside the UK would have I guess).

In fact, I don't quite understand the dire need to protect these people, really. I mean, I hold Jimmy Page up as a fucking amazing guitarist but he did some weird shit with a girl back in the day (look it up if you want, but don't blame me if you can't look at him the same way again). I'm not inclined to believe he's incapable of doing horrible things just because he can play the damn guitar. Then there's Elvis and his fixation on younger women, too, if I remember correctly.

Now, trusting women's feelings? I see a lot of male distrust of them for sure. I don't know where I would personally lie where that's concerned - I'm not exactly emotionally sound right now so empathy is a struggle. But if a woman told me she was freaking out about something, she was upset or what, I'd like to think my own experiences of people not believing how I feel would make me more inclined to believe her. But I do see a lot of dismissal of women's feelings and their importance. Or just general incredulous behaviour regarding their validity.

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Post by nolorn on Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:26 am

I don't think most women trust men either- so this is more of a general issue than a male issue. I think this partly arises because of the differences in the way men and women communicate

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Post by BiSian on Thu Mar 19, 2015 4:40 am

That's interesting nolorn. Could you elaborate on what you mean?
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Post by BasedBuzzed on Thu Mar 19, 2015 7:18 am

I'd distrust anyone not contextualizing their feelings(that breaking down of the rational/emotional dichotomy DNL and we largely embrace). A man angry about having his ego hurt with a different underlying cause or a woman upset about something that's really a cumulation of things I view as equally unreliable, I like to think, based on my acting in previous scenarios.

As for rapes, I've never been confronted with nightmare ambiguity scenarios: it always was either clear-cut especially based on previous behaviour or wholly inbelievable due to habitual lying by the 'victim' and the person not even being in the same town at the time the act should have happened.

Since I probably have my own hang-ups about it, I'd try to(with permission of victim, of course):
1)Establish self-care until not upset.
2)Write down as many details as possible, hoping to find training manuals for harassment help centres that contain questions that are neither upsetting nor coaching. Browse items about trauma survivors and memory. Compile a batch of these and send around to people.
3)Find out how to manage the circle of friends along the dividing lines that will eventually happen until ambiguity is alleviated-how to funnel the people in such a way that alleged perp and victim can avoid each other. I'd also want to keep an eye on perp for any sleazy behaviour that might give a tip as to further victims because Lisak.
4)Aside from hooking the person up to the therapy/police if she's so inclined, I'd look into how the person previously dealt with trauma-esque situations and place that alongside how she'd want to be treated. Combatting against viewing her as a victim instead of a survivor, and that sort of stuff.

Of course, it's cowardly, but can also be practical. People are free to defriend me at any time over this, and I won't make any excuses for this stance.

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Post by reboot on Thu Mar 19, 2015 8:08 am

If we step away from the individual and look at this at a population level, I can definitely see men not believing women's reports of sexual assault without photographic or video evidence and for men to be likely to dismiss their partners' accounts of sexual assault history as unreliable. I wonder if the genders were reversed if the same would hold true? Or if it was one racial group assessing the veracity of another?

From personal experience, eyewitness testimony is unreliable, but reporting harm done to oneself is highly accurate. A person will accurately recall a sexual assault (or being shot, or being tortured, or being beaten). If it was someone they knew, the memory and identity of their assailant is solid (sketchier on people they do not know by sight). The memory of observers, though, is absolutely terrible. That is where the emotional response Wisp mentions comes into play and the witnesses opinions of assailant and assaulted color everything. And then for everyone, nothing is remembered in a highly detailed manner, so someone who has been sexually assulted might not remember their assulter's clothes, who else was around, etc. unless their mind happens to "hook" on it. This is one reason why people doubt reports, the details tend to get wiped out by fear, pain, etc..

Eyewitnesses are the worst, though. Total Rashamon. I once did an investigation where two militias were fighting in a neutral village and a number of people were brutally tortured, murdered, and/or summarily executed. Now you would expect both militias to say the other one did it, but the villagers were also all over the map in their reports. Accurate that yes the people were killed/tortured but major discrepancy on the circumstances and the perpetrators. Memories of what happened to other people, especially those formed under stress, tend to be very high level (with the occasional hyperfocused detail), assuming the person noticed what was happening to others at all and was not 100% focused on their own experience.
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Post by BasedBuzzed on Thu Mar 19, 2015 8:18 am

Weird question, but are there any publicly available training manuals for how you're supposed to handle those testimonies and accounts?

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Post by nolorn on Thu Mar 19, 2015 1:47 pm

To Bisian:
There are stories of wives not trusting their husbands to do chores 'correctly' and the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions.

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Post by reboot on Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:34 pm

BasedBuzzed wrote:Weird question, but are there any publicly available training manuals for how you're supposed to handle those testimonies and accounts?

No, nothing publicly available (and even what is in house is general). Obviously you do not want to publish much of what is being looked for because then people (including those who were the torturers and killers) can learn to game the system. I suppose manuals on interrogation might have some of it? But most of how you learn is starting out just as a recorder, then you move up to trying to piece together small events, and onwards, with mentorship. It basically takes thousands of hours of interviews, recordings, reading transcripts, cross referencing (UNHCR, Human Rights Watch, etc. had entire databases of tea shops, merchants, landmarks etc. in villages to verify people are from where they claim(, etc. to start getting a feel for situations and in the end you are trying to piece together the Sistine Chapel with a handful of 1 cm X 1 cm pictures of varying quality. Unfortunately the people with the most complete information are the ones who did whatever you are screening for and therefore have an interest in blurring the picture.
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Post by Werel on Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:38 pm

reboot, every time you talk about your work, it's pure Awe Mode for me. Jesus, you're a badass human being. Thanks for doing work most of us could never ever handle. Shocked
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Post by reboot on Thu Mar 19, 2015 11:41 pm

Werel wrote:reboot, every time you talk about your work, it's pure Awe Mode for me. Jesus, you're a badass human being. Thanks for doing work most of us could never ever handle. Shocked

Aw, thanks Embarassed I am pretty far down the food chain, mostly doing primary data collection and cross referencing, but I know enough about what goes on at the higher level to speak with some degree of knowledge
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Post by Chickpea Sarada on Fri Mar 20, 2015 2:10 am

I took a look at the article and it ties strongly to the piece on DNL Prime about Calling Women Crazy.  As well as the ones on subjects like street harassment, where we note in the comments how thankful we are that Nerdlove, a man, is saying this stuff because women saying the same thing are not being listened to.

Generally speaking, we (men) do not believe things when they're told to us by women. Well, women other than our mothers or teachers or any other woman who happens to be an established authority figure. Do we think women are pathological liars? No. But, does it generally take longer for us to believe something if a woman tells it to us than it would if a man told us the exact same thing? Definitely!

...

I'm speaking of my own relationship, but I know I'm not alone. The theme that women's feelings aren't really to be trusted by men drives (an estimated) 72.81 percent of the sitcoms we watch, 31.2 percent of the books we read, and 98.9 percent of the conversations men have with other men about the women in their lives. Basically, women are crazy, and we are not. Although many women seem to be very annoyed by it, it's generally depicted as one of those cute and innocuous differences between the sexes.

And perhaps it would be, if it were limited to feelings about the dishes or taking out the garbage. But, this distrust can be pervasive, spreading to a general skepticism about the truthfulness of their own accounts of their own experiences. If women's feelings aren't really to be trusted, then naturally their recollections of certain things that have happened to them aren't really to be trusted either.

This is part of the reason why it took an entire high school football team full of women for some of us to finally just consider that Bill Cosby might not be Cliff Huxtable. It's how, despite hearing complaints about it from girlfriends, homegirls, cousins, wives, and classmates, so many of us refused to believe how serious street harassment can be until we saw it with our own eyes. It's why we needed to see actual video evidence before believing the things women had been saying for years about R. Kelly.
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Post by jcorozza on Fri Mar 20, 2015 10:16 pm

Oh, I've definitely noticed this in my own relationships. One of my exes, who identifies strongly as a feminist, was the worst with this stuff. He would talk about his one crazy ex, who eventually cheated on him (which makes her a crappy girlfriend, but not necessarily crazy). When I told him I was uncomfortable with him spending a lot of time hanging out with these new female friends he suddenly was making (always one on one, and always in intimate settings), especially if he wasn't up front about these hangouts, because their sudden closeness worried me, he assumed I must be jealous and that I thought they would sleep together. It was never about that, but about intimacy in general, but, obviously, the only option is that I assumed he was cheating.

Then it came out that his "crazy" ex had been in a similar situation. While they were dating, he spent a lot of one-on-one time with an old friend - one he actively had a crush on (which he told the ex about), and the ex was uncomfortable with this. Well, OF COURSE she was! That...seems like a pretty rational feeling to have when your boyfriend is spending a lot of time alone with another woman he feels a lot of attraction for! Spending time in a group together? Yeah, not a problem. But if you're going to spend 2 hours alone in your car with a girl you admit you find attractive, and not tell me about that up front? Must mean I'm the crazy one, though. It got to the point where he could convince me that my feelings were overreactions and completely irrational, too, despite talking to many of other people who tried to tell me that they weren't.
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Post by readertorider on Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:11 pm

nolorn wrote:There are stories of wives not trusting their husbands to do chores 'correctly' and the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions.

I'm not sure why I'm responding--it sounds like you're tying to poke the forum with a stick from a very safe distance and see what happens-- but I've personally never had this argument before so here goes!

For the first bit--yes, I have seen quite a few posts on the internet where people are complaining about their husbands not doing housework or doing it badly. The thing is that the way I see this situation arising is if they originally trusted their husbands to do the chore and it didn't happen or wasn't done to their standards. I'm not sure if the "correctly" is in scare quotes because you're referring to the possibility that two people could have different standards of cleanliness, if or you're trying to insinuate that certain standards are nonsense. If two people have different standards the solution is for them to come up with either combined standards or a more equitable distribution of labor. If one person is intentionally flubbing the work I'd definitely say it's fair that they're not trusted to do it properly again and that they be expected to do different chores.

Basically I think it's really easy to be trusted with housework since most people don't want to do it. You do it, you do it well, and I bet you'll be trusted to do it very very quickly. Breaking that trust, however, could result in ranting on the internet.

nolorn wrote:the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions

This is the part that makes me angry.

First, "hang-ups and suspicions" is trivializing and insulting and seems to suggest that concern for my own safety is not a legitimate thing to have. The statistic I remember is that 1 in 6 women will be raped in her lifetime. This is a ludicrously large number.

Even if it was minuscule, however, people are free to set their own boundaries and conduct their own risk analysis. School buses and trucks carrying flammable liquids are required to to stop, look, and listen, at railroad crossings regardless of if the crossing gate is down or not. Would you say that school bus drivers have "hang-ups and suspicions" about trains? I'm hoping not. The magnitude of the potential disaster is just simply so large that even multiplied by the infinitesimal probability that the crossing gate will be malfunctioning with a train coming along at that minute the risk still needs to be mitigated. Stopping at railroad crossings is a relatively small cost. Likewise not responding favorably to a guy that approached me is a relatively small cost. The cost feels even smaller if the guy did not have enough empathy to approach me in a way that made me feel safe.

Also, as this article suggests, if something does happen to me because I responded favorably to a man's approach most people either will not believe me or tell me how I should have done something different (like not respond favorably in the first place?).

Second, even for guys that I tentatively trust with my safety I still have "hang-ups" about dating them if they approach-lack of attraction, logistical issues, long term goals/compatibility difficulties, currently dating someone else, not interested, he likes to wear leather pants, my friendship with their ex etc. etc.

Third, why should I trust a guy who approaches me? In the article and in the stories like jcorozza's above, a man does not trust a woman who he has a relationship with about her own feelings/experiences. In the article the author does not trust his wife about her own feelings when he presumably trusts her with things like finances, medical decisions if he is incapacitated, and his future happiness.

Overall I'm interpreting your statement like "your hang-ups and suspicions are what's keeping the dealership salesman from giving you a wonderful deal. You should definitely trust him (and buy that rust proof coating!)". I don't see anymore reason to trust random Joe representing himself anymore that I should trust a salesman representing his dealership. While Joe may not have any financial incentives, the dealership at least has a complaints number.  

To me trust exists on a kind of multi-dimensional continuum. I trust most people to give me the correct time or directions or turn left if they have their signal on. I tentatively trust them not to lie, cheat, steal or secretly film me for the internet's consumption. I don't trust their book recommendations, I don't trust that they'll pay me my $20 back, I don't trust them to move lanes so I can merge, and I don't trust that 3 days in their company will be a fun and delightful time. These things change as I get to know people better and my tentative trust becomes actual or my basic trust is eroded. It is worrying to me though that men, while seemingly willing to trust women in many areas of their lives don't seem to trust us about our own experiences/emotions.

reboot wrote:No, nothing publicly available (and even what is in house is general). Obviously you do not want to publish much of what is being looked for because then people (including those who were the torturers and killers) can learn to game the system. I suppose manuals on interrogation might have some of it? But most of how you learn is starting out just as a recorder, then you move up to trying to piece together small events, and onwards, with mentorship. It basically takes thousands of hours of interviews, recordings, reading transcripts, cross referencing (UNHCR, Human Rights Watch, etc. had entire databases of tea shops, merchants, landmarks etc. in villages to verify people are from where they claim(, etc. to start getting a feel for situations and in the end you are trying to piece together the Sistine Chapel with a handful of 1 cm X 1 cm pictures of varying quality. Unfortunately the people with the most complete information are the ones who did whatever you are screening for and therefore have an interest in blurring the picture.

This is really interesting, Thanks!
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Post by Prajnaparamita on Sat Mar 21, 2015 1:41 pm

readertorider wrote:
nolorn wrote:the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions

This is the part that makes me angry.

Very much going to have to concur on this: hang-ups are by definition trivial and irrational, a minor block that gets in the way. For instance, a hang-up would be me refusing to go to a certain restaurant with friends because a waiter there was rude to me once, or refusing to try kohlrabi because I think it has a weird-sounding name. My concern for my safety in regards to men is not a "hang-up", it is rational and grounded in experience.

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Post by Caffeinated on Sat Mar 21, 2015 3:20 pm

readertorider wrote:
nolorn wrote:the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions

This is the part that makes me angry.

First, "hang-ups and suspicions" is trivializing and insulting and seems to suggest that concern for my own safety is not a legitimate thing to have. The statistic I remember is that 1 in 6 women will be raped in her lifetime. This is a ludicrously large number.

I think this is a pretty good illustration of the concept of men not trusting women. For women's concern for their own safety to be trivialized as a mere hang-up, when we live in a culture in which evidence of the negative repercussions to women of trusting the wrong man is so readily available, to me speaks volumes about the topic.

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Post by jcorozza on Sat Mar 21, 2015 4:08 pm

nolorn wrote:To Bisian:
There are stories of wives not trusting their husbands to do chores 'correctly' and the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions.

Because no man has ever purposely done the laundry wrong so that he wouldn't be "trusted" to do it again.
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Post by jcorozza on Sat Mar 21, 2015 4:17 pm


nolorn wrote:the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions

This is the part that makes me angry.

First, "hang-ups and suspicions" is trivializing and insulting and seems to suggest that concern for my own safety is not a legitimate thing to have. The statistic I remember is that 1 in 6 women will be raped in her lifetime. This is a ludicrously large number.

Even if it was minuscule, however, people are free to set their own boundaries and conduct their own risk analysis. School buses and trucks carrying flammable liquids are required to to stop, look, and listen, at railroad crossings regardless of if the crossing gate is down or not. Would you say that school bus drivers have "hang-ups and suspicions" about trains? I'm hoping not. The magnitude of the potential disaster is just simply so large that even multiplied by the infinitesimal probability that the crossing gate will be malfunctioning with a train coming along at that minute the risk still needs to be mitigated. Stopping at railroad crossings is a relatively small cost. Likewise not responding favorably to a guy that approached me is a relatively small cost. The cost feels even smaller if the guy did not have enough empathy to approach me in a way that made me feel safe.

Also, as this article suggests, if something does happen to me because I responded favorably to a man's approach most people either will not believe me or tell me how I should have done something different (like not respond favorably in the first place?).

Second, even for guys that I tentatively trust with my safety I still have "hang-ups" about dating them if they approach-lack of attraction, logistical issues, long term goals/compatibility difficulties, currently dating someone else, not interested, he likes to wear leather pants, my friendship with their ex etc. etc.

Third, why should I trust a guy who approaches me? In the article and in the stories like jcorozza's above, a man does not trust a woman who he has a relationship with about her own feelings/experiences. In the article the author does not trust his wife about her own feelings when he presumably trusts her with things like finances, medical decisions if he is incapacitated, and his future happiness.


This. I think there is a huge difference between expecting men to trust the intentions of men THEY HAVE NEVER met in certain scenarios, like at night on the street, or on a subway, and trusting the emotions of your significant other and close friends. I wouldn't expect a stranger to trust that my feelings were valid, but I expect my boyfriend to.
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Post by jcorozza on Sat Mar 21, 2015 4:20 pm

Bah, stupid quotes!
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Post by Izmuth on Sun Mar 22, 2015 4:59 pm

To be honest, I think the article writer extrapolates his point a bit too far for my liking. If we split the article, I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that men (in general) don't trust women (in general) enough in cases of how bad harassment issues are etc.

The second part, that in domestic issues husbands don't trust wives in discussions, I'm skeptical whether it's gendered. My gut feeling would say that if someone disagrees with you on something, it's human to assume you have the correct opinion and the other is wrong damnit and rationalize it as that the other is less rational/smart/adult/has less EQ etc. etc. But I've not yet been in a relationship so IDK.

PS:
nolorn wrote:the various hang-ups and suspicions women have of men when men initiate dating arise because of the distrust women have of men and their intentions.

Great way to demonstrate the point of the article bud Razz
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Post by nolorn on Sun Mar 22, 2015 8:54 pm

No matter how it Arises- weather it is up bringing for men or safety concerns for women, the point is the distrust exists- as for worrying about violent crime, at least in the US, the murder rate for men is higher, and the rate of violent crime is pretty close to equal for both sexes.

