Guys, back me up... [Advice or opinions.]

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:18 pm

But you know that not everyone who is good at doing something knows exactly what it is that makes them good at it, right? He might have been giving you the best suggestions he had, but that doesn't mean he can for sure help you pick up girls even if he was trying hard (and of course, sometimes a woman just isn't interested, no matter how socially skilled or charming or whatever the person asking them out. Women have their own taste and their own things going on!). If you don't want advice, it's okay to let him know that, but 'results' aren't something he can give you.

That said, it must have been pretty hurtful having him ask out the girl you had just asked out, it doesn't seem like he's terribly sensitive about how that would feel to you.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:28 pm

Enail wrote:But you know that not everyone who is good at doing something knows exactly what it is that makes them good at it, right? He might have been giving you the best suggestions he had, but that doesn't mean he can for sure help you pick up girls even if he was trying hard (and of course, sometimes a woman just isn't interested, no matter how socially skilled or charming or whatever the person asking them out. Women have their own taste and their own things going on!). If you don't want advice, it's okay to let him know that, but 'results' aren't something he can give you.

That said, it must have been pretty hurtful having him ask out the girl you had just asked out, it doesn't seem like he's terribly sensitive about how that would feel to you.

But she is interested in him.

As much as I hate to admit, with all due respect, the red pill is starting to look like a good idea... Disapproving

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:38 pm

That woman was, and yes, it sounds like he's attractive to a lot of women. But even he will sometimes meet women who he doesn't hit it off with, or who aren't single, or who don't want to be with him for whatever reason. Women are just people.

The Red Pill is pretty much entirely about hating women. I would be very sorry to see you take up their beliefs.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:49 pm

Enail wrote:That woman was, and yes, it sounds like he's attractive to a lot of women. But even he will sometimes meet women who he doesn't hit it off with, or who aren't single, or who don't want to be with him for whatever reason. Women are just people.

The Red Pill is pretty much entirely about hating women. I would be very sorry to see you take up their beliefs.

Again with all due respect,

What other choice or option do I have? Therapy does not work (and is too time consuming), advice gets me nowhere and I am sure as High Holy Hell don't want to pay for it.

I AM SAYING THIS WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING, I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LET ME KNOW I AM WORTH SOMETHING, SEX, CASUAL DATES OR HOOKUPS ARE NOT MY PRIORITIES, I WANT SOMEONE TO LET ME KNOW I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS UNIVERSE, I FEEL OUT OF CONTACT WITH OTHER PEOPLE! I CAN'T INTERACT WELL WITH OTHER PEOPLE CAUSE I AM AFRAID OF OFFENDING ANYONE! I CAN'T OFFEND OR SAY NO TO ANYONE, EVEN IF IT PUTS MY LIFE AT RISK OF DEATH! Crying Crying Crying

Just this once, I need to feel the warmth of another human being... just this once.

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Post by eselle28 on Tue Apr 14, 2015 9:54 pm

<mod>Alex, this site isn't welcoming to red pill ideology, and as such, it isn't an appropriate place to ask people to endorse a decision to adhere to it.</mod>
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:32 pm

eselle28 wrote:<mod>Alex, this site isn't welcoming to red pill ideology, and as such, it isn't an appropriate place to ask people to endorse a decision to adhere to it.</mod>

Now I have gone and done it, now I offended a mod, the exact thing I do not want to do: offend any one, that's another stain in my life... Might as well ban myself not just from this forum but from life itself... this proves my point there is some thing irreparably wrong with me... Crying

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:51 pm

Alex, tons of people here get mod warnings from time to time, it's not a big disaster that shows there's something wrong with you, it's just a sign that you did something that's outside forum guidelines or that the mods would like you to stop. That's it! As long as you do as the mods ask, it's not a big deal. Okay?
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:58 pm

Enail wrote:Alex, tons of people here get mod warnings from time to time, it's not a big disaster that shows there's something wrong with you, it's just a sign that you did something that's outside forum guidelines or that the mods would like you to stop. That's it! As long as you do as the mods ask, it's not a big deal. Okay?

You do not understand, I CANNOT offend anyone lest I am seen as a bad worthless person. that is why I am desperate for someone, to let me know I am worth something. How can I love myself if I am not loved back. I am incapable of loving myself...

I despise myself, I regret the day I was born, I have only become a burden for those around me...

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:05 pm

We don't think you're a bad, worthless person. Even if you did offend us, I don't think that would make anyone think you're a bad, worthless person. I've seen good things about you, and those things are true even if at some point I disagree with you about something or if you offend me. This isn't something you need to hate yourself for.

Even the people closest to me in my life have sometimes offended me or done something that I've wanted them to stop doing, and I think that's true for most people. You don't have to never do anything that might upset someone in order to be a decent human being or to have worth.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:28 pm

Enail wrote:We don't think you're a bad, worthless person. Even if you did offend us, I don't think that would make anyone think you're a bad, worthless person. I've seen good things about you, and those things are true even if at some point I disagree with you about something or if you offend me. This isn't something you need to hate yourself for.

Even the people closest to me in my life have sometimes offended me or done something that I've wanted them to stop doing, and I think that's true for most people. You don't have to never do anything that might upset someone in order to be a decent human being or to have worth.

Then why people see more worth in others but rarely acknowledge me as worthy? That's way I get jealous of others, they get the validation from others while I have jump through hoops to get a simple "hi", I think I'm gonna have to pay someone to validate me... Crying

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:33 pm

There are a lot of reasons that could be causing you difficulty there, and I know how hurtful and frustrating that is for you, but it doesn't mean you're worthless. Lots of pretty awesome people struggle to figure out how to show their awesomeness, or to find the people who will appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it, but try to remember that other people are not the measure of your worth.
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:44 pm

Enail wrote:There are a lot of reasons that could be causing you difficulty there, and I know how hurtful and frustrating that is for you, but it doesn't mean you're worthless. Lots of pretty awesome people struggle to figure out how to show their awesomeness, or to find the people who will appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it, but try to remember that other people are not the measure of your worth.

How? I just feel lonely, I need this: There, there

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Post by gaboz on Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:27 am

Alex1989 wrote:
Enail wrote:There are a lot of reasons that could be causing you difficulty there, and I know how hurtful and frustrating that is for you, but it doesn't mean you're worthless. Lots of pretty awesome people struggle to figure out how to show their awesomeness, or to find the people who will appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it, but try to remember that other people are not the measure of your worth.

How? I just feel lonely, I need this: There, there

Long distance feelings hugh man.


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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:33 am

gaboz wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:
Enail wrote:There are a lot of reasons that could be causing you difficulty there, and I know how hurtful and frustrating that is for you, but it doesn't mean you're worthless. Lots of pretty awesome people struggle to figure out how to show their awesomeness, or to find the people who will appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it, but try to remember that other people are not the measure of your worth.

How? I just feel lonely, I need this: There, there

Long distance feelings hugh man.


I appreciate the hug, but I need a actual physical one, I need the warmth of a human being...

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Post by Enail on Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:36 am

Many Jedi hugs to you, even though I know that's not at all the same.

Maybe you could talk to your therapist about how you can work on developing self-worth that doesn't rest on other people? Of course, whether or not you're self-validating, it's very natural to want connection and affection from others, but sometimes it can complicate things and make it harder when you're also looking to them for a sense of self-worth, so it might be helpful to work on that part.
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Post by Guest on Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:01 pm

Enail wrote:Many Jedi hugs to you, even though I know that's not at all the same.

Maybe you could talk to your therapist about how you can work on developing self-worth that doesn't rest on other people? Of course, whether or not you're self-validating, it's very natural to want connection and affection from others, but sometimes it can complicate things and make it harder when you're also looking to them for a sense of self-worth, so it might be helpful to work on that part.

my only worry is how long will that take, I'm 25 years old, I do not have much time...

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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:13 pm

Alex1989 wrote:
Enail wrote:Many Jedi hugs to you, even though I know that's not at all the same.

Maybe you could talk to your therapist about how you can work on developing self-worth that doesn't rest on other people? Of course, whether or not you're self-validating, it's very natural to want connection and affection from others, but sometimes it can complicate things and make it harder when you're also looking to them for a sense of self-worth, so it might be helpful to work on that part.

my only worry is how long will that take,    I'm 25 years old, I do not have much time...

