considering opting out of dating FOR GOOD.

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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:33 pm

After my string of failures and my recent loss of interest/disillusion of dating, I am considering opting out of dating for good. I see no incentive to get a significant other, unfortunately dating is a punishing ordeal for BOTH genders. I see too many rejections and no enthusiastic "Yes!" I know some people will try to talk me out of this but, if you want me to reconsider, show me an incentive or proof that dating is easy.

for now my heart is decommissioned.

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Post by eselle28 on Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:48 pm

I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. If you're not interested in and disillusioned by dating and struggling with rejection, sometimes it is good to step back and concentrate on other things.

The only thing I suggest with an opt out decision is that you may want to be open to reconsidering at some point in the possibly distant future, since people's feelings do occasionally change over the years. But if that doesn't feel good right now, it's okay not to do that too.
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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:51 pm

eselle28 wrote:I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. If you're not interested in and disillusioned by dating and struggling with rejection, sometimes it is good to step back and concentrate on other things.

The only thing I suggest with an opt out decision is that you may want to be open to reconsidering at some point in the possibly distant future, since people's feelings do occasionally change over the years. But if that doesn't feel good right now, it's okay not to do that too.

When? in the year 2390? Sorry, but not gonna happen. I have wasted 25 years of my life trying to live and chase a non existent illusion. I am not going to waste another 25 on the same bullshit.

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Post by eselle28 on Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:54 pm

You don't need to apologize. It's your decision. If it's one that you think will feel better than dating, then it sounds like a good one.
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Post by Enail on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:00 pm

Dating is not easy, and I hope none of our advice here has made you feel like you're a failure if it isn't easy. And if you feel like it's too much painful effort and you'll be happier concentrating on other things, I don't think that's a bad decision at all. There are a lot of good things in the world worth putting effort into and that can be part of having a happy life.
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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:07 pm

Enail wrote:Dating is not easy, and I hope none of our advice here has made you feel like you're a failure if it isn't easy. And if you feel like it's too much painful effort and you'll be happier concentrating on other things, I don't think that's a bad decision at all. There are a lot of good things in the world worth putting effort into and that can be part of having a happy life.

Dating is NOT one of them.

Your advice is deeply appreciated, but it was a good run, there are some things that cannot be fixed. Dating is not worth all the sex and affection, its not worth it at all! With the way that some women are (Especially some women in PR), and the rigid and punitive social norms, I would rather be chewing broken glass!

However, I am no fool, if someone is interested in me sexually, I'll go for it, but approaching, wooing, talking to women is a rather punitive ordeal.


Last edited by Alex1989 on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:08 pm

eselle28 wrote:You don't need to apologize. It's your decision. If it's one that you think will feel better than dating, then it sounds like a good one.

Of course it is a good one! Like I said if you want me to reconsider, I need an incentive or proof that dating is easy.

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Post by reboot on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:16 pm

I opted out of dating and relationships and it has been good for me. It has allowed me to set aside all the bad that dating made me feel, especially since my appearance brings out all sorts of asshole in many men, and focus on friends and other important parts of my life

So good luck in your decision.
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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:17 pm

reboot wrote:I opted out of dating and relationships and it has been good for me. It has allowed me to set aside all the bad that dating made me feel, especially since my appearance brings out all sorts of asshole in many men, and focus on friends and other important parts of my life

So good luck in your decision.

This guy gets it!

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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:12 pm

Maybe I'll go herbivore?

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Post by waxingjaney on Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:38 pm

Consider that dating is an opt-in, hobby activity to begin with.
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Post by Guest on Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:48 pm

waxingjaney wrote:Consider that dating is an opt-in, hobby activity to begin with.

Not if you live in PR, it is pretty much forced on you, being a male virgin past high school is a bad thing, you are labeled a "Fag" "Sissy" "Boy"

That's why there is no incentive in dating.

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Post by gaboz on Tue Jun 09, 2015 3:48 am

Alex1989 wrote:After my string of failures and my recent loss of interest/disillusion of dating, I am considering opting out of dating for good. I see no incentive to get a significant other, unfortunately dating is a punishing ordeal for BOTH genders. I see too many rejections and no enthusiastic "Yes!" I know some people will try to talk me out of this but, if you want me to reconsider, show me an incentive or proof that dating is easy.

for now my heart is decommissioned.

Shame. Considering opting out dating for good....that is to freaking long. you should take some time out but man everybody thinks they are Christmas cakes. We are not cakes, we are beverages!

Some are frizzy pop, others are beers or wines. I consider myself a blended malt whisky. but i digress, point is dont say never and please dont make being a virgin your sole entity, its just a part of you.

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Post by Gman on Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:39 am

I'm with gaboz. Making your status as a virgin your only point of focus in your life, only hurts you from getting out of that situation. I also was 25 when I lost my virginity, but that only happened once I started trying to make progress with myself in general while trying as hard as I can not focusing on my romantic situation too hardly. I also believe that going "I give up forever" is counter-productive, as simply trying to bury it deep in yourself will only cause it to explode in an ugly fashion later on, because wanting physical contact and love is a basic human desire. While it's 100% perfectly normal and okay to go "I just want to give it a rest for a while, it's driving me crazy", it's important not to give up entirley, as you never know when a great opportunity might arise. That's exactly what happened to me at least - I was in a state of "I feel exhausted, I don't feel like being active in dating for now" but then I met someone who I might have not got together with, if I was too strict with my "no dating" policy that I put in place on myself for that time.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:23 am

Gman wrote:I'm with gaboz. Making your status as a virgin your only point of focus in your life, only hurts you from getting out of that situation. I also was 25 when I lost my virginity, but that only happened once I started trying to make progress with myself in general while trying as hard as I can not focusing on my romantic situation too hardly. I also believe that going "I give up forever" is counter-productive, as simply trying to bury it deep in yourself will only cause it to explode in an ugly fashion later on, because wanting physical contact and love is a basic human desire. While it's 100% perfectly normal and okay to go "I just want to give it a rest for a while, it's driving me crazy", it's important not to give up entirley, as you never know when a great opportunity might arise. That's exactly what happened to me at least - I was in a state of "I feel exhausted, I don't feel like being active in dating for now" but then I met someone who I might have not got together with, if I was too strict with my "no dating" policy that I put in place on myself for that time.

A desire and need that has not been fulfilled and will never be fulfilled. And trust me, it has exploded a couple of times in the form of suicide attempts. I am giving up for good, the only way for me to get back in the market is a guarantee of success, an incentive or proof that it is worth it. I am tired of all the nonsense I have to pull off just to get the light of day. I am not putting up with the bullshit any longer.

You guys really want me to reconsider dating, well, I need a guarantee that I will succeed, other than that, I am not going to waste the remainder of my miserable life on trying to fulfill a need that will never be met!

P.S. Yes I am angry. :grrr: :grrr: :grrr:

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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:25 am

gaboz wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:After my string of failures and my recent loss of interest/disillusion of dating, I am considering opting out of dating for good. I see no incentive to get a significant other, unfortunately dating is a punishing ordeal for BOTH genders. I see too many rejections and no enthusiastic "Yes!" I know some people will try to talk me out of this but, if you want me to reconsider, show me an incentive or proof that dating is easy.

for now my heart is decommissioned.

Shame. Considering opting out dating for good....that is to freaking long. you should take some time out but man everybody thinks they are Christmas cakes. We are not cakes, we are beverages!

Some are frizzy pop, others are beers or wines. I consider myself a blended malt whisky. but i digress, point is dont say never and please dont make being a virgin your sole entity, its just a part of you.

In my case I am now a bottle of carburetor cleaner. bitter and corrosive.

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Post by nearly_takuan on Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:36 am

Whether or not anyone else wants you to reconsider is immaterial; it's just probable that you will.

The smart play would be not to. As you say, there's nothing about the experience that doesn't royally suck. Good luck convincing the rest of yourself, though. You'll need it.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:48 am

nearly_takuan wrote:Whether or not anyone else wants you to reconsider is immaterial; it's just probable that you will.

The smart play would be not to. As you say, there's nothing about the experience that doesn't royally suck. Good luck convincing the rest of yourself, though. You'll need it.

Mark. My. Words. I will NEVER reconsider, I Will Never Love Again!!. :shout:

I am very close to take the red pill...

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Post by reboot on Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:21 am

Alex1989 wrote:
nearly_takuan wrote:Whether or not anyone else wants you to reconsider is immaterial; it's just probable that you will.

The smart play would be not to. As you say, there's nothing about the experience that doesn't royally suck. Good luck convincing the rest of yourself, though. You'll need it.

Mark. My. Words. I will NEVER reconsider, I Will Never Love Again!!. :shout:

I am very close to take the red pill...

MOD

Dial it down everyone! Part of this forum involves respecting the choices others make for themselves. This includes the decision to date AND the decision not to date. Alex and I may have made different decisions than you would but please respect that they are right for us.

If people continue to try and convince Alex that he has made the wrong choice or he will change his mind, this thread will be locked.
/MOD
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Post by Enail on Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:29 am

Alex, if you think not dating is the right decision for you, then I am behind you. I hope you'll let us know how we can support you in your decision.

I also very much hope that you'll keep that decision separate from your beliefs about gender and society, and not go red pill - even if you've decided not to date women, that doesn't mean that you can't see them as people and have positive, respectful interactions with them, just like you do with men even though you've decided not to date them. I totally understand being frustrated and angry - and I don't think you're wrong to feel that way - I just hope you'll remember that a lot of us here on the forum are women and we're people too, and we're wishing you a lot of happiness Smile
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Post by reboot on Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:39 am

Enail wrote:Alex, if you think not dating is the right decision for you, then I am behind you. I hope you'll let us know how we can support you in your decision.

I also very much hope that you'll keep that decision separate from your beliefs about gender and society, and not go red pill - even if you've decided not to date women, that doesn't mean that you can't see them as people and have positive, respectful interactions with them, just like you do with men even though you've decided not to date them. I totally understand being frustrated and angry - and I don't think you're wrong to feel that way - I just hope you'll remember that a lot of us here on the forum are women and we're people too, and we're wishing you a lot of happiness Smile

Cosigned. If you take the red pill then you are saying that enail, eselle, kleenestar, me and every other woman on this forum who has ever supported you are horrible, manipulative, evil monsters. And that is hurtful to us.

I also support your decision and want you to keep us posted. If you need any advice about how to live without having the pursuit of love/sex/romance in your life, just ask me.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:48 am

reboot wrote:
Enail wrote:Alex, if you think not dating is the right decision for you, then I am behind you. I hope you'll let us know how we can support you in your decision.

I also very much hope that you'll keep that decision separate from your beliefs about gender and society, and not go red pill - even if you've decided not to date women, that doesn't mean that you can't see them as people and have positive, respectful interactions with them, just like you do with men even though you've decided not to date them. I totally understand being frustrated and angry - and I don't think you're wrong to feel that way - I just hope you'll remember that a lot of us here on the forum are women and we're people too, and we're wishing you a lot of happiness Smile

Cosigned. If you take the red pill then you are saying that enail, eselle, kleenestar, me and every other woman on this forum who has ever supported you are horrible, manipulative, evil monsters. And that is hurtful to us.

I also support your decision and want you to keep us posted. If you need any advice about how to live without having the pursuit of love/sex/romance in your life, just ask me.


I am sorry if you are offended by my decision, but I simply cannot trust the gender that has lied, bullied, and abused me for 25 years. I am not generalizing per se, but if women want my trust again, they have to prove that they are to be trusted.

You, on the other hand, have not wronged me, but I cannot trust a person who I have not seen in person, I feel like I am talking to an avatar on the screen.

Again I am sorry.


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Post by PintsizeBro on Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:54 am

Deciding you don't want to date is fine. If that's a permanent decision and it's right for you, more power to you. If you do change your mind later, nobody is going to say, "gotcha!"

Deciding there's no point in trying unless you're guaranteed success is counterproductive; you're never guaranteed success at anything, let alone when other humans are involved. But I understand the motivation, and it does take self-awareness to know that you don't have the mental or emotional energy to deal with disappointment.

Blaming others for your unhappiness is not okay. You blame all women as a group for what some women have done to you. Women are individuals. And I don't see you blaming men as a group for the bad things that men have done to you, or do you expect us to believe that you have never been wronged by a man in your life? Assigning collective blame to a group because of the actions of individuals is, like, the core definition of prejudice.

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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:05 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Deciding you don't want to date is fine. If that's a permanent decision and it's right for you, more power to you. If you do change your mind later, nobody is going to say, "gotcha!"

Deciding there's no point in trying unless you're guaranteed success is counterproductive; you're never guaranteed success at anything, let alone when other humans are involved. But I understand the motivation, and it does take self-awareness to know that you don't have the mental or emotional energy to deal with disappointment.

Blaming others for your unhappiness is not okay. You blame all women as a group for what some women have done to you. Women are individuals. And I don't see you blaming men as a group for the bad things that men have done to you, or do you expect us to believe that you have never been wronged by a man in your life? Assigning collective blame to a group because of the actions of individuals is, like, the core definition of prejudice.

That's what 25 years of abuse has done to me. Disapproving

"Women are individuals"? They may be individuals but are they trustworthy individuals? Not to me.

"Wronged by a man"? My father walked out on me when I was 12, I don't remember him ever wronging me. My mother on the other hand...

I may be prejudiced, but I have valid reasons to be so.

P.S. The Army does not go into battle unless it is guaranteed a victory. Nice try.

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Post by Robjection on Tue Jun 09, 2015 1:07 pm

The one thing that I'm unsure about with all this is: why have you not only decided to let us know but, in spite of being pretty dead set on your decision not to date any more, also asked us to prove that you should change your mind?

I can think of a few reasons why this might be the case. I just don't know which one you've gone with.

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