By your standards, men should equally fear other men as women do, but most men don't because of upbringing and culture and as still likely to trust those within their gender. As for sexual assault and rape, for men, sexual assault is frequently under-reported by a large margin and the number of male rape victims shoots up dramatically if you account for rapes that occur in prison and ones that go unreported.

Both men and women should be equally distrustful of other men, but for some reason men trust other men more than they do women, and vice versa- the same situation(victimized by violent crime) is evoking different responses based on gender of the individual


EDIT:
looks like people have a different connotations about what hang-ups mean


Last edited by nolorn on Sun Mar 22, 2015 9:02 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : spelling)

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Post by Enail on Sun Mar 22, 2015 9:20 pm

<mod>Trust in the sense of lack of fear, especially WRT strangers or people less well known, is a very different thing from trust in the sense of believing someone you know well about their experiences or interpretations, and conflating the two is confusing the issue and is getting pretty close to derailing into a frequently-discussed and pretty controversial topic.

At any rate, I hope we can all agree there's a big difference between not trusting a near-stranger and not trusting one's spouse?

I'd suggest we stick to the latter, which is what the article was about. </mod>
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Article: Men Just Don't Trust Women Empty Re: Article: Men Just Don't Trust Women

Post by kath on Mon Mar 23, 2015 3:14 pm

Izmuth wrote:The second part, that in domestic issues husbands don't trust wives in discussions, I'm skeptical whether it's gendered. My gut feeling would say that if someone disagrees with you on something, it's human to assume you have the correct opinion and the other is wrong damnit and rationalize it as that the other is less rational/smart/adult/has less EQ etc. etc. But I've not yet been in a relationship so IDK.

But that general case extends to the personal relationships as well. It's not that all men distrust what their female partners say about their feelings (especially not if you added "all the time"); it's that the societal message that women are less competent, rational, and logical is going to impact the personal relationships people who are dealing with that face. Why would that social message stop being a thing inside a relationship? Cognitive bias towards yourself, I'm sure, sometimes reinforces it, and women have that bias as well, of course. And there's tons of variation - some men are going to be able to avoid internalizing that, and will trust their female partners with no respect to their gender (only their behavior). Some, I'm sure, will be able to not exercise this bias with some women, while still having it unconsciously come into play with others.

Many women (to the same degree we can generalize it with men) internalize it too and don't trust their own feelings and competencies; it's not like the men are the only ones dealing with this / who have negative feelings about the competency of women, it's just that the women are, in heterosexual relationships, doubting their own perspectives and feelings (And I don't feel qualified to give any sort of comment on how this plays out in same-sex relationships).
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Article: Men Just Don't Trust Women Empty Re: Article: Men Just Don't Trust Women

Post by PintsizeBro on Mon Mar 23, 2015 6:16 pm

kath wrote:
Izmuth wrote:The second part, that in domestic issues husbands don't trust wives in discussions, I'm skeptical whether it's gendered. My gut feeling would say that if someone disagrees with you on something, it's human to assume you have the correct opinion and the other is wrong damnit and rationalize it as that the other is less rational/smart/adult/has less EQ etc. etc. But I've not yet been in a relationship so IDK.

But that general case extends to the personal relationships as well. It's not that all men distrust what their female partners say about their feelings (especially not if you added "all the time"); it's that the societal message that women are less competent, rational, and logical is going to impact the personal relationships people who are dealing with that face.  Why would that social message stop being a thing inside a relationship? Cognitive bias towards yourself, I'm sure, sometimes reinforces it, and women have that bias as well, of course. And there's tons of variation - some men are going to be able to avoid internalizing that, and will trust their female partners with no respect to their gender (only their behavior). Some, I'm sure, will be able to not exercise this bias with some women, while still having it unconsciously come into play with others.

Many women (to the same degree we can generalize it with men) internalize it too and don't trust their own feelings and competencies; it's not like the men are the only ones dealing with this / who have negative feelings about the competency of women, it's just that the women are, in heterosexual relationships, doubting their own perspectives and feelings (And I don't feel qualified to give any sort of comment on how this plays out in same-sex relationships).

Looking at same-sex relationships is actually one of the first things I would do to see whether a behavior is gendered, and if so how much. If it turns out that gay men are significantly more likely to give their partner the benefit of the doubt in a disagreement than straight men, that's a pretty strong argument in favor of this particular behavior being rooted in misogyny. The answer won't necessarily be as cut and dried as that, but it's often something that can shed light on an issue of gender and relationships.

Another related question would be, do bi people treat their partners of different genders differently?

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