Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by reboundstudent on Thu May 07, 2015 11:41 pm

reboot wrote:To so many it never occurred to them that what they were asking for during oral sex might smell/taste bad or be really uncomfortable, taught people to be conscious of what they were asking for, and to be understanding if a partner needed breaks or presex showers or whatever.

Really? When I first started exploring sexuality, around the same time I figured out women could orgasm and that giving women oral sex was a thing, I've had it pounded into my head that there's a HUGE risk for it smelling/tasting gross down there. I ran into enough articles about how to "taste better" down there and jokes about grilled cheese/fish tacos that I've become paranoid to the point where unless I am completely shaven and very freshly showered, I won't allow a partner's face anywhere near there.

Other women don't share that fear?...
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Prajnaparamita on Fri May 08, 2015 1:29 pm

reboundstudent wrote:
Other women don't share that fear?...

Oh god yes that's something I was, and unfortunately still am, afraid of. I'd always feel horribly guilty whenever ex would offer oral, because I was somehow convinced that he must find it horribly disgusting and awful and hate it and there was no way it could be right to have him do that. Rationally I knew this was all coming from a place of my own shame and weirdness around my body, but I still couldn't ever completely enjoy it.

Reading things like Dan Savage chewing out guys about how they need to get over it didn't help, because it just seemed to cement in my brain that all men thought it was gross too, nor did learning why drag queens who pass well are deemed "fishy".

Also, if we weren't convinced that there's something wrong with the scent, why does CVS keep on trying to sell me scented tampons to mask the smell? I swear I can't find any normal ones... Look, I'm very sensitive in those parts, I wouldn't care if I had an Amorphophallus titanum blooming down there, adding more chemicals and scents risks irritation or infection, and it's a dick move to deluge me with marketing to make me feel guilty and gross about it.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by caliseivy on Fri May 08, 2015 1:35 pm

reboundstudent wrote: Other women don't share that fear?...
Yes, some women do.

and to Prajnaparamita: I did not know scented tampons was a thing (admittedly I don't use em so that's probably why). But let's not forget the original and unsafe Bad Idea for feminine hygiene - douching.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Guest on Fri May 08, 2015 2:21 pm

reboundstudent wrote:Other women don't share that fear?...

Thirded on this one. I was definitely taught simultaneously that I could never be clean enough down there to not be gross and that excessive or incorrect washing would have health issues. "Be perfectly clean! But you can't really ever be clean! But don't wash yourself wrong! No, we're not going to TEACH you!!" was my perception of my messages, and I still carry that with me, enough that I always have a little bit of frantic "How gross am I today!?" in any kind of sexual situation.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by reboot on Fri May 08, 2015 2:38 pm

reboundstudent wrote:Other women don't share that fear?...

Fourthing. It always worried me. I would even taste myself if I thought sexytimes might be coming to rule oral sex in or out.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Caffeinated on Fri May 08, 2015 4:25 pm

reboundstudent wrote:Other women don't share that fear?...

Nope. I mean, I'll steer a partner away from oral if I'm on my period or have a yeast infection or something, but otherwise no. If I'm having sex, I feel entitled to pleasure, otherwise what's the point of it? I did have sex with a guy in college who complained about the smell/taste thing. I immediately 86ed him from ever sharing my bed again.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Autumnflame on Fri May 08, 2015 4:29 pm

Not really. I get self-conscious if I feel I'm stinky for external reasons (it's the end of a long sweaty day, I had an upset stomach, etc.) and most of the time I'll clean up with a baby wipe or two before I think I'm about to get busy and can't take a shower, but otherwise no. Lots of dudes are not always shower-fresh themselves but I deal (unless it's horrendous, beyond just a normal sedentary day's activities) so I don't feel bad asking for the same.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by PintsizeBro on Fri May 08, 2015 4:34 pm

I can understand the fear, but if you shower regularly, you aren't on your period and don't have an infection, the smell and taste are generally pleasant. I mean, it's not a flavor I would spread on my toast, but I enjoy giving oral. It's fun.

Well, unless you're a smoker. Sorry smokers. But any guy who also smokes should not have an issue with the faint aroma of cigarettes.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by eselle28 on Fri May 08, 2015 4:35 pm

It's not really been a huge issue for me. Most of my sex partners, and I think all of the early ones, have been pretty enthusiastic about giving oral sex, so it was awhile before I even ran into the opposite message. The same went for giving men oral sex, actually. Most of my friends either weren't getting laid at all or liked it, so I only heard the opposite message when I was older. But I definitely know both messages are out there and think those fears are common.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by reboundstudent on Fri May 08, 2015 5:13 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:I can understand the fear, but if you shower regularly, you aren't on your period and don't have an infection, the smell and taste are generally pleasant. I mean, it's not a flavor I would spread on my toast, but I enjoy giving oral. It's fun.

Interesting, since I've experienced the opposite. Nearly all of my partners have been averse to giving any kind of oral. Maybe I'm just particularly gross*? Hell, I even had one guy say to me," I read once that selfish lovers are way better in bed! Good news for you, right?" as a justification for not going down. I've always just gotten the impression that, be it disgust with the act or disgust with my body in particular, oral sex is just never going to be on the table for me. I have met guys who claimed they were really into it, but pretty much never offered.

*This might sadly be true. I don't have any health concerns, but I get sweaty very easily. I sweat even when I'm cold. I take showers/baths usually twice a day and still think I have an "aroma." Sadly, no matter how many times I've asked partners, I've always gotten the "Oh no you smell/taste fine," which I suspect were lies. Interestingly, unless a guy is really gross downstairs, sweaty/unwashed smells don't put me off oral. But there's this idea in my head that girl parts must ALWAYS smell nice to have oral, while it's okay for guy parts to smell like, ya know, genitals.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by PintsizeBro on Fri May 08, 2015 7:17 pm

A lot of guys don't know how to cope with the fact that women's bodies are, well, bodies. They have hair and smells. That's just life. A little sweat is not a big deal. If you shower twice a day, I think you're fine. Going from your posts elsewhere on the forum, you have not had great luck in the boyfriend department for most of your adult life, so I would take that into consideration when thinking about how their unwillingness to go down reflects on your body.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by waxingjaney on Fri May 08, 2015 7:35 pm

Women have been shamed for having (imagined) reeky crotches for decades. One more thing to blame on corporate hygienicism.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by eselle28 on Fri May 08, 2015 7:56 pm

I think I pulled a muscle from crossing my legs too hard, too quickly.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by caliseivy on Fri May 08, 2015 8:06 pm

Wait are they talking about the Listerine for your mouth?

The Listerine that typically burns when you swish with it?
The one you're supposed to contact poison control for if you swallow it?
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Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Prajnaparamita on Fri May 08, 2015 8:35 pm

caliseivy wrote:Wait are they talking about the Listerine for your mouth?

The Listerine that typically burns when you swish with it?
The one you're supposed to contact poison control for if you swallow it?

Siiiigggghhhhhh...

Honest confession here, as someone who used to regularly use Nair down there to remove all the hair, there are a lot of poorly thought out body-care/hygienic products and methods you can justify to yourself with enough societal pressure, bodily shame and feelings of inadequacy.

If anyone else was wondering, don't put Nair on your ladybits. Just don't. It isn't worth it.

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by waxingjaney on Fri May 08, 2015 10:34 pm

caliseivy wrote:Wait are they talking about the Listerine for your mouth?

The Listerine that typically burns when you swish with it?
The one you're supposed to contact poison control for if you swallow it?
You were supposed to dilute it with 2 or 3 parts water for douching, but they don't tell you that in the ad. You were supposed to write for the lovely booklet on social etiquette, which probably had instructions on the last page on how to not smell like a swamp monster.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Chickpea Sarada on Fri May 08, 2015 11:31 pm

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by caliseivy on Fri May 08, 2015 11:47 pm

Prajnaparamita wrote:Honest confession here, as someone who used to regularly use Nair down there to remove all the hair, there are a lot of poorly thought out body-care/hygienic products and methods you can justify to yourself with enough societal pressure, bodily shame and feelings of inadequacy.

If anyone else was wondering, don't put Nair on your ladybits. Just don't. It isn't worth it.

Heh, been there, will never go back again Neutral
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by eselle28 on Sat May 09, 2015 5:27 pm

caliseivy wrote:
Prajnaparamita wrote:Honest confession here, as someone who used to regularly use Nair down there to remove all the hair, there are a lot of poorly thought out body-care/hygienic products and methods you can justify to yourself with enough societal pressure, bodily shame and feelings of inadequacy.

If anyone else was wondering, don't put Nair on your ladybits. Just don't. It isn't worth it.

Heh, been there, will never go back again Neutral

Sadly, I too learned this lesson the hard way.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Prajnaparamita on Sat May 09, 2015 7:03 pm

Just curious guys, what do you do now to remove hair down there? Nair works great, but as we know, there's the burning sometimes into the next day. Shaving for me just leaves me with massive amounts of ingrown hair and razor burn, plus there are spots you just can't reach. And the thought of waxing there, either at home or at a salon totally freaks me out.

I suppose I could give up my dreams of maintaining that perfect little landing strip, but...

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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Suika on Sat May 09, 2015 7:17 pm

I just trim.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by caliseivy on Sat May 09, 2015 8:17 pm

I leave it be. Oral isn't too popular with me so I don't worry about it.
Well that and I'm not having sex lately...
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by eselle28 on Sat May 09, 2015 8:49 pm

I've tried waxing, and it's just too much money and too much pain. Historically, I've shaved and dealt with the resulting ingrown hairs. Current partner likes some hair and I don't have strong feelings so long as it's not an obscene amount of work, so I bought a trimmer.


Last edited by eselle28 on Sat May 09, 2015 8:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by Caffeinated on Sat May 09, 2015 8:49 pm

Suika wrote:I just trim.

Me too. Anything more is just a damn nuisance.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

Post by reboot on Sat May 09, 2015 9:12 pm

Caffeinated wrote:
Suika wrote:I just trim.

Me too. Anything more is just a damn nuisance.

Me too since waxing breaks me out in a rash and I am prone to ingrown hairs.
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Re: Fear of scent and hair *gasp* down there! [split]

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