Always meeting coupled people

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Always meeting coupled people Empty Re: Always meeting coupled people

Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 3:29 am

reboundstudent wrote:
Eh, for years when guys would reject my extremely-overt gestures, I chalked it up to "guys being oblivious." It didn't help that my friends always claimed guys needed a "clue by four" to the face when it came to a woman being interested in them. But slowly I started realizing.... no. They knew exactly what I was offering. They just didn't want it. I didn't need to be more obvious; I needed to accept the Soft No.

Part of this was observing over the years how the same guys would be "oblivious" to my romantic gestures, but the slightest bit of a hint from someone they were attracted to, and they were more than happy to pick up the ball and run with it. I'm happy to say that I don't think I've (unintentionally) creeped anyone out for a number of years by just accepting a guy's lack of attention to my interest at face value. Sure, there's a tiny chance he's oblivious. But that's the exception to the rule. More likely, he's just not that into you.

I've gotten some hard push-back from fellow ladies about my giving up at the first sign of obliviousness, but I feel it's better to err on the side of "accept rejection, avoid creepy behavior" than hope the guy just needs a neon sign and it turns out you're making him deeply uncomfortable.

I can honestly say I need a clue by four.

I can safely say, without hesitation that the times I've tried picking up on hints and I've failed miserably.

For example, there's a girl who's the daughter of a lab coordinator at work. Real cute geeky girl, long shaggy brown hair and adorable glasses too, super cute, so cute it hurts. Anyway, I figured she was a shy kid when I asked her her name once, she looked up, said it and put her head back down. Then in another instance as I was coming in to work I was chatting her up once and I could see she was turning red or something. So I thought, oh maybe I turn her on? I know I'm okay, but jeez, I thought 'she must be into me maybe a little'.

Mmm, no. I was wrong. I asked her out to see Avengers 2, as it turns out she has a boyfriend. "Well, shit; okay " I thought, but I actually said "Oh hey, no harm no foul."

Then in another instance, I thought this girl from church was into me because she was exhibiting a lot of the signs that the Doc was talking about. Such as her keeping legs pointed towards me, he head was tilted in my direction and some other really confusing stuff. Like the week prior, we had gone to get in & out and my buddy DC was driving. Well, Church Girl forgot her wallet in the car and she needed to make a call. Yet, for some reason, she came up to me and asked me if I had the key.

Those are the two more notable instances of my own idiocy.

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Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 8:05 am

Just FYI, Mikey, "I have a boyfriend" doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't attracted to you. I have totally crushed on (and low-key flirted with) people while I was involved with people, because they were fun and nice and I wanted them to like me. She probably wasn't TRYING to signal interest, but it doesn't mean your reading was necessarily wrong, just incomplete.

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Post by reboot on Wed May 13, 2015 9:14 am

ElizaJane wrote:Just FYI, Mikey, "I have a boyfriend" doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't attracted to you.  I have totally crushed on (and low-key flirted with) people while I was involved with people, because they were fun and nice and I wanted them to like me.  She probably wasn't TRYING to signal interest, but it doesn't mean your reading was necessarily wrong, just incomplete.

Yep. You can find someone attractive and quash interest when in a relationship, but sometimes it still shows.
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Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 11:34 am

ElizaJane wrote:Just FYI, Mikey, "I have a boyfriend" doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't attracted to you.  I have totally crushed on (and low-key flirted with) people while I was involved with people, because they were fun and nice and I wanted them to like me.  She probably wasn't TRYING to signal interest, but it doesn't mean your reading was necessarily wrong, just incomplete.

reboot wrote:
Yep. You can find someone attractive and quash interest when in a relationship, but sometimes it still shows.

I was under the impression that I made her uncomfortable yet I mistakenly interpreted it as her being into me.

Maybe it's just my shitty self-esteem/value that makes me believe girls aren't into me when they may very well be; yet aren't. :headscratch: I have a real knack for finding girls who are already committed. It's a pain in the ass. Razz

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Post by Gman on Wed May 13, 2015 4:29 pm

OOOHHH boy the amount of false positives I get in the dance scene is unbelievable - but I guess it's a inherent limiting factor when it gets trying to meet ladies in this scene. The naturally physical nature of it means that A LOT of times it's a false positive. This has made me VERY wary of trying to ask ladies out, even when I think thier into me. Though I have a feeling that there are STILL a few of them out there going "Wow, why won't Gman hit on me?!" and it's just a cluster Fuck of frustration and mixed messages Headsmack

But I love it non the less - dance scene is my second "home" so I simply accept the rules/conditions of it as they are and just try to have fun as much as I can Grin
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Post by Guest on Wed May 13, 2015 6:11 pm

I would say that in the dance scene it's a little different than it is off the dance floor and out of that scene. May be the same, I dunno. Razz Only because I'm not all up in a girl's face moving at particular rhythm. Grin

I'm talking in every day life I always seem to pick up all the wrong signals. No matter what, every time I turn on my "interest radar", I always read it wrong. So I've begun to guess/assume they're taken since just about everyone I've met is either talking to someone, seeing someone, is committed or something crazy.

It drives me up the wall and makes it difficult for me to stay positive.

For example, while I was at work I was talking to a girl for a little bit about guitar (she had her case). My female coworker teased me about hitting on her since she's never really seen me do that. And we brought it up to my boss (he's 27, so he gets it and he teases me about it too lol) and he was like "Yeah, she's cool; though I think she's got a boyfriend."

At which point I just said "Guh! Every time!!"

Another time, I asked same female coworker about her best friend and she tells me "Yeah, she's cool! But she's got a boyfriend, they come in here all the time!"

Pheeeww. Razz

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