Having a hard time meeting women who are attracted to me [adv]

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Post by reboot on Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:03 am

L and Married Friend will be equally happy helping you find dates, since dating is a precursor to marriage. I mean, it is not like they would expect you to marry the first person they introduce you to or something Smile They would totally help with the dating around as long as it took to find a LTR

And remember, a wing woman is not necessarily introducing you to people she knows, she can also just help smooth the conversation with women you want to meet. You can be in your social milieu, see someone you want to meet and ask for help meeting that person

Having this many women friends, especially two that already expressed an interest in your relationship future, is a big advantage.
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Post by kath on Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:35 am

That's awesome Mikey!
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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 09, 2015 12:44 pm

reboot wrote:L and Married Friend will be equally happy helping you find dates, since dating is a precursor to marriage. I mean, it is not like they would expect you to marry the first person they introduce you to or something Smile They would totally help with the dating around as long as it took to find a LTR

And remember, a wing woman is not necessarily introducing you to people she knows, she can also just help smooth the conversation with women you want to meet. You can be in your social milieu, see someone you want to meet and ask for help meeting that person

Having this many women friends, especially two that already expressed an interest in your relationship future, is a big advantage.

Yes, Married Friend was the one who I talked to in the aftermath of my date with Anxiety Girl. And L, well, I played around (eheheh) with her one night months before she got a new boyfriend and me another dude would give her advice about an ex and one of her FWB. So us three are pretty close. Razz

Yeah, that's usually what wingmen and women do, they approach people for their friends and vouch for eachother when either see people they're interested. That's what I get from my understanding, another guy I know is into a server at our usual beer hangout and I dig one of the other servers there and he told me, "Dude, if I can get with Server, I can try and get you with Blonde Server!"

So, everyone's willing to help, regardless of their gender. Razz

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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 09, 2015 12:45 pm

kath wrote:That's awesome Mikey!

Yes, indeed! :DD

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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:28 pm

I figured I'll re-reply to my own thread as opposed to making a new thread. ;D

Huuuoh.

I came to yet another funny realization, or at least a continuation of something I knew already. I have a tough time smiling at strange women.

I know this is totally stupid, it's not something stressful to me -- okay, maybe a little bit -- but I remember the Doc (and some of you ladies) explaining that smiling at women too can also bring them over to me (or me to them) if they catch me stealing a glance. Well I have a few qualms about that, mostly in the sense that if I'm enjoying the view and they catch me, holy shit, that's embarrassing. Uh-oh

When that happens my though process is usually, "Oshit, look away! Look away right the fuck now! Focus on another person or a thing, play it off! Play it off!!" Or something like "No, I'm not objectifying you! No, I'm not undressing you with my eyes! I just think you're pretty; dear god, please don't think I'm creepy, please?"

I quickly just turn away after that kind of embarrassed, "Oookay, that was weird. D:"

It came to a point I had to ask you folks how I could maybe get over that when today I possibly locked eyes with a cute redhead today. I wasn't sure because she was wearing shades too (I was wearing my bitchin' Ray Bans, my faves) and I kinda panicked and kept walking. Razz What would be a good strategy to get over that particular hump?

I mean holy shit I just seem to be inundated with issues regarding strange women don't I? Razz Laughing

Also, another random thought, I'm a friendly dude...
Spoiler:
Depending on who I talk to or what mood I'm in, I'm typically pretty friendly. When another person is also friendly with me right off the bat, it makes it way easier to talk to them than someone who is quieter.

For example, today in swim class this girl that swims in the 10am class joined out 11am class and I ain't ever talked to her. So I get all my swim crap and put it by lane four and this new girl just so happened to jump into lane four, the lane *I* wanted to get into while I jumped into the deep end to start my warm up. When I got to my lane she was courteous enough and introduced herself, I said, "Oh yeah, I go by Mikey." And boom, in 30 minutes I spoke to her and was friendly with her more than I did with another girl that swims in my lane with me. The old girl yeah I speak to her, but she's a girl of very very few words, it's taken me almost 2 months to be able to have full on conversations with her than I did with this new girl. The old girl I asked her her name, it was an almost jarringly awkward conversation that lasted maybe 10 seconds.

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You said it, Luke.

Now, I understand if Old Girl (I'm sooo sorry I'm calling her that, she's actually younger than me) is an introvert, it seems as though she is, I am too. But I'm a friendly introvert (I don't discriminate) and I wanted to get to know Old Girl too because... well, I think she's cute ehehehehe. Maybe Old Girl could sense that and was short with me for a long time because of that, I dunno. Some mornings I'd say, "Hey Old Girl" (no, I didn't actually say that) but she'd totally blow me off "Well, shit. Facepalm " No, I didn't take it too personally, okay maybe a few times I did, but that doesn't mean she hates/dislikes me. Razz

I dunno, I just found it very weird (to me at least) that someone I met in 30 seconds I was able to befriend over a 30 to 40 minute swim.

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I am so sorry for the GIF use. D:

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Post by Werel on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:25 pm

Re: being embarrassed at being caught looking: this is one of those things that happens to nearly everyone. Happens to you, happens to me, happens to almost all human beings who look at each other. It sounds like you're in close to the right headspace-- you know that staring is rude, that looking away when noticed is polite, and that it's not The End of the World if somebody notices you looking. For me, a sheepish smile while looking away is my go-to. You can hold eye contact for a second--literally, less than one second--smile, and immediately look away, which says "I wasn't looking at you with malicious intent; I acknowledge the awkwardness here, fellow human; and don't worry, I am now ceasing to look at you."

This is obviously not a recipe for turning a mutual locking of eyes into a conversation, but it is a good way to avoid spiraling into Super Embarrassment Mode every time someone notices you noticing them. Smiling defuses a lot of the tension in your own brain, and all of today's dubious science says it's actually fairly good for you. So practice brief smiles with strangers, if you can. For your health! Razz
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:33 am

You mean me smiling at them? Or them smiling at me? Razz Because I get nervous smiling at strangers sometimes. D: Chalk it up to my Stranger Danger upbringing, but I was taught that "Smiling at people can give the wrong impression". I can't help but feel a little awkward even smiling at strangers even though I prolly won't see them ever again. Why do you think that is? Sorry I'm not tryna make you my shrink or nothing.

I've grown up acknowledging dudes with the HeadNod(c) that I sometimes can't help but do the same with women sometimes with a very lazy smile. Razz


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Post by Werel on Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:49 am

Smiling at strangers is a VERY regional thing-- you know better than me whether it's normal in SD. (I was raised by Southerners, so I'm probably a degree of stranger-friendly that's weird-to-threatening in some places. Razz) Might be that it's Stranger Danger to smile at people where you are, but I doubt it; in most big cities, smiling at folks on the street is mildly odd at worst, and a welcome moment of niceness in most cases.

Fear of doing it might just stem from a mortification of being seen as slightly odd, but is it possible you're actually worried that you're somehow imposing on folks by demanding their attention(?) with a smile? Making them think you want something from them? Signaling that you don't understand regional social norms? I dunno, just throwing guesses out there.
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:37 am

Werel wrote:Smiling at strangers is a VERY regional thing-- you know better than me whether it's normal in SD. (I was raised by Southerners, so I'm probably a degree of stranger-friendly that's weird-to-threatening in some places. Razz) Might be that it's Stranger Danger to smile at people where you are, but I doubt it; in most big cities, smiling at folks on the street is mildly odd at worst, and a welcome moment of niceness in most cases.

Fear of doing it might just stem from a mortification of being seen as slightly odd, but is it possible you're actually worried that you're somehow imposing on folks by demanding their attention(?) with a smile? Making them think you want something from them? Signaling that you don't understand regional social norms? I dunno, just throwing guesses out there.

I haven't noticed whether or not strangers smile at eachother in San Diego, tbh. Razz I mean, probably if they're relative acquaintances/strangers, but I don't know for sure. Because I sure as hell don't smile at strangers. D:

For me, the fear of smiling at strangers is that they'll perceive me as a weirdo. Maybe it's definitely a Southern California thing where maybe someone will say "He just smiled at you, the fuck was up with that?" Where even I've said it I think.  :/ I just try to be EXTRA careful with women sometimes because I wouldn't want to get called out for being creepy or get busted for "harassment" or something. Not from smiling, that's a little silly but in general sometimes. D:

Shrug

EDIT: Okay, I'll admit it, girls I'm attracted to make me anxious. Why do I get anxious? Because I'm afraid of the rejection and how my dumbass will be perceived, and I don't think the way I'll be looked at is good. Yeah I know it's jerkbrain talking but... I dunno. I know last week it was almost cofirmed I wasn't as creepy as I thought. But I keep thinking I may be. Maybe pintsizedbro is right and I'm just lonely. Well I'm lonely when it comes to girls...

-sigh- The hell is wrong with me?

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Post by nearly_takuan on Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:09 am

The Mikey wrote:I've grown up acknowledging dudes with the HeadNod(c)

Ha. Just today an elderly woman on the street demanded to know why I was bobbing my head at her. I didn't have an answer because I don't really know where it started (deferential body language? nervous tic? is it a Hawai'i thing, influenced by Japanese greeting patterns, that I might have picked up on without knowing?) but apparently she took offense.
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:18 am

I dunno, it's just a common greeting amongst dudes. Razz

"Sup, man." -nods- "Sup, dude." -nods back-

Sometimes words aren't even spoken!

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Post by reboot on Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:50 am

Mikey, maybe spend a day or two watching other people and seeing if they smile at people they do not know. Good locations for that are street seating at cafés, bars, shopping malls, or restaurants, parks or beaches because odds are people do not already know the people they see, and if they do they will stop and chat.
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:49 pm

Reboot, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Serves as a chance to go get lunch somewhere and do some field research on Friday. Any other tips would be appreciated as well. :3

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Post by Conreezy on Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:08 pm

nearly_takuan wrote:
The Mikey wrote:I've grown up acknowledging dudes with the HeadNod(c)

Ha. Just today an elderly woman on the street demanded to know why I was bobbing my head at her. I didn't have an answer because I don't really know where it started (deferential body language? nervous tic? is it a Hawai'i thing, influenced by Japanese greeting patterns, that I might have picked up on without knowing?) but apparently she took offense.

If you mean inclining your head down, I think it comes from tipping the hat, which was an abbreviated form of removing the hat as a salutation.  

If you mean jerking your chin upwards, I don't know how that started.  It's probably not something an elderly woman would understand, but I would think she'd come across a regular old nod at some point in her life.

Regarding smiling at strangers: I do it when our eyes meet and say hello. Doesn't seem to put anyone off, especially if I turn away and go about my business right after.

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Post by reboot on Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:52 am

The Mikey wrote:Reboot, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Serves as a chance to go get lunch somewhere and do some field research on Friday. Any other tips would be appreciated as well. :3

It is what I do when I am working in a new culture. It spares me some miscommunication and embarrassment. And it is a great excuse to chill out and people watch.
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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 16, 2015 1:53 am

Heh, people watching, honestly not one of my favorite hobbies. Razz Feels a little weird sometimes, more fun to do with another person. Wink So I feel like if I need to do some people watching then I have to do it from a distance maybe so as to not come off as a creeper either. Razz

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Post by jcorozza on Thu Apr 16, 2015 8:00 am

Do it with some headphones on, and people will barely notice you're there! Seriously, I've overheard/seen some weird stuff while wearing headphones with no music on!
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Post by reboot on Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:07 am

In this case you are just watching the scene and soaking in whether people smile at each other when passing, so "watching" is a bit more verb than is needed. More people glancing Smile
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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:50 am

People glancing and headphones, awesome. Grin May have to try then.

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Post by Guest on Fri Apr 24, 2015 5:40 pm

I think I must be cursed when it comes to girls. I mean... does every girl I meet have a boyfriend already, live ridiculously far away from me and/or dislikes me?

Shrug

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Post by StrangePanda on Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:54 pm

Oh Mikey, you must be my soul-twin because I swear I sometimes think the same thing about myself. Every guy I find cute is already with someone or just not attracted to me / ignores me.

It sucks.

*Hug*

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Post by Guest on Fri Apr 24, 2015 11:58 pm

StrangePanda wrote:Oh Mikey, you must be my soul-twin because I swear I sometimes think the same thing about myself. Every guy I find cute is already with someone or just not attracted to me / ignores me.

It sucks.

*Hug*

Been there, still there.

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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:37 pm

Been nearly a week since I posted in thread.

-cracks spine-
Aaack.

Uh, well, today is bitter sweet in that I applied to work at Rockstar but, as importantly for my personal development I asked out this girl who works in the same building as me. Didn't work as well as I thought. Razz Maybe I didn't talk to her as much, maybe she simply didn't like me all that much, maybe $something; all I do know is she has a boyfriend apparently.

Huh. Well, at least I can watch Avengers 2 tonight by myself.

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Post by reboot on Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:14 pm

If she has a boyfriend it does not matter if she liked you or was attracted to you. Unless it is an open relationship, she is not available to date anyone
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Post by jcorozza on Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:23 pm

reboot wrote:If she has a boyfriend it does not matter if she liked you or was attracted to you. Unless it is an open relationship, she is not available to date anyone

Yup. This has nothing to do with you doing something wrong.
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