Walking the Confidence Walk

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by kath on Sat Apr 11, 2015 8:10 pm

I struggle a lot with walking the confidence walk (often regardless of whether I feel like I'm thinking the confidence thinks). Do any of you have good tips for moving your body in a more confident way?

The ways in which I move / behave that are not confident:

  • I am pretty hunchy - don't sit or stand up very straight, unless I have a reason to (singing, mostly)
  • I dislike interrupting groups of people I don't know well (so, they're acquaintances and people I would talk to if we were the only people around, but I won't approach them if they're in a group of people I don't know at least as well, and sometimes even then)
  • I sit in hunchy and small ways (knees up, etc).


One place I'm looking for ideas: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en#t-179837

Does anyone else have other ideas? Have you guys had success making over your body language to be more confident? Any ways to help you DO the things you know you should (I know I should stand up straight / be bigger etc, but I find it hard to actually do, especially on an ongoing basis - so basically, changing my physical habits).
avatar
kath

Posts : 352
Reputation : 159
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by reboot on Sat Apr 11, 2015 8:27 pm

I did not do this to appear more confident, but to deal with some back pain, but the byproduct is that I look very confident, verging on imposing, because my posture is better
avatar
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Hirundo Bos on Sat Apr 11, 2015 8:50 pm

I've found that rather than thinking consciously about holding my head straight, it's easier to decide to look at things that require me to hold it that way, ie things at the same heigth as my eyes.
avatar
Hirundo Bos

Posts : 548
Reputation : 304
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile http://abouthirundo.blogspot.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by readertorider on Sat Apr 11, 2015 8:56 pm

I used to horseback ride as a kid which is probably responsible for any good posture I currently have. All of the people I know who dance also have wonderful posture. Is there a physical activity where posture and demonstrating confidence matters that you are interested in learning or taking up again (riding, dance, magic, animal training, skiing, acting...)? Especially if you have a teacher or partner who will call out any of the body language you don't want, having to act a certain way for <activity> can permeate the rest of your life.

Otherwise it might help to start modeling the posture you want in low cost/stress situations--sitting up, arm around a backrest, feet on the floor, whatever--and getting someone close to you to give you a nudge if they notice you slipping.
avatar
readertorider

Posts : 155
Reputation : 58
Join date : 2014-10-23

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Guest on Sat Apr 11, 2015 9:16 pm

I'm interested in help for this too. I've toyed around with trying to walk taller and not slouch / hunch when I sit, but I'm finding it tricky to make the behaviour stick.

I feel like I have to think too hard about it to make it feel natural, to be honest. The only thing that is consistent for me is wearing clothes I really enjoy wearing gives me a natural boost and incentive to stand taller and walk with a more confident stride. So, that option may be worth exploring. At least with regards to pairing it with a technique to help change your behaviour. It'll make it more bearable, I'd imagine.

The only issue with the clothes solution (or aid - it's more of an aid, really) is that, for me, when I have to sit down or spend time in a situation that either is or potentially could be social, I still shrink. If I'm on the go and keep moving, like walking somewhere, the clothes work and I have a boost in confidence. Somewhat. That said, it could be different for you.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by PintsizeBro on Sat Apr 11, 2015 10:02 pm

This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but it works: imagine you are a character in a musical.

Characters in musicals break into song and dance at the drop of a hat (sometimes literally), so you always have to be prepared for that. Head up, shoulders relaxed, chest open, muscles warm and ready to move. Be aware of your body and how you fit into the space around you. Navigate around obstacles and other people with purpose and precision.

Yes, this takes concentration. It's not something you can just set and forget. But do it enough, and you'll find that you start to build good habit.

PintsizeBro

Posts : 307
Reputation : 233
Join date : 2015-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by StrangePanda on Sat Apr 11, 2015 10:53 pm

Yay the showing confidence thread !

I enjoyed the TED talk you posted, the woman was really passionate about the topic, it shows that she experienced what she's talking about. I also recognized myself in almost all low-power poses! But I think her advice is more useful in professional settings like giving a speech or doing an interview because if I try to do it in dating and socializing, wouldn't it be too intimidating, a 5'10 girl in a power pose? Razz I mean I would like to show fake confidence but I'm afraid that appearing as poweful and dominant could drive guys away. What is the difference between powerful and confident?


Last edited by StrangePanda on Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

StrangePanda

Posts : 51
Reputation : 26
Join date : 2015-01-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by waxingjaney on Sat Apr 11, 2015 11:18 pm

One unanticipated problem with sitting up straight and developing good posture is that some of my clothes don't fit anymore.
avatar
waxingjaney

Posts : 359
Reputation : 159
Join date : 2014-10-03

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by ChrissyOrig on Sun Apr 12, 2015 10:03 am

kath wrote:Does anyone else have other ideas? Have you guys had success making over your body language to be more confident? Any ways to help you DO the things you know you should (I know I should stand up straight / be bigger etc, but I find it hard to actually do, especially on an ongoing basis - so basically, changing my physical habits).

Someone once told me this to say to myself: Let my neck be free, to let my back be long and wide.

Just thinking that seems to help relax my neck muscles and help me be more aware of the length and breadth of my back, so that I sort of stretch out and up. That's along the lines of the confidence posture.

ChrissyOrig

Posts : 29
Reputation : 12
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by reboot on Sun Apr 12, 2015 10:21 am

ChrissyOrig wrote:
kath wrote:Does anyone else have other ideas? Have you guys had success making over your body language to be more confident? Any ways to help you DO the things you know you should (I know I should stand up straight / be bigger etc, but I find it hard to actually do, especially on an ongoing basis - so basically, changing my physical habits).

Someone once told me this to say to myself: Let my neck be free, to let my back be long and wide.

Just thinking that seems to help relax my neck muscles and help me be more aware of the length and breadth of my back, so that I sort of stretch out and up. That's along the lines of the confidence posture.

I walk around thinking "Mountain pose....open your heart center.....shoulders away from ears.....Mountain pose..."
avatar
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Gman on Sun Apr 12, 2015 11:02 am

readertorider wrote:I used to horseback ride as a kid which is probably responsible for any good posture I currently have. All of the people I know who dance also have wonderful posture. Is there a physical activity where posture and demonstrating confidence matters that you are interested in learning or taking up again (riding, dance, magic, animal training, skiing, acting...)? Especially if you have a teacher or partner who will call out any of the body language you don't want, having to act a certain way for <activity> can permeate the rest of your life.

This. So much this. As someone who reguraly dances, having proper posture, stance and conveying confidence is a corner stone to having good dances. So I am a big advocate of finding some sort of physical activity that you can do on a regular basis, that can also help you achieve a more secure/confident posture.
avatar
Gman

Posts : 233
Reputation : 57
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:35 pm

You've all seen in movies when they transform people to be gentlemen or belles or royalty or whatever. You know how in those training montages they balance a book on their heads? That's for good posture (duh) but, what I'm suggesting is... try it! Or at least pretend to try it with a ghost book or something idk. Razz

Something that really helped me improve my posture and overall confidence (although confidence with girls is still in the shitter) is to not look down on the floor/ground when I walk. Unless it's hazardous terrain, then my movement is at a -2, erm, I mean I have to look where I'm going. I'm accustomed to looking at the ground when I walk, but I stopped doing that and it was a little scary at first because I couldn't see where I was walking.

I didn't want to step in literal shit, but it didn't hurt to look down occasionally so I wouldn't step in anything nasty. So that's my suggestion, head up and the rest of the body will follow.

Because, let's be honest, nobody looks good with Mr. Burns shoulders. Throwing your shoulders back but not to the point where your puffing your chest out helps too.

OH, ONE MORE THING, HERES A CONFIDENCE TEST FOR YOURSELF: when walking towards a heard of people and that herd is walking towards you, DON'T move, just keep walking forward. People will actually move outta YOUR way, I've run this test multiple times for myself and I've failed it as well. I think it kinda depends on your mood obviously what you got going on in your head. Sometimes it's subconscious, other times it's deliberate. Razz Try it, see if you can do it. It's not at all scientific, but these were my own observations, so I don't make any guarantee claims. ;D

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Wondering on Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:12 pm

I don't know that that's 100% true, Mikey. I refuse to move out of the way of a large group of people (who are taking up more than their fair share of space on a sidewalk, ahem!) all the time. And they don't always move out of the way. I've been knocked into by people who won't. May it's a gender thing or a size thing (I'm short).

So, I would also suggest this way of walking, but don't be disappointed in yourself if not everyone will get off your half of the sidewalk or wherever when you do it. Most people will, but likely not everyone.

_________________
-Nevertheless, she persisted

Wondering

Posts : 1114
Reputation : 435
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Guest on Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:22 pm

It's hard to do in REALLY congested areas, like the halls of SDCC, that's extremely difficult to do because the herds are insane and people just kinda graze in the aisles. But in the sidewalk, much easier.

-ponders-

Hmm. But it could very well be a gendered and size thing. A 5' 11" 250+ lb. Mikey versus a... short, much less massive Wondering. Yeah, so ignore that last bit I wrote. Razz But everything else I wrote should be tried too. Grin

EDIT: Then again, I did say it wasn't a guarantee seeing as how sometimes I get out of the way for some people unconsciously. So, try a your own discretion. ;3

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Caffeinated on Sun Apr 12, 2015 5:12 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but it works: imagine you are a character in a musical.

Characters in musicals break into song and dance at the drop of a hat (sometimes literally), so you always have to be prepared for that. Head up, shoulders relaxed, chest open, muscles warm and ready to move. Be aware of your body and how you fit into the space around you. Navigate around obstacles and other people with purpose and precision.

Yes, this takes concentration. It's not something you can just set and forget. But do it enough, and you'll find that you start to build good habit.

I love this idea! I feel like the natural corollary is to have a song to break into, and practice it regularly, and perhaps even find a moment to break into that song in public at some point.
avatar
Caffeinated

Posts : 455
Reputation : 272
Join date : 2014-12-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by kath on Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:35 am

Thanks everyone! Lots of amazing things to try here - I'll let you know how it goes! I don't know if I'll be able to do regular dance / physical activity classes any time soon - not sure I can shoehorn that into my life, but maybe I could find some drop-in classes to take. And, I'm sure at some point it would be something I could fit in.

And I do love the idea of breaking into song! I don't do it very often in public (because when you're supposed to be singing it's not exactly breaking into song) - Caffinated, if you successfully do this, please tell me what happened! I'm imagining, like, It's Oh So Quiet or the Once More With Feeling episode of Buffy. Or this commercial for
Discovery Channel.

Something that I do think has been helping is that we will randomly have dance parties at work, and sometimes it's with visitors / as part of a program, which really helps with being totally fine with looking like an idiot (because being willing to dance to Shake it Off with a bunch of kids is way cooler than being the adults who won't do anything).

*I tried to make "everyone sings Let it Go" a program at work - we were going to burn a ball of heartache messages and sing Let it Go all together - but we blew several fuses so we didn't have the lyrics up. Burning the heartache was still great though.
avatar
kath

Posts : 352
Reputation : 159
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by PintsizeBro on Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:51 pm

As a disclaimer, I do not actually burst into song. I just approach the day like I might.

PintsizeBro

Posts : 307
Reputation : 233
Join date : 2015-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Gentleman Johnny on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:13 pm

The Mikey wrote:

Hmm. But it could very well be a gendered and size thing. A 5' 11" 250+ lb. Mikey versus a... short, much less massive Wondering. Yeah, so ignore that last bit I wrote. Razz But everything else I wrote should be tried too. Grin

It might be but I notice it, too at a much more average size. Obviously it doesn't work well when its crowded because htere's nowhere to go. I think it comes down to people presrving their personal space bubble because I've also used it at standing only shows. You edge in somewhere narrow enough to fit and the whole crowd will slowly ripple out to give everyone a little space. Then you step forward into another empty spot and draw your friends along in your wake before your previous spot can close in. Done right its inoffensive and can get a bunch of people near the front eventually.

Also, easiest posture advice is back up to a wall until your butt, shoulders and the back of your head touch. Now walk away but keep that posutre. I tend to clasp my hands together behind my back when I'm too tired to pay attention to much else. Just let them fall to wherever they do, usually near the tail bone, then put one crosswise in the other. It pulls the shoulders back, draws the head up and makes you look like a Bond villain prowling his secret underground lair.

_________________
Gentleman Johnny
Not John Galt
avatar
Gentleman Johnny

Posts : 555
Reputation : 213
Join date : 2014-10-02

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Dan_Brodribb on Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:00 pm

kath wrote:

Does anyone else have other ideas? Have you guys had success making over your body language to be more confident? Any ways to help you DO the things you know you should (I know I should stand up straight / be bigger etc, but I find it hard to actually do, especially on an ongoing basis - so basically, changing my physical habits).

I've found the most helpful thing rather than trying to 'walk like this/sit like this' is to work on the quality of my movement and body awareness in general. A lot of the specific body language advice out there focuses on specific poses or actions and doesn't take into account that your body is designed to work in motion.--even when you're still, you're still moving.

The most helpful thing I found is an attitude of just paying attention to myself physically and playing around with my body and how it works rather as opposed to trying to 'get it right' or force it to do anything in particular

A few books that helped.

"The New Rules Of Posture" by Mary Bond

"How You Stand How You Move How You Live" by Missy Vineyard

"Dynamic Imagery" by Eric Franklin

As others have said, dancing helps--I found bellydancing because you become more aware of certain muscles, but yoga, burlesque, and salsa were also great.

An instructor at a burlesque convention turned me on to a 19th century actor/speaker/teacher named Francois Delsarte. A lot of his books are free online and if you can get past the old-timey language, there'some good stuff there. This one was the one I got the most out of: https://archive.org/stream/cu31924100649080#page/n15/mode/2up

_________________
My blogs: Dating: http://thegatewayboyfriend.blogspot.ca
Movies, TV, and Videogames: http://thecompassionatedegenerate.blogspot.ca

Dan_Brodribb
Roving Moderator

Posts : 139
Reputation : 99
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Walking the Confidence Walk

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum