Beaten down

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Beaten down

Post by TGnerd on Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:49 pm

Hey, sorry I haven't been around in awhile. I didn't intend to come here only for help, but... I am in need of some advice.

So for the last few months, I've been trying to make myself happy. I've been doing what I want, I've been trying to do new things, and I've been trying to be positive and whatnot. Weight loss is going good, not great, but it's going down slowly, which is all that matters.

But I don't feel it's had any real success. I still feel very lonely and generally unwanted. I spend a majority of my time alone, and despite being happy with that, I'm still lonely. Hypocritical it may be.

But recently, it's taken a turn for the worse. My health has been poor, my parents think of me as a failure because they don't have grand-kids yet, nor do I live the way they think a guy my age should. (I'm not a party on weekends kind of guy, never have been, and my mother has really turned on the pressure for grand-kids) and recently I just feel like there isn't a point to it any more. Things I used to enjoy I don't any more, and it's a chore to do anything, even the new things I enjoy.

I know this sounds like good ol' depression, but I don't think it is. I'm not sure what it is, but I just feel beaten down and ready to give up. Like.. for all my success, it simply doesn't matter.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by bringing it up here. Positive thoughts? Helpful advice? Validation? It's nothing I want, but I know I need to reach out when I can.
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Re: Beaten down

Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:54 pm

You're correct that this sounds like good ol' depression. I'm curious why you think it isn't. Care to elaborate a little?

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Re: Beaten down

Post by TGnerd on Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:02 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:You're correct that this sounds like good ol' depression. I'm curious why you think it isn't. Care to elaborate a little?

It's not easy to elaborate on. I'll be the first to admit I swing in and out of this often, which continues to make it sound like depression. Maybe I'm just really hoping against hope that it's not depression, and that I'm just really blue because it's something to be less embarrassed about. But when I think about it, I just can't admit it's depression. It has to be something else, because I don't have a good reason to be depressed.
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Re: Beaten down

Post by Enail on Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:14 pm

That's the whole point of depression, it doesn't necessarily have a good reason, sometimes it's just something a person's brain does. It sounds like you're worried about reactions from other people if it does turn out to be depression? If it helps any, you don't have to tell anyone if you look into it or if you get a diagnosis.

Since you say your health's been poor, that could be making you feel exhausted and beaten down, too. It's hard to have energy and enthusiasm when you're not well physically, and some kinds of health problems may have an effect on mood directly as well. If your health problems are the sort that could have a direct effect on mood or energy, definitely bring it up with your doctor. But also, maybe you need more rest or self-care than you're getting? It's easy to underestimate how draining ordinary tasks can be when you're not well, so maybe try out more sleep, making sure you're getting nutritional needs met, that kind of thing?
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Re: Beaten down

Post by reboot on Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:20 pm

TGnerd wrote:
PintsizeBro wrote:You're correct that this sounds like good ol' depression. I'm curious why you think it isn't. Care to elaborate a little?

It's not easy to elaborate on. I'll be the first to admit I swing in and out of this often, which continues to make it sound like depression. Maybe I'm just really hoping against hope that it's not depression, and that I'm just really blue because it's something to be less embarrassed about. But when I think about it, I just can't admit it's depression. It has to be something else, because I don't have a good reason to be depressed.

It does sound like depression, possible stress triggered? You might at least want to see a doctor to rule it in or out first. Working on other changes while depression has its teeth in you is often counterproductive.

That said, oh hell do I feel you on the parental disapproval on what you are doing with your life! My parents are often on me about not making enough money (despite the fact I love my job and make enough to support myself and cover 1/2 of their expenses), not being married, not being a mom, not going to church by choice since age 18, etc.. Even if I stop the conversation (or leave) I know they think it and the weight of their disapproval lingers
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Re: Beaten down

Post by TGnerd on Wed Apr 08, 2015 2:18 pm

Another issue is I don't want to change. I like the way my life is. I just no idea why I'm so upset by it. I'm not interested in dating, yet I bemoan being alone. I'm a pessimistic person, so maybe it's the fate I deserve. I feel I should be happy with the things I have, and while my world view can be dark sometimes, that's not a bad thing.. is it?
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Re: Beaten down

Post by reboot on Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:00 pm

TGnerd wrote:Another issue is I don't want to change. I like the way my life is. I just no idea why I'm so upset by it. I'm not interested in dating, yet I bemoan being alone. I'm a pessimistic person, so maybe it's the fate I deserve.  I feel I should be happy with the things I have, and while my world view can be dark sometimes, that's not a bad thing.. is it?

I can see a few things that might be happening (see below listed in no particular order):

1. You feel external pressure to be partnered by family, friends, society, etc. so despite liking your life you feel this judgment from outside that builds up and upsets you

2. If you have been feeling sick and stressed you may feel like you have no support. There is a tendency for people to default to a partner in times of support (which may not be a good thing) and if you do not have one it makes you feel isolated

3. Moods wax and wane. Even people in couples can have bouts of loneliness. It can be less the absence of a partner and more just feeling like a a small, isolated drop in the sea of humanity

In all of the above, depression and the jerkbrain can make things worse by maximizing any doubt or sadness
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Re: Beaten down

Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:18 pm

Struggling with depression doesn't mean not liking your life. I'm very happy with my life, but depression is something I live with and have to manage. It's like any other chronic health issue - sometimes you'll have an acute flare-up and feel really crappy for no discernible reason, other times you'll be able to mostly tune it out as background noise.

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Re: Beaten down

Post by TGnerd on Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:42 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Struggling with depression doesn't mean not liking your life. I'm very happy with my life, but depression is something I live with and have to manage. It's like any other chronic health issue - sometimes you'll have an acute flare-up and feel really crappy for no discernible reason, other times you'll be able to mostly tune it out as background noise.


But I've been feeling this way for a while. Some days it's worse than others, sure, but It's been like this for awhile. I feel like I should be improving my life, because I'm not exactly a perfect person, if I was, I shouldn't get this down about my life. Yet, I have no idea what to fix because I'm doing what I want, when I want, and it usually makes me happy. I'm certainly not happy feeling like a failure to my parents, that's a big one.
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Re: Beaten down

Post by reboot on Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:59 pm

TGnerd wrote:
PintsizeBro wrote:Struggling with depression doesn't mean not liking your life. I'm very happy with my life, but depression is something I live with and have to manage. It's like any other chronic health issue - sometimes you'll have an acute flare-up and feel really crappy for no discernible reason, other times you'll be able to mostly tune it out as background noise.


But I've been feeling this way for a while. Some days it's worse than others, sure, but It's been like this for awhile. I feel like I should be improving my life, because I'm not exactly a perfect person, if I was, I shouldn't get this down about my life. Yet, I have no idea what to fix because I'm doing what I want, when I want, and it usually makes me happy. I'm certainly not happy feeling like a failure to my parents, that's a big one.

Cosign what PintSizeBro said. Depression has nothing to do with what is actually going on in your life. One of the key things that identified my depression as separate from work related PTSD (since I was exposed to a lot of depressing shit) was that I am generally happy and content with my life, have an extensive friend network, etc yet I still had these bouts of bleakness and enervation that made getting out of bed hard. It was not external, it was internal
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