[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by The Wisp on Sun Jun 28, 2015 2:46 pm

So, if you've been reading my posts, you know that I've been getting out more socially. This is mostly thanks to the one friend I've made at university, who I've been calling 'A'. In the past 3 months I've been to three parties (two hosted by A), I recently saw a movie with A and three of his friends, and I went bowling with A and one of his friends (who I'll call 'G') where we hung out afterwards.

This has all been very good. I am very happy that I have been doing these things. However, in reflecting on them, I've been noticing a pattern where nobody seems interested in talking to me besides A. Even when I try to engage others, have open body language, etc. it's just not leading anywhere.

At the parties, I tried to have friendly and open body language, and I participated in the group conversations (though I wasn't one of the more talkative people, admittedly) and the party games. Still, people never really engaged with me directly. People seemed to avoid making eye contact, and the most they would do is make a quick comment in response to mine and then go back to ignoring me. Also, nobody ever initiated any conversation with me or really directed any comments or questions at me, even in the group conversations.

When I went bowling and then hung out with A and his friend, G, I tried talking to G a few times, but he didn't engage much and the conversation petered out quickly. I noticed that G focused almost exclusively on A. He'd listen when I talked, but he rarely directly responded to me and never directed a question or comment at me on his own. He didn't even look at me that much, and barely acknowledged I was there.

Two nights ago when I saw the movie with A and three others (one of whom was G), I tried making small talk with one of the other people there (this wasn't G), who was at one of A's parties, while we were waiting for the previews to start and the guy once again barely engaged and left my attempt at starting a conversation hanging. Also, G ignored me again even though I made it a point to say "hi" to him by name when I saw him. There was one other person there, and she didn't know A very well, but seemed to engage with him anyway, but not me.

Most of these people do admittedly know each other because they are all apart of a political activist program through the school that A also partakes in that I am not interested in, so I guess there's some familiarity there. However, this isn't true of all of them, and it's not like they're just gossiping about people in the group the whole time.

I do wonder if my problem is that my personality, interests, and good traits don't lend themselves to making a distinctive first impression?

By the way, I've noticed this problem in other settings, like when I tried to join a few school clubs and before and after my classes. People just don't seem interested in talking to me.

Anyway, I will be looking to meet people through means other than through A, especially once the fall semester starts up, but I'm worried this is going to be a persistent problem as I have experienced it in other settings, too.

Has anybody else experienced something like this? Any advice? I'm not sure what to do.
The Wisp
The Wisp

Posts : 896
Reputation : 198
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty Re: [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by Caffeinated on Sun Jun 28, 2015 4:19 pm

I've had experiences like that. It's no fun.

When I was a kid, I was shy. My mom gave me some advice for making friends when I went to a new situation (class, camp, group, event, whatever). She said to look around for someone sitting alone or who looked lonely, and go sit by that person and introduce myself. This has been immensely useful to me.

Another thing that has helped me is learning to remember people's names, and to work to remember something about them that I can then ask about or bring up the next time we meet.

Another thing I do is try to be funny. I think that sense of humor is a very strong indicator of personality. The people that don't get my jokes or don't like my sense of humor are not going to be a particularly good match for me as friends. The ones who do get my jokes now have a more personal basis for knowing who I am, and connecting.
Caffeinated
Caffeinated

Posts : 455
Reputation : 273
Join date : 2014-12-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty Re: [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by jcorozza on Sun Jun 28, 2015 9:20 pm

Seconding Caffeinated.

It's possible this group, besides A, just aren't good personality matches with you. Or they may also feel socially awkward, and not be great at initiating/continuing conversation. Do most of the group already know each other? That could be part of it.
jcorozza
jcorozza

Posts : 460
Reputation : 191
Join date : 2015-03-08

View user profile

Back to top Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty Re: [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by reboot on Sun Jun 28, 2015 9:32 pm

jcorozza wrote:Seconding Caffeinated.  

It's possible this group, besides A, just aren't good personality matches with you.  Or they may also feel socially awkward, and not be great at initiating/continuing conversation.  Do most of the group already know each other?  That could be part of it.

And some groups are slow to warm up to outsiders.

Are there any of them that you are particularly interested in getting to know better? If not, this could just be a case of friends of friends not hitting it off. If there are people you want to get closer to and find interesting, maybe do more question asking about their interests and following up on any life information (e.g. classes, vacations, activities) they mention coming up. Something like, "Hey, last time you said you were going to do X, how was it?" If you are engaged and interested in them, most people will warm up if given time.
reboot
reboot
Moderator of "Other Relationships" and "Gender, Identity and Society"

Posts : 2514
Reputation : 1005
Join date : 2014-09-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty Re: [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by The Wisp on Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 pm

Thanks for the advice, caffeinated. That could come in handy in the future

It may well be that I am just not a good fit for this group. I am not particularly interested in any individual person I've met, I must admit. I think A likes me in large part because we connect over in ways that he doesn't connect with with anybody of his other friends. It probably says something that most of these people are apart of this political activist program, while I am allergic to non-airy/impractical/philosophical politics.
The Wisp
The Wisp

Posts : 896
Reputation : 198
Join date : 2014-10-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

[Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me Empty Re: [Adv] People don't seem interested in talking to me

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum