Financial Domination Fetishes

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Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 22, 2015 4:58 pm

Conreezy wrote:Like most of the reditt guys RBS mentioned, I wouldn't date a woman I didn't find attractive, no matter how rich she was.  But maybe, if I can get my webcam working, I can wrangle myself one of those financial domination kind of deals...

This is probably a topic for another thread, but financial domination is an almost exclusively male fetish. You might extrapolate that there are cultural effects in play here.

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Post by reboundstudent on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:18 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:
Conreezy wrote:Like most of the reditt guys RBS mentioned, I wouldn't date a woman I didn't find attractive, no matter how rich she was.  But maybe, if I can get my webcam working, I can wrangle myself one of those financial domination kind of deals...

This is probably a topic for another thread, but financial domination is an almost exclusively male fetish. You might extrapolate that there are cultural effects in play here.

What the hell is financial domination? (Am at work, cannot Google. :-) )
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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:31 pm

reboundstudent wrote:
What the hell is financial domination? (Am at work, cannot Google. :-) )

It's a relationship where one person (and, yeah, it's almost always a man) gets sexual gratification from giving money to or buying things for or "being blackmailed by" someone else.
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Post by reboundstudent on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:43 pm

eselle28 wrote:
reboundstudent wrote:
What the hell is financial domination? (Am at work, cannot Google. :-) )

It's a relationship where one person (and, yeah, it's almost always a man) gets sexual gratification from giving money to or buying things for or "being blackmailed by" someone else.

.... There are people who have a thing for that? Very interesting that it's mostly a male fetish. Humans, man.
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Post by Werel on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:50 pm

reboundstudent wrote:
eselle28 wrote:
It's a relationship where one person (and, yeah, it's almost always a man) gets sexual gratification from giving money to or buying things for or "being blackmailed by" someone else.

.... There are people who have a thing for that? Very interesting that it's mostly a male fetish. Humans, man.  

Some people take it pretty far. Humans are amazing. Laughing
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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:55 pm

reboundstudent wrote:
.... There are people who have a thing for that? Very interesting that it's mostly a male fetish. Humans, man.  

There are people who have a thing for everything!

I actually think it's kind of natural that it would become a kink, given how huge of a role money plays in most of our daily lives and how aware we all are that it can be a means to control others or a method of being controlled by them.
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Post by Conreezy on Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:10 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:
Conreezy wrote:Like most of the reditt guys RBS mentioned, I wouldn't date a woman I didn't find attractive, no matter how rich she was.  But maybe, if I can get my webcam working, I can wrangle myself one of those financial domination kind of deals...

This is probably a topic for another thread, but financial domination is an almost exclusively male fetish. You might extrapolate that there are cultural effects in play here.

Nah, don't care. Just pay me.

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Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:34 pm

Makes perfect sense to me that it's a male fetish. The cultural stereotype that the measure of a man is his bank account is pretty ingrained. As such, "forcing" a man to give you money gives you not just power over him, but an incredibly intimate kind of power.

Women with a financial domination fetish probably exist, but they'll be few and far between. If you really want to make money in financial domination, you're going to have to dominate guys. It doesn't matter if you're straight. In fact, that would be an advantage, because being dominated by a straight guy is a surprisingly common fetish exclusive to gay men.

Internet Rule 36 is totally true: if it exists, somebody has a fetish for it.

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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:41 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:
Women with a financial domination fetish probably exist, but they'll be few and far between.

An alternate theory is that there might be a reasonable number of women who get off on more or less the same kind of money kink, but that it looks different and is a lot more easily socially camouflaged. A woman whose primary kinks are being financially dominated and domestic servitude has some potential partners among groups that consider themselves extremely socially conservative rather than kinky. There are still groups where it's normal for the man to make all of the financial decisions and give his wife an allowance for household spending. A man with corresponding fetishes doesn't really have a group where he can find similar partners.
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Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:08 pm

I'd actually be really interested in a back and forth about this, but it seems a topic for another thread. Razz

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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:33 pm

Erm. . .if anyone's really curious. . .I might just happen to have a "how to get started as a web FinDom" document floating around on my old laptop somewhere by a guy who's in that field. Short form is that yes, the client is almot always a guy but that in no way means the service provider is. Its also not exactly something you can do as a hobby. You'll be in it for a few bucks in web design and marketing before you've got regular clients and during that time you must not appear as though you need their money. The ilusion they're paying for is that you're in charge.

On the other hnd, Eselle, I've found that in most conservative households, the man earns the money but the woman handles the bills. If the wife has a sideline in craft shows or whatever, that's her spending money with no questions. As far as who makes actual financial decisions, that's a bit more up in the air. A woman who wants to make the money and be "taken advantage of" doesn't really have a mainstream option. The main issues here (in my admittedly limited understanding) are
1. A relatively small overlap on the Venn diagram of women with large amounts of disposable income and women who are dedicated submissives and women who define their peronal power by their bank account.
2. A social stigma against women paying for sexual satisfaction that goes well beyond the one for men.
3. A lingering stereotype that if a woman is paying a guy's way, he's not a service provider, he's a moocher.

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Post by PintsizeBro on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:47 pm

Thanks for humoring me, Eselle. I know I'm a pain in the ass.

I think we're close to on the same page actually, but we're approaching the topic from a different perspective.

The way I see it, financial domination is just a kind of domination. The kind of person who likes this specific variety of domination is someone for whom their sense of self and their finances are closely intertwined. And in this culture, that generally means men.

Gender-specific fetishes are a bit of an interest of mine. There are a few. I don't think many of these differences are due to any innate differences between women and men. I think the inclination to develop a fetish is innate to each specific person, and then the way that fetish manifests is influenced by the person's environment.

I'm pretty sure my love of boots would have manifested in some other way if I'd grown up in a culture where nobody wears shoes.

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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:52 pm

Gentleman Johnny wrote:Erm. . .if anyone's really curious. . .I might just happen to have a "how to get started as a web FinDom" document floating around on my old laptop somewhere by a guy who's in that field. Short form is that yes, the client is almot always a guy but that in no way means the service provider is. Its also not exactly something you can do as a hobby. You'll be in it for a few bucks in web design and marketing before you've got regular clients and during that time you must not appear as though you need their money. The ilusion they're paying for is that you're in charge.

On the other hnd, Eselle, I've found that in most conservative households, the man earns the money but the woman handles the bills. If the wife has a sideline in craft shows or whatever, that's her spending money with no questions. As far as who makes actual financial decisions, that's a bit more up in the air. A woman who wants to make the money and be "taken advantage of" doesn't really have a mainstream option. The main issues here (in my admittedly limited understanding) are
1. A relatively small overlap on the Venn diagram of women with large amounts of disposable income and women who are dedicated submissives and women who define their peronal power by their bank account.
2. A social stigma against women paying for sexual satisfaction that goes well beyond the one for men.
3. A lingering stereotype that if a woman is paying a guy's way, he's not a service provider, he's a moocher.

I've found that some conservative households divide those responsibilities differently, or at least can negotiate to. But if we limit discussion of the kink to people who want to be the income earners and taken advantage of by their partners, there both aren't many women whose kink manifests in that way or much in the way of social or sex worker support for it. To the extent women have money-related sexual interests, I think the archetype is different and looks more like society's (mixed up, inaccurate) stereotype of a 50s housewife. I think there's some of the bits about controlling someone via money and resources there too, though it maybe should be characterized as a separate kink.
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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:55 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Thanks for humoring me, Eselle. I know I'm a pain in the ass.

Nope, not a pain in the ass at all! I was wearing my commenter hat rather than my mod one because I had my hands a little full, but this was enough of a derail that it needs its own thread.

PintsizeBro wrote:I think we're close to on the same page actually, but we're approaching the topic from a different perspective.

The way I see it, financial domination is just a kind of domination. The kind of person who likes this specific variety of domination is someone for whom their sense of self and their finances are closely intertwined. And in this culture, that generally means men.

Gender-specific fetishes are a bit of an interest of mine. There are a few. I don't think many of these differences are due to any innate differences between women and men. I think the inclination to develop a fetish is innate to each specific person, and then the way that fetish manifests is influenced by the person's environment.

I'm pretty sure my love of boots would have manifested in some other way if I'd grown up in a culture where nobody wears shoes.

I think we're pretty close, and I'm on board with most of that. I'll even grant that money-related fetishes probably are more common among men than women. I just think that I...sometimes see what looks like a fetishization of something that's different but also in some ways similar among women who are talking about their relationships, though it's hard to tell since I'm not inside those relationships. I think it's in those cases not so much about money being a source of power (as it traditionally is for men) as it being a way power is exerted over you (which I think does apply to women to some extent).


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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:56 pm

Now, if you happen to know any women like that who are having trouble finding someone to provide that service, feel free to send 'em my way.

And tell me that the sentence above didn't immediately make you flinch, because it did me and for the life of me I can not think of how how one would advertise to that (admittedly small) niche without giving off huge abuser vibes.

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Post by eselle28 on Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:59 pm

Admittedly, yes, I cringed the biggest cringe I've experienced in awhile. That would be an odd service to market to say the least.
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Post by Gentleman Johnny on Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:10 pm

Right? If I said "hey, Eselle, if you know any women who are into being tied up would you mind introducing me? I've got some new shibari knots I want to try", most kink positive people would be like "wel, yeah, its Johnny. He's trustworthy, I could probably swing an introduction."

On the other hand "if you know some well off woman who gets off on being verbally abused for money and/or blackmailed, send her my way", it raises the issue of consensual vs abusive in a way the other doesn't. You're more likely to recommend therapy for her and. . .something other than meeting her. . .to me. It raises a concern that maybe the dom isn't just acting a role. Which, by the way, is why I never got into doing it for guys. Its not a role I'd enjoy playing, even for money, if that's the only context I ever see the person in.

And I think that helped me spot the implication. It goes back to "money is power for guys". If its a guy in the sub role, he's playing a part and wilfully parting with his "power". If its a guy in the dominant role and a woman in the submissive, then no matter how open minded you are, the gut level judgement is that the motivation to disempower for profit is real even with someone where you know better. Money is just that much a symbol of status and power when you connect it with dominant masculinity that its instinctual to feel that way. Its not "eh, they're having fun, whatever." Its "why would she let him take advantage of her like that".
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