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Post by Guest on Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:04 pm

So here we are, fellas.

Currently, no women interested in me at all. The one I went on a date with thinks I'm a loser, I've asked out two other girls and I went on a date with one, and she proceeded to start flirting with a guy while there and is now dating this guy. The third one literally forgot it was happening and stood me up. And attempted to apologize with "OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT YOU."

Yes, folks, I'm having a grand old time.

And I'm a bit pissier than usual because I drank myself damn near into a coma last night (hyperbole, I had maybe eight or nine shots tops) and smoked a bowl. Never did both at the same time, and I was literally stumbling and tripping over myself, falling against walls and generally being weird.

It's the most drunk and/or stoned I've gotten since I tended to do that in moderation, but upon seeing the girl and her new boyfriend she met while on a date with me, I tried to stuff down as much as I could to compensate for the sudden feeling of impending doom, the "I will jump off the roof if I don't poison myself with alcohol" feeling. So it was either extreme drunken/stoned state or death.

And I've been going to the goddamn therapist like you people suggested, and as expected it's been nothing short of useless, since there's nothing she knows that I don't already know. "You have an extreme bias towards yourself." "You have trouble socializing with others." "This is because of trauma as a child." "You hold yourself to absurdly high standards." Right on all counts, but I already knew this. She has no strategies, she actually doesn't seem to know what to do about me. As predicted, the shrink can't help me and she knows it. I go out of futility and desperation, knowing it'll do nothing.

Add in the shit job and my complete apathy towards school (I've skipped two days in a row so far, considering more because God is this fun), lack of any real social life, being stabbed in the back or ignored entirely by women I'm attracted to, and we've hit full on Glides Can Justify His Own Death Mode.

Please don't ban this one, I've hit rock bottom. I thought I had before, but it only gets worse. I think I've hit the limit, but knowing me, it's gonna get even worse somehow.

I mean, can you conceivably claim I've got a hope in hell of going anywhere? Evidence suggests not.

Name one good thing in my life? There's nothing to name.


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Post by Werel on Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:29 pm

One good thing in your life: your amazing, stupendous, astonishingly entertaining talent for catastrophic hyperbole? Razz

If your shrink's not helping you move past the problem spots she's (rightly, but redundantly) identified, tell her so. It's as simple as "I know what's wrong with me, in a general sense, and feel we've covered that topic sufficiently for now. What I need are concrete steps for moving myself forward, and practical strategies for coping in the meantime. If you don't think you're the person to help me with that, I would appreciate a referral to another therapist."
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Post by BasedBuzzed on Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:36 pm

Numero uno was a headcase, numero duo has the sensibility of a bull in a china store and numero trio might reschedule, and that's still to more dates than I've had in the interim.

You got pissed one night due to feeling shit which everybody does at your age once in a while, your therapist isn't working for you so you should try to ask her to do X with you(work on assertivity, work on CBT exercises, whatevs) or get a reference to a new one(Werel already mentioned this shit in the interim), and you skipped two days of school due to being in a slump(tell the student coördinator or whoever checks up on attendance about you seeing a therapist).  

All social life you actually have you will explain away due to the alone-in-a-crowd feeling, and the descriptions don't actually increase in terribadness despite it constantly being a new low point(I'll respect how you experience it, but that's different from how it actually reads).

Evidence suggests you'll make it. The one good thing in your life is your life.

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Post by Enail on Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:49 pm

Yep, talk to your therapist or ask for a referral to someone for more of a concrete, practical focus.

Also, even though they haven't gone well, dude, you get dates up the wazoo! Clearly there's something you're doing right, even if you're having bad luck (it happens) or if you're picking or attracting people who are flakey or jerks, or you're failing to hit it off on the dates. It hurts, I know, but it's also a better sign than you're willing to acknowledge - it's not that long ago that the idea of going on a date would have completely freaked you out.  

Drink some water. Find something to distract yourself from justifying your death. You're doing good. Keep yourself safe.
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Post by nearly_takuan on Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:32 am

Just gonna echo a couple others who pointed out that you're already doing better than you used to, and better than a bunch of us are currently. Under the pretty safe assumption that being romantically successful someday is still something you want, I say keep going for it.

...But maybe not right now. Right now do some of that self-care crap, and maybe even revel a bit in how much you've shown is possible. (You have. Convincing yourself of that fact is left as an exercise for the reader.)
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Post by Guest on Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:04 am

BasedBuzzed wrote:Numero uno was a headcase, numero duo has the sensibility of a bull in a china store and numero trio might reschedule, and that's still to more dates than I've had in the interim.

You got pissed one night due to feeling shit which everybody does at your age once in a while, your therapist isn't working for you so you should try to ask her to do X with you(work on assertivity, work on CBT exercises, whatevs) or get a reference to a new one(Werel already mentioned this shit in the interim), and you skipped two days of school due to being in a slump(tell the student coördinator or whoever checks up on attendance about you seeing a therapist).  

All social life you actually have you will explain away due to the alone-in-a-crowd feeling, and the descriptions don't actually increase in terribadness despite it constantly being a new low point(I'll respect how you experience it, but that's different from how it actually reads).

Evidence suggests you'll make it. The one good thing in your life is your life.

I honestly don't think the school gives a rat's ass what I do as long as I give them their precious little checky every three months. Any grief felt from them towards my possible suffering would be the possibility of me dropping out and them losing their precious checky.

But the second girl actually said to me "Why the hell do you look so fucking sad?" And I began laughing hysterically, because either she genuinely didn't know why, or she was expecting me to just suck up my own humiliation at the fact that I'd been bested by a literal alpha male. More assertive and more attractive guy wins (he's fucking gorgeous, I can't argue that), girls date jerks and not nice guys like me because nice guys like me are only nice by our own say so DURRRRRRRRRR

Either way, that chick seemed way too confident in her own sexuality for me to tango with. Someone with a hundred partners, sure. But ol Glides is not the best for a sexually confident woman, someone who expects results. So it's all for the best, I didn't deserve her. She was legit hot, man.

"But leagues don't exist, Glides!" This story proves all you bitches wrong.

Hey look Enail, I didn't say cunt this time!

Wait...

I'm very tired.

Enail wrote:Yep, talk to your therapist or ask for a referral to someone for more of a concrete, practical focus.

Also, even though they haven't gone well, dude, you get dates up the wazoo! Clearly there's something you're doing right, even if you're having bad luck (it happens) or if you're picking or attracting people who are flakey or jerks, or you're failing to hit it off on the dates. It hurts, I know, but it's also a better sign than you're willing to acknowledge - it's not that long ago that the idea of going on a date would have completely freaked you out.  

Drink some water. Find something to distract yourself from justifying your death. You're doing good. Keep yourself safe.

Moving from nothing to "three women fuck me over within a month of each other, in a row" is also slightly heartening. The warning sign was that all three of them are far more physically attractive than I am, and thus they only went out with me not knowing I meant it intentionally, or just because they were bored. I honestly don't know.

I think the problem here is my desire to have rampant casual sex for social status (as we already know, the "leaders" of my group are those who have had the most sex) and my absolute phobia of sexual intercourse due to how easily things can go wrong. Dramatic irony at its best, plenty of shit not even Sigmund Freud could decipher.

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Post by gaboz on Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:01 am

Glides wrote:Moving from nothing to "three women fuck me over within a month of each other, in a row" is also slightly heartening. The warning sign was that all three of them are far more physically attractive than I am, and thus they only went out with me not knowing I meant it intentionally, or just because they were bored. I honestly don't know.

I think the problem here is my desire to have rampant casual sex for social status (as we already know, the "leaders" of my group are those who have had the most sex) and my absolute phobia of sexual intercourse due to how easily things can go wrong. Dramatic irony at its best, plenty of shit not even Sigmund Freud could decipher.

Man, Glides for someone who is "terrible" you sure get the attention of girls so you are doing something right.
Yes, the first may think whatever she wants, its a free country, NEXT! Bye!
Yes, the second one is a witch with a capital B, you dodged that bullet, NEXT! Bye!
Yes, the third can happen, is honest mistake, social lives can be hectic to maintain, give her another chance.

But goddammit man, progress isn't cheap you know, you cannot run marathons without training. Do you actually enjoy the moment when you asked someone out? Did you reflect how you did it, what you did?


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Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:17 am

Let's use that neat trick "inverse self-esteem". You say you don't deserve numero duo, but she's perfectly capable of judging that on her own. If she goes out with you because she's bored, that will mean she is utterly shallow, which will also mean that you pass the test of looking good enough to be seen in public with by shallow people.

And you admit yourself that you don't know anything about their motivation. Heck, I can see the point about rescheduling with dudette number 3 was neatly dodged. And so what if they're sexually confident? This means they've had their share of encounters being disappointing, know what they want, are more likely to get off easy, and used to boys going on automatic self-satisfaction pilot and deviating from it by f.ex. going down on her first puts you above a good portion of them. Yes, she'll be more likely to be impatient with confidence breakdowns, but that shit is par for the course if you want to get the rampant sex part done with.

And if you catch her thrash-talking about it behind your back, you can easily call that bluff with a critique of why she turned YOU off(blahblahblah dead starfish, trying to eat my face, rush job, clinical, takes all her cues from Girls, made comical sounds that nearly send your sides into orbit, etc.). Only do this in response to someone confronting you with what she said(and not the Chinese Whispers version of it), and keep your mouth shut afterwards. Gossip mill will do the work for you if your social environment is what you described it like, and makes you sound less like a panicky overcompensating no-u.

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Post by Enail on Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:03 pm

Glides wrote:

But the second girl actually said to me "Why the hell do you look so fucking sad?" And I began laughing hysterically, because either she genuinely didn't know why, or she was expecting me to just suck up my own humiliation at the fact that I'd been bested by a literal alpha male. More assertive and more attractive guy wins (he's fucking gorgeous, I can't argue that), girls date jerks and not nice guys like me because nice guys like me are only nice by our own say so DURRRRRRRRRR

As BasedBuzzed points out, you don't actually know what was going on with any of these people, so you're jumping to whatever conclusion makes you feel worst. Maybe she thought you weren't really interested in her (some people's 'nervous' looks like 'bored,' or you could have been overcompensating trying not to seem too eager) so she was genuinely surprised you were upset about it. Maybe she was hooking up with the other guy to make you jealous and was trying to provoke you. Which means bullet dodged, she's a jerk. Maybe, again like BasedBuzzed said, she was using you to make herself look good, which means that you're way better-looking or cooler than you think.

And yeah, the 'nice by your own say so' thing, you probably don't know if that guy's nicer or less nice than you. Maybe he's pretty decent. Maybe he's an asshole, and she's an asshole too, so she gets on well with fellow assholes.  Maybe the girl got the sense that you just wanted to have sex with her for social status, and figured you were the asshole.

Glides wrote:
Either way, that chick seemed way too confident in her own sexuality for me to tango with. Someone with a hundred partners, sure. But ol Glides is not the best for a sexually confident woman, someone who expects results. So it's all for the best, I didn't deserve her. She was legit hot, man.

"But leagues don't exist, Glides!" This story proves all you bitches wrong.

Hey look Enail, I didn't say cunt this time!

Wait...

No, you just called us all bitches. Side-eye

Anyway, I think you're a little confused about the concept of "proof". All your story proves is that at least one woman will at least sometimes choose a guy that you perceive to be alpha over you.

Glides wrote:
I'm very tired.

Get some rest. You asked 3 people out recently, you had 2 dates, you're having a lot of feelings about them. That's all pretty exhausting even leaving aside any other stresses. Give yourself credit for all that and acknowledge that it was difficult and it's natural for you to be tired and emotionally drained and need some recuperation time.

Glides wrote:
Moving from nothing to "three women fuck me over within a month of each other, in a row" is also slightly heartening. The warning sign was that all three of them are far more physically attractive than I am, and thus they only went out with me not knowing I meant it intentionally, or just because they were bored. I honestly don't know.

I think the problem here is my desire to have rampant casual sex for social status (as we already know, the "leaders" of my group are those who have had the most sex) and my absolute phobia of sexual intercourse due to how easily things can go wrong. Dramatic irony at its best, plenty of shit not even Sigmund Freud could decipher.

Those two things together could definitely be a factor; you might be sending a lot of mixed signals, which is another possible explanation for why your dates didn't go well. You don't know! Be careful about the conclusions you're jumping to - it's crappy that third girl forgot about your date, sure, but again, you don't know why and thinking of it as "she fucked you over" is pretty mean. I mean, think of how conflicted you feel about having sex, maybe she's got a similar conflict and she got freaked out and didn't know what to do and just didn't show. Maybe she's got a bunch of really stressful things in her life and is really spacey because of it. Not saying you should make excuses for her, but just keep a bit of an open mind about people.

You're not the only one who finds this stuff hard, and it'll be a lot easier to find people who will be understanding of your hesitation and give you the benefit of the doubt if you screw up if you're willing to do the same for others.
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