Is this my jerkbrain or a legitimate concern?

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Is this my jerkbrain or a legitimate concern? Empty Is this my jerkbrain or a legitimate concern?

Post by Gman on Mon Apr 13, 2015 6:55 am

So Yesterday, the girl that I went on a date with Saturday Evening , suprised me and called me. I texted her earlier with the phrasing that we are going to meet up soon again for some more "Messing Around ;-)". I ment it as a figure of speech, but she told me that it made her realize that she just wanted to be very clear with me about what she is looking for: that she is looking for something long term and not casual. While I obviously didn't mean to make it sound like I am looking for just casual sex - it did kind of make me nervous, because I wasn't sure what she meant. If all she meant by that is just to make sure I'm not a "hit it and quit it" kind of person, then that's totally fine. But if she meant that she is ALREADY seeing a long term potential between us, then that's kind of freaking me out as I can't honestly say how long I expect this to last, because we only just dated ONCE.

Though hopefully enough, it's nothing more than my jerkbrain being a jerk again. We are supposed to meet up soon anyway, so I'll make sure to clear things up about this when we meet.

What do you guys think? Jerkbrain being an asshole as usual or is she being a bit demanding before we even got to know each other really well?
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Post by readertorider on Mon Apr 13, 2015 7:48 am

To me it just sounds like she thought "Messing Around ;-)" might equal "sex" (to me it does sound like at least kissing or hands on body parts), and wanted to clarify that she wasn't agreeing to sex or similar when you next met up. It sounds like she might have been a little heavy handed on the delivery, but if you only dated once it would make sense that you don't have a communication shorthand developed.
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Post by Gman on Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:05 am

Update: She just texted me that she completley forgot about scheduling to meet a friend of hers tonight, so she can't meet up. HOWEVER, she did suggest a firm alternative time for the second date (nearest Saturday), so at least I can be a bit more secure that this isn't a soft-no of some sort (because then she wouldn't have offered a solid alternative time to meet up).

Despite this - having a mild anxiety/insecurtiy attack..... though I guess that once I get into this weeks schedule (a party tonight, tommorrow and wednesday uni classes and dancing, friday dancing, etc.) it should wind down a bit.
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Post by eselle28 on Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:23 am

I don't think she's being demanding or insisting on a commitment to long term dating before the second date. Rather, I suspect she interpreted your comment as possibly looking for her to agree to some sort of sexual activity on your next date and wanted to clarify that she's not agreeing to that before the date happens.
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Post by gaboz on Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:19 am

eselle28 wrote:I don't think she's being demanding or insisting on a commitment to long term dating before the second date. Rather, I suspect she interpreted your comment as possibly looking for her to agree to some sort of sexual activity on your next date and wanted to clarify that she's not agreeing to that before the date happens.

This.

And Gman, its just a second date. And the fact that she is willing to "forgive" your message and set an alternative date means that she at least finds you interesting. So thumbs up

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Post by Gman on Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:14 am

gaboz wrote:

This.

And Gman, its just a second date. And the fact that she is willing to "forgive" your message and set an alternative date means that she at least finds you interesting. So thumbs up

That's why I wrote "Anxiety/Insecurity attack". I'm not used to being so successful when it comes to dating and such, so my jerkbrain is firing off in every possible direction, one of them is panicking and over thinking a single date.
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Post by Hirundo Bos on Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:49 am

Yeah, things going well can be scary in itself, especially with a creative jerkbrain. I had the experience recently – with other matters than dating – where someone put their trust in me and it didn't give me the immediate impulse to contradict them. And then I thought "not having that impulse? Huh, that's new".
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