How to approach meeting the ex's fiance for the first time?

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How to approach meeting the ex's fiance for the first time?  Empty How to approach meeting the ex's fiance for the first time?

Post by Autumnflame on Mon Apr 20, 2015 5:21 pm

Not sure if I'm actually looking for advice (I kind of feel like I know what I'd tell someone else, which is, basically, "Treat them like you would anyone else with the same amount of exposure,") or just commiseration/sympathy, but anyway!

So I casually found out that my ex's fiance might be going to an industry convention that I'll be at. I know her name and what she looks like due to, well, still being FB friends with the ex and because we're both on a really great Facebook group for women in our field. At this point I'm over him/them, and I never disliked her in particular anyway (she seems quite cool), just what she represented/my remaining Feels and insecurity over the end of what had been a good relationship. (This was at least partially related to my apparent insecurity issues over women illustrators who I perceive as being more attractive/charismatic/talented than me. I like 'em when I encounter them individually, I get ragingly insecure and jealous when it seems like someone I'm with/had feelings for also like them or are interested in them romantically. I don't get this effect, or at least not to the same extent, if they're not artists as well. Is weird.)

I'm in a bit of a muddle as to how to approach it if I end up meeting or running into her. If her fiance is there, that would kind of settle matters, since obviously we'd greet each other and she'd get introduced. If it's just her (I'm not clear on this), do I mention her fiance? (I'm thinking not.) Do I say that it's nice to finally meet her? Do I acknowledge that link at all? It seems weird to completely ignore it, but on the other hand it would also be incredibly awkward to bring it up. And I suspect she'd probably feel awkward and unsure, too, because while I'm not exactly a long-timer in that convention/particular sub-field, I think I know more people there and feel more comfortable, whereas it'd be her first time going to it, so I don't want to add to a stressful time for her. We have had some mild, not-quite-direct-but-at-least-liking-or-referencing-one-another's-statuses-on-that-mutual-industry-FB-group (egad, it sounds so childish put like that), so do I acknowledge that instead? Do I just treat her like a complete stranger I'm being introduced to for the first time? (This would actually be out of place for how I normally meet people - most of the time I bring up any connection I can think of, including going, "Oh! I've seen your name on <that group>, hi! How are you liking <thing going on>?" which is an actual thing that's happened.)

I think I maaaay be mostly overthinking this, because ultimately I suspect it'll just be a matter of some minor awkwardness that then gets smoothed over and forgot, but putting it all down was kind of helpful. Embarassed As would be any input!
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Post by waxingjaney on Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:07 pm

Treat it organically. If you two happen to bump into each other, exchange the basic pleasantries (Hi, I'm Arugula. You're Bivlanda, right?) and chat about industry/conference stuff if it suits you.
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Post by eselle28 on Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:13 pm

I second waxingjaney's suggestion to treat it organically. If you bump into her, say hello and treat her like you'd treat the other people at the conference who you know of but haven't met yet. If there's no real occasion for the two of you to talk, that's fine to. If you do run into each other, I don't think there's any point in mentioning your ex. If you're in the same field and are also Facebook friends with your ex, she either knows who you are or is a bit on the oblivious side.
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Post by Autumnflame on Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:22 am

waxingjaney wrote: (Hi, I'm Arugula. You're Bivlanda, right?)

Hahaaaa I don't know why this very simple yet entirely appropriate greeting didn't occur to me, but it's perfect. Casual yet quick acknowledgment that she's not a total unknown without making it weird.

As expected, I was overthinking it, but thank you two for confirming it. Grin I feel less awkward thinking about it now!
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