Defending Myself
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Defending Myself
Had a long talk with my mother over the phone. By the end, we were both crying.
What happened is that I admitted to her that I'd been sexually assaulted, and this had resulted (possibly) in me becoming incredibly rude and alienating as many people as possible to protect myself from them, that by hurting people preemptively I could keep myself from being hurt.
I don't trust anyone. I can't trust anyone. I can't let anyone in. I'm a wounded and feral animal.
What happened is that I admitted to her that I'd been sexually assaulted, and this had resulted (possibly) in me becoming incredibly rude and alienating as many people as possible to protect myself from them, that by hurting people preemptively I could keep myself from being hurt.
I don't trust anyone. I can't trust anyone. I can't let anyone in. I'm a wounded and feral animal.
Guest- Guest
Re: Defending Myself
Have you considered joining an online sexual assault survivors forum? I have heard they are very cathartic and let people release the rage in a safe space
reboot- Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"
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Re: Defending Myself
reboot wrote:Have you considered joining an online sexual assault survivors forum? I have heard they are very cathartic and let people release the rage in a safe space
Where do you find those?
Guest- Guest
Re: Defending Myself
Google.
http://www.aftersilence.org
http://pandys.org/forums/
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Abuse/Sexual_Assault/
There are a ton more. Google: sexual assault survivors forum
http://www.aftersilence.org
http://pandys.org/forums/
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Abuse/Sexual_Assault/
There are a ton more. Google: sexual assault survivors forum
reboot- Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"
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Join date : 2014-09-24
Re: Defending Myself
That must have been hard to tell your mother, especially given how much conflict you seem to have with your parents. I hope it felt at least a bit good to be able to tell someone about it even if upsetting, and that maybe it will encourage her to be a bit more understanding and supportive of your efforts to reduce your stress.
I just want to add, it's okay to be heavily affected by this, it is something many people who go through it have some pretty big struggles dealing with, and having intense reactions to your experience doesn't mean you will never recover. If you want to do something to help your recovery (as well as Reboot's excellent suggestion), maybe consider giving yourself permission to not try for sex or even dating if you don't want to, and to refuse sex or sexual touching if someone else suggests it and you don't want to. Especially since you feel a lot of pressure about it. It's fine if you do want to, but a lot of people have pretty complicated feelings about sex in the aftermath of a sexual assault, and it can be a lot to deal with, so it's totally reasonable to want to take the whole idea off the table for a while if that would feel better for you. You deserve to have the power to say no to sexual activities, and just because someone assaulted you doesn't mean that stops being true.
I just want to add, it's okay to be heavily affected by this, it is something many people who go through it have some pretty big struggles dealing with, and having intense reactions to your experience doesn't mean you will never recover. If you want to do something to help your recovery (as well as Reboot's excellent suggestion), maybe consider giving yourself permission to not try for sex or even dating if you don't want to, and to refuse sex or sexual touching if someone else suggests it and you don't want to. Especially since you feel a lot of pressure about it. It's fine if you do want to, but a lot of people have pretty complicated feelings about sex in the aftermath of a sexual assault, and it can be a lot to deal with, so it's totally reasonable to want to take the whole idea off the table for a while if that would feel better for you. You deserve to have the power to say no to sexual activities, and just because someone assaulted you doesn't mean that stops being true.
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