My poor memory finally screws me over

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My poor memory finally screws me over Empty My poor memory finally screws me over

Post by Gman on Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:38 pm

I always had a sensation that one day, my poor memory of people will get back at me one day. Today was that day.

So I went this evening (my local time) to this "Headphone Party" (where the music is wirelessly streamed to headphones that are handed out to everybody). Everything was pretty swell, until my eye catches this VERY attractive woman that was also somehow vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn't remember from where, why and when. Let me reiterate this – I DIDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HER, beside the fact that we most likely met before in the past, at least once.

Eventually, I muster up courage to get near her and talk to someone next to her and use that to spring her into the conversation as well. First thing she says to me is "I wondered when you would come up and talk to me". I go ahead and explain to her that she does look vaguely familiar to me and I'm sorry but I don't quite remember when we have met before. She then replies something along the lines of "well, if that's the case then I am not going to help you with that!" I thought at first she was joking, but then she simply walked away and rejoined her friends she was there with.

Not making much out of this first interaction, I carry on as usual. After something like 10 minutes later, I see her again and asked her "Mind refreshing my memory then?" She snaps back at me "No!" (Although not aggressively) and walks away. This made me very confused as to what the hell was that all about and I started to worry as to what the hell is bothering her about me so much…….. I should have probably taken this as a sign already, but after a short while I bump into her again and decided to try one more time and ask "Listen, I am really sorry but I honestly don't remember, do you mind helping me with that?" All she replies is once again "Nope" and this time she quickly walks away.
That was enough for me to realize that clearly, she doesn't want anything to do with me and that I simply have absolutely zero idea as to what was it that I did in the past, or didn't do, or something, that she is very offended by it, enough to actively avoid me and reply to me in an almost hostile fashion. So I simply decide to leave her alone and be done with it…. But this managed to paint a black mark all over my enjoyment of an otherwise pleasant evening.

This is tormenting me to no end too. I can't get no rest and just Let it go. I really want to know what the hell happened between us that made her respond to me this way. My current theory, right now, is considering the fact that I do find her very attractive, I'm guessing I might have asked her out/made a move on her in a very awkward/creepy fashion in the past and that's why she's avoiding me at all costs. But that still doesn't manage to quell my brain from running in circles, as the fact remains that I still can't remember what happened between us before this event.

I feel really shitty with myself right now. I'll try to sleep it over, maybe then my memory might jog back into place and make sense of this mess. God damint.

Thanks Jerk Brain, you finally did it, you asshole :-(
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Post by Enail on Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:47 pm

Oh, man, Gman, that sucks. Much sympathy from a fellow bad-at-recognizing-people person. Try not to beat yourself up about it, you can't force yourself to remember something you can't remember.
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Post by BasedBuzzed on Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:43 pm

Next time, don't play that game, just continue hanging out with her if there's chemistry until someone else mentions her name.

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Post by reboot on Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:29 pm

Oh man, my memory impaired ass has been in that position so often. I meet so many people that I just cannot remember all of them. So I reintroduce. 95% of the time people do not mind, 3% get a bit miffed and 2% completely get insulted. It is even worse when they remind me of when we met and I still do not remember :blush:

Let it go and if it ever happens again only ask once.
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Post by Wondering on Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:40 am

Was she hostile toward you when you first spoke to her and she said she wondered when you'd come talk to her? Because this is honestly reading to me like she's part of that 2% that gets completely insulted, was pissed that you didn't remember her, and that's what offended her, not something bad you did in the past that you don't remember.

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Post by Perlandra on Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:57 am

I'm horrible with names too, and have a really memorable name, so a lot of people remember my name but I don't have theirs!  I agree it sounds more like she's one of those people who gets huffy that you didn't remember her name, rather than that you actually did anything to her. Unless of course, you went to kindergarten with her and pulled her hair or called her names or something, and she's never forgiven you!

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Post by BiSian on Thu Jun 25, 2015 4:20 am

I'm shit at remembering people's names too. And sometimes I don't even do that well with faces!
For some reason, I'm very memorable to others though. I regularly have people come up and go "Hey BiSian!" and I either have to pretend to remember them or admit that I don't...
I actually got snapped at the other night by a woman who insisted we'd met twice--I apologized but hell, I meet new people all the freaking time.
I'm with reboot--sounds like she might have just been one of those people who expects you to remember them no matter what.
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Post by Gman on Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:49 am

Wondering wrote:Was she hostile toward you when you first spoke to her and she said she wondered when you'd come talk to her? Because this is honestly reading to me like she's part of that 2% that gets completely insulted, was pissed that you didn't remember her, and that's what offended her, not something bad you did in the past that you don't remember.

I don't know if she was as you put it "hostile" towards me when we first met, but I think her voice did sound a bit dissapointed somehow.... I have no idea, to be honest. I guess that this is another option, that she was offended by the fact that I didn't remember her.

But I'm still feeling really bad with myself. The last thing I want to do is insult or hurt someone, especially if I didn't mean to do so in the first place. But I guess that this links back to the fact that you can't control how others will respond to you 100% of the time and this is another one of those "facts of life" moments...
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Post by Hirundo Bos on Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:26 am

I'm also not among the not good with faces or names, yet easily recognized myself (made worse by the fact that I was in a popular TV-show some years back, so about 1/4 of Norway's population have seen my face). What I've found is that a store of funny stories about non-recognition can sometimes help lessen the the impact of admitting that I don't know who I'm talking to... especially, when I tell about the time someone said hi to me, and I asked if they were someone I should know, and the person turned out to be my sister. Demonstrates to whoever I fail to recognize this time that it's not something that's got to do with them.
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Post by reboot on Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:49 am

Gman wrote:I don't know if she was as you put it "hostile" towards me when we first met, but I think her voice did sound a bit dissapointed somehow.... I have no idea, to be honest. I guess that this is another option, that she was offended by the fact that I didn't remember her.

But I'm still feeling really bad with myself. The last thing I want to do is insult or hurt someone, especially if I didn't mean to do so in the first place. But I guess that this links back to the fact that you can't control how others will respond to you 100% of the time and this is another one of those "facts of life" moments...

You are right. You can feel bad for forgetting someone and curse having a brain like a sieve (if you are like me), but her reaction is on her. You did not do anything wrong now or in the past (if you had she probably would have avoided you entirely). These things happen, especially if you go to a lot of big events and dance with a lot of people.

EDIT: @Hirundo: I always try to make a joke out of it too. I usually say something like, "I am so sorry, I am terrible with faces and names. $story of time I forgot someone I should have remembered with funny outcome"
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Post by Gman on Thu Jun 25, 2015 10:48 am

Hirundo Bos wrote:I'm also not among the not good with faces or names, yet easily recognized myself (made worse by the fact that I was in a popular TV-show some years back, so about 1/4 of Norway's population have seen my face). What I've found is that a store of funny stories about non-recognition can sometimes help lessen the the impact of admitting that I don't know who I'm talking to... especially, when I tell about the time someone said hi to me, and I asked if they were someone I should know, and the person turned out to be my sister. Demonstrates to whoever I fail to recognize this time that it's not something that's got to do with them.

I am actually quite used to not remembering people and I did use this tactic in the past with great success, so this isn't new to me. In this case her response was so swift and final that I didn't even get the chance to present it as something funny that happens to me all the time.
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Post by reboot on Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:26 am

She definitely sounds like one of those 2% who are insulted when people do not remember them.

This whole conversation reminds me of a funny story. My friend was waiting for a flight and saw this guy she recognized but for the life of her could not remember from where. He must have recognized her too and been in the same spot because he asked if he had met her before. They racked their brains. Suddenly she says, "Hey! I think I had sex with you!" He said, "Oh my god! You are right!" and then they both laughed about having crap memories.
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Post by Gman on Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:06 pm

reboot wrote:She definitely sounds like one of those 2% who are insulted when people do not remember them.

This whole conversation reminds me of a funny story. My friend was waiting for a flight and saw this guy she recognized but for the life of her could not remember from where. He must have recognized her too and been in the same spot because he asked if he had met her before. They racked their brains. Suddenly she says, "Hey! I think I had sex with you!" He said, "Oh my god! You are right!" and then they both laughed about having crap memories.

Hehe Razz  Oh man, that is a whole new level of awkwardness right there. I hope that I never reach a situation like that - where I can't remember people I have sex with - though considering how poorly I am doing in that department right now, I don't think it will ever be an issue for me Razz
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Post by Perlandra on Thu Jun 25, 2015 1:41 pm

Back in High School, I had lunch with a group of friends almost every day. One of them, I didn't catch his name (or forgot it), and kept waiting for it to come up naturally in conversation. It did eventually, but it took 4 months!

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Post by Enail on Thu Jun 25, 2015 2:07 pm

The first time I saw my (future) wife with her hair up, I didn't recognize her. We'd been hanging out together every single day for 3 months at that point. I also failed to figure out who someone I ran into on the street was - who turned out to be one of my best friends of four years, looking exactly the same as always, she was just in a neighbourhood I wasn't used to seeing her in. Shrug
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Post by V on Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:18 pm

In Australia we have the catch all for names - mate (maaaaate!) at least for blokes.

A lot of languages/cultures will have an honorific/ diminutive/ generic second pronoun which can be a big help (AKA hey you).

Also if you forget someone's name you can ask some odd question about the meaning of the /derivation/strangest misspelling/ nickname based on their actual name.  Most famous person with the same name etc.

Another way to try and remember the person if not the name is to drill down on a few paths - say work, college, family friends, hobbies etc.  This is particularly helpful when caught in an unusual situation with someone you should know, as people have mentioned above.

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