I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 22, 2015 2:21 pm

Be advised, this is a wall of text I'm writing here. now that you know this let us begin.

As you all are aware, I live in the island of Puerto Rico, a Caribbean territory of the U.S., the culture, however is Hispanic due being a Spanish colony before 1898, after the Spanish-American War the U.S. took the island as it's own colony.


You may recall that some aspects of the Hispanic culture is quite misogynistic, the gender roles are strictly enforced (Domestic violence is quite a problem here. DV cases in the news daily... Disapproving ), for example: Men must be muscular, well endowed, master in bed, and sleep with a lot of women. If you are gay, YOU GET SHOT! you're not into sports? you get beaten. Took wife's last name at wedding, you get discriminated through the legal system (They invalidate and void the marriage.)


This is my biggest problem, If I am to succeed with women (or anyone for that matter.) I have to leave this god-forsaken island NOW.

I am ridiculed everyday for being a virgin, this has the nasty effect of bringing me down even more, closer to an early grave. Feminism has not gained much influence in PR. sexuality is STILL a major taboo topic, especially women's sexuality, women are demonized as "Putas" ("Whores") if she has casual sex while men are treated as national heroes, those men who do not have sex are seen as "Maricones" ("Faggots") who are sissyboys who deserve to be shunned. in my case, I have been on the receiving end of ridicule from my family, friends and 2 members of my unit. (Me being of higher rank, I can grill those 2 assholes, so not that bad in my unit.) just because I have not stuck my "torpedo in a torpedo tube".


I hate this culture I live in, I hate being bullied just because I have not been intimate with anybody, I hate being a closeted bisexual fearing for my life.
I hate my virginity on the count of my lack of experience. I do not know what I want. I don't see my self as a sexual being. I hate this false belief of hypergamous women. all because of my stupid culture!!


I know there is someone out there that wants to fuck me all night long. I know there are people that want me BADLY. I know there are people that want to be with me forever, but this culture will block me from trying to be a better person and meeting the guy or girl of my dreams. :shout: :shout: :shout:





.........




I feel better now that I got that off my chest...


Any questions, opinions, suggestions or advice?

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by PintsizeBro on Mon Jun 22, 2015 4:11 pm

Acknowledging that a big part of your problems is coming from the outside is a big step. You can observe how bad the gender roles are for women, and you've experienced how bad they are for men. I think that reacting badly when you are in an inherently toxic environment is natural.

It may very well be that your long term solution is to leave Puerto Rico and go somewhere else. The US is incredibly varied, but some parts are pretty okay.

PintsizeBro

Posts : 307
Reputation : 233
Join date : 2015-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 22, 2015 4:24 pm

PintsizeBro wrote:Acknowledging that a big part of your problems is coming from the outside is a big step. You can observe how bad the gender roles are for women, and you've experienced how bad they are for men. I think that reacting badly when you are in an inherently toxic environment is natural.

It may very well be that your long term solution is to leave Puerto Rico and go somewhere else. The US is incredibly varied, but some parts are pretty okay.

IM GOING BACK HOME TO NYC THEN!!!!! cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by reboot on Mon Jun 22, 2015 5:04 pm

I know some people who are in similar situations. The gender norms and societal expectations where they live conflict with their beliefs/ethics/identity. Those who can move do so or plan to. Those that cannot for a variety of reasons try to identify the (often very, very small) number of people that share their values. The exceptionally brave ones fight to change the norms often at great cost.
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by PintsizeBro on Mon Jun 22, 2015 5:05 pm

Hey man, if that's where you're happiest, do it. Odds are you're not going to get shot for being bi in NYC. I live in California, there are plenty of problems here, but my life isn't in danger on a day to day basis. It's a hell of a thing. I dated a dude from Russia once, he told me it was quite a discovery that he could date men without his life being in danger.

In a place that's more cosmopolitan, you'll find women who like all different kinds of men. And you'll also find men who like all different kinds of men. Dating women and dating men are not all that different, but I've found that different things tend to matter.

PintsizeBro

Posts : 307
Reputation : 233
Join date : 2015-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 22, 2015 5:59 pm

reboot wrote:I know some people who are in similar situations. The gender norms and societal expectations where they live conflict with their beliefs/ethics/identity. Those who can move do so or plan to. Those that cannot for a variety of reasons try to identify the (often very, very small) number of people that share their values. The exceptionally brave ones fight to change the norms often at great cost.

Like "Men must be rich, tall, handsome, have a car, well endowed, good in bed etc. BY DEFAULT."

When men say this I get frustrated, When women say this I get furious and hopeless...

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by reboot on Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:23 pm

Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:I know some people who are in similar situations. The gender norms and societal expectations where they live conflict with their beliefs/ethics/identity. Those who can move do so or plan to. Those that cannot for a variety of reasons try to identify the (often very, very small) number of people that share their values. The exceptionally brave ones fight to change the norms often at great cost.

Like "Men must be rich, tall, handsome, have a car, well endowed, good in bed etc. BY DEFAULT."

When men say this I get frustrated, When women say this I get furious and hopeless...

Well, the situations I was thinking of were more like, "A true $ethnicity man would kill his sister who dishonored the family/never allow his daughter to learn to read/never allow his wife to work". And remember, everyone who grows up in a toxic culture absorbs the same narrative. Women are not immune to it.
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:36 pm

reboot wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:I know some people who are in similar situations. The gender norms and societal expectations where they live conflict with their beliefs/ethics/identity. Those who can move do so or plan to. Those that cannot for a variety of reasons try to identify the (often very, very small) number of people that share their values. The exceptionally brave ones fight to change the norms often at great cost.

Like "Men must be rich, tall, handsome, have a car, well endowed, good in bed etc. BY DEFAULT."

When men say this I get frustrated, When women say this I get furious and hopeless...

Well, the situations I was thinking of were more like, "A true $ethnicity man would kill his sister who dishonored the family/never allow his daughter to learn to read/never allow his wife to work". And remember, everyone who grows up in a toxic culture absorbs the same narrative. Women are not immune to it.


.....oops Embarassed Headsmack

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by reboot on Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:43 pm

No oops needed Smile A different culture, but still feeling like outsiders when it comes to gender norms, much like you feel. And yes, it does suck when both men and women hold up toxic gender norms. One of my friends had a huge, knock down, all out fight with his mom because he refuses to have his daughter's clitoris removed as is traditional in their culture. Women are just as likely as men to buy into a system if they were raised within it.
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:24 pm

reboot wrote:No oops needed Smile A different culture, but still feeling like outsiders when it comes to gender norms, much like you feel. And yes, it does suck when both men and women hold up toxic gender norms. One of my friends had a huge, knock down, all out fight with his mom because he refuses to have his daughter's clitoris removed as is traditional in their culture. Women are just as likely as men to buy into a system if they were raised within it.

Probably that's why I keep striking out... and making me get frustrated and lash out at women for my failures AND END UP DISTRUSTING THEM AND MAKING ME ALMOST TAKE THE RED PILL WHICH WILL MAKE MY DATING LIFE MUCH WORSE!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD! I JUST HAD A BREAKTHROUGH... Surprised

It's not women that is the problem, it's this patriarchal culture... :shout:

that means... Uh-oh

women do like me... Smile

women LOVE me... Grin

out there one lonely person wants me... and I am going to find him/her. Cool

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by gaboz on Tue Jun 23, 2015 3:17 am

Alex1989 wrote:
reboot wrote:No oops needed Smile A different culture, but still feeling like outsiders when it comes to gender norms, much like you feel. And yes, it does suck when both men and women hold up toxic gender norms. One of my friends had a huge, knock down, all out fight with his mom because he refuses to have his daughter's clitoris removed as is traditional in their culture. Women are just as likely as men to buy into a system if they were raised within it.

Probably that's why I keep striking out... and making me get frustrated and lash out at women for my failures AND END UP DISTRUSTING THEM AND MAKING ME ALMOST TAKE THE RED PILL WHICH WILL MAKE MY DATING LIFE MUCH WORSE!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD! I JUST HAD A BREAKTHROUGH... Surprised

It's not women that is the problem, it's this patriarchal culture... :shout:

that means... Uh-oh

women do like me... Smile

women LOVE me... Grin

out there one lonely person wants me... and I am going to find him/her. Cool

whoa there horsey! Dont go too fast man....but this is good.

_________________
Sucking At Something Is The First Step To Being Sort Of Good At Something

gaboz

Posts : 53
Reputation : 15
Join date : 2014-10-03

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 23, 2015 4:08 am

reboot wrote:No oops needed Smile A different culture, but still feeling like outsiders when it comes to gender norms, much like you feel. And yes, it does suck when both men and women hold up toxic gender norms. One of my friends had a huge, knock down, all out fight with his mom because he refuses to have his daughter's clitoris removed as is traditional in their culture. Women are just as likely as men to buy into a system if they were raised within it.

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. 74rtFsc

I was gonna be nastier about this originally, but I had to remind myself that's somebody's mother. That could be my mother and I love my mom. Regardless, my thoughts and half-assed prayers go out to your pal. Sad

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by reboot on Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:17 am

Thanks Mikey. They are Sudanese living in Khartoum. His mother was cut, every woman in the family, including his wife, was cut. My friend wants nothing to do with the tradition. You can imagine the fights between him and his relatives of both genders. He has no allies in the family and only a handful in the country, so his mom is just one of many.

@Alex, slow down! You are right that it is the patriarchal construction of society that is upholding the hypermasculine ideals. But you are like my friend described above, there may be very few people out there who see a problem with the system as it stands, so running out there to find people might not end well.

You need to gather some Intel first to identify any potential friendlies before acting
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:09 pm

reboot wrote:Thanks Mikey. They are Sudanese living in Khartoum. His mother was cut, every woman in the family, including his wife, was cut. My friend wants nothing to do with the tradition. You can imagine the fights between him and his relatives of both genders. He has no allies in the family and only a handful in the country, so his mom is just one of many.

@Alex, slow down! You are right that it is the patriarchal construction of society that is upholding the hypermasculine ideals. But you are like my friend described above, there may be very few people out there who see a problem with the system as it stands, so running out there to find people might not end well.

You need to gather some Intel first to identify any potential friendlies before acting

Ok. Maybe I should slow down...

Going too fast here will get me a world of shit. The bright side is that the PRNG is quite liberal and open minded compared to the other components of the Army. A squadmate may already know of my sexuality, but he has kept his mouth shut, possibly until I come out publicly. Most of my squad mates are quite understanding. Razz

My former unit has women, my women friends, is that a good place to start?

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by reboot on Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:33 pm

Friends of any gender are a good place to look for allies
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Herr R on Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:31 pm

Alex, I still think you should ask to be transferred to a mainland unit.

Now I will be honest here. Even after moving here, I'm still as much of a loser as I was back home (I only appear to be a functional man on the outside because I now have a job and money. I'm not rich, but I have a lot of disposable income). Of course, there are many factors contributing to this.

A) I have to live amongst other Puerto Ricans, and they took the parts of the toxic culture I hate with them. The apartment complex where we're all living in basically looks like a typical Puerto Rican housing project and that is not a good thing. Some days I fear for my well being as well.

B) I live out in the Pennsylvania countryside. Sure, I live about an hour and a half away from Pittsburgh, which seems to be a pretty diverse and cosmopolitan city. But with my long job hours and my ever unpredictable schedule, I can't really go out to visit much or do anything to meet new people and the people there are to meet around here are pretty much your stereotypical Redneckus americanii, complete with huge pick-up trucks and Confederate flags (which is funny since Pennsylvania was a Union state, but we live a few miles away from the Mason-Dixon line which is funnier to see when you go into West Virginia, a state that split from the South to join the North, lol).

Then there is

C) The part where I will most likely once again raise eyebrows and get a mod warning somehow. But even if I somehow magically got a job in Pittsburgh or any city with a more liberal and diverse population, it will either be an SJW/Hipster hellhole, in which I won't be able to be myself without stepping on someone else's feelings or hold a dissenting opinion, or I will feel overwhelmed again, my social anxiety kicks in and I become a recluse because after living amongst my own homogenous culture for a long time, I see people from other cultures, races, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc. mingling together on the busy city streets and I feel like I don't belong and that I was better off rotting from the inside back in PR, living in my own room, jobless and depressed and ignorant of the very world that I so wanted to see and I'm seeing in front of me, in the flesh.

All I can say to you, Alex, is that you would do well to get the fuck out of Dodge. But be careful with what you wish for. It may come to bite you.

Herr R

Posts : 62
Reputation : 2
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:26 pm

Herr R wrote:Alex, I still think you should ask to be transferred to a mainland unit.

Now I will be honest here. Even after moving here, I'm still as much of a loser as I was back home (I only appear to be a functional man on the outside because I now have a job and money. I'm not rich, but I have a lot of disposable income). Of course, there are many factors contributing to this.

A) I have to live amongst other Puerto Ricans, and they took the parts of the toxic culture I hate with them. The apartment complex where we're all living in basically looks like a typical Puerto Rican housing project and that is not a good thing. Some days I fear for my well being as well.

B) I live out in the Pennsylvania countryside. Sure, I live about an hour and a half away from Pittsburgh, which seems to be a pretty diverse and cosmopolitan city. But with my long job hours and my ever unpredictable schedule, I can't really go out to visit much or do anything to meet new people and the people there are to meet around here are pretty much your stereotypical Redneckus americanii, complete with huge pick-up trucks and Confederate flags (which is funny since Pennsylvania was a Union state, but we live a few miles away from the Mason-Dixon line which is funnier to see when you go into West Virginia, a state that split from the South to join the North, lol).

Then there is

C) The part where I will most likely once again raise eyebrows and get a mod warning somehow. But even if I somehow magically got a job in Pittsburgh or any city with a more liberal and diverse population, it will either be an SJW/Hipster hellhole, in which I won't be able to be myself without stepping on someone else's feelings or hold a dissenting opinion, or I will feel overwhelmed again, my social anxiety kicks in and I become a recluse because after living amongst my own homogenous culture for a long time, I see people from other cultures, races, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc. mingling together on the busy city streets and I feel like I don't belong and that I was better off rotting from the inside back in PR, living in my own room, jobless and depressed and ignorant of the very world that I so wanted to see and I'm seeing in front of me, in the flesh.

All I can say to you, Alex, is that you would do well to get the fuck out of Dodge. But be careful with what you wish for. It may come to bite you.

Cabron!! Estas vivo!! Grin

A) I know how that feels... Most of my family lives in a caserio. not a very friendly place to strangers. Shocked  (In my case, I know everybody there, so it's not that bad.)  

B) Redneckus Americanii - Disapproving  Waaaaaaaaay too many in Forts Jackson and Lee (Basic training and AIT respectively)

C) (Oh boy...) I feel the same way everywhere. I feel I do not fit in ANYWHERE. I sometimes wish I had a cloaking device.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:34 pm

Update: Felt sad and lonely today, needed a pick-me-up, I found this and thought I should share it with everyone here:

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Cheetah-kisses-o

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Herr R on Fri Jun 26, 2015 3:04 am

Alex1989 wrote:Cabron!! Estas vivo!! Grin

I'd hang out more. But it's hard when you're basically an unwelcome element. But I do like to see how you and Glides are doing. I'm still pretty much you guys future self, unless you guys turn it around somehow.

Herr R

Posts : 62
Reputation : 2
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 26, 2015 6:51 pm

Herr R wrote:
Alex1989 wrote:Cabron!! Estas vivo!! Grin

I'd hang out more. But it's hard when you're basically an unwelcome element. But I do like to see how you and Glides are doing. I'm still pretty much you guys future self, unless you guys turn it around somehow.
I Don't see you as an unwelcome element. I will turn it around somehow, SO WILL YOU!! Grin This kind of talk will get you nowhere. Cheer up.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome. Empty Re: I hate my culture... ADV. and opinions welcome.

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum