Defending Myself

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Defending Myself

Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 3:07 am

Had a long talk with my mother over the phone. By the end, we were both crying.

What happened is that I admitted to her that I'd been sexually assaulted, and this had resulted (possibly) in me becoming incredibly rude and alienating as many people as possible to protect myself from them, that by hurting people preemptively I could keep myself from being hurt.

I don't trust anyone. I can't trust anyone. I can't let anyone in. I'm a wounded and feral animal.

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Re: Defending Myself

Post by reboot on Wed May 13, 2015 9:17 am

Have you considered joining an online sexual assault survivors forum? I have heard they are very cathartic and let people release the rage in a safe space
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Re: Defending Myself

Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 3:27 pm

reboot wrote:Have you considered joining an online sexual assault survivors forum? I have heard they are very cathartic and let people release the rage in a safe space

Where do you find those?

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Re: Defending Myself

Post by reboot on Wed May 13, 2015 3:34 pm

Google.

http://www.aftersilence.org
http://pandys.org/forums/
http://psychcentral.com/resources/Abuse/Sexual_Assault/

There are a ton more. Google: sexual assault survivors forum
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Re: Defending Myself

Post by Enail on Fri May 15, 2015 5:04 pm

That must have been hard to tell your mother, especially given how much conflict you seem to have with your parents. I hope it felt at least a bit good to be able to tell someone about it even if upsetting, and that maybe it will encourage her to be a bit more understanding and supportive of your efforts to reduce your stress.

I just want to add, it's okay to be heavily affected by this, it is something many people who go through it have some pretty big struggles dealing with, and having intense reactions to your experience doesn't mean you will never recover. If you want to do something to help your recovery (as well as Reboot's excellent suggestion), maybe consider giving yourself permission to not try for sex or even dating if you don't want to, and to refuse sex or sexual touching if someone else suggests it and you don't want to. Especially since you feel a lot of pressure about it. It's fine if you do want to, but a lot of people have pretty complicated feelings about sex in the aftermath of a sexual assault, and it can be a lot to deal with, so it's totally reasonable to want to take the whole idea off the table for a while if that would feel better for you. You deserve to have the power to say no to sexual activities, and just because someone assaulted you doesn't mean that stops being true.
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