Ok, this is driving me up a wall.

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Post by kleenestar on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:56 pm

Alex, I also struggle with envy. The things that provoke it for me are different but it sounds like the feeling is very much the same. I hope it helps to know that other people have a hard time with this issue.

The way that I handle my feelings of envy is as follows:
1) First, I notice and name what I am feeling. "Wow, I am very envious of what this other person has. I am angry at myself for not having it. I am judging myself negatively for not having it."
2) Next, I say, "It is okay to feel this way, but I should not take it literally. My mind is telling me something useful - this is a thing I want - but it isn't doing so in a helpful way."
3) Finally, I use the idea of helpfulness to reframe. "A more helpful way to look at this is to say, here is a person who could teach me something about this thing I desperately want." The person may not be a good teacher, and I may not be wise enough to see what I can learn from them, but it's a better place to start than envy and self-hatred.

I hope this is helpful!
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Post by Guest on Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:22 am

kleenestar wrote:Alex, I also struggle with envy. The things that provoke it for me are different but it sounds like the feeling is very much the same. I hope it helps to know that other people have a hard time with this issue.

The way that I handle my feelings of envy is as follows:
1) First, I notice and name what I am feeling. "Wow, I am very envious of what this other person has. I am angry at myself for not having it. I am judging myself negatively for not having it."
2) Next, I say, "It is okay to feel this way, but I should not take it literally. My mind is telling me something useful - this is a thing I want - but it isn't doing so in a helpful way."
3) Finally, I use the idea of helpfulness to reframe. "A more helpful way to look at this is to say, here is a person who could teach me something about this thing I desperately want." The person may not be a good teacher, and I may not be wise enough to see what I can learn from them, but it's a better place to start than envy and self-hatred.

I hope this is helpful!

Why did I not think of it that way. Headsmack

Kleenestar, You are a genius. *purrs and wags tail* Razz

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Post by kleenestar on Mon Apr 06, 2015 12:33 pm

My pleasure to help! Let me know how trying this practice goes. It is hard work but it has worked for me - and it is such a relief to be able to be around people who have things I want without feeling awful. Plus, I've actually learned a lot of things from them by adopting this attitude. Smile
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