The fear of "Too Late"

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by celette482 on Wed Jul 08, 2015 7:56 pm

You can do it, bomaye. Not ALL OF IT TODAY, but the first step, and then the second step, and then the third step, and then the nth step.

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:29 am

And remember, the only pressure on you right now is pressure you are putting on yourself. You are not at risk of being kicked out, there are no financial crises that are forcing you to fix everything NOW (unless there is something you have not mentioned?). You have the luxury of time, so you can explore options, maybe try out some free online courses on different topics, watch videos of different jobs, even talk to mom and pop business owners in your area and see if they will take you on for some short, unpaid OTJ training so you can get a taste of what the work is like before committing to a path. Do not rush yourself and take advantage of being able to explore your options.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by jcorozza on Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:04 pm

And keep in mind, those who have learned to adult had to fail a lot in the process, and still falter constantly!
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Sat Jul 11, 2015 11:01 am

Bomeye, the letter this week reminded me of a way you can learn to adult that we have not mentioned. Take an online personal finance class. So, so, so many people do not understand money matters, as evidenced in the housing crisis. With this knowledge you will actually be ahead of most people who have the external trappings of adulthood (e.g. job, car, family, mortgage). This stuff will be super useful no matter what you end up doing.

Here are some legit, free courses:
http://www.moneyskill.org
http://ag.arizona.edu/sfcs/personalfinance/introduction.html
https://www.fdic.gov/consumers/consumer/moneysmart/mscbi/mscbi.html
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:01 pm

At the very least I'm going to speak to a local college career counselour tomorrow morning :/

The actual handling of money is stuff that doesn't make me too too nervous (it's more getting the money in the first place), though I don't trust investing stuff because it's basically gambling. I sort of know about RRSPs and other Canadian things
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:42 pm

bomaye wrote:At the very least I'm going to speak to a local college career counselour tomorrow morning :/

cheers is the correct smiley for that, not :/  You're gathering information, that's good!


The actual handling of money is stuff that doesn't make me too too nervous (it's more getting the money in the first place), though I don't trust investing stuff because it's basically gambling. I sort of know about RRSPs and other Canadian things

But do you know what the interest rate is in donuts per thousand on a RMSP*?

*Registered retire-Moose Savings Plan, for you non-Canadians.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:42 pm

That would be a large double-double
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Wondering on Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:45 pm

Are you guys making Tim Horton's jokes?

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:06 pm

I made no mention of where the donuts were from. This is stereotyping! I'm outraged! Unless it's inconvenient for you, in which case I'm sorry!
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Tue Jul 14, 2015 1:42 am

I love me some chocolate mint donuts <_<

Enail wrote:

cheers is the correct smiley for that, not :/  You're gathering information, that's good!

I'm not expecting it to go well. I'm expecting power of positivity/toddler talk while I continue to not know what I want to do (which honestly is nothing if it was up to me, but I don't have lottery winnings to subsist off of) :p
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Tue Jul 14, 2015 11:54 am

bomaye wrote:
I'm not expecting it to go well. I'm expecting power of positivity/toddler talk while I continue to not know what I want to do (which honestly is nothing if it was up to me, but I don't have lottery winnings to subsist off of) :p

I would think it's more likely to be fairly practical. It's not going to answer your question for you, but they'll probably ask a bit about your goals, give you some information about programs that might suit those goals, point you to some resources to build skills and/or research careers, that kind of thing.

Something that might be worth asking about is if there are any placement or incentive services available in general or for particular possible career paths - usually it's something where they connect you with employers looking to hire and provide them with an incentive to hire you, usually chipping in to pay part of your wage for X amount of time. That's something that can smooth over some of that bumpy part of figuring out who would want to hire you and why and up your chances. You could also ask about opportunities to shadow people working at jobs you might be considering so that you can get a better idea of what the day-to-day of that job is like.

It's okay that you don't know what you want to do yet. You're still at the research stage of this plan, so even if you thought you did know what you wanted to do, you'd probably need to look into it more and consider other possibilities anyway. Don't get ahead of yourself and decide you're failing things you've barely even started.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Tue Jul 14, 2015 12:15 pm

I would ask about available training programs, how much they cost, what percent of graduates of said training programs have jobs within 6 months of completion, and where they end up working. You might also want to ask about what is available in your area and ask about what is the best program to get a local or localish job.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Robjection on Tue Jul 14, 2015 12:53 pm

bomaye wrote:I love me some chocolate mint donuts <_<
These are a thing?

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Tue Jul 14, 2015 1:36 pm

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Wondering on Tue Jul 14, 2015 1:45 pm

Tim Horton's, man. It is the best.

Wish we had some here and didn't have to drive up to Vancouver to get some.

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Tue Jul 14, 2015 2:04 pm

Fine, fine Canada! Go on and enjoy your socialized medicine and donuts. I am just going to hang out here with my cactus Smile
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by WJMorris3 on Tue Jul 14, 2015 11:04 pm

What is this Tim Hortons thing and are they anywhere near as good as Krispy Kreme?

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Tue Jul 14, 2015 11:13 pm

Tim Horton's is a coffee/donut/sandwich chain that's bizarrely important to Canadian identity for some reason. I've never actually had a Krispy Kreme, so I can't say (I've heard they can take away your citizenship for that kind of treason Razz)
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Tue Jul 14, 2015 11:16 pm

They're also owned by Burger King, who used the purchase to facilitate moving their headquarters to Canada as a tax-dodge
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Wondering on Wed Jul 15, 2015 2:18 am

My husband says Tim Horton's has the best donut-chain donuts. Specifically, he says they're better than Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Donuts. My husband quite enjoys his baked goods, so I'll trust his opinion. Whenever we're in Canada, he insists on eating there at least once.

(I have quite a few stories about our trips to Tim Horton's. Including, the Tim Horton's of Public Humiliation; the Sorry, Prince George, that We Messed up Your Tim Horton's Work Morning Routine; and the Tim's Horton's of Winter Olympics Bathroom (er, Washroom) Breaks. Grin )

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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by bomaye on Wed Jul 15, 2015 4:20 am

Went to the career counselour. It was mostly just "here's websites and stuff to explore what you want to do (also get out of your room and go talk to people) because I don't have the ability to figure it out for you." She also suggested just taking a course in a classroom to try to get some momentum going, and that any program I look into should be about 80% interesting.

So I used the website and the problem I'm finding is that they define this stuff by interest. Work doesn't interest me in the way that I need it to be a fulfilling part of life, it's a dumb responsibility that I get out of the way so I can do the stuff that I actually want to do with my time. "Have I fulfilled what I'm supposed to do? Good, now leave me alone." That was how school and swimming lessons and pretty much everything went with that kind of stuff. As soon as you put a schedule and performance on it, I'm not interested in it as an intellectual or creative pursuit, it's just a responsibility to get out of the way.

So this career thing, while extensive, is really really really not filling in any blanks for me, which doesn't help because I'm mostly blank on this stuff anyways.

Back to despair, I guess
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:48 am

You are being a bit too literalist. For you (and 95% of the world), work is how you get money, not a calling or something you expect to wake up being excited to do. So translate interesting into "can I see myself doing this for 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week for 5 years."

And I agree with her about talking to people, but that seems a bit premature at this point. First go back to the websites and identify some activities/jobs you are "interested in" using the definition above.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by celette482 on Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:05 am

A lot of people go with the "Work to live not live to work" attitude, despite what the dominant cultural narrative in Anglo-Saxon society seems to be. (that work and the pursuit of money are the end all be all).

I definitely think that life is what happens outside work, but at the same time, I gotta spend 40+ hours a week at a job, so I gotta like it Some keys to finding work that you can handle, while still thinking of yourself as the person who exists outside work (some of which will be helpful now, some of which will be helpful later on down the road)

1. Work that mimics what you DO like to do/ plays to your strengths- I'm never going to be the type of lawyer who puts in 100 hour weeks, because I choose not to be, but I still find the work rewarding and fulfilling because it allows me to use the part of my mind that doesn't get much exercise elsewhere. (Note: I didn't say try to monetize your interests: I think that's supremely unhelpful and is a great way to turn your interests into obligations and thereby kill your joy- signed former professional knitter.)

2. Being committed to continuing things you DO like. I'm in a D&D group and I write fiction in my free time, which lets me play around with creativity in ways that my job doesn't allow. Being a lawyer is a creative endeavor, to a certain extent, but I need a palate cleanser from all the legalese and grim reality of being a public defender.

3. Work environment: sometimes it's not the career/task that's shitty, it's the people. This is one that will come up later, and can be a little difficult to anticipate at this juncture, because every industry could have nightmare bosses and deadweight teammates. But, certain job types draw certain types of people. Some are going to necessarily be full of people who live to work, and you might not feel comfortable there (the workaholic types never understand those who want life balance and can make things really unpleasant if they are your superior) BUT In smaller towns (I used to live in a town of about 30K) the workaholic types who stick around tend to just go into business for themselves. It's not the sort of environment that lends itself to people who work 100 hours a week. Go to New York City or the Silicon valley, and you might see that. So I'd keep it in the back of your mind that what can matter more about job satisfaction is a thing outside your control and just accept that as a thing.

4. Work on your attitude a bit. You don't have to love work. In fact, you probably can't force yourself to love it and there's no reason for your job to take number one priority over hobbies or relationships or anything else. But, part of being an adult is accepting that responsibilities are in fact not dumb. This is where the unlimited support of your family is killing you ever so slowly. Work is what we do so that we have money so that we can live. That's not a *dumb* responsibility. That's a powerful one. Money gives us freedom and power. It gives us control. Because I have a job and my husband has a job, we can have our own place. Soon, we'll have our own house. That means we will have a place in the world that we can truly make our own. If we wanna knock down a non-load bearing wall, we can do that. If we want to paint the entryway lavender, we can do that. No one else's opinions or feelings matter, because we have independence.

Responsibility was something to be afraid of when we were 17. I remember that feeling all too well. I had never lived outside my parents' house (I'd gone to summer camps for weeks at a time, but let's face it, that's an even more controlled environment than home) and I couldn't even *imagine* what it would be like. In addition to writing out that list of problems to be solved that I suggested you do, I think you should starting writing down what you think your life would be like if you were independent.

Would you live near your family? Would you own a house? An apartment? Would you move to a new city? Would you travel? Would you collect movie props from ebay and display them in your living room? Would you be able to come home at night and shut the door and really be away from people for a few hours? How would it change your relationships with people your age? Make them easier? Make them possible? Would you get a pet? A roommate? Picture yourself in a space where the rest of the world can go fuck itself, that this is YOUR place. Other people can come in, on your terms. Imagine hosting your parents for dinner, with food you paid for and made.

All of this is so foreign and unknown and unfamiliar. I don't blame you or misunderstand why you are trying to avoid it. The thing is, it's fun. Yes, it's scary. But a lot of times I feel like I'm a Sims, or playing in a very strange and somewhat mundane RPG campaign. (I have fought no umberhulks since getting married, which is slightly disappointing.) Every time I do something domestic or adulty (like getting a job or setting up an IRA [that's a retirement savings plan]) I feel like I'm playing at a role, and I bet I'm not alone. Look at all the "Adulting!" jokes people in the mid20s-30s post. We all feel like fakers. That's because there was no test, there was no licensing, there was no ceremony whereby we became adults. It's just a slow accumulation of responsibilities and freedoms until we've achieved the trappings of adulthood. But it's not as big and scary as it sounds.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by reboot on Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:45 am

I am 40+ and still feel like I am faking it, despite working since I was 14 and living on my own since I was 18.

Celette has some great points. A lot of what I do during my day to day is dumb (looking at you webinar, conference call, and 80% of my meetings). My boss is an incompetent, petty nitwit. But I still am engaged in what I do because: 1) I am good at it; 2) I find the overall work interesting; 3) I meet many interesting and fun to know people; and 4) It allows me to support myself, my parents, two pets and leaves just enough some of the time to do something fun if there were no excess expenses that month.

A lot of adulting is putting up with the not so fun bits so that you have the resources to do the fun stuff.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

Post by Enail on Wed Jul 15, 2015 12:39 pm

No, not back to despair. Seeing a career counselor and trying that website were never going to solve everything, they're just two of a great many things you can do to fill in that blank. So those are done, check them off and keep going.

Thirding Reboot and Celette that you don't have to have a career that's super-fulfilling and based on some deep inner passion. You just need to find something that can fit decently into a good life for yourself, that will allow you to support yourself and to get the things you want in your life. That's what you want ultimately, right, to be able to have a good life? So it's largely a practical question of what will best meet your needs and suit your priorities.
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Re: The fear of "Too Late"

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