Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Page 3 of 3 Previous  1, 2, 3

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Enail on Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:07 am

Mikey, I don't think you're the kind of poster Chickpea means!

Honestly, I think some of them want an excuse to not have to try and something or someone else to pin their feelings on. Some of them just want to argue. But yeah, some are a total mystery!
avatar
Enail
Admin

Posts : 3359
Reputation : 1642
Join date : 2014-09-22

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:44 am

Andrew Corvero wrote:
The Mikey wrote:

Spoiler:

<snip>

Now I won't turn violent, I know that and you guys know that, but the poor woman I'm asking out doesn't know that. So, I would rather let her go, not bother her and let her go about her business than to have that woman worry about me. What was a fear of rejection is now a fear of being misjudged and possibly getting maced or tazed.

Spoiler:
I can understand this fear, but honestly if you are polite, don't "ambush" people out of nowhere (especially not at night!) and introduce yourself openly and with a smile the worst you can get is a blunt "Leave me alone" or a dirty glare (and that's the absolute worst).

Women don't mace or taze men just because they approach them (unless they do it out of nowhere and take them by surprise in an already tense and scary situation).

Spoiler:

Eh, yeah, that's what I thought. But I dunno, still seems kinda rude. Still seems dishonest that I was friends with a girl first and later got pantsfeelings for her or something. Or that I have pantsfeelings for someone but I'm friendly towards them. I know nothing will happen even if I were to ask her out, so what's the point? Razz

Worst of all is the slow fade for a year or more. D: I still think they're cool and I would like to remain friendly; I just don't want them to think I'm trying to nice guy my way into anything tbh. I'm not. Razz DNL prime it was thought that maybe my behavior is responsible for that. Problem with that is I don't even know how to flirt either! Most of my "attempts" I feel seem almost a try-hard-ish which make me feel like a tool when that ain't me, dawg.

I dunno I'm a mixed bag of conflicting info, feelings and a shitton of left-over horny 14-year-old hormones. Razz

Anyway, Andrew, if you wanna continue we can always take it to PMs. Razz

Enail wrote:Mikey, I don't think you're the kind of poster Chickpea means!

Honestly, I think some of them want an excuse to not have to try and something or someone else to pin their feelings on. Some of them just want to argue. But yeah, some are a total mystery!

I would hope not. Uh-oh But there are times where I feel like I am despite everyone's best efforts and mine. Razz It sucks! Laughing

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by eselle28 on Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:51 am

<mod>This thread was always a dicey proposition, but if people can keep it to likely one shot posters on the prime site, it can stay open. If people continue to discuss their posting habits with each other, I'm going to lock it. While people have been admirably good at being civil, it's already made some people feel insecure and is eventually bound to hurt feelings.</mod>
avatar
eselle28
General Oversight Moderator

Posts : 1992
Reputation : 999
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 07, 2015 12:09 pm

So it seems like the people who are most in need of help are, ironically, also the people who are easy to shun.

That's shit.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Caffeinated on Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:08 pm

HermitTheToad wrote:So it seems like the people who are most in need of help are, ironically, also the people who are easy to shun.

That's shit.

I don't think that's necessarily true. For example the "thinks it's ok to grab a woman and drag her away from her friends" guy mentioned that he has a girlfriend. So basically he was just there to argue and stir up trouble, not to get help for himself.

I would also hope that in cases where someone really does need help but refuses to accept it, the harsh response they get will prompt them to reconsider their approach to getting help.
avatar
Caffeinated

Posts : 455
Reputation : 272
Join date : 2014-12-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by The Wisp on Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:11 pm

Chickpea Sarada wrote:Back when I was BritterSweet and didn't have an IntenseDebate account, I posted a comment somewhere summing up what made me so frustrated with certain posters.  It was about how resistant they were to good, seemingly benign and positive advice on approaching women without violating boundaries.  It basically said, "What do these posters frickin' want?!"

I think they (the one-shot posters who are often banned) basically view themselves as victims in a very deep way because they struggle with dating. They come up with pet rationalizations for why this is the case, whether it be their height, their looks, gender roles, women being EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIL, manipulative alpha males, feminism or something else. What they really want deep down is a validation of their suffering and compassion, but because they concoct these bullshit rationalizations that blame women/feminists/alphas/whatever for their problems, they equate their negative feelings with these rationalizations and won't accept anything that doesn't confirm those rationalizations 100%. Of course they'll never get it because these rationalizations are wrong. So they feel like their feelings are being attacked when they receive benign and positive advice because the advice doesn't confirm their strange theories of their own victimhood. So they get super defensive which leads them to saying horrible things.

That's my theory, anyway.
avatar
The Wisp

Posts : 896
Reputation : 198
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Caffeinated on Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:13 pm

The Wisp wrote:
Chickpea Sarada wrote:Back when I was BritterSweet and didn't have an IntenseDebate account, I posted a comment somewhere summing up what made me so frustrated with certain posters.  It was about how resistant they were to good, seemingly benign and positive advice on approaching women without violating boundaries.  It basically said, "What do these posters frickin' want?!"

I think they (the one-shot posters who are often banned) basically view themselves as victims in a very deep way because they struggle with dating. They come up with pet rationalizations for why this is the case, whether it be their height, their looks, gender roles, women being EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIL, manipulative alpha males, feminism or something else. What they really want deep down is a validation of their suffering and compassion, but because they concoct these bullshit rationalizations that blame women/feminists/alphas/whatever for their problems, they equate their negative feelings with these rationalizations and won't accept anything that doesn't confirm those rationalizations 100%. Of course they'll never get it because these rationalizations are wrong. So they feel like their feelings are being attacked when they receive benign and positive advice because the advice doesn't confirm their strange theories of their own victimhood. So they get super defensive which leads them to saying horrible things.

That's my theory, anyway.

I think you're probably right. I wish there were a simple way to give them the compassion they need without having to confirm their (often really terrible) rationalizations.
avatar
Caffeinated

Posts : 455
Reputation : 272
Join date : 2014-12-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by jcorozza on Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:15 pm

Oh, I think that's how they feel/how they view their problems as well, but what I do wonder is...what are they hoping to get out of posting in a place like this? It does seem like many of them want to come in just to disagree, so that they can feel like they are "superior to the masses".
avatar
jcorozza

Posts : 450
Reputation : 181
Join date : 2015-03-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by Xexyz on Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:09 pm

Unfortunately, on DNL Prime, "difficult posters" seems to mean "anyone who isn't in 100% lockstep with everything DNL says."  I mean, not too long ago he wrote an article using some movie characters as a framing device.  I asked if the article would still make sense since I didn't see the movie and thus had no context for his article, and for that I got immediately downvoted.  I also once took issue with a mean comment someone make about another poster's religion and ended up getting into an argument about it that I just eventually gave up on because people started making all sorts of assumptions about my beliefs and background and it became clear that it was pointless to continue.

So while it's obvious there are people who post on DNL Prime with the intent to troll or argue, I think that it's at least partly encouraged by some regulars on Prime who respond in order to satisfy their sense of self-righteousness, and are more willing to argue with trolls because they're on the side of the perceived consensus.

Xexyz

Posts : 82
Reputation : 22
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

Post by eselle28 on Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:12 pm

<mod>All right, it doesn't seem like people can deal with this topic without discussing their own or other Nerdlounge members' posting habits, so I'm locking it.<|mod>
avatar
eselle28
General Oversight Moderator

Posts : 1992
Reputation : 999
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Page 3 of 3 Previous  1, 2, 3

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum