Re: Postpartum mental health

[Wondering]

Ah, okay. More mental exercise than task-doing. I can handle that.

We get homework from the baby's music class (download these songs and sing them at bathtime, for one), and I never do them. Because I don't need more things to do! But mental exercises I can deal with.

[Wondering]

So, I had my first therapy session yesterday. I like the therapist, although it's really weird to talk to someone who doesn't react to things you say the way you expect people to since she's being professional and stuff.

And, you were right, eselle. I have homework! One, I'm supposed to track my sleep patterns over the time until my next session. And two, she wants me to figure out what I want from therapy. And that's the hard one for me, because I don't really know. I mostly want someone to talk to about all the stuff that happened. But I don't really know what I want from therapy going forward, other than just an understanding of what happened to me and may still be happening to me. And that seems kind of vague. So, at this point, I'm a little stumped on this one.

We didn't even get halfway through all the things I wanted to talk about, which she said is normal and that it usually takes two sessions as introduction. And funny thing is, I didn't even talk about the actual postpartum anxiety or waking nightmares or anything. We talked mostly about my physical health during and after the pregnancy, and how it got so much worse after. And we talked a lot about my diabetes which is such a major factor in every waking moment of my life, and especially this pregnancy, and informs who I am and helped form my personality.

So, next time, I need to remember to actually talk about the PP anxiety stuff. Duh.

[Wondering]

I'm seeing reports that Hayden Panettiere has gone into a treatment facility for postpartum depression. She's been open about having PP depression in the media. Her character on Nashville has it, so it's getting press that way, too.

Here's hoping she gets the help she needs and has a speedy recovery. I can't even imagine having to go away from my baby to get treatment for after-effects of having my baby.

[eselle28]

And, you were right, eselle. I have homework! One, I'm supposed to track my sleep patterns over the time until my next session. And two, she wants me to figure out what I want from therapy. And that's the hard one for me, because I don't really know. I mostly want someone to talk to about all the stuff that happened. But I don't really know what I want from therapy going forward, other than just an understanding of what happened to me and may still be happening to me. And that seems kind of vague. So, at this point, I'm a little stumped on this one.

We didn't even get halfway through all the things I wanted to talk about, which she said is normal and that it usually takes two sessions as introduction. And funny thing is, I didn't even talk about the actual postpartum anxiety or waking nightmares or anything. We talked mostly about my physical health during and after the pregnancy, and how it got so much worse after. And we talked a lot about my diabetes which is such a major factor in every waking moment of my life, and especially this pregnancy, and informs who I am and helped form my personality.

So, next time, I need to remember to actually talk about the PP anxiety stuff. Duh.

Sounds like you had a pretty good first session - at least you were warned ahead of time about the homework! As for that question, I think the answer you wrote down here is a perfectly valid answer to it. Your therapist might want to tease out why understanding what's happening is valuable to you or how you think you'd feel after having more understanding, but while that seems like an answer that's vague, it probably isn't the answer everyone has. (I only have my own experience, but my first time seeking therapy was when I felt I was transitioning from being a highly functional person-with-my-problems to a not-very-functional one and wanted some harm reduction assistance ASAP so that things didn't totally fall apart. I suspect some women seeking postpartum counseling may also have an immediate focus, and there are probably others who want different things than you do.)

I'm seeing reports that Hayden Panettiere has gone into a treatment facility for postpartum depression. She's been open about having PP depression in the media. Her character on Nashville has it, so it's getting press that way, too.

Here's hoping she gets the help she needs and has a speedy recovery. I can't even imagine having to go away from my baby to get treatment for after-effects of having my baby.

I read about that too. Although sharing or not sharing these experiences is something that should be left to everyone individually, I think it may end up being very helpful to other people for her to share her experience. Hopefully she's on her way to recovery. It's good she has access to the kind of help she needs, though I imagine being away from her daughter is wrenching.

[Wondering]

As for that question, I think the answer you wrote down here is a perfectly valid answer to it. Your therapist might want to tease out why understanding what's happening is valuable to you or how you think you'd feel after having more understanding

Because I am a person to who likes to organize and categorize, and having experiences that I can't yet do that with (as in, was this anxiety or not? was this OCD or not?) makes me feel...adrift? I've got answers if she's got questions.

but while that seems like an answer that's vague, it probably isn't the answer everyone has.

True. And giving my answer says something about me.

I have been ruminating about it over the past week, too, and now know that one things I do want that's a bit more concrete is help determining what's a reasonable thing to be worried about vs what's anxiety talking. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop being anxious, but knowing what is or isn't "reasonable" is important for me.

[Wondering]

I think my therapist broke up with me.

Even if she didn't, I'm not too keen on a therapist that makes me think she ghosted on me.

[eselle28]

Oh. Yikes. I'm so sorry. That sounds like, at absolute best, a confusing experience. I think your sentiment in your second sentence is very much the right one. I've never been unfortunate enough to have a ghosting or flaky therapist, though I know some people who've had the second type. To me, a therapist should be something of a rock, like a family doctor or a lawyer who has an ongoing relationship with a client. Part of the package is knowing they're there for you, and at least willing to let you know if the relationship has to end. I'd suggest severing ties and finding someone else as soon as any applicable insurance allows.

[Wondering]

So...I'm back/still with my therapist. I should probably get a new one, but I don't have the energy to look for one now or to tell my whole story again to someone new. It's different with new friends; there's a return on emotional investment in telling your story to friends. But not with a therapist.

Plus, if my husband can't find a new job, we'll have to move, and I'll need to find a new therapist then anyway. So I guess I'm in an exhausted/lazy/uncertain holding pattern now. Sigh.

[reboot]

So...I'm back/still with my therapist. I should probably get a new one, but I don't have the energy to look for one now or to tell my whole story again to someone new. It's different with new friends; there's a return on emotional investment in telling your story to friends. But not with a therapist.

Plus, if my husband can't find a new job, we'll have to move, and I'll need to find a new therapist then anyway. So I guess I'm in an exhausted/lazy/uncertain holding pattern now. Sigh.

Take care of yourself, Wondering. You have enough on your plate to break even the strongest person. You will get through it, but know that it would stretch anyone to the breaking point. Hugs on offer if wanted

[Prajnaparamita]

So...I'm back/still with my therapist. I should probably get a new one, but I don't have the energy to look for one now or to tell my whole story again to someone new. It's different with new friends; there's a return on emotional investment in telling your story to friends. But not with a therapist.

Plus, if my husband can't find a new job, we'll have to move, and I'll need to find a new therapist then anyway. So I guess I'm in an exhausted/lazy/uncertain holding pattern now. Sigh.

Hey Wondering, I just wanted to validate just how goddamn exhausting and draining finding a new therapist can be, and you're not lazy at all for not feeling up for doing it at the moment. Even after all this time, I still find intakes to be one of the most difficult and stressful parts of mental health care, even though I've gone through them dozens of times in my life. Telling your story, as simple as that might sound, is surprisingly difficult in the sterile, unfamiliar context of the intake. After all, what you're expected to do is sit down across from this complete stranger who you neither know nor trust yet and give a succinct yet thorough account of all of your suffering, struggles, traumas, worries and fears in 45 minutes or under, things that you would often struggle to say to even those close to you who you've known for a long time, while not receiving in return any validation or support from this stranger across from you, just more promptings to continue spilling every last thing. And I mean, the process being as terrible as it is isn't entirely the fault of therapists--they're forced to do much of this sterile interrogation for insurance purposes, but there are some who do it better than others. There are some therapists that will do the cold "Tell me everything now while I stare blankly at you and take notes" interrogation that leave you feeling totally naked and vulnerable and wrung out, but there are also some who do the intake process with kindness and compassion and a focus on consent (like my therapist did) where you don't feel like you're being forced to divulge but rather having someone gently enquire about the key details that they need to know, using simple yes-no questions and making it clear you don't have to go into anything you're not comfortable talking about. The problem is, going in you just don't know, and so it can be really terrifying and overwhelming! Given all the uncertainties and potential for major change happening (job uncertainty, potential move) you might just not have the emotional energy to look for a new therapist at the moment, at least not until you know more about what's going to be happening in regards to your husband's job. You might be in a holding pattern at the moment, but that's reasonable, because there's a lot of things up in the air with you at the moment that make it hard to tell where you're going to be landing until they get sorted out. You're not going to be in this place forever, so it's okay to be kind to yourself and understanding if finding a new therapist is something that needs to wait until other life things get sorted out.

[Wondering]

Thanks guys. Hugs are nice.

Who knew having a toddler would be so exhausting? Oh, that's right. Everyone. Including me. Living it is different from knowing it, though.

And I definitely need to talk to my therapist about my lack of friends thing. Making friends as a 40-something, feminist, work-from-home mom to a toddler with a husband who does his equal share is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. Sigh.

[Sponsored content]