Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

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Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Hirundo Bos on Sun May 31, 2015 12:23 pm

I thought maybe we should have a thread for when we've been rejected and feel sad about it, and then others can come in and commiserate, hug, comfort, encouragement further efforts etc., but not advice?

It should keep within the guidelines, though. No attacks on the person who've rejected you, groups that they belong to, or anyone else, really... let's say no attacking at all. No attacks on yourself either. There are so many feelings when you've been rejected, this thread should be for that part of us that wants commiseration, hugs, comfort, encouragement etc.
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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Hirundo Bos on Sun May 31, 2015 12:27 pm

So, I've been rejected, and I feel a little sad about it...

Which means, I was messaging on an OLD site and after five-or-six messages she said that unfortunately there weren't any pantsfeelings there. Lots of friendship-and-mutual-admirarion-feelings though. So we'll keep in touch. I'm not awfully sad. Just a little bit.

(Oh yeah, by the way, could someone remind me that "I don't think I'm going to want to sleep with you" actually means "I don't want to sleep with you", because although I know it does, that corner of my mind that wants to interpret it as "undecided" could use a bit of talking to.)
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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by V on Sun May 31, 2015 12:52 pm

An excellent idea!

And I'm sorry you were rejected Hirundo.  I hope you feel happier soon.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Archetype694 on Sun May 31, 2015 7:55 pm

Hirundo Bos wrote:So, I've been rejected, and I feel a little sad about it...

Which means, I was messaging on an OLD site and after five-or-six messages she said that unfortunately there weren't any pantsfeelings there. Lots of friendship-and-mutual-admirarion-feelings though. So we'll keep in touch. I'm not awfully sad. Just a little bit.

Sorry you're feeling bummed out.

I think that's not too bad of an outcome though, you must of been doing something right however if you are getting "friendship-and-mutual-admiration-feelings". I like to think new friends are always good, though it's definitely a bummer as this was not the outcome you were aiming for.

I personally seem to have little to zero luck with OLD, last three messages I sent didn't even inspire a return look at my profile, which in the past would cause my jerkbrain to spew horrible thoughts. Thankfully now I am in a place where such things do not bother me, though I would like to what I did wrong so I can improve. I find it funny how I seem to be able to connect with others when face to face yet that skillset falls flat when I switch to OLD.

C'est la vie

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by gaboz on Mon Jun 01, 2015 6:02 am

Hirundo wrote:(Oh yeah, by the way, could someone remind me that "I don't think I'm going to want to sleep with you" actually means "I don't want to sleep with you", because although I know it does, that corner of my mind that wants to interpret it as "undecided" could use a bit of talking to.)

Bummer Hirundo, only trick I know is maybe brutal but it works for me, Yes = Maybe, Maybe = No, and No isnt worth my energy.

Archetype694 wrote:I personally seem to have little to zero luck with OLD, last three messages I sent didn't even inspire a return look at my profile

I would love to know what content the messages had?

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Hirundo Bos on Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:27 pm

Yeah, it's not that bad of an outcome, and I'm beginning to learn how to process rejection sadness, a period of low energy and pessimism, bouts of feeling unattractive, but they pass.

Yes = maybe etc. seems like a good rule of thumb.

I don't get a lot of replies on OLD either (but then I don't send out that many messages). I don't know many approaches pr. replies are usual or what one should expect, and how many is a sign that something can be approved... hope you do get some more of them  soon.
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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 02, 2015 2:12 pm

It's all right, bud. :3

We all strike out, I should know. It's tough not letting it tear you apart though, I should also know that. Razz

Here, have some somewhat comforting music.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by NomChompsky on Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:56 pm

I'm gonna share a funny rejection story.

So the last time I tried to go out on a date was in 2012 right after I got my undergrad. I asked out a girl from my class and she said yes, even "I think it's time I try an adult relationship."

So we agreed to meet up for coffee a few days later. I was feeling alright about it, though she was 19 and I was 25. An age difference (though in my eyes, not a huge one). Anyway, she shows up at the coffee shop a few days later (We haven't talked much since I asked her). Sits down, and immediately says "You're too nice for me to date."

I sort of just stared at her and said "okay." We talked a little bit and eventually I left. She later said it was the age thing that made her uncomfortable, but I think we all know that's bullshit and it was just straight up not being physically attracted. She denied that, but I wasn't angry or anything. The only thing that really bothered me was the fact that she could have told me that straight away rather than making me go outside and waste a bunch of time that I could have otherwise used productively.

Anyway that shit was like 3 years ago so I'm not sad about it, and I really wasn't sad about it then either. Don't be sad. It doesn't hurt anyone but you and ultimately life is only going to get worse as we age.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Enail on Fri Jun 05, 2015 2:08 pm

<mod> This thread is to allow people to express their sadness and commiserate. Telling people not to be sad in a thread specifically for that purpose is not really appropriate. </mod>
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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by NomChompsky on Fri Jun 05, 2015 2:22 pm

k won't happen again.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Enail on Fri Jun 05, 2015 2:31 pm

Thanks! Smile
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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Shajenko on Fri Jul 24, 2015 6:18 pm

I'm dealing with the aftermath of asking out a woman who was showing VERY heavy flirting signs. She asked me to dinner, sent me pics of her in a bikini, and other people noticed she was flirting with me. And when I ask her out, she says she's sorry if she gave the wrong impression - she just flirts with people without realizing who it is or something like that.

That was a couple of weeks ago or so.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Dannyboy on Sun Jul 26, 2015 12:06 am

Welp, so much for my first date. The girl I was supposed to be meeting on Sunday couldn't make it because of work, and next week she's going to Mexico (apparently, for some reason I think she's just blowing me off). Anyway, I think the ship has sailed with this one, since she didn't tell me when she'd be back. I don't know why I got my hopes up, things don't change for me, thirty years from now I'm going to be the same old lonely bastard I am today.

*sigh* I know I should't be so dramatic, I've gotten some replies from other girls (well, one of them's never on and the other might've just thought my message was funny). I was just, so close to having an actual real-life date with a girl and now it just seems like a distant fantasy again.

I wish I hadn't decided to give up booze for a couple of weeks, I just want to feel drunk and not care about anything for the rest of the night.

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Re: Rejection sadness and commiseration-thread

Post by Hirundo Bos on Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:07 pm

Reviving this thread, feeling I maybe shorts have followed up on it when other people that myself posted. But anyway. A Tinder match didn't work out. Not so much that anyone where rejected, more that she very clearly was looking for a long-term relationship while I'm looking for I'm not exactly sure. But so many things in my life are changing now, a big commitment would not be a good idea. Only... this person made such a good impression, if I had been looking, I'd have been very excited to have met her. It makes me sad to think I'm not going to explore that with her. And I ask myself if I'm really that certain I don't want to, and I answer myself yes, maybe with someone, not with her, and it gives me courage to see I know my feelings that well now, but makes me sad that something that could have been nice won't be.
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