I'm older than you are, and I sometimes think that way as well. The thing is, if you have a goal that's really important to you and taking Steps A, B, and C are what's needed to achieve that goal, it doesn't really matter how much times those steps take. I might end up achieving a goal later than other people did, but it's still better than never getting there at all, especially since I probably have 50 or so years to be kicking around on the planet to enjoy the fruits of my effort.
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Post by Enail on Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:21 pm

That's something that will be good for you  and could maybe even make it easier for you to connect with people, at any age. It's not an instant process, but even starting to work on it could help.

I know it's hard and you feel like you've got a time limit, but there is no one thing, no special technique that can guarantee you can immediately get the affection you want, and anyone who claims otherwise is lying to you. Putting all this time pressure on yourself is probably making it harder. If you're approaching every encounter with the feeling that this is your one chance to find love and you have to get it right no matter what, that will make it hard to relax and enjoy yourself with the other person and it might come through and make the other person tense. Even if they really like you, they might feel too pressured by your inner expectations, or you might be so focused on your bigger goal that you don't even recognize positive signals, let alone enjoy the good reactions for themselves.

It seems counterintuitive, but recognizing that what you want may take time and keeping your goals small (start a conversation and excuse yourself after a few minutes in a friendly way, for example) might actually be more effective in helping you achieve your larger goals over time.
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Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:40 pm

Alex, why do you think you don't have much time left? At 25 you've lived maybe 10% of your adult life (childhood and adolescence are basically a wash for most people, there's a reason why attractive "teenagers" on TV and in movies are all in their 20's).

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Post by Herr R on Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:23 pm

I feel for Alex on the time limit thing. I personally don't see the point in "getting professional help" if I'm ten years older than him and only five years away from my life becoming the plot and title of a Judd Apatow comedy. When that happens, then you know you're life was just a joke and you'll never get those years back.

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Post by Enail on Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:11 am

<mod>Herr R, however you feel about your situation, please remember that there are probably other people in similar situations here. What you say about yourself, you're saying to them too - and we're not okay with people saying that kind of mean shit to others here. It's fine to talk about your own feelings, but not in ways that are insulting to those around you. </mod>
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Post by Jayce on Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:33 am

Alex do you have things that you do in your spare time to relieve stress/sadness/hard times? I know I like to drink a warm cup of tea, play some video games, engage with fantasy novels/manga, talk to my friends, plan future outings that I can look foward to, when I feel stressed.

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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:54 am

Jayce wrote:Alex do you have things that you do in your spare time to relieve stress/sadness/hard times? I know I like to drink a warm cup of tea, play some video games, engage with fantasy novels/manga, talk to my friends, plan future outings that I can look foward to, when I feel stressed.

I've tried everything, I seem to lose interest quite quickly, the only thing keeping me interested is GT6, and besides most of the thing I do remind me of my predicament...

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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 16, 2015 4:17 pm

Enail wrote:That's something that will be good for you  and could maybe even make it easier for you to connect with people, at any age. It's not an instant process, but even starting to work on it could help.

I know it's hard and you feel like you've got a time limit, but there is no one thing, no special technique that can guarantee you can immediately get the affection you want, and anyone who claims otherwise is lying to you. Putting all this time pressure on yourself is probably making it harder. If you're approaching every encounter with the feeling that this is your one chance to find love and you have to get it right no matter what, that will make it hard to relax and enjoy yourself with the other person and it might come through and make the other person tense. Even if they really like you, they might feel too pressured by your inner expectations, or you might be so focused on your bigger goal that you don't even recognize positive signals, let alone enjoy the good reactions for themselves.

It seems counterintuitive, but recognizing that what you want may take time and keeping your goals small (start a conversation and excuse yourself after a few minutes in a friendly way, for example) might actually be more effective in helping you achieve your larger goals over time.

Then how come others get it like a soda at the store while for me it's like fucking Omaha Beach at D-Day?

No disrespect intended but I wish other people came with a technical manual, then it will be easy to know what they are thinking, and what to do to connect with people, that way I get the validation I DESPERATELY crave...

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Post by Guest on Thu Apr 16, 2015 4:19 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Alex, why do you think you don't have much time left? At 25 you've lived maybe 10% of your adult life (childhood and adolescence are basically a wash for most people, there's a reason why attractive "teenagers" on TV and in movies are all in their 20's).

Wrong, It's more like about 40% of my life, I wasted my teenage years, the best years for everyone. I am running out of time!

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