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Glides' Adventures in Therapy

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Post by Guest Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:51 am

Andrew Corvero wrote:
Enail wrote:And she is used to horrifyingly negative self-talk, she is in this profession because that doesn't disgust or upset her, and she has probably heard it enough that what you say will not be anything new to her. This is her job.

I completely agree. Glides, your therapist has probably heard and studied much worse than your self-talk. Negative self-talk may be horrifying but there are some issues which are far more horrifying (at least to the general population) than being a negative person and complaining about yourself.

I can tell you that when I was a teen I have discussed some very graphically violent fantasies of mine against my father with a therapist. He didn't judge me one bit, and helped me to overcome my own guilt for having had those fantasies.

It's fucking difficult to trust people. Hell, even the people I trust the most don't even know half the fucked up shit about me. They don't know about how I was nearly murdered when I was 11, how I spent the vast majority of high school completely isolated, going weeks without saying a single word. They don't know about how I was thrown off a balcony at prom (where I naturally went stag), breaking my ankle and led to me being dragged out of a nightclub screaming by the bouncers. They don't know about my sexual assault last year. They don't know that the last time I kissed a girl was part of a plan to piss off her ex-boyfriend.

My parents don't know, my family don't know, they don't know. I am so fucking scared shitless to admit that to anyone, let alone a goddamn shrink. So you can't just expect me to open up like that with the amount of trust issues I have. I can't trust anyone. If I can't tell people I've known for my entire life, how can I reasonably be expected to tell a stranger? I don't give a fuck if it's confidential: rules are made to be broken. They laugh about their patients getting drunk on the weekends, I bet.

The shrink isn't stupid: she can tell and knows that something is seriously wrong with me. I'm just waiting patiently for the moment where she says that I'm incurable and I'll never be happy, just like the last one did.

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Post by reboot Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:15 am

The reason you are paying a therapist is to tell her these things so she can help you learn the skills to cope. You are also paying for her silence.

To you, because it happened to you, these things are unique and have never happened to anyone before and make you uniquely messed up. To a therapist, these are fairly run of the mill experiences for a patient to have, since people in therapy are often dealing with trauma. You are unlikely to be telling your therapist anything she has not heard before
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Post by jcorozza Sat Jun 27, 2015 10:42 am

Glides wrote:


My parents don't know, my family don't know, they don't know. I am so fucking scared shitless to admit that to anyone, let alone a goddamn shrink. So you can't just expect me to open up like that with the amount of trust issues I have. I can't trust anyone. If I can't tell people I've known for my entire life, how can I reasonably be expected to tell a stranger? I don't give a fuck if it's confidential: rules are made to be broken. They laugh about their patients getting drunk on the weekends, I bet.

And yet, you have no problem talking about that stuff here, with no prompting.

Glides wrote:
The shrink isn't stupid: she can tell and knows that something is seriously wrong with me. I'm just waiting patiently for the moment where she says that I'm incurable and I'll never be happy, just like the last one did.

If that's actually what your last therapist said, then they're pretty bad at their job. However, you do seem to actively work against helping yourself or improving how things are gong.

As far as the confidentiality goes. Therapists will often consult with other therapists if they're dealing with a client who they're not sure how to help. But usually, client names aren't discussed, just some of the details, like, "X is really stubborn about opening up, what would you do?" or, "X does Y, Z, and Q...what do you think?". But that's all stuff that people here could just as easily do, and, like them, no name attached. I could go around to my friends saying, "oh man, there's this guy Glides on the Nerdlounge and he did X", and depending what X is, they may or may not be interested, but since they don't know who you are, just like your therapists friends, family, and coworkers don't, it's not being traced back to you. Does your therapist know any of the same people you do? Is there anyone who, if she told them everything about you and your past, would be able to ruin your life?
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Post by Guest Sat Jun 27, 2015 10:56 am

jcorozza wrote:

And yet, you have no problem talking about that stuff here, with no prompting.  

You can't see me and you don't know my name. I say to the forum things I wouldn't tell my closest friends. That and Reddit are the only times that I'm myself.

So "myself" is mercurial and high drama.



If that's actually what your last therapist said, then they're pretty bad at their job.  However, you do seem to actively work against helping yourself or improving how things are going.  

As far as the confidentiality goes.  Therapists will often consult with other therapists if they're dealing with a client who they're not sure how to help.  But usually, client names aren't discussed, just some of the details, like, "X is really stubborn about opening up, what would you do?"  or, "X does Y, Z, and Q...what do you think?".  But that's all stuff that people here could just as easily do, and, like them, no name attached.  I could go around to my friends saying, "oh man, there's this guy Glides on the Nerdlounge and he did X", and depending what X is, they may or may not be interested, but since they don't know who you are, just like your therapists friends, family, and coworkers don't, it's not being traced back to you.  Does your therapist know any of the same people you do?  Is there anyone who, if she told them everything about you and your past, would be able to ruin your life?

I have no idea who she knows.

I assume everyone talks shit about me behind my back, so that definitely extends to the shrink. If I was a therapist, I'd complain about my shitty clients behind their backs too.

Like I said, she's professionally friendly but it's pretty clear that my stony and cold attitude towards her is not inspiring any feelings of "wow what a nice patient" as opposed to "god this kid is a fucking douche." Don't get me wrong, I definitely deserve it. I can't force myself to be nice after an hour of hearing my worst problems repeated back to me.

Not to mention that I don't even know what to say to her regarding anything. I don't know how to express any of my problems out loud. The right words just won't come out.

I dunno, the therapist likes me just a tiny bit more than you do.

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Post by reboot Sat Jun 27, 2015 11:18 am

Therapists do not talk in specifics about their patients to anyone other than a consulting therapist after you agree it is OK. How do I know this? Through my work I have become close friends with a metric fuckton of mental health professionals. The most they say is, "I had a rough session today. Patient with a terrible history of abuse/in a toxic family/responding poorly to medication. I need a drink/vacation/a nap". The one exception are forensic psychologists who interview people in capital cases in that they will mention what the crime is, but all that happens after the arrest is public record. Technically you could ID the patient if you wanted to with that information since the crime and arrest are public.

You have to remember, your story is not particularly interesting to your therapist's friends, family or anyone who does not know you. No one wants to hear about the life experiences of a stranger when they are hanging out with friends/family.
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Post by jcorozza Sat Jun 27, 2015 11:30 am

Yup. And even if they tell someone about a really horrific client/situation, they would be SUPER CAREFUL about who they tell and not telling who they're talking about. Your therapist has tons of clients. I doubt you're the most interesting.
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Post by Hirundo Bos Sat Jun 27, 2015 11:33 am

I think it's quite common to be reluctant about trusting a new therapist, I know it took some time with the one I go to now, and it was quite a big issue in my first year with the previous one. Building that trust is in itself a part of therapy. The experience of interacting with someone trustworthy is one of the things you take away from therapy. And building trust, as well as being trustworthy, is part of a therapist's training... if they don't work to earn it, they're not doing their job.

It can take quite a while to happen though. Trust doesn't happen instantly for anyone, and it can take even more time when someone's been hurt before.
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Post by Enail Sat Jun 27, 2015 12:55 pm

I second Hirundo, it's okay if it takes you time to feel safe enough to tell her some things. Tell her as much as you can, and you can work on things based on that, and that'll help you practice talking about difficult things, so maybe that will even help you talking about the stuff you can't bring yourself to say now.
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Post by Guest Sat Jun 27, 2015 1:57 pm

Enail wrote:I second Hirundo, it's okay if it takes you time to feel safe enough to tell her some things. Tell her as much as you can, and you can work on things based on that, and that'll help you practice talking about difficult things, so maybe that will even help you talking about the stuff you can't bring yourself to say now.

I have warned her about that, I've even told her straight up that it takes me a while to open up. But then she gets visibly mad when I won't say something.

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Post by Enail Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:12 pm

Have you considered the possibility that you could be reading her responses as more negative than they actually are because you're worried about her reactions? It strikes me that it would be pretty unusual for a therapist to have as much emotional reaction to what you've been saying as you're describing. Remember people's feelings operate differently; she's not necessarily feeling and reacting the way you would in her situation, so try not to project too much based on either your own fears or your feelings.
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Post by reboot Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:23 pm

Enail wrote:Have you considered the possibility that you could be reading her responses as more negative than they actually are because you're worried about her reactions? It strikes me that it would be pretty unusual for a therapist to have as much emotional reaction to what you've been saying as you're describing. Remember people's feelings operate differently; she's not necessarily feeling and reacting the way you would in her situation, so try not to project too much based on either your own fears or your feelings.

I agree. I think your jerkbrain is filtering pretty hard on this one as it is wont to do.
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Post by Andrew Corvero Sat Jun 27, 2015 4:08 pm

Glides wrote:You can't see me and you don't know my name. I say to the forum things I wouldn't tell my closest friends. That and Reddit are the only times that I'm myself.

Have you tried to think about your therapist as if she doesn't care about your name or your face and facial expressions? That's what the "not judging" thing is about.

Maybe you can try to think of her as a doctor. When you go to the doctor for a check up you may be showing parts of your body you normally don't show to strangers. When you go to a therapist you show parts of your personality you normally don't show to strangers. It's natural for it to be awkward in the beginning but keep in mind she's used to see parts of personalities which people hide from others, just like a doctor is used to see parts of bodies which are normally hidden from view.

She's not there to be a friend. She's there to be a doctor. Have you tried addressing her very formally and explaining your problems in a detached, clinical way? I've done it with my therapist and it helps a lot to get over the awkwardness of exposing your "true self" to someone you don't know.

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Post by Guest Sun Jun 28, 2015 5:19 pm

Andrew Corvero wrote:
Glides wrote:You can't see me and you don't know my name. I say to the forum things I wouldn't tell my closest friends. That and Reddit are the only times that I'm myself.

Have you tried to think about your therapist as if she doesn't care about your name or your face and facial expressions? That's what the "not judging" thing is about.

Maybe you can try to think of her as a doctor. When you go to the doctor for a check up you may be showing parts of your body you normally don't show to strangers. When you go to a therapist you show parts of your personality you normally don't show to strangers. It's natural for it to be awkward in the beginning but keep in mind she's used to see parts of personalities which people hide from others, just like a doctor is used to see parts of bodies which are normally hidden from view.

She's not there to be a friend. She's there to be a doctor. Have you tried addressing her very formally and explaining your problems in a detached, clinical way? I've done it with my therapist and it helps a lot to get over the awkwardness of exposing your "true self" to someone you don't know.

I think I'm already doing this. I don't have any emotion when I'm talking (or at least I'm trying).

I have no idea how therapy works, considering how bad the other one was. I have no idea if it's working or not, I have no idea what strategies I need to use to overcome this. I know literally nothing and I feel very behind the curve whenever I go there. I just think "I'm jealous of any person who doesn't need this."

Despite all that, I still want this person to like me. I want everyone to like me. Which is the most ironic thing I've ever said, considering most people's opinions of me. Self-deprecating talk is second nature.

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Post by Andrew Corvero Sun Jun 28, 2015 5:43 pm

Glides wrote:I have no idea how therapy works, considering how bad the other one was. I have no idea if it's working or not, I have no idea what strategies I need to use to overcome this. I know literally nothing and I feel very behind the curve whenever I go there.

If you have no idea, why don't you simply try to tell her some of the things you tell to the forum? Start with what you find easier.

Glides wrote:Despite all that, I still want this person to like me. I want everyone to like me. Which is the most ironic thing I've ever said, considering most people's opinions of me. Self-deprecating talk is second nature.

Didn't you say that you wanted people to hate you so you could hate them back?

I understand that you're going through a period when you don't really know what you want from people or yourself. What you need to do is understand that this is perfectly normal and it's natural not to have all the answers.

I think that since you're going through a period of changes you should avoid putting labels on yourself. The more you tell yourself, for example, that self-deprecating talk is a second nature the more you'll become convinced you can't change.

Also you should try to avoid putting labels on others. You don't know what all other people think of you. You're not a mind reader and neither is anyone else. The truth is that you don't know what people think of you, and your assumptions may as well be very wrong.

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Post by PintsizeBro Mon Jun 29, 2015 12:34 pm

Glides, all your problems are pretty normal. It's been said in this thread already, but it bears repeating. There's really nothing uniquely fucked up about you. Therapists hear things like this all the time. I know someone who was bullied so badly in high school that they dropped out and got a GED instead. A sizable number of people I know are rape survivors. Some are recovering alcoholics. And that's just the people who trusted me enough to tell me about the things that happened to them. I'm sure there are more people I know who have similar things going on and they just haven't told me.

I think you're desperate to be special and unique, and your self-image is so negative right now that the only way you can see that happening is by being uniquely fucked up.

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Post by bomaye Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:16 pm

I think the idea is that she's supposed to cut through the self-image you've built up and let yourself compassionately see a human being, and then teach you a few tricks to help that human being cope with the things he finds difficult to cope with and allow himself to take credit for things.
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Post by Guest Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:04 pm

bomaye wrote:I think the idea is that she's supposed to cut through the self-image you've built up and let yourself compassionately see a human being, and then teach you a few tricks to help that human being cope with the things he finds difficult to cope with and allow himself to take credit for things.

Shit, she can have all the credit if she wants it that badly.

I'm actually going to see her in a couple hours, so we'll see how things go.

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Post by Enail Wed Jul 01, 2015 5:51 pm

No, she wants you to take credit for things you do!
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Post by Guest Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:15 pm

Enail wrote:No, she wants you to take credit for things you do!

Session Four

She caught me in a surprisingly good mood, entirely due to the fact that I had accidentally had the right amount of coffee that day.

She said my thinking was more positive, that there wasn't so much black-and-white thinking.

I did admit I was a virgin to her, since she made me give her that message Roomie had posted.

"What's wrong with that?"

"I'm 20 and a virgin, that's fucking pathetic."

And again, the now famous "Jesus Christ you're insane" look. Only those with a healthy sex life give me that condescending look. It's identical to Roomie's look when I insult myself.

And as I've mentioned, she's extremely attractive and social, so I'm sure that isn't an issue for her.

I did catalog what days I feel the worst. It's Fridays and Saturdays. Today is Friday. So sorry. I'm just in no fucking mood to be nice.

She keeps ignoring the romantic problem, to where I'm tempted to scream at her "I WILL NEVER KNOW THE LOVE OF A WOMAN CAN YOU HONESTLY FUCKING SAY WITH A STRAIGHT FUCKING FACE THAT I SHOULDNT DIE, YOU STUPID BITCH"

I didn't.

She keeps asking me to show her personal things I've written about my own self-talk, even the shit I write on the forum.

"Trust me, nothing you could write would ever shock me. You're not my first patient."

I really don't give a shit.

She still seems annoyed that I won't open up entirely. But we've already discussed this.

Overall, we did get along more than we did during previous sessions.

I still don't know what I'm doing, but at least she's increasingly nice to talk to. If I have to pay money for a friend/emotional whore, I've gotten so starved for attention that I may just keep doing that. Because as useless as this is, it's very nice to talk to a person out loud.

She's a brave woman for tolerating the likes of me.

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Post by Robjection Fri Jul 03, 2015 8:21 pm

Glides wrote:She caught me in a surprisingly good mood, entirely due to the fact that I had accidentally had the right amount of coffee that day.
I don't suppose you made a note somewhere of what this right amount of coffee is did you?

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Post by bomaye Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:19 pm

I'm 29 and a virgin, you've still got 9 years to outdo me :p

I think you're projecting a lot of your expected reaction on to her, like you're either twisting her facial expressions (assuming you're looking at her) into what you want or getting a bit frustrated that she's not outwardly reacting the way you want her to.

She's not the focus of the therapy, you are. She's not trying to dig up dirty secrets about you so she can display them for all to laugh, she's trying to get a bead on exactly how and why you're reacting to yourself the way you are, so she can identify ways to help you calm and alter those reactions
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Post by Guest Sun Jul 05, 2015 8:23 pm

Robjection wrote:
Glides wrote:She caught me in a surprisingly good mood, entirely due to the fact that I had accidentally had the right amount of coffee that day.
I don't suppose you made a note somewhere of what this right amount of coffee is did you?

That's what a smart person would do.

And as we know...I'm not that guy.

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Post by bomaye Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:24 pm

Are you a heavy caffeine drinker, Glides?
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Post by Enail Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:36 pm

Glides is on suspension atm, so he won't be answering for some time.
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