Age gap (she's 20, about to turn 21, and I'm 28, about to turn 29)

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Age gap (she's 20, about to turn 21, and I'm 28, about to turn 29) Empty Age gap (she's 20, about to turn 21, and I'm 28, about to turn 29)

Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon May 04, 2015 12:59 pm

Do you think it's a huge gap? We've dated a couple of times, it's been very fun so far and we get along very well on every level (she's very mature for her age and I'm probably a bit immature for mine) but I wonder whether it might be an issue. I've never dated anyone so much younger than me before...

We're both working for a living, though, which puts us on an even field I guess.

Am I worrying too much or is it a legitimate concern?

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Post by eselle28 on Mon May 04, 2015 1:10 pm

It's a substantial gap, and I'd say it's something to keep an eye on as a potential source of trouble, but I don't think it's grounds to end things all by itself. The fact that you both work will equalize things a bit.
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Post by PintsizeBro on Mon May 04, 2015 2:21 pm

Age gap is relative to your age, which of course is not that helpful. If she were 28 and you were 36, this would be a total non-issue. But Eselle is right, the fact that you both have jobs is a big equalizing factor. I say if you like each other, keep dating. Just be mindful of things as they come up.

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Post by fakely mctest on Mon May 04, 2015 2:35 pm

Agreed with everything everyone's said (I'm 34 dating a 26 year old myself). I went out a handful of times with a guy who's maybe 10 years older and one of the things that made it a nonstarter for me was that he frequently would mention how YOUNG I was. I think maybe he thought it was okay because it wasn't that he was telling me what to do or playing the "I'm older so I know better" card, instead it was always relating to pop-culture touchstones (mostly music because he was a music guy).

I suppose another thing to watch for provided things go well, and one that I'm very conscious about periodically evaluating, is in terms of future plans. I'm pretty established at my job, my BF is just now (hopefully) getting into his post-education career path. I'm not looking to move anytime soon, he might. I've been in my apartment 10 years, he doesn't have a place of his own currently -- that sort of thing.

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Post by Guest on Mon May 04, 2015 2:40 pm

It is kind of weird. I'm dating a guy 10 years my senior (35 and 45), and it's very strange when I'll mention something like a local restaurant I used to eat at in middle school, and he'll say, "Yeah, I used to eat there when you were in middle school, too! I was... working my first post-college job."

We've both been adults for a long time; we have a lot in common. But the occasional moments of, "ACK, I was in elementary school then!" that come up from time to time will leave me a bit self-conscious.

I'd also prepare yourself for people's reactions to be startled and suspicious, if the relationship gets serious.

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Post by Guest on Mon May 04, 2015 2:43 pm

I'm of the opinion that once you turn 21, most bets are off. Razz

As in, I wouldn't exactly have a problem with her being 21 if I was 28/29; granted if she were still acting like she did in high school, then that'd be a huge problem (even at the age I am now). I think SOME naivety is okay, because nobody knows everything, but being completely unaware of how the world works, I'd proceed with caution. Uh-oh

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Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon May 04, 2015 2:48 pm

The Mikey wrote:I'm of the opinion that once you turn 21, most bets are off. Razz

As in, I wouldn't exactly have a problem with her being 21 if I was 28/29; granted if she were still acting like she did in high school, then that'd be a huge problem (even at the age I am now). I think SOME naivety is okay, because nobody knows everything, but being completely unaware of how the world works, I'd proceed with caution. Uh-oh

She seems to be very level-headed and mature for her age, and even more mature than people older than her.

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Post by Andrew Corvero on Mon May 04, 2015 2:51 pm

I'd also prepare yourself for people's reactions to be startled and suspicious, if the relationship gets serious.

That may be a cultural thing because it's not seen as a big deal in Italy if a man dates a woman younger than him provided that they're both in their twenties.

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Post by Guest on Mon May 04, 2015 3:10 pm

Andrew Corvero wrote:
She seems to be very level-headed and mature for her age, and even more mature than people older than her.

Age gap (she's 20, about to turn 21, and I'm 28, about to turn 29) VDUkep2

That's a good thing, bro.

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Post by The Wisp on Mon May 04, 2015 5:03 pm

I think that you are both working for a living is key. If she was an undergrad wholly dependent on her parents who had never had a fulltime job before, then I'd be wary. But you seem to be in similar life stages so I think it's a much better situation.
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Post by Conreezy on Tue May 05, 2015 1:52 am

Can't lie: I'd be very wary. Those years between you are pretty formative years.

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Tue May 05, 2015 8:13 am

Life phase, energy levels, future plans, self-knowledge: these can all be divorced from age. Or not factor in at all, depending on the type of relationship you're having: if it's friends-with-benefits with both of you being on the same page, they matter a lot less.

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Post by reboot on Tue May 05, 2015 9:25 am

Unless you are proposing marriage now, I do not see the harm. If the gap becomes a problem, you just break up
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