Unable To Connect With People

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Post by Guest on Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:52 am

reboot wrote:
Glides wrote:
jcorozza wrote:
Glides wrote:
It's like walking on tightropes, she'll get upset randomly like this. Makes no fucking sense. People like her completely baffle me, I can't predict what they'll do.

Hello, pot.  Meet kettle.

Do I baffle you?

You are a bit high drama and mercurial

I'd say I hate drama, but I know how that works.

Maybe I'm bipolar?

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Sat Jun 27, 2015 6:00 am

Glides wrote:
reboot wrote:
Glides wrote:
jcorozza wrote:
Glides wrote:
It's like walking on tightropes, she'll get upset randomly like this. Makes no fucking sense. People like her completely baffle me, I can't predict what they'll do.

Hello, pot.  Meet kettle.

Do I baffle you?

You are a bit high drama and mercurial

I'd say I hate drama, but I know how that works.

Maybe I'm bipolar?

Your therapist would be better able to determine that.

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Post by jcorozza on Sat Jun 27, 2015 10:29 am

Not so much "baffling", but reboot's "mercurial" sounds about right.
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Post by Nerdator on Sat Jun 27, 2015 11:55 am

reboot wrote:
Glides wrote:
jcorozza wrote:
Glides wrote:
It's like walking on tightropes, she'll get upset randomly like this. Makes no fucking sense. People like her completely baffle me, I can't predict what they'll do.

Hello, pot.  Meet kettle.

Do I baffle you?

You are a bit high drama and mercurial

I'll be less charitable and say 'daytime-soapish.' You're making all this shit up, aren't you, Glides?
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Post by reboot on Sat Jun 27, 2015 12:09 pm

Nerdator wrote:
reboot wrote:
Glides wrote:
jcorozza wrote:
Glides wrote:
It's like walking on tightropes, she'll get upset randomly like this. Makes no fucking sense. People like her completely baffle me, I can't predict what they'll do.

Hello, pot.  Meet kettle.

Do I baffle you?

You are a bit high drama and mercurial

I'll be less charitable and say 'daytime-soapish.' You're making all this shit up, aren't you, Glides?

MOD

Nerderator, that bolded bit is absolutely against guidelines.Number 7 for sure, and a few others. Cut that out now. Last warning.

/MOD
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Post by Enail on Sat Jun 27, 2015 1:01 pm

I'd say that you react to things very intensely, and sometimes you assume people's intentions based on jerkbrain thinking when that's not what they intended, so sometimes you land up responding very strongly in a way that the other person didn't expect. It sounds like your friend may be similarly intense and have similar jerkbrain thinking going on. It would probably make your interactions a bit easier if you could both try not to assume intentions or interpret things too much.
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Post by Guest on Sat Jun 27, 2015 1:58 pm

Glides wrote:One more example of just how fucking inept I can be at reading situations: was texting the girl who launched me into my latest depressive episode (AKA the one who claimed she was in love with me and then proceeded to fuck another guy), and accidentally insulted her.

I thought she didn't want to talk and was upset, so I texted her goodnight. She got mad because she wanted to continue talking. I had no idea. God fucking dammit.

I don't know why I still talk to her, she exists to torture me.

It's like walking on tightropes, she'll get upset randomly like this. Makes no fucking sense. People like her completely baffle me, I can't predict what they'll do.

So then apologize and explain your ignorance...? Just a thought.

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Post by Guest on Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:00 pm

The Mikey wrote:

So then apologize and explain your ignorance...? Just a thought.

That pisses her off, too.

I'm like half-convinced she's one of those Cluster B people I keep hearing about.

Or maybe she's the bipolar one.

Either way, I seriously need to get over this girl, ASAP

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Post by Guest on Sat Jun 27, 2015 2:03 pm

Have you actually tried?

If so (and judging by what you said, you might have), then forget about her if that's her reaction to your apology. But I feel like there's more to it...

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Post by PintsizeBro on Mon Jun 29, 2015 12:05 pm

I dunno Mikey, Glides has told a lot of stories about this chick, and she sounds like she's got plenty of her own problems regarding socially appropriate behavior.

My advice is to move on. Easier said than done, I know. A really bad case of one-itis can take years to shake. But the sooner you start the process, the better.

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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:11 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:I dunno Mikey, Glides has told a lot of stories about this chick, and she sounds like she's got plenty of her own problems regarding socially appropriate behavior.

My advice is to move on. Easier said than done, I know. A really bad case of one-itis can take years to shake. But the sooner you start the process, the better.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that she's an incredibly manipulative human being without even realizing it. And it's only gotten worse the longer I know her.

Whether she used to be the girl I knew or was always this manipulative, I don't know.

I hope it's the former, though. Otherwise I fell head over heels for a projection, Gone Girl style.

I dunno, it's weird, I've known her for years. I remember her as this unbelievably compassionate and caring girl, who stayed on the phone with hours with me the first time I attempted suicide, the only person who has ever said that she loved me (not a fucking word).

It's just as stupid and hokey as "first love" stories go, minus any actual sexual activities. Things were pretty chaste between us.

But her behavior has gotten more and more erratic the longer I've known her.

Case in point: I'm not even the most affected by it. She caused her last boyfriend to have a mental breakdown in public by telling everyone she knew that she'd faked all her orgasms with him during the relationship (which was actually true).

She's dating a new guy now, and I feel extremely sorry for him, she's going to wreck him the way she wrecked me. I don't know why I still talk to her.

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Post by Caffeinated on Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:23 pm

I think that Gone Girl style manipulative people are exceedingly rare. But most people have at least a little bit of manipulative tendencies. More like pretend to have done a fair share of the work in group projects when they slacked off a bit level of manipulative.
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Post by Enail on Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:30 pm

Isn't it possible that she can both be manipulative or cruel and be genuinely compassionate and caring sometimes? People aren't all good or all evil. It sounds like she's dealing with some difficult stuff that might tend to bring out the worst in her.

Of course, that doesn't make her behavior okay in the slightest, she's still responsible for how she behaves in reaction to what's going on in her life and/or her emotional state. And it does sound like you'd do better to keep some distance from her right now at least, it sounds like she's going to keep causing you a lot of stress and could do you a lot of harm, even if it's not always intentional. Sometimes you've just got to accept that you can care about someone and sympathize with their reasons for their behavior, but still recognize that they aren't someone you can be around.
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Post by Guest on Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:06 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:I dunno Mikey, Glides has told a lot of stories about this chick, and she sounds like she's got plenty of her own problems regarding socially appropriate behavior.

My advice is to move on. Easier said than done, I know. A really bad case of one-itis can take years to shake. But the sooner you start the process, the better.

Oh, I thought this was somebody else. My bad lol

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Post by Guest on Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:04 pm

Enail wrote:Isn't it possible that she can both be manipulative or cruel and be genuinely compassionate and caring sometimes? People aren't all good or all evil. It sounds like she's dealing with some difficult stuff that might tend to bring out the worst in her.

Of course, that doesn't make her behavior okay in the slightest, she's still responsible for how she behaves in reaction to what's going on in her life and/or her emotional state. And it does sound like you'd do better to keep some distance from her right now at least, it sounds like she's going to keep causing you a lot of stress and could do you a lot of harm, even if it's not always intentional. Sometimes you've just got to accept that you can care about someone and sympathize with their reasons for their behavior, but still recognize that they aren't someone you can be around.

I can't entirely resent her because I know she has a history of sexual abuse. I don't wanna get into details about that.

Plus she's spent time in a mental institution, inevitably the first girl I ever felt romantically attached towards was even loonier than me. But since she's also unbelievably hot and has far more self-control than me, no one but me knows all of that.

Hell, even if we never got together, I'd at least like to be her friend, but I'm not even being treated like a friend. I'm being treated as the person to go complain to or brag to. Either she's threatening to kill herself or she's bragging about all the amazing sex she's having.

So to clarify: yeah I'm a bit butthurt about being tricked, but it's pretty fucking clear that if she ever cared about me at all, she doesn't anymore.

Plus the last couple of times we talked on the phone, the new guy was there and I might have accidentally scared him a bit. You guys know how I tend to be unbelievably cold and/or mocking to people I don't know out of nervousness. New dude clearly took it personally, sounded like he was about to cry.

Like I said, just not worth it anymore. I feel for the new guy, I can be unbelievably jealous and feel pity for him. Once her Cool Girl veneer drops, it's going to be a living hell for him. And I honestly don't feel like warning him.

So in the end, she's far too unstable for someone as unstable as me to be around. I'll remember the good times, and mourn the girl she used to be.

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Post by Guest on Wed Jul 01, 2015 8:24 pm

Glides, people here have spent time in psychiatric hospitals. I have spent time in a psychiatric hospital. Could you stop acting like the only people who might need psychiatric hospitals are totally incapable of being well grounded or functional people?

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Post by BasedBuzzed on Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:34 am

You fill in entire lives of people for them with chan level narration. Which is all well and good and fun even, but maybe it's time to switch providers if you're having such difficulty connecting with people.

"She's absolutely bananas and the only reason dudes actually put up with it is because of her looks."
"She's a person who is still growing up, and has managed, in spite of suffering from circumstances she has little control over, to find friends and form relationships. Eventually she'll find her place."

Which narrative is more accurate? The answer is neither.

"She has problems, not all of which can be traced back to her affliction. She's an ill fit for me at this moment, probably will always stay an ill fit if I put her in the reserve bench, so to speak. Trying to define her solely by her affliction will blind me to the ways in which she actually is shitty by choice, and will blind me to the same spots in future prospects."

Is this more realistic? Dunno. But is it more productive? Yes.

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Post by Guest on Fri Jul 03, 2015 4:54 pm

BasedBuzzed wrote:You fill in entire lives of people for them with chan level narration. Which is all well and good and fun even, but maybe it's time to switch providers if you're having such difficulty connecting with people.

"She's absolutely bananas and the only reason dudes actually put up with it is because of her looks."
"She's a person who is still growing up, and has managed, in spite of suffering from circumstances she has little control over, to find friends and form relationships. Eventually she'll find her place."

Which narrative is more accurate? The answer is neither.

I really wish I wasn't kidding, but that first one is kinda true. I'm sure it's why I put up with it. She is in very high demand amongst the dudes in that social group, to the point where men have openly begged her for sex before. Luckily, I wasn't one of these people.

"She has problems, not all of which can be traced back to her affliction. She's an ill fit for me at this moment, probably will always stay an ill fit if I put her in the reserve bench, so to speak. Trying to define her solely by her affliction will blind me to the ways in which she actually is shitty by choice, and will blind me to the same spots in future prospects."

Is this more realistic? Dunno. But is it more productive? Yes.

Either she was a bad apple all along and I was just too stupid to know until recently, or she somehow became a bad apple and I refused to admit it until recently.

Things she definitely does by choice: she's definitely a narcissist. She does things entirely for her own benefit and for no one else. Despite constantly boo-hooing about being undesirable, the longest she has ever gone with no sex at all was two weeks since she became sexually active. Her sexual development is ahead of the curve, since she lost her virginity at fourteen and has since had two more sexual partners. She's bragged about all three to me at some point. I'm pretty sure she just enjoyed how angry that would make me.

Things this proves about myself: that I am susceptible to abuse, much more so than I originally thought. That ironically, there hasn't been a single woman who has ever had any genuine interest in me, that only abusive women have targeted me to fulfill their sick thrills.

My only ex was abusive and led me on, the coworker wanted a proxy to hide her from an abusive ex, the psycho wanted a fuck buddy to replace her impotent boyfriend. That's every single woman i've ever been with. Any woman who will ever be interested in me are the ones who know I'm vulnerable and desperate. Any woman interested in a vulnerable and clearly desperate man is abusive by nature.

And I even turned out to be correct that the coworker was a total bitch, just not to me specifically. She did to an acquaintance of mine exactly what my only ex did to me, led him on and pretended to be interested as a prank. Once she was found out, because said acquaintance is far more popular in my social group than me, everyone cut off contact with her at once.

God, I hate it when I'm right. The commonality between all of this is me. That I am irrevocably broken, damaged, and weak.

I can't even describe the absolute self-hatred that comes with the realization that no human being has ever found you attractive. I haven't even been found attractive physically, I'm the last resort every fucking time.

None of you think any of my antics are cute, you think women I meet IRL would want a man as foul as me?

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Post by Enail on Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:01 pm

Okay, I think you've got some true things here and some black-and-white thinking here. You are right that your desperation probably does make you vulnerable to abuse; it sounds like it might also be prone to attracting people who are not seeking to hurt or abuse you, but aren't in a state where they can have an honest, healthy and respectful relationship with you right now, any more than you're in a state where you can have that sort of relationship with them.

I want to be clear: it is not your fault if someone behaves abusively to you. But if you want to be able to attract and have relationships with people who are able to treat you in a healthy, respectful, kind way, instead of trying to use you to shore up their self-esteem, you're going to need to work on your ability to treat them the same way, and your ability to have and enforce boundaries.

If you want to achieve those things, I don't think it's helpful to you to demonize these women as wholly and irredeemably evil - which is not to say that you should stick around them either. But seeing people in total black and white like that could make it hard for you to recognize people who will treat you badly. Most people are not all good or all bad, so you need to pay attention to specific traits rather than just sticking labels of "bad apple" or "psycho" on them - and assuming that anyone who you can't stick that sort of negative label on therefore must be some sort of angelic being who has to be perfect in every way, because if that's your standard, there's no one in the world who won't disappoint.

And I think you particularly need to stop thinking of people in terms of "psycho" or "crazy" or "broken." People who are dealing with the aftermath of abuse, or people who have a mental illness, are not incomplete, inferior beings. They have actual, valid feelings and they are capable of being reasonable human beings, just like anyone else. Thinking and talking this way is harming you, and it's harming other people, and it will make it harder for you to connect with people who will be understanding of your struggles and with people who are working to handle their own issues in healthy ways.
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Post by Guest on Sun Jul 05, 2015 8:12 pm

Enail wrote:

And I think you particularly need to stop thinking of people in terms of "psycho" or "crazy" or "broken." People who are dealing with the aftermath of abuse, or people who have a mental illness, are not incomplete, inferior beings. They have actual, valid feelings and they are capable of being reasonable human beings, just like anyone else. Thinking and talking this way is harming you, and it's harming other people, and it will make it harder for you to connect with people who will be understanding of your struggles and with people who are working to handle their own issues in healthy ways.

It's not even like people make attempts to connect. It's not even that I make attempts to connect. It's that connection is virtually impossible for me. I have no real connections, even the two friends I have aren't nearly as connected to me as they are to others. I'm just a trifle and a diversion for them.

I don't know how to force myself to believe that I am worthy of anything that isn't blatant abuse. The way every woman I've known is exactly what I deserve. The more pain inflicted on me, the better. I don't enjoy the pain, I'm not a masochist. I just know that I deserve to be hurt and hurt and hurt until I break and die, unless I take things into my own hands, which I never do. So thus the only way to continually punish myself for continuing to waste precious air and resources is to hurt myself, in payment for all the good I take out of the world. The only two friends I have are the only two people who have ever recognized this "divine" mission and tolerated it.

So I will attempt unconsciously to make every person I know hate my fucking guts, so they will never be deluded into thinking I've got positive qualities. The people on the forum are far more intelligent than the people I know, and they already hate me. It didn't take long to make them all hate me, all it took was being myself.

Bet I should show the shrink all this and see what she fucking thinks, maybe she can magically give me the way out of all this. But I can't think of any possible way not to do this, I can't stop myself from hurting myself, I can't stop myself from trying to make others hate me. I slack off on my work deliberately so people will think I'm mediocre, for fuck's sake. If I applied myself, I'd get good grades. Therefore I deserve the professor treating me like a slacker. I deserve the annoyed looks of my classmates when I've only done the bare minimum. Could I be exceptional if I applied myself? I have no idea. If I worked out and dressed better and tried harder, maybe I'd get laid. And yet I don't. Because I can't possibly risk becoming the one thing I can't be: a happy well-adjusted person. I must always suffer, I must never be happy, I must be hated, so I can convince myself to die.

Ban me, fuckers. It's been over a month, let's get this shit over with. I've violated something. Until I can get you to admit that I should die, I will never fucking quit.

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Post by fakely mctest on Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:23 pm

[mod]Glides, I am issuing you a temporary ban for a smattering of behaviors across the boards tonight.  Right now it stands at 2 weeks because I think you need to take a step back from the sort of introspection you've been doing in this space.  Your thinking is getting cyclical and it's likely not going to do you good to be here for a bit.  If this is the way that has to happen, so be it.[/mod]

On a personal note, I urge you to print out what you've written in these last pages here and at the end of Alex's thread and bring them to your therapist.  You don't have to say anything, but it's a really good, low key way for them to see some of what's on your mind so that they have a better chance of being helpful to you.